And I Just Can't Live Without You, Can't You See It in My Eyes?
It is not in my nature to trust people. I hate this quality about me, but it's very true. I have little faith, and any faith I do have erodes quickly. This is especially true in my life now. I pretty much expect that people will take the rumors that are spread at face value and just assume that I'm a terrible person. No one has walked up to me and asked me, "What happened? What's your side of the story?" This makes sense, and I don't fault people for that. It's easier and more gratifying to absorb the drama rather than deflect it. I realize that I could only expect someone close to me to have what it takes to walk up to me and ask for the truth. Or my side of the story, rather. And I realize that a lot of the people I used to hang out with weren't all that close to me. Particularly in the chemical engineering department. This doesn't sadden me, because I was aware of this before.
However, there were a lot more people than I expected who looked at my situation and just said, Wow, that's some pretty petty fucking bullshit. And for the first time, I've stopped and realized that everything wasn't that big of a deal. I dug my own hole because I was too invested in both parties to see that I actually wasn't really all that wrong in the first place. And now I stand here, best intentions aside, in the very wrong. I fucked myself over for the two people that I love in my life. Regardless of what anyone hears, everything I did was because I loved my best friend. It was not done selfishly. I will explain to anyone who wants to know the nitty gritty, and the rest of you will believe what you will.
And I realize that a lot of people don't know what I'm referring to. This is primarily directed to the people I'm surrounded by up at school. They won't read this, but that's okay. My friend just noticed that I haven't updated, and I told him that it was because I kind of close up and assume the worst in people when drama goes down. And when I'm around, apparently drama goes down.
Anyways, I just got my wisdom teeth out. The Vicodin trip wasn't the vacation I hoped it would be, but I felt pretty emotionless for a really long time. That was nice. It was like I was a machine. I guess I'll just have to pay for a real plane ticket.
However, there were a lot more people than I expected who looked at my situation and just said, Wow, that's some pretty petty fucking bullshit. And for the first time, I've stopped and realized that everything wasn't that big of a deal. I dug my own hole because I was too invested in both parties to see that I actually wasn't really all that wrong in the first place. And now I stand here, best intentions aside, in the very wrong. I fucked myself over for the two people that I love in my life. Regardless of what anyone hears, everything I did was because I loved my best friend. It was not done selfishly. I will explain to anyone who wants to know the nitty gritty, and the rest of you will believe what you will.
And I realize that a lot of people don't know what I'm referring to. This is primarily directed to the people I'm surrounded by up at school. They won't read this, but that's okay. My friend just noticed that I haven't updated, and I told him that it was because I kind of close up and assume the worst in people when drama goes down. And when I'm around, apparently drama goes down.
Anyways, I just got my wisdom teeth out. The Vicodin trip wasn't the vacation I hoped it would be, but I felt pretty emotionless for a really long time. That was nice. It was like I was a machine. I guess I'll just have to pay for a real plane ticket.