frozen

[oh_snap_love]

she's tired of these trivial persuits
boys, myspace, shopping her burried ambitions away
friends who don't really care
a heart thats shooting blanks
she's sick of wearing her heart on her sleeveeveryone knowing her next words, her next moves

Comments

anthony

[anonymous]

thats good, i like the third person angle
pursuits*
that first line with the word "heaving" in it is really good
Therefore i think you shouldn't use that word again in the line

and she wishes her heart would stop heaving in her chest whenever she remembers how empty it is

maybe crying, tearing, just something else
that's just my opinon
i really like it though

Re: anthony

[oh_snap_love]

well my heart was really heaving.
so i didn't exactly want to change it.

i write it how it is.