summer vacation in poland
KIMYA DAWSON MAY 14TH
this week=exhaustian
my parents and uncle are in the living room arguing about what i am supposed to do when i go to poland by myself this summer. everyone is coming up with plans for me and they're all forcing them in my face and telling me to decide and i don't know what to do and i hate how stressful it has become and they want to send me to a million and sixty five places that i don't even KNOW ABOUT. like send me into the depths of the mountains of poland. WTF IS THIS. i like mountains and all, whatever, but i'm going camping for a week in july with my family and silvia and that's enough. in poland, i just want to hang out with my friends who i haven't seen in two years and miss like crazy. lately, i've been thinking about them a lot, and how good it was to be with them. i remember when i was tickled so hard i came home with bruises all over my ribcage. i don't feel like being shipped all over that fucking country. i feel like i'm not even involved in the decision-making process anymore. my mom is arguing on my side right now, BUT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WANT ANYMORE because it's so fucking confusing. everyone thinks they know what is best for me, but how can they if i don't even have a clear idea in my own head? i wasn't even fucking supposed to go by myself, my mom and thomas were supposed to go with me but now neither of them are going, so it's just me. and i'm pretty much already fucked because i haven't been speaking a lot of polish at home so i'm going to go and seem like some kind of mute when i don't say anything, but eventually that always passes. i'm going to feel really alone, though. i know that. "she has to grow up and be an adult and make decisions," says my father. WELL I FEEL LIKE SITTING ON MY ASS IN THE SMALL TOWN OF KALUSZYN AND BEING WITH MY GRANDPARENTS AND FRIENDS. i don't feel like hiking up mountains and going to fucking holy villages. i wish they would call me to get involved in their discussion but i think if i go there and try to say anything i'm going to cry because i feel like an emotional wreck right now. i've accumulated less than 17 hours of sleep in the past three nights and i'm moody and i also feel physically sick. i have such bad stomach and head aches. i feel like this entire situation is stressing me out a thousand more times than it should, and i know that it definitely is and it makes me feel ridiculous. also, i wish my uncle would stop wearing his disgusting smelling cologne because it makes me want to vomit AL OVER HIM BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
this week=exhaustian
my parents and uncle are in the living room arguing about what i am supposed to do when i go to poland by myself this summer. everyone is coming up with plans for me and they're all forcing them in my face and telling me to decide and i don't know what to do and i hate how stressful it has become and they want to send me to a million and sixty five places that i don't even KNOW ABOUT. like send me into the depths of the mountains of poland. WTF IS THIS. i like mountains and all, whatever, but i'm going camping for a week in july with my family and silvia and that's enough. in poland, i just want to hang out with my friends who i haven't seen in two years and miss like crazy. lately, i've been thinking about them a lot, and how good it was to be with them. i remember when i was tickled so hard i came home with bruises all over my ribcage. i don't feel like being shipped all over that fucking country. i feel like i'm not even involved in the decision-making process anymore. my mom is arguing on my side right now, BUT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WANT ANYMORE because it's so fucking confusing. everyone thinks they know what is best for me, but how can they if i don't even have a clear idea in my own head? i wasn't even fucking supposed to go by myself, my mom and thomas were supposed to go with me but now neither of them are going, so it's just me. and i'm pretty much already fucked because i haven't been speaking a lot of polish at home so i'm going to go and seem like some kind of mute when i don't say anything, but eventually that always passes. i'm going to feel really alone, though. i know that. "she has to grow up and be an adult and make decisions," says my father. WELL I FEEL LIKE SITTING ON MY ASS IN THE SMALL TOWN OF KALUSZYN AND BEING WITH MY GRANDPARENTS AND FRIENDS. i don't feel like hiking up mountains and going to fucking holy villages. i wish they would call me to get involved in their discussion but i think if i go there and try to say anything i'm going to cry because i feel like an emotional wreck right now. i've accumulated less than 17 hours of sleep in the past three nights and i'm moody and i also feel physically sick. i have such bad stomach and head aches. i feel like this entire situation is stressing me out a thousand more times than it should, and i know that it definitely is and it makes me feel ridiculous. also, i wish my uncle would stop wearing his disgusting smelling cologne because it makes me want to vomit AL OVER HIM BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.