(Untitled)

[ohsquishy]

Okay, so I did something incredibly stupid last night

Comments

[biofucked]

Hmmm. I wouldn't.. I dunno. I 'used to be' a self-injurer. I guess I haven't done it since January 28th. But.. I've done a few tiny nicks, you know?

Whatever, I say. I'm not trying to kill myself. So.. wtf if I enjoy and get calmed down by a little cut that will fade and heal in 4 months... who cares? MY body. Not anyone else's.

The pain thing, I so get. I'm a masochist. I know I am. I relish in pain. Hell, I got a body wax the other day and fuckin' moaned. I love it. Love it. I dunno. I dont think enjoying pain is something to worry about. Everyone has their different ideals of what's enjoyable, right?

[ohsquishy]

Everyone has their different ideals of what's enjoyable, right?
Exactly! See, one of our mutual friends says she's a masochist, she's also a sadist. She loves pain. She'll take it and give it back to you twice as hard. She's got like five tattoos and thirty-some piercings. Her boyfriend used to pretty much beat her. My boyfriend is just fine and dandy with being friends with her though. I guess to him its just fine as long as someone else does it. I don't know.

I've always loved pain, its just been more clear to me lately. I mean, I get off on getting roughed up.

I just think that is granddddddd that the guy I've been dating for over a year just up and decides that I'm not worth sticking around with being I leave a cat scratch on my hip from time to time.

I love you!!!!!

[ponylove88]

I think he's over reacting. *By the way.. what is SI-ing? But yeah. .if it's equally as bad as cutting.. then he needs to stop too. You should be like "If you'll stop, I'll stop." And yeah, he should know it takes a long time to get over something like that if he does it too... ish. I mean.. if anything.. his reaction could've made you cut b/c most people do it when they're bored or upset. So basically if he breaks up with you.. he's encouraging it without knowing. What he should do is be with you more & try to get you to not be distracted. Not want to cut. Guys just don't understand. I don't know. He sounds hypocritical to me. Maybe you should talk to your therapist about it. If not about the cutting, then tell her that your boyfriend isn't supporting your decisions and it's bumming you out big time and that you think you should change to like Zoloft or w/e.

I love you more!!!!!

[ohsquishy]

SI-ing: self injury; self-harm, self-mutilation

I don't cut because of him or the things he does or anything. I just get down overall and it makes me want to cut. There's many factors to cause my cutting, not just him.

In fact, the last time we dated, I cut once. He broke up with me and one of his excuses was because I cut once and he couldn't deal with that. At the time my Greatgrandma was in the hospital and I was having other personal problems and had no one to comfort me. After we broke up, I didn't cry over him once and believe it or not I was happier then. Now, though I'm happier with him because I can usually talk to him about anything. Now he's just upset because I hid this thing from him since August.

Thank you so much for replying. You made me feel a little better about it. ILOVEYOU. < 3

I love you most!!!!!

[ponylove88]

If there was an one of your posts I'd reply to it would've been that one b/c it really made me upset with him & yeah. I really needed to let you know that he needs to lighten up. I don't like it when people upset my Alice in Wonderland. Nope Nope. (I actually have an Alice in Wonderland purse & everytime I see it I think of you) You were basically gonig through Hell in August and that was the only way to make you feel calm. If you wouldn't have done that, you would've had a psychotic break & maybe done something more drastic than what you did. He needs to recognize that. I'm always here for you!!!

Re: I love you most!!!!!

[ohsquishy]

You're awesome because you completely understand.
I wish I could find a boy with your understanding.

[ohsquishy]

Lately, I've been wondering if its even worth the small struggle to stay with him. He thinks I'm so damn horrible because I do something slightly destructive and yet he can threaten people and hit things.

Thanks for your comment. ♥

[carogina]

I HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT FOR YOU <3
I THINK IT'S THE MEDS THATS MAKING YOU ACT LIKE THAT AND CUT THATS WHAT LEXAPRO AND ZOLOFT DID TO ME :[
IF YOU EVER WANNA TALK JUST MESSAGE ME ON MYSPACE OR AIM I REALLY DON'T WANT ANYTHING BAD TO HAPPEN TO YOU <3

[ohsquishy]

thnx < 3333333 x