alphabet of love and despair (part i)
a l p h a b e t o f l o v e a n d d e s p a i r
p a r t i
Tonight I can write the saddest line
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too
(Pablo Neruda)
Angst
Jaejoong/Boa, 75w
Jaejoong wrote better when he was a hollow of sorrow (lame, he knew that). But writing when you were sad was nothing to brag about, it was common. So when Boa broke up with him, he didn’t go crazy. Instead, he took a paper and a pen, then he wrote. It wasn’t a love letter nor a sad poem. It was just a confession, that he once loved her, and sometimes, she loved him too.
Baby
Yoochun/Dana, 60w
Dana hated it when Yoochun called her with baby. B-A-B-Y. It irked her with its mushiness. She told Yoochun that, but he ignored it and kept calling her with that - baby, his baby, baby doll. Dana hated it even more, and she was sure it wasn’t because it’s mushiness, but because she knew, she wasn’t the only ‘baby’ in his world.
Cracked
Baekhyun/Taeyeon, 122w
He was new, awkward, and kind of bizarre. With his Darth Vader mask he went around the neigborhood, scared the cats and dogs, and gained a look of horror in his friend’s face. But it didn’t bother Baekhyun, a fourteen-year-old boy should do what he loved, and he loved Star Wars (and he hated his friends). So he kept walking, running, and laughing (alone) until someone approached him. Baekhyun looked at her, yes, he was sure it was a ‘she’ because of her rumple skirt. He didn’t know if she also looked at him or not. Maybe she did, but he wasn’t sure if she also had the adoration in her eyes. Because she hid it, beneath the smiley face of Minnie.
Doom
Junsu-centric, 258w
People assumed it had something to do with summer of 2007, when Junsu’s love was still blooming, untouched and untainted. He smiled too much that season, but talked reticently whenever people asked him ‘why’. He would glanced at his flip phone anxiously, waiting, or hoping. His face lit up in comical way when the phone vibrated or rang, a call from heaven, people joked. Then he would talk, talk, and talk as if he had all seconds and hours in the world for himself. So people assumed he was in love, in summer of 2007. He was so happy, some people added.
They tought that would be last, his happiness, but they were wrong. In autumn of 2007, his smile vanished, his laughter was bitter, and still, people could only wonder.
Are you alright?
He would only nod. Or sometimes he shook his head reluctantly.
Did something happen?
He would nervously laugh. People didn’t understand why he laughed, for the reason or the question? Because neither of those were funny.
In the end, they brushed it off, as if his gloomy season was merely a season which they could forget when the other season came. It was true, because in winter of 2007, Junsu was gone. Some people said he went to his hometown. Some people said he flew to Japan because that was where his girfriend lived.
Or maybe, he got tired of his lousy life- some people said that, as if his leaving was a joke.
Then, it was spring of 2008. Sadly, no one cared.
Enigma
Eric/Stephanie, 113w
Iwant to tell you something and I hope you are okay with this. Here is what I really want to tell. On October 8, Lina is going to marry Yunho. Perhaps you already guessed it, Eric. You don’t have to be sad, though, you already know what kind of person she is. Or maybe, she already know what kind of person you are. Unbelieveable, if I had the right to say. Don’t act like she is the one who hurt you. I know what you had done to her last year and it was bad, so so bad. Ehm, you know what you have to do after you read this email, right?
Fool
Taemin/Sulli, 59w
She couldn’t look at him. His eyes was too clear and bright, and she was scared that her words would dim it with its sorrow. her heart was hurt, but she was sure if she said the thing she wanted to say, it would be his heart that hurt. Jinri didn’t want that to happen and so, she smiled.
Gone
Suho/Irene, 151w
“She is my bestfriend, my love, my everything. Three years ago, the first time I met her, I knew she was the one. She was a gift for me. She was a girl full of love. She cared for her family, her friends, me. She was never angry, even when I did mistake or hurt her. She would only cry, silently, as if she didn’t want me to know that she was sad. She was too kind, she was too good for me. But she never said that I was bad for her. She kept loving me, and I was grateful for that. I am. Bae Joohyun, you brightened my days, my life, and there was no one who could do better than you. I love you, and I know, your soul is already there, in the greatest place. A place where no one could hurt you or hurt you anymore.”
Hurt
Kyungsoo/IU, 124w
People told him it was great to fall in love, and it was okay if he was scared of getting rejected. It happened, he fell in love but she didn’t. So he gave her his best smile, enough to assure her that she didn’t do anything bad. It was just a rejection, he reminded himself in hope of wafting the sadness away. Then she gave him her last hug, turned her back, and walked away. Maybe all Jieun meant was ‘I don’t love you like the way you love me’, but still, it meant she didn’t love him. After days of waiting and hoping, he had nothing. Then it came to him, the realization, that everything was in vain.
It started to suffocate him.