Molly's Grand Hogwarts Adventures II
Professor Sproat: Alright, our next oral report from the Ravenclaws will be...Miss. Molly and Miss. Chante.
Molly: *walks up to the front of the class with Chante* For our oral report, we decided to do research on the differing effects of marijuana on wizards.
Chante: Why'd we have to do it on Professor Snape?
Molly: Because you don't know an "Elliot on the corner", so you don't get to pick the test subject.
Chante: *pouts*
Molly: At 4:48, we proceeded to bake the marijuana into the brownies; which I know how to do thanks to my hippie Muggle parents.
Chante: At 5:32, we walked to Snape's office with said brownies. *sighes* When he asked what we were doing here, I smiled, batted my eyes, and offered him a brownie, which I told him were homemade. VERY homemade.
Molly: As he ate the first brownie, I told him about how our House Head, Professor Flitwick, wants us to observe someone we consider to be a role model. At first, he was reluctant, so Chante used the puppy-dog pout and I told him we would be very quiet and that he could have the rest of the brownies. Eventually, he agree, and we took a seat in the corner.
Chante: At 6:05, Snape is correcting papers and eatting his third brownie. He seem lucid and there are no apparent side effects yet. But then he reaches for another brownie, telling us how good they are. Maybe he's starting to feel a little buzz. Molly reminds Professor Snape he's not supposed to be paying attention to us. He goes back to correcting and eats a fifth brownie.
Molly: At 6:17, Professor Snape begins to giggle randomly. It was very odd to watch Snape giggle. And when I asked him what was so funny, he looks up, shows me his quill, and said, "This pen came from a birds bum!" We have recorded this moment as the beginning of the experement.
Chante: At 6:21, Professor Snape stops correcting papers and stares at his shoes for 13 minutes. He then takes off his left shoe and begins to examine it. When I ask him what he's doing, he shooes me and tells me I will scare away the leprecons. Molly begins to laugh. Professor Snape joins her in lauging and laughts for three minutes after she stops. When we asked him what happened to the leprecons, he did not know what we were talking about.
Molly: At 6:53, we decided to begin introducing external stimuli. The first portion was auditaory in influence. We played several selections from Pink Floyd, the Dave Mathewe's Band, and Alvin and the Chipmuck sing the songs of Chirstmas. All of which rocked, in the opinion of Professor Snape.
Chante: At 7:12, Professor Snape invited both me and Molly to dinner. He then apparated to his house, leaving both Molly and I behind.
Molly: At 7:37, Professor Snape apparated back to the classroom, having just realized we were not with him. This time, he apparates and remembers to take us with him this time.
Chante: At 7:49, Molly and I take a seat on the couch while Professor Snape proceeds to make a three-course dinner. While doing so, he sings "Hey Teacher, Leave Them Kids Alone", and orders the two of us to sing along. It was somewhat disturbing.
Molly: At 8:11, dinner is served. The first course is Pop Tarts and microwavable Pizza rolls. Both uncooked as Professor Snape owns neither a toaster and a microwave. The second course was peanut butter and jelly sandwitches (not American jelly) and uncooked spaghetthi noodles which we dipped in ketchup. When I told Professor Snape I was people could get ketchup in Britain, he responded by saying, "You can buy ketchup in Britain, and proceeded to laugh at his own joke for seven minutes.
Chante: At 8:19, the third course was served. Professor Snape told us since we were guest, we should provide to dessert. Molly and I proceeded to empty our coat pocket. The item inventory included orange tic-tacs, a cap from a bottle of coke, a candy cane a boy gave Molly who clearly didn't know that she hate peppermint, and a knut. Professor Snape needed glass of water for the knut.
Molly: At 9:20, we reminded Professor Snape we have class in the morning and so did he. He said before we left, we had to here this amazing mix-tape he had, so he went out to his car to get it.
Chante: At 9:44, Professor Snape comes back into the house, very confused and without any tape. Molly proceeds to remind him that he is a wizard and he doesn't have a car.
Molly: And at 9:57, Professor Snape escorted us back to the Ravenclaw Common room. He insisted on answering the riddle for us, but after fifteen tries, Chante shows him her compact mirror, opens it, and tells Professor Snape that he is trap inside. While he was trying to save himself, Chante got the right answer to the riddle, and we went to bed.
Chante: At 9:40, the next morning, Professor Snape is waiting for us outside the Ravenclaw Commons. His eyes are red, but he does inform us that he remembers what happened last night. And...now we have to go clean Professor Snape's office with our toothbrushes.
Molly: *walks out of the greenhouse with Chante, glaring at her* You're a snitch! And not the kind that gets us 150 points in Quidditch!