The Boys of Summer
Title: The Boys of Summer
Pairings: Hanchul with a hint of Kangin/Girl! Leeteuk (more pairings to come)
Rating: PG-13
Status: Part 1
Summary: AU. The epic summer of 1999 told via letters from Kim Heechul to Han Geng and back.
KIM HEECHUL’S STUFF (KEEP OUT)
SUMMER OF 1999
*A LETTER FROM KIM HEECHUL TO HAN GENG*
Dearest Han Geng who has likely been eaten by the Chinese and cannot be bothered with the trivialities involved in writing to his alleged best friend,
Three days and NOTHING, you irresponsible, irresponsible swot! Not a word, not a letter, not a TRACE of your indecipherable handwriting!
“I’ll write to you every day. I promise.” You said and I, with my wide-eyed innocence and trusting heart, believed you, you lying liar of a lie.
Do you know what the townspeople are thinking now? Do you? Of course you don’t, you abandoner so I will tell you. They are thinking “Whatever has happened to that young man brimming with the juice of life and the vigour of youth, the one with the funny hair and the smile of a buffoon, yes that one.”
I just hang my head and say in a muted whisper. “He never wrote back.”
And a hush will fall in the room and we will shake our heads and rub our beards thinking what a shame, what a bloody crying shame.
That is what the townspeople are thinking now.
On other news, there’s this kid with funny hair who says he lives here and does nothing but eat you of your house and home. He reminds me of you sort of. He says he’s your brother or something but I don’t believe him so I locked him in the cupboard.
A few hours ago.
I think.
Ho hum. A day in there might do him some good. He’s too darn cheeky if you ask me.
Also, how long did you say your Summer Fah-La-La was? I’d say too darn long but Kangin mouths off on me when I complain too much. He has no regard for my feelings I tell you. I don’t know how you expect me to cope with having what practically is a savage for the whole summer but of course you don’t think things like that through, not like I do.
I am practically the only one in our group with a functioning brain. It’s all I do, I tell you, thinking I mean. I think about Kangin, and you and the townspeople and the universe and H.O.T. and girls and kissing. Serious things like that, you know. Kangin nearly snorted a colon for some INCOMPREHENSIBLE reason when I told him this but that boy is a savage so what does he know, I ask you. Nothing would be the answer.
Well anyway, everything’s fine here back at your place only because of me though, I’m thinking. I am basically the only thing here that keeps this pile of bricks together. Imagine, yesterday your mum would have cooked us what she words as a “Healthy and Nutritious meal” if I hadn’t secretly dumped all her legumes in the bin.
What healthy and nutritious have to do with my meals, I’ll never know. What I do know is that I will have to keep vigilant lest your mum gets Nutrition into her head again and decides to make us suffer for it.
That’s all basically.
The Dumpling of Your Eye,
Kim Heechul
PS. WRITE BACK, YOU PRAT, OR I’LL THINK THE DAMN CHINESE HAVE MISTAKEN YOU FOR DINNER AND HAVE BARBECUED YOUR EXTREMITIES AND I’LL HAVE TO START ANOTHER BLOODY WAR IN YOUR HONOUR. I MIGHT LOSE MY LEG, DAMN YOU.
PPS. MAMA HAN SENDS HER LOVE (AND HER DUMPLINGS BUT DON’T WORRY I’VE EATEN THEM IN YOUR STEAD HAHA).
PPPS. KANGIN WANTS TO KNOW IF THERE ARE ANY HOT CHINESE GIRLS THERE. HE HAS BEEN ON A MISSION SINCE THAT-INCIDENT-WE-CANNOT-SPEAK-OF-THAT-INVOLVES-A-CERTAIN-GIRL-WHO-HAS-HARSHLY-REJECTED-HIS-AVOWAL-OF-LOVE etc etc. THE VILLAGE GIRLS ARE UTTERLY TERRORIZED.
PPPPS. I’VE ATTACHED A FEW PICTURES TO KEEP YOU FROM SLITTING YOUR WRISTS IN MISERY AND HOMESICKNESS.
(Where the pictures should be but alas, the post is too large.)
*A LETTER FROM HAN GENG TO KIM HEECHUL*
Dearest Kim Heechul of the ALLEGED BUT SO FAR LARGELY MYTHICAL WIDE-EYED INNOCENCE,
Upon acquiring your heartsick letter of melancholy in which figures prominently the obvious fact that you are surely wasting away into madness without my esteemed presence, I have immediately put it upon myself to begin this letter in response and in the hopes of while not completely vanishing your total misery, that it may (though of course one cannot be so sure about these things) ease your pain even for just a little bit and help you forget (for a very, very short while) the fact that your existence is an empty nothingness without me.
I humbly kneel before you (and the alleged “townspeople”) in apology for being a “lying liar of a lie”. However I should remind you that promises made under threatening circumstances are null and void in the eyes of our lord (whoever that is PROBABLY SIWON) as is the case with me.
“I’ll write to you every day. I promise.” Was a vow I spoke while you had me in a headlock on my way to the bus and then you let go only after you’ve sufficiently threatened me of all manners of gruesome consequences.
And you do not have a beard. You only wish you do.
Oh and that kid who says he’s my brother? Annoying perm, evil smirk, hand permanently attached to gameboy, goes by the name KYUHYUN?
Get this, he actually is.
But I commend you for locking him in the cupboard. We can’t have him thinking he can let his guard down just because I’m not physically present although you might want to watch your back. He’s picked up odd notions of revenge if you know what I’m saying and I think you do.
Oh and I hope you’re pleased with yourself. I couldn’t sleep last night thinking of you trying to keep my home from falling apart. You do recall that time you made a hole in one of my bedroom walls right? Don’t even get me started on the kitchen ceiling and your brief flirtation with the culinary arts a few years past.
I have to say I don’t envy Kangin at all, the poor guy. Go easy on him, Heenim. He isn’t brimming with, what it was again, the juice of life and the vigour of youth like I am. And what’s this about a mission, eh? Well, if anyone can make him forget THAT-INCIDENT-WE-CANNOT-SPEAK-OF-THAT-INVOLVES-A-CERTAIN-GIRL-WHO-HAS-HARSHLY-REJECTED-HIS-AVOWAL-OF-LOVE etc etc, that person would most assuredly be you.
And don’t think of that as a good thing.
Because as I am typing right now, I am also remembering the cat fiasco a while back causing my left eye to start twitching instinctively and the point is...what was the point again? I got distracted by a noodle commercial. I swear there is no food to be found in this place because no one eats at all. I’m starting to think that to them, starvation is an acceptable diet. It’s either that or they’re all dancing robots designed to commit EEEEVIL.
Egad, I’m starting to think like you.
And for the millionth time, Heechul, it is not a “Summer Fah-La-La”. It’s the Beijing Dance Academy International Summer Program. It’s serious, uppity, and prestigious stuff not to be confused with a Fah-La-La or anything of the sort.
Just so you know I do not appreciate the eye-rolling you’re doing right now. Stop it, stop it. Stop it right now, young man.
Oh what’s that? I hear knocking. YES HEENIM KNOCKING. Here, knocking is actually quite a popular notion among the teenage set and not just some vague, unheard-of concept as it is in Korea. You could stand to learn a thing or two from them.
That’s all for now because I need to open the door.
Because someone is knocking.
I am having way too much fun over this.
Your Sweet Kimchi,
Han Geng
PS. Tell Kangin it’s an affirmative on the hot Chinese girls. I might be inclined to tell them about this AMAZING buddy I have back in Korea if said buddy is willing to bargain his new CD player.
PPS. WHERE ARE MY DUMPLINGS, YOU BASTARD? I KILL YOU, HEECHUL, I KILL YOU NOW.
PPPS. My wrists and I thank you for the pictures. They have indeed saved my life. I’ve attached some pictures of my new friends here. I’ll tell you all about them in the next letter.
PPPPS. I’m glad the PJs fit. On first glance, I honestly thought I was looking at a Racoon but then I asked myself why on earth Heechul would send me a picture of a woodland creature and true enough, after much squinting on my part, I’ve come to realize that the alleged Racoon was in fact my dear friend, Kangin. Oh how the mighty have fallen.
*FOUND INSIDE THE ENVELOPE*
(Again, where pictures should be.)
---
I honestly don't know what induced me to write this. MY APOLOGIES TO EVERYONE. XD
I kind of had fun writing this though so there will be more. ^^
Has anyone here read the Shoebox Project? Because it inspired me to write this. :D
Pairings: Hanchul with a hint of Kangin/Girl! Leeteuk (more pairings to come)
Rating: PG-13
Status: Part 1
Summary: AU. The epic summer of 1999 told via letters from Kim Heechul to Han Geng and back.
KIM HEECHUL’S STUFF (KEEP OUT)
SUMMER OF 1999
*A LETTER FROM KIM HEECHUL TO HAN GENG*
Dearest Han Geng who has likely been eaten by the Chinese and cannot be bothered with the trivialities involved in writing to his alleged best friend,
Three days and NOTHING, you irresponsible, irresponsible swot! Not a word, not a letter, not a TRACE of your indecipherable handwriting!
“I’ll write to you every day. I promise.” You said and I, with my wide-eyed innocence and trusting heart, believed you, you lying liar of a lie.
Do you know what the townspeople are thinking now? Do you? Of course you don’t, you abandoner so I will tell you. They are thinking “Whatever has happened to that young man brimming with the juice of life and the vigour of youth, the one with the funny hair and the smile of a buffoon, yes that one.”
I just hang my head and say in a muted whisper. “He never wrote back.”
And a hush will fall in the room and we will shake our heads and rub our beards thinking what a shame, what a bloody crying shame.
That is what the townspeople are thinking now.
On other news, there’s this kid with funny hair who says he lives here and does nothing but eat you of your house and home. He reminds me of you sort of. He says he’s your brother or something but I don’t believe him so I locked him in the cupboard.
A few hours ago.
I think.
Ho hum. A day in there might do him some good. He’s too darn cheeky if you ask me.
Also, how long did you say your Summer Fah-La-La was? I’d say too darn long but Kangin mouths off on me when I complain too much. He has no regard for my feelings I tell you. I don’t know how you expect me to cope with having what practically is a savage for the whole summer but of course you don’t think things like that through, not like I do.
I am practically the only one in our group with a functioning brain. It’s all I do, I tell you, thinking I mean. I think about Kangin, and you and the townspeople and the universe and H.O.T. and girls and kissing. Serious things like that, you know. Kangin nearly snorted a colon for some INCOMPREHENSIBLE reason when I told him this but that boy is a savage so what does he know, I ask you. Nothing would be the answer.
Well anyway, everything’s fine here back at your place only because of me though, I’m thinking. I am basically the only thing here that keeps this pile of bricks together. Imagine, yesterday your mum would have cooked us what she words as a “Healthy and Nutritious meal” if I hadn’t secretly dumped all her legumes in the bin.
What healthy and nutritious have to do with my meals, I’ll never know. What I do know is that I will have to keep vigilant lest your mum gets Nutrition into her head again and decides to make us suffer for it.
That’s all basically.
The Dumpling of Your Eye,
Kim Heechul
PS. WRITE BACK, YOU PRAT, OR I’LL THINK THE DAMN CHINESE HAVE MISTAKEN YOU FOR DINNER AND HAVE BARBECUED YOUR EXTREMITIES AND I’LL HAVE TO START ANOTHER BLOODY WAR IN YOUR HONOUR. I MIGHT LOSE MY LEG, DAMN YOU.
PPS. MAMA HAN SENDS HER LOVE (AND HER DUMPLINGS BUT DON’T WORRY I’VE EATEN THEM IN YOUR STEAD HAHA).
PPPS. KANGIN WANTS TO KNOW IF THERE ARE ANY HOT CHINESE GIRLS THERE. HE HAS BEEN ON A MISSION SINCE THAT-INCIDENT-WE-CANNOT-SPEAK-OF-THAT-INVOLVES-A-CERTAIN-GIRL-WHO-HAS-HARSHLY-REJECTED-HIS-AVOWAL-OF-LOVE etc etc. THE VILLAGE GIRLS ARE UTTERLY TERRORIZED.
PPPPS. I’VE ATTACHED A FEW PICTURES TO KEEP YOU FROM SLITTING YOUR WRISTS IN MISERY AND HOMESICKNESS.
(Where the pictures should be but alas, the post is too large.)
*A LETTER FROM HAN GENG TO KIM HEECHUL*
Dearest Kim Heechul of the ALLEGED BUT SO FAR LARGELY MYTHICAL WIDE-EYED INNOCENCE,
Upon acquiring your heartsick letter of melancholy in which figures prominently the obvious fact that you are surely wasting away into madness without my esteemed presence, I have immediately put it upon myself to begin this letter in response and in the hopes of while not completely vanishing your total misery, that it may (though of course one cannot be so sure about these things) ease your pain even for just a little bit and help you forget (for a very, very short while) the fact that your existence is an empty nothingness without me.
I humbly kneel before you (and the alleged “townspeople”) in apology for being a “lying liar of a lie”. However I should remind you that promises made under threatening circumstances are null and void in the eyes of our lord (whoever that is PROBABLY SIWON) as is the case with me.
“I’ll write to you every day. I promise.” Was a vow I spoke while you had me in a headlock on my way to the bus and then you let go only after you’ve sufficiently threatened me of all manners of gruesome consequences.
And you do not have a beard. You only wish you do.
Oh and that kid who says he’s my brother? Annoying perm, evil smirk, hand permanently attached to gameboy, goes by the name KYUHYUN?
Get this, he actually is.
But I commend you for locking him in the cupboard. We can’t have him thinking he can let his guard down just because I’m not physically present although you might want to watch your back. He’s picked up odd notions of revenge if you know what I’m saying and I think you do.
Oh and I hope you’re pleased with yourself. I couldn’t sleep last night thinking of you trying to keep my home from falling apart. You do recall that time you made a hole in one of my bedroom walls right? Don’t even get me started on the kitchen ceiling and your brief flirtation with the culinary arts a few years past.
I have to say I don’t envy Kangin at all, the poor guy. Go easy on him, Heenim. He isn’t brimming with, what it was again, the juice of life and the vigour of youth like I am. And what’s this about a mission, eh? Well, if anyone can make him forget THAT-INCIDENT-WE-CANNOT-SPEAK-OF-THAT-INVOLVES-A-CERTAIN-GIRL-WHO-HAS-HARSHLY-REJECTED-HIS-AVOWAL-OF-LOVE etc etc, that person would most assuredly be you.
And don’t think of that as a good thing.
Because as I am typing right now, I am also remembering the cat fiasco a while back causing my left eye to start twitching instinctively and the point is...what was the point again? I got distracted by a noodle commercial. I swear there is no food to be found in this place because no one eats at all. I’m starting to think that to them, starvation is an acceptable diet. It’s either that or they’re all dancing robots designed to commit EEEEVIL.
Egad, I’m starting to think like you.
And for the millionth time, Heechul, it is not a “Summer Fah-La-La”. It’s the Beijing Dance Academy International Summer Program. It’s serious, uppity, and prestigious stuff not to be confused with a Fah-La-La or anything of the sort.
Just so you know I do not appreciate the eye-rolling you’re doing right now. Stop it, stop it. Stop it right now, young man.
Oh what’s that? I hear knocking. YES HEENIM KNOCKING. Here, knocking is actually quite a popular notion among the teenage set and not just some vague, unheard-of concept as it is in Korea. You could stand to learn a thing or two from them.
That’s all for now because I need to open the door.
Because someone is knocking.
I am having way too much fun over this.
Your Sweet Kimchi,
Han Geng
PS. Tell Kangin it’s an affirmative on the hot Chinese girls. I might be inclined to tell them about this AMAZING buddy I have back in Korea if said buddy is willing to bargain his new CD player.
PPS. WHERE ARE MY DUMPLINGS, YOU BASTARD? I KILL YOU, HEECHUL, I KILL YOU NOW.
PPPS. My wrists and I thank you for the pictures. They have indeed saved my life. I’ve attached some pictures of my new friends here. I’ll tell you all about them in the next letter.
PPPPS. I’m glad the PJs fit. On first glance, I honestly thought I was looking at a Racoon but then I asked myself why on earth Heechul would send me a picture of a woodland creature and true enough, after much squinting on my part, I’ve come to realize that the alleged Racoon was in fact my dear friend, Kangin. Oh how the mighty have fallen.
*FOUND INSIDE THE ENVELOPE*
(Again, where pictures should be.)
---
I honestly don't know what induced me to write this. MY APOLOGIES TO EVERYONE. XD
I kind of had fun writing this though so there will be more. ^^
Has anyone here read the Shoebox Project? Because it inspired me to write this. :D