(no subject)
lately i've been thinking about a lot of the stuff i wrote about on Holocaust Memorial Day this year, so i guess it would be appropriate to post it here (as its too long for my current mood section).
Today is Yom Ha’Shoa. Day of the great fire the holocaust remember remember. Goddamnit how can people possibly die? How can it happen? There is at the same time an eerie normalcy to it and at the same time a terrible and surreal element for while we are on earth we ARE the earth, and when we die-does the earth? How do you know anything will survive when you leave? I guess it all depends on what you hope. Maybe if even one person hoped for no one else’s survival and life and continuation, well, the world would end. Life is really just a huge breath of air and slowly you have to release it no matter how long you want to keep it, and I really don’t think you have a second breath to take. Today at dinner I was thinking, and I had a thought that the only way the Holocaust could have happened would be if there was a heaven or a second life or something out there. And so I thought, maybe I can believe in a heaven. It would be so much easier. Then it reiterated itself in my mind that heaven is just a way to make it easier. Its an excuse I guess, a way to justify a lackluster life, a life you have denied of the density of beauty and joy and sunlight and pattering rain like footsteps, the womb of rain, and not finding life (and God I guess?) in everything. I just had a revelation. Is that why it is said that everything was made in God’s image? No wonder! I guess there is a synonym for all of that, and that is God. A new tenet upon my life has just been excavated I guess. I’m happy. Remember this. You don’t need to be a pseudo-atheist, a traditionalist of religion exclusively. But back to the excuses. So I remembered how heaven was simply an excuse of humanity, and then I realized, is that really such a bad thing? Sometimes excuses are good and will allow us to live without being sheathed in depression and anxiety over death and THAT’S IT. Goddmanit its all so beautiful. My curtains. The beads. The music little beats. Tapestries and grandfather;s breath. Breath! I love breath. It’s the most angelic sensation simply to hear the word. Myself as a baby. FINITE WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE FINITE.
That’s what I hate about math. False expecations.
It’s all so beautiful. I know I’m being selfish here. I want to remember the six million and commemorate them here. This might be the only way I can fully understand the horror of death however. Not pain, but death itself. It’s horrible. “I often cry. So do I.” no more Shel Silverstein, light, meadows and woods I wish the soul could transcend, or the mind at least. Like clouds or silk scarves. Keeping watch. There simply isn’t enough room in the sky. Actually maybe there is. A crowded mass of humans, vibrating with humanity and God (maybe), but simply sheathes of watchful mind, and when one shudders or stretches, we have wind. The wind of life, The Breath. Ruach. God’s breath. A breeze. It seems like the only logical progression in fact. Why give us so much capacity for thought if it will abruptly end? That is the critical issue of God. Well, one. But life isn’t even logical.
Learn from every new experience and change in your life. But I love people too! I will learn but I still love them! And will miss them!
And what about myself? I’m so happy to be a teacher but why does that mean I have to disappear forever???????????????????????? What am I going to do??!!?!! I used to imagine space and its so huge and infinite and stars everywhere and you’d get lost thinking about it so I’d close my mind. What else can you do when you are little and scared? But I’m older. I need to start realizing what to do
I don’t close my mind anymore consciously. I hope it doesn’t close itself subconsciously/
Today is Yom Ha’Shoa. Day of the great fire the holocaust remember remember. Goddamnit how can people possibly die? How can it happen? There is at the same time an eerie normalcy to it and at the same time a terrible and surreal element for while we are on earth we ARE the earth, and when we die-does the earth? How do you know anything will survive when you leave? I guess it all depends on what you hope. Maybe if even one person hoped for no one else’s survival and life and continuation, well, the world would end. Life is really just a huge breath of air and slowly you have to release it no matter how long you want to keep it, and I really don’t think you have a second breath to take. Today at dinner I was thinking, and I had a thought that the only way the Holocaust could have happened would be if there was a heaven or a second life or something out there. And so I thought, maybe I can believe in a heaven. It would be so much easier. Then it reiterated itself in my mind that heaven is just a way to make it easier. Its an excuse I guess, a way to justify a lackluster life, a life you have denied of the density of beauty and joy and sunlight and pattering rain like footsteps, the womb of rain, and not finding life (and God I guess?) in everything. I just had a revelation. Is that why it is said that everything was made in God’s image? No wonder! I guess there is a synonym for all of that, and that is God. A new tenet upon my life has just been excavated I guess. I’m happy. Remember this. You don’t need to be a pseudo-atheist, a traditionalist of religion exclusively. But back to the excuses. So I remembered how heaven was simply an excuse of humanity, and then I realized, is that really such a bad thing? Sometimes excuses are good and will allow us to live without being sheathed in depression and anxiety over death and THAT’S IT. Goddmanit its all so beautiful. My curtains. The beads. The music little beats. Tapestries and grandfather;s breath. Breath! I love breath. It’s the most angelic sensation simply to hear the word. Myself as a baby. FINITE WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE FINITE.
That’s what I hate about math. False expecations.
It’s all so beautiful. I know I’m being selfish here. I want to remember the six million and commemorate them here. This might be the only way I can fully understand the horror of death however. Not pain, but death itself. It’s horrible. “I often cry. So do I.” no more Shel Silverstein, light, meadows and woods I wish the soul could transcend, or the mind at least. Like clouds or silk scarves. Keeping watch. There simply isn’t enough room in the sky. Actually maybe there is. A crowded mass of humans, vibrating with humanity and God (maybe), but simply sheathes of watchful mind, and when one shudders or stretches, we have wind. The wind of life, The Breath. Ruach. God’s breath. A breeze. It seems like the only logical progression in fact. Why give us so much capacity for thought if it will abruptly end? That is the critical issue of God. Well, one. But life isn’t even logical.
Learn from every new experience and change in your life. But I love people too! I will learn but I still love them! And will miss them!
And what about myself? I’m so happy to be a teacher but why does that mean I have to disappear forever???????????????????????? What am I going to do??!!?!! I used to imagine space and its so huge and infinite and stars everywhere and you’d get lost thinking about it so I’d close my mind. What else can you do when you are little and scared? But I’m older. I need to start realizing what to do
I don’t close my mind anymore consciously. I hope it doesn’t close itself subconsciously/