After reading this, I'd like to point you in the direction of this Facebook post and assure you that it is real (and the originally poster also happens to be my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, lolz).
*the brain you have reached has recently been bleached. If you know the reason for the bleaching please keep it to yourself, all other comments are welcome*
And I love how he's like 'oh you get an A in swallowing semen' and I'm just like....okay, because swallowing takes so much skill? Like, I get it, I guess she could've spilled something or gagged or whatever, but it's like...good job, you know how to do basic human things like using the muscles in your throat to swallow things. Next he'll be giving her props for blinking and breathing.
Yeah I suppose it'd be especially difficult if your subconscious keeps hiding behind couches and providing snarky commentary instead of what it's supposed to be doing XDD
I can't understand how this turns anybody on at all. Everytime I read his 'dirty talk' (I guess Ana has to take lessons or something before she is allowed to do the same...he should've put something like that in the contractXD) I just see how it would only turn me off in a second.
And I think I really know why Chrisward is obsessed with food: It makes Ana have sex dreams and he feeds her all the sex dreams food! Srsly that girl thinks stupid stuff like sex dreams are caused by food and she actually graduated in something?
The dirty talk is soooo asinie, I can't. It's just so incredibly half-assed. There's nothing there that hasn't been said a million times over in other stories or in pornos, and she doesn't even try to put any sort of original spin on it either. Don't get me wrong, the occasional 'you're so good' or whatever can be nice and often is nice, just not like this when it's so goddamn uninspired. It's like it doesn't even fit into the story and she's just slotting in the standard phrases like it's some kind of dirty talk mad lib.
haha omg it probably would. hahaha we should try to have one here sometime when we all need a pick me up from this horrible horrible excuse for a book XD
Christian is standing over me grasping a plaited, leather riding-crop.
Totally unrelated but that comma there bothers me to no end. I don't know why. It's screaming at me that it doesn't want to be there.
LMAO WAS IT SOMETHING SHE ATE OMG YES OF COURSE IT WAS SOMETHING YOU ATE
LMAO the bit about Africa sounds like it's been copypasted from some humanitarian notebook or something.
Christian was hungry once. Holy crap.
LMAO OH DEER CHRISTIAN WAS HUNGRY ONCE. HOLY CRAP. COLOUR ME DEVASTATED.
I'd find it unbearably hot to have butterflies in my throat too, to be honest. I mean. IDK. Isn't that everyone's most intimate wish?
=/ Making her all pliant with alcohol is just... god. Did I mention the issues I have with this awful book? You shouldn't ever discuss important things under the influence, omg. And if she's too nervous/shy/terrified to discuss things about their D/s relationship then maybe that's a goddamn sign that she doesn't want to be in this.
There are a whole load of commas that shouldn't be there and then a whole load of commas that should. The grammar in this thing is atrocious.
This sentence bothers me to no end: I’m seized by a sense of raw outrage, poor, fucked-up, kinky, philanthropic Christian
Like, aside from the content of it (which is ridiculous enough), it doesn't even make any sense. For it to make any sort of sense, there should probably at least be a semicolon or a colon between outrage and poor.
=/ Making her all pliant with alcohol is just... god. Did I mention the issues I have with this awful book? You shouldn't ever discuss important things under the influence, omg. And if she's too nervous/shy/terrified to discuss things about their D/s relationship then maybe that's a goddamn sign that she doesn't want to be in this.omg right? and it gets so much worse in the next couple of chapters. I'm actually completely floored. It's absolutely ... insane tbh. Yeah, I'm going with insane. And unnerving. And I just don't understand the mind of A) this author
( ... )
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And I think I really know why Chrisward is obsessed with food: It makes Ana have sex dreams and he feeds her all the sex dreams food!
Srsly that girl thinks stupid stuff like sex dreams are caused by food and she actually graduated in something?
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OMG THAT!
Though now that I think about it this would be quite a fun challenge for idk what but could provide some laughsXD
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Totally unrelated but that comma there bothers me to no end. I don't know why. It's screaming at me that it doesn't want to be there.
LMAO WAS IT SOMETHING SHE ATE OMG YES OF COURSE IT WAS SOMETHING YOU ATE
LMAO the bit about Africa sounds like it's been copypasted from some humanitarian notebook or something.
Christian was hungry once. Holy crap.
LMAO OH DEER CHRISTIAN WAS HUNGRY ONCE. HOLY CRAP. COLOUR ME DEVASTATED.
I'd find it unbearably hot to have butterflies in my throat too, to be honest. I mean. IDK. Isn't that everyone's most intimate wish?
=/ Making her all pliant with alcohol is just... god. Did I mention the issues I have with this awful book? You shouldn't ever discuss important things under the influence, omg. And if she's too nervous/shy/terrified to discuss things about their D/s relationship then maybe that's a goddamn sign that she doesn't want to be in this.
Boring porn? :( How uninspiring.
Ing: I feel bad for them. Their sex lives ( ... )
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This sentence bothers me to no end:
I’m seized by a sense of raw outrage, poor, fucked-up, kinky, philanthropic Christian
Like, aside from the content of it (which is ridiculous enough), it doesn't even make any sense. For it to make any sort of sense, there should probably at least be a semicolon or a colon between outrage and poor.
=/ Making her all pliant with alcohol is just... god. Did I mention the issues I have with this awful book? You shouldn't ever discuss important things under the influence, omg. And if she's too nervous/shy/terrified to discuss things about their D/s relationship then maybe that's a goddamn sign that she doesn't want to be in this.omg right? and it gets so much worse in the next couple of chapters. I'm actually completely floored. It's absolutely ... insane tbh. Yeah, I'm going with insane. And unnerving. And I just don't understand the mind of A) this author ( ... )
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