I hate people
I've come to the conclusion that I generally dislike the middle-class close-minded christian group as a whole. Living with a couple girls from this background has helped to reaffirm this feeling.
Let me explain myself though. I was raised in such a background. From an early age I questioned everything that my (pastor) father taught, which angered him to no end. He was a man who, while he meant well, cared a lot more about what people thought than what his God thought. This always bothered me, and I was going to be damned if I was to live my life to please others. Of course I grew up attempting to please, but as I've gotten older I've realized "What's the point?" I've never sought to make anyone uncomfortable with my choices, but I don't censored myself for the sake of others fragile minds. And this was pretty attainable in Oregon, because to me, people seem to be more open-minded, especially in the Portland area. Even more so in LA.
While I am indeed what some call Christian, I am not what some recall to be a Christian . I adhere to a simpler, non-organized religion view. Love others, love God. The end. No judging. No condeming. No pointing out flaws. None of that. It is a point of contention between my old-fashioned parents and myself, but I live 800 miles away from them, so what can they do?
Unfortunately, I live with a girl who is kind of like that, though she leans more to the catholic faith. And with her, I cannot escape it. I'm a peace-maker in the home, so I try to go along with her and not disturb her - by escaping to my room when she's home. It's hard, because she literally loathes my boyfried. (Who is ironically Catholic himself, but a very....loose....one). She finds him uncultured, obnoxious, unintelligent and heathenistic. She is downright rude to him to the point where it really hurts my feelings. All this because he's got a potty mouth (I do too when I get into it, which makes me wonder just what she thinks of me?) and isn't interested in things like classic literature, battlestar galactica and all that jazz. (How can a difference of interests infer a difference in intelligence....seriously?!)
She's also very emotionally unbalanced with Bi-polar disorder, so in this case I'm more inclined to walk on eggshells around her. I know what that condition is like having worked with a population similar to hers, and sometimes you have to be careful with how you approach people. So in the past I've just hung out with my boyfriend in my room or else not in the apartment at all. But now a days she is nasty even when he's just there to pick me up. I don't change myself around her, but I do try to not be around her for the sake of harmony.
Now, if she were any other girl, I'd tell her to go fuck herself with a carrot. But she's a roomate, and unbalanced. And big. And sometimes I'm scared of her.
But the kicker is that every time she's been in a pinch, who has helped her. Me! Yep. When her car ran out of gas on the freeway 30 miles out, who picked up gas & filled her car WITHOUT a single thanks? Me & L. Yep. Who drove her to the hospital when she was having an apendacitis? Myself and L. Not her friends. In fact, her room-roomate told her no, that she was too tired (it was 6 am). We had just gone to bed 3 hours prior after staying up all night fighting. But I got up and we drove her and stayed with her for 6 hours in the emergency room.
The whole thing gets under my skin. I remind myself that she's in actuality the ignorant one. But it still hurts. And it's going to take every ounce of maturity not to resort to pettyness around her. I mean it's so bad that the two other girls have remarked about it to her and it makes them mad too. So at least I know it's not all in my head, as most things tend to be.
When you love people, you don't judge. That's something I think a lot of religions miss.
In the midst of hurt and anger, I forget that there are two sides to every story. It's easy to say she's a judgemental bitch, but she's still a person and a complex one at that. I don't know her very well and so assumtions should not be made in anger. I don't know everything she's going through. We all have issues, and not everyone can notice everyone elses. Hell, I sometiems get so centered on my own and completely neglect L's stresses, or dismiss them.
I want to avoid being that kind of person. We're all guilty of calling people names without knowing them. Especially if they hurt us. But it doesn't make us any better.
I will still try to love her as a human, but I don't have to like her.
Let me explain myself though. I was raised in such a background. From an early age I questioned everything that my (pastor) father taught, which angered him to no end. He was a man who, while he meant well, cared a lot more about what people thought than what his God thought. This always bothered me, and I was going to be damned if I was to live my life to please others. Of course I grew up attempting to please, but as I've gotten older I've realized "What's the point?" I've never sought to make anyone uncomfortable with my choices, but I don't censored myself for the sake of others fragile minds. And this was pretty attainable in Oregon, because to me, people seem to be more open-minded, especially in the Portland area. Even more so in LA.
While I am indeed what some call Christian, I am not what some recall to be a Christian . I adhere to a simpler, non-organized religion view. Love others, love God. The end. No judging. No condeming. No pointing out flaws. None of that. It is a point of contention between my old-fashioned parents and myself, but I live 800 miles away from them, so what can they do?
Unfortunately, I live with a girl who is kind of like that, though she leans more to the catholic faith. And with her, I cannot escape it. I'm a peace-maker in the home, so I try to go along with her and not disturb her - by escaping to my room when she's home. It's hard, because she literally loathes my boyfried. (Who is ironically Catholic himself, but a very....loose....one). She finds him uncultured, obnoxious, unintelligent and heathenistic. She is downright rude to him to the point where it really hurts my feelings. All this because he's got a potty mouth (I do too when I get into it, which makes me wonder just what she thinks of me?) and isn't interested in things like classic literature, battlestar galactica and all that jazz. (How can a difference of interests infer a difference in intelligence....seriously?!)
She's also very emotionally unbalanced with Bi-polar disorder, so in this case I'm more inclined to walk on eggshells around her. I know what that condition is like having worked with a population similar to hers, and sometimes you have to be careful with how you approach people. So in the past I've just hung out with my boyfriend in my room or else not in the apartment at all. But now a days she is nasty even when he's just there to pick me up. I don't change myself around her, but I do try to not be around her for the sake of harmony.
Now, if she were any other girl, I'd tell her to go fuck herself with a carrot. But she's a roomate, and unbalanced. And big. And sometimes I'm scared of her.
But the kicker is that every time she's been in a pinch, who has helped her. Me! Yep. When her car ran out of gas on the freeway 30 miles out, who picked up gas & filled her car WITHOUT a single thanks? Me & L. Yep. Who drove her to the hospital when she was having an apendacitis? Myself and L. Not her friends. In fact, her room-roomate told her no, that she was too tired (it was 6 am). We had just gone to bed 3 hours prior after staying up all night fighting. But I got up and we drove her and stayed with her for 6 hours in the emergency room.
The whole thing gets under my skin. I remind myself that she's in actuality the ignorant one. But it still hurts. And it's going to take every ounce of maturity not to resort to pettyness around her. I mean it's so bad that the two other girls have remarked about it to her and it makes them mad too. So at least I know it's not all in my head, as most things tend to be.
When you love people, you don't judge. That's something I think a lot of religions miss.
In the midst of hurt and anger, I forget that there are two sides to every story. It's easy to say she's a judgemental bitch, but she's still a person and a complex one at that. I don't know her very well and so assumtions should not be made in anger. I don't know everything she's going through. We all have issues, and not everyone can notice everyone elses. Hell, I sometiems get so centered on my own and completely neglect L's stresses, or dismiss them.
I want to avoid being that kind of person. We're all guilty of calling people names without knowing them. Especially if they hurt us. But it doesn't make us any better.
I will still try to love her as a human, but I don't have to like her.