(Challenge 17 - declarative sentences, take two)

[okkkkay]

These lines are about main character from Rosiant. If you want to read it, please be warned of spoilers.

1. Sain Effor's birth name is known to few.
2. 'Effor' was the given name of his maternal grandfather, suggested as an alias by a teacher at the age of 15.
3. He was born a rich man's second son. His father gave him off to the military at the age of 7 so

Comments

[rizobact]

This sounds like a really cool character! I haven't seen any of the story you've been writing for him, but I know you've been having a lot of fun with Rosiant :) I'm glad for you!

I think my favorite sentence is #20, about not feeling well with reversed temperature/light expectations. I grew up with both days and nights being hot or cold depending on the season, but that would be disorienting to someone who isn't used to it, wouldn't it?

Questions/notes:

In sentence 10, what is 'rank of d'? Also, 'he'd been assigned' should be 'he was assigned' (to match 'he was promoted').

Sentence 12 is missing a period at the end.

Sentence 19, 'when he'd received his first promotion' should be 'when he received his first promotion'.

Sentence 27, file-and-rank soldier - the expression is rank and file; is this inversion deliberate?

Sentence 29, 'Among with several other bones' should be 'Along with several other bones'.

[okkkkay]

Thankyou! Rank of d is the rough equivalent of brigadier general. Not as high as a general, but brigadier general 's too long for constant use, so I shortened it.... This much. At start ranks c and d were used as spaceholders for real life military ranks.

[12_drakon]

I really like this character - and the sentences left me feeling... curious. I feel like you know so much more about each one than you are telling :-) I want to, dunno, catch him and interrogate him more? About whys and how-tos and how-comes. Like, what are some cool values he found in individuals? Where's the music-aversion coming from? How come he dislikes milk?

Love the guy :-)

[okkkkay]

No time for interrogation, but you can observe him in his natural habitat

[12_drakon]

I will view each sentence as a prompt for when you expand them in the story :-) As long as you get to what they are about, my curiosity can wait. Tease! < 333

[okkkkay]

Your curiosity is held back by your patience. Next month, you will be reading Mtmte so.... I'd better hurry up and write until that?

You know some already. The origin of his name, family relations, and why you shouldn't brinng food to your quarters at Celua.