sr ][ catch me I'm falling...please hear me calling
{Set in island_ofhope. Backdated to New Years. Eliot is nextchucknorris and used without permission and probably with very little justice, so I apologize. He's just the only person she would have talked to. Sophie is wereall_addicts as mentioned. P.S. Getting almost 2,000 words of being in Parker's head should scare me. Just sayin'.}
"You do care. You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it." ~J. K. Rowling
It wasn't the first time that Parker left in the middle of the night. Though she never actually "left" so much as wandered off, because she didn't exactly have anywhere to leave to. If she could leave, it was times like this that would make her consider it.
Leaving. Running. Finding somewhere quiet and alone that made sense. Somewhere that wasn't confusing.
She slipped out of the cabin quietly and started for the treeline. She wasn't sure where she was going, but getting lost in the woods or finding the beach had seemed like a good bet.
She didn't know why she was leaving their cabin, really. Things were okay. Things were good. Sophie cared about her and she cared about Sophie, and they had something that was only theirs. She felt safe with Sophie in a way that she had never known.
And a part of her was just waiting for it to break.
Crumble.
Fall apart and leave her more broken than she could comprehend.
Because it was all that she had, and all that she knew she could have.
She didn't realize she had been running until she crashed. She didn't jump at the hands on her arms, because she knew the hands. They were hands that she had never jumped away from before. There was something about those hands, in that as ruthless as they could be, they never scared her.
With her breath heavy she looked up and met Eliot's eyes. His own were wrinkled in concern as he looked back at her, then around for something that may have been chasing her.
"You okay? What happened?"
"I'm fine," she murmured, pulling herself from those hands. She brushed herself off and set her shoulders back. Fine. Composed. Stubbornly so.
"You're not," he argued. His looked past her once again. "Someone after you?"
"No. Just...running." She pushed by him. She had ended up on the beach where he was, and she moved away to go closer to the water's edge. There had always been something about that water that pulled her closer. Maybe there was a sense of comfort, or maybe it was the connection it held to the outside world. That was where everyone came in. Maybe there was a way out through there as well.
But she didn't want to get out.
She wanted to stay in that world, that safe world, the one that had Sophie. The one that was for her and Sophie. She loved that world. She had more friends there, and people accepted her there. Society for the most part wasn't there to look down on her. It was home. Even though her entire family wasn't there.
Yet.
"Parker."
His voice was gentle in that way it could sometimes be. Only when he let it. Parker knew his tones, and that one was one that always made her feel like he didn't think she was crazy. Like they were friends.
She didn't respond to him, just stared out at the water breaking ahead of her. Watching where the dark waters met the dark sky, and just above that where the stars exploded with light and a kind of magic that she couldn't describe.
She stood in the place everyone once had. Where they all washed up, disoriented and confused, not knowing the life that lay ahead of them there for however long the island kept them. It was where she had once been, where Sophie had once been, and Eliot too.
"Somethin' happen with Sophie?"
He was still there, behind her by just inches. She knew he wasn't going to go anywhere until she said something more.
He knew. About her and Sophie. He had never asked and she had never said. She couldn't be sure if Sophie had, but she hadn't. And all the same he knew. But then everyone always understood things in ways she didn't.
"They're not here," she said after a long beat of silence.
"Who?"
"Hardison. And Nate." She kept her eyes on the horizon and he stayed in that spot behind her. They didn't have to look at each other to talk, and their voices didn't have to rise much higher than the crashing waves.
"Way I hear it...they might show up one day."
That was what she was afraid of. Not that she needed him to tell her so. She had been there a lot longer than Eliot and she knew the workings of the island. It liked to play games. Make you confused. It liked to make you happy and safe. And it liked to wait until you felt the most safe and the most happy, before throwing in a wrench. She hated wrenches.
"And it'll be more like home." She nodded a bit with those words, glad that he couldn't see her face. She could feel her eyes twitching with that uncomfortable feeling of watering up. She felt something scratching up her throat and she hated it. They were all signs of...emotions, and things she didn't know how to handle.
"Guess so," he replied.
His confirmation stabbed through her heart and she bit onto her bottom lip. She could feel her knees getting weaker. She looked down and moved away from the water a bit to a place where she could sit. She brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them tightly. Eliot gave her a minute before following. He sat down beside her, but didn't look at her. She was thankful for that.
He also didn't prompt her any further. He didn't probe. He just sat there with her and waited.
It was a long time before the words tumbled off of her lips. She didn't even know if she wanted to say them, much less say them to him, but they came out anyway.
"If Nate comes...it'll be like home. Nate and Sophie."
"No," Eliot replied without missing a beat. "It might be like home, but...this ain't home."
"He's Nate."
"Yeah? And you're Parker. She cares about you."
Her arms went even tighter to hug her knees, and her chin tucked into them. "Because he's not here."
She glanced out of the corner of her eyes and watched Eliot. His head shook a bit, but otherwise his eyes were on the ocean. She wondered if it made him feel comforted and confused all at the same time, like it did for her. She wondered if he wanted to find its link to home or just stay there on the island forever.
She watched his shoulders rise and fall slowly as he took a breath in and let it out, then his head tipped to her and he met her eyes.
"So you're thinkin' you're chopped liver or something? Second best?"
Her nose wrinkled a bit at that. "I'm not liver," she said quickly.
He rolled his eyes in that way she was so familiar with. "It's a saying, Parker. I didn't mean-" He stopped and shook his head. "You know what I meant."
She did know. She just didn't want to admit it. That was exactly how she felt, though maybe with too much justice. She didn't know if she was enough to be second choice so much as the one who was there. Maybe even if Eliot had shown up before her-
"It's you she cares about," he said, interrupting her thoughts.
"But she loves Nate." Even Parker saw what went on between the two back home. She wasn't an idiot after all.
"Maybe she did once," he shrugged. "Maybe not. Doesn't matter now."
She pulled her gaze from his and looked out into the waters again. "Yes it does."
"Parker."
He didn't say her name in his usual annoyed tone, like he wanted her to shut up and go away. He said it like there were a million other things he wanted to say with it, but just couldn't. Or didn't want to. The same way she didn't want to say all the things she felt to him.
"What if he comes and it changes?"
She was patient as she waited for him to reply. They were both quiet, and the only noise she could hear were the now familiar sounds of the island at night. The waves before them, the owls beyond them by the cabins, and nothing else. Sometimes if she got far enough from the cabins in the other direction, she would start to hear the sounds of the resort. The soft churning of electricity and power, a constant hum that in the outside world she might remain oblivious to. But after having lived away from it for so long it was now a distinctive sound to her. As much as she wanted to live in the resort she didn't know if she would be able to sleep through that sound anymore.
She liked the sounds where she was. They were simple and uncomplicated.
They were home.
"Can't choose what happens in life, Parker." It took so long for Eliot to speak that she jumped slightly when he did, but she payed rapt attention. "You and me both know that." She offered the slightest nod that she was listening, and that yes she knew that. "Maybe things'll change if Nate shows...maybe they won't."
She waited another beat for something more positive, and when it didn't come she glanced over at him with narrowed eyes. "You're bad at this."
He looked at her and there was a slight smirk on his lips. "Never said I wasn't." His hands hand been resting in the sand behind him, but at that moment he lifted them up and elbowed her slightly, before draping them against his lap. "Whatever does happen..." He paused. She watched his eyes and searched them for whatever it was he was trying to say.
"You'll be here?" She finally asked, almost hopeful.
"Yeah," he nodded. "I will."
It may have not been the first thing that she needed to hear, but it must have been close, because something shot through her and she threw her arms around him tightly. His body was tense under her awkward hug and she could tell she had taken him by surprise. She only held onto him for a few moments before letting go and wrapping her arms around her knees again.
He snorted and shook his head. "You really are different here," he noted. He leaned back on his hands again.
"Good different or bad different?"
She could hear his voice go lighter, almost like he wanted to smile. "Good, Parker. It's good."
She smiled against her knees, her eyes on the sand and nowhere else. It felt good to hear him say that. Like she had accomplished something. She wouldn't say it out loud, but Eliot was important to her, and his praise even more so. The time she had come from she was used to him thinking she was crazy or not right, but there he thought she was good.
Eliot thought she was good and Sophie was on a special team with just her. Yeah, she missed Hardison and Nate and sometimes wished she could see them again. Heck, she missed Hardison most of all. He was her best friend, her supporter, and the coolest guy she knew. And Nate? Whatever he was to Sophie he was still something important to Parker, too. She did miss having her whole family together, but she was happy at the moment to leave things just the way they were.
"Want me to walk you back to your cabin?"
"No," she said softly. "Let's stay this way for awhile."
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"You do care. You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it." ~J. K. Rowling
It wasn't the first time that Parker left in the middle of the night. Though she never actually "left" so much as wandered off, because she didn't exactly have anywhere to leave to. If she could leave, it was times like this that would make her consider it.
Leaving. Running. Finding somewhere quiet and alone that made sense. Somewhere that wasn't confusing.
She slipped out of the cabin quietly and started for the treeline. She wasn't sure where she was going, but getting lost in the woods or finding the beach had seemed like a good bet.
She didn't know why she was leaving their cabin, really. Things were okay. Things were good. Sophie cared about her and she cared about Sophie, and they had something that was only theirs. She felt safe with Sophie in a way that she had never known.
And a part of her was just waiting for it to break.
Crumble.
Fall apart and leave her more broken than she could comprehend.
Because it was all that she had, and all that she knew she could have.
She didn't realize she had been running until she crashed. She didn't jump at the hands on her arms, because she knew the hands. They were hands that she had never jumped away from before. There was something about those hands, in that as ruthless as they could be, they never scared her.
With her breath heavy she looked up and met Eliot's eyes. His own were wrinkled in concern as he looked back at her, then around for something that may have been chasing her.
"You okay? What happened?"
"I'm fine," she murmured, pulling herself from those hands. She brushed herself off and set her shoulders back. Fine. Composed. Stubbornly so.
"You're not," he argued. His looked past her once again. "Someone after you?"
"No. Just...running." She pushed by him. She had ended up on the beach where he was, and she moved away to go closer to the water's edge. There had always been something about that water that pulled her closer. Maybe there was a sense of comfort, or maybe it was the connection it held to the outside world. That was where everyone came in. Maybe there was a way out through there as well.
But she didn't want to get out.
She wanted to stay in that world, that safe world, the one that had Sophie. The one that was for her and Sophie. She loved that world. She had more friends there, and people accepted her there. Society for the most part wasn't there to look down on her. It was home. Even though her entire family wasn't there.
Yet.
"Parker."
His voice was gentle in that way it could sometimes be. Only when he let it. Parker knew his tones, and that one was one that always made her feel like he didn't think she was crazy. Like they were friends.
She didn't respond to him, just stared out at the water breaking ahead of her. Watching where the dark waters met the dark sky, and just above that where the stars exploded with light and a kind of magic that she couldn't describe.
She stood in the place everyone once had. Where they all washed up, disoriented and confused, not knowing the life that lay ahead of them there for however long the island kept them. It was where she had once been, where Sophie had once been, and Eliot too.
"Somethin' happen with Sophie?"
He was still there, behind her by just inches. She knew he wasn't going to go anywhere until she said something more.
He knew. About her and Sophie. He had never asked and she had never said. She couldn't be sure if Sophie had, but she hadn't. And all the same he knew. But then everyone always understood things in ways she didn't.
"They're not here," she said after a long beat of silence.
"Who?"
"Hardison. And Nate." She kept her eyes on the horizon and he stayed in that spot behind her. They didn't have to look at each other to talk, and their voices didn't have to rise much higher than the crashing waves.
"Way I hear it...they might show up one day."
That was what she was afraid of. Not that she needed him to tell her so. She had been there a lot longer than Eliot and she knew the workings of the island. It liked to play games. Make you confused. It liked to make you happy and safe. And it liked to wait until you felt the most safe and the most happy, before throwing in a wrench. She hated wrenches.
"And it'll be more like home." She nodded a bit with those words, glad that he couldn't see her face. She could feel her eyes twitching with that uncomfortable feeling of watering up. She felt something scratching up her throat and she hated it. They were all signs of...emotions, and things she didn't know how to handle.
"Guess so," he replied.
His confirmation stabbed through her heart and she bit onto her bottom lip. She could feel her knees getting weaker. She looked down and moved away from the water a bit to a place where she could sit. She brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them tightly. Eliot gave her a minute before following. He sat down beside her, but didn't look at her. She was thankful for that.
He also didn't prompt her any further. He didn't probe. He just sat there with her and waited.
It was a long time before the words tumbled off of her lips. She didn't even know if she wanted to say them, much less say them to him, but they came out anyway.
"If Nate comes...it'll be like home. Nate and Sophie."
"No," Eliot replied without missing a beat. "It might be like home, but...this ain't home."
"He's Nate."
"Yeah? And you're Parker. She cares about you."
Her arms went even tighter to hug her knees, and her chin tucked into them. "Because he's not here."
She glanced out of the corner of her eyes and watched Eliot. His head shook a bit, but otherwise his eyes were on the ocean. She wondered if it made him feel comforted and confused all at the same time, like it did for her. She wondered if he wanted to find its link to home or just stay there on the island forever.
She watched his shoulders rise and fall slowly as he took a breath in and let it out, then his head tipped to her and he met her eyes.
"So you're thinkin' you're chopped liver or something? Second best?"
Her nose wrinkled a bit at that. "I'm not liver," she said quickly.
He rolled his eyes in that way she was so familiar with. "It's a saying, Parker. I didn't mean-" He stopped and shook his head. "You know what I meant."
She did know. She just didn't want to admit it. That was exactly how she felt, though maybe with too much justice. She didn't know if she was enough to be second choice so much as the one who was there. Maybe even if Eliot had shown up before her-
"It's you she cares about," he said, interrupting her thoughts.
"But she loves Nate." Even Parker saw what went on between the two back home. She wasn't an idiot after all.
"Maybe she did once," he shrugged. "Maybe not. Doesn't matter now."
She pulled her gaze from his and looked out into the waters again. "Yes it does."
"Parker."
He didn't say her name in his usual annoyed tone, like he wanted her to shut up and go away. He said it like there were a million other things he wanted to say with it, but just couldn't. Or didn't want to. The same way she didn't want to say all the things she felt to him.
"What if he comes and it changes?"
She was patient as she waited for him to reply. They were both quiet, and the only noise she could hear were the now familiar sounds of the island at night. The waves before them, the owls beyond them by the cabins, and nothing else. Sometimes if she got far enough from the cabins in the other direction, she would start to hear the sounds of the resort. The soft churning of electricity and power, a constant hum that in the outside world she might remain oblivious to. But after having lived away from it for so long it was now a distinctive sound to her. As much as she wanted to live in the resort she didn't know if she would be able to sleep through that sound anymore.
She liked the sounds where she was. They were simple and uncomplicated.
They were home.
"Can't choose what happens in life, Parker." It took so long for Eliot to speak that she jumped slightly when he did, but she payed rapt attention. "You and me both know that." She offered the slightest nod that she was listening, and that yes she knew that. "Maybe things'll change if Nate shows...maybe they won't."
She waited another beat for something more positive, and when it didn't come she glanced over at him with narrowed eyes. "You're bad at this."
He looked at her and there was a slight smirk on his lips. "Never said I wasn't." His hands hand been resting in the sand behind him, but at that moment he lifted them up and elbowed her slightly, before draping them against his lap. "Whatever does happen..." He paused. She watched his eyes and searched them for whatever it was he was trying to say.
"You'll be here?" She finally asked, almost hopeful.
"Yeah," he nodded. "I will."
It may have not been the first thing that she needed to hear, but it must have been close, because something shot through her and she threw her arms around him tightly. His body was tense under her awkward hug and she could tell she had taken him by surprise. She only held onto him for a few moments before letting go and wrapping her arms around her knees again.
He snorted and shook his head. "You really are different here," he noted. He leaned back on his hands again.
"Good different or bad different?"
She could hear his voice go lighter, almost like he wanted to smile. "Good, Parker. It's good."
She smiled against her knees, her eyes on the sand and nowhere else. It felt good to hear him say that. Like she had accomplished something. She wouldn't say it out loud, but Eliot was important to her, and his praise even more so. The time she had come from she was used to him thinking she was crazy or not right, but there he thought she was good.
Eliot thought she was good and Sophie was on a special team with just her. Yeah, she missed Hardison and Nate and sometimes wished she could see them again. Heck, she missed Hardison most of all. He was her best friend, her supporter, and the coolest guy she knew. And Nate? Whatever he was to Sophie he was still something important to Parker, too. She did miss having her whole family together, but she was happy at the moment to leave things just the way they were.
"Want me to walk you back to your cabin?"
"No," she said softly. "Let's stay this way for awhile."
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