Chapter Eight
CHAPTER EIGHT: IN WHICH ALL THIS TIME PLAYING SOLITAIRE WAS NOVEL RESEARCH. YEAH… NOVEL RESEARCH.
The NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! continued on their way through the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy, and thought that definitely, now, they would not have to face any crazy or weird things any more. Seriously, they had had more than their fair share of crazy and weird things to last a lifetime. To last five lifetimes!
But, ha! This is a National Novel Writing Month novel. And they do not work that way! So the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! were walking, walking, walking, always walking, and they came across a table and chairs. Naturally, the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! thought this was the perfect place to sit down and rest their tired little feet for a while.
However, as soon as they sat down, they could not stand up again, and not only because they were physically and mentally exhausted, but because they actually could not get up again. They were quite literally stuck in their seats.
Everyone - all of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAAH!!!, that is - was extremely confused. What was happening? Why could they not get up? And where did that deck of cards come from?
“MUAHAHA, now I have got you!!!” cried a voice, and out from behind a tree came a woman, who happened to look very much like the author, and was very similar in all her characteristics to the author, except for that the author is not one of the personifications of evil. “I am the Queen of Solitaire, and to pass my table, you must beat my solitaire speed, THIRTY NINE SECONDS!!! If you lose, you are doomed to be my card carrying slaves, my jokers, the ones who will massage my wrist when the tendonitis sets in, MUHAHAHA!!!”
Each member of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! pulled a face with a frown that looked like an uppercase D, turned ninety degrees counter-clockwise. How would they a game of solitaire in less than thirty nine seconds? Thirty nine seconds was quick as!
“AND, you only have FIVE GAMES to beat me in, MUAHAHA!!! Sorry, FIVE GAMES in which to beat me, MUAHAHA!!!”
The NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! took a moment to decide who would represent them in the playing of the best card game in the world; solitaire. Soon, they decided, seeing as there were five rounds of solitaire, and five of them in the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! that they would each play a round.
India went first. She played her best, and as fast as she could, but no matter how much effort she put in, it was a failed game. It would not sort out. That was one game down, one game lost.
Lucy the Literate went next. She managed to win, but it took her fifty three seconds. Lucy the Literate, who had never really played solitaire seriously before was overjoyed with her speed, but alas, it was too slow for the Queen of Solitaire.
It was Andrew the Apple Eater who took the next turn. He, too, won, but it took his one minute and three seconds to win. Sixty three seconds. Fourteen seconds too long.
With only two more games to be played, the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! were getting more and more nervous. They did not really want to massage the wrist of the Queen of Solitaire, even if she was gorgeous (and I am not only saying that because she happened to look just like me). They just wanted to get to the other side of the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy, and stop Scott the evil robot from taking over the world.
Eleanor the Electric took her turn to play the cards. She, like India, failed to win the game. It was impossible.
Now, the future of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! was in the hands of Sian the half human, half robot. Everyone else in the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! was incredibly nervous. They were biting their fingernails, and Eleanor the Electric was emitting lightning bolts involuntarily.
But they need not have worried. Psssht! Sian the half human, half robot was half a robot! In fact, she was programmed to play solitaire. It was one of her Super Sweet Mad Skillz. She won in thirty four seconds, beating the Queen of Solitaire’s speed by five whole seconds. Which is LOADS in solitaire speak.
So the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! were free to continue on their way, leaving the Queen of Solitaire to play and play and play, striving hopelessly to beat Sian the half human, half robot’s speed.
The NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! continued on their way through the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy, and thought that definitely, now, they would not have to face any crazy or weird things any more. Seriously, they had had more than their fair share of crazy and weird things to last a lifetime. To last five lifetimes!
But, ha! This is a National Novel Writing Month novel. And they do not work that way! So the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! were walking, walking, walking, always walking, and they came across a table and chairs. Naturally, the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! thought this was the perfect place to sit down and rest their tired little feet for a while.
However, as soon as they sat down, they could not stand up again, and not only because they were physically and mentally exhausted, but because they actually could not get up again. They were quite literally stuck in their seats.
Everyone - all of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAAH!!!, that is - was extremely confused. What was happening? Why could they not get up? And where did that deck of cards come from?
“MUAHAHA, now I have got you!!!” cried a voice, and out from behind a tree came a woman, who happened to look very much like the author, and was very similar in all her characteristics to the author, except for that the author is not one of the personifications of evil. “I am the Queen of Solitaire, and to pass my table, you must beat my solitaire speed, THIRTY NINE SECONDS!!! If you lose, you are doomed to be my card carrying slaves, my jokers, the ones who will massage my wrist when the tendonitis sets in, MUHAHAHA!!!”
Each member of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! pulled a face with a frown that looked like an uppercase D, turned ninety degrees counter-clockwise. How would they a game of solitaire in less than thirty nine seconds? Thirty nine seconds was quick as!
“AND, you only have FIVE GAMES to beat me in, MUAHAHA!!! Sorry, FIVE GAMES in which to beat me, MUAHAHA!!!”
The NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! took a moment to decide who would represent them in the playing of the best card game in the world; solitaire. Soon, they decided, seeing as there were five rounds of solitaire, and five of them in the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! that they would each play a round.
India went first. She played her best, and as fast as she could, but no matter how much effort she put in, it was a failed game. It would not sort out. That was one game down, one game lost.
Lucy the Literate went next. She managed to win, but it took her fifty three seconds. Lucy the Literate, who had never really played solitaire seriously before was overjoyed with her speed, but alas, it was too slow for the Queen of Solitaire.
It was Andrew the Apple Eater who took the next turn. He, too, won, but it took his one minute and three seconds to win. Sixty three seconds. Fourteen seconds too long.
With only two more games to be played, the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! were getting more and more nervous. They did not really want to massage the wrist of the Queen of Solitaire, even if she was gorgeous (and I am not only saying that because she happened to look just like me). They just wanted to get to the other side of the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy, and stop Scott the evil robot from taking over the world.
Eleanor the Electric took her turn to play the cards. She, like India, failed to win the game. It was impossible.
Now, the future of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! was in the hands of Sian the half human, half robot. Everyone else in the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! was incredibly nervous. They were biting their fingernails, and Eleanor the Electric was emitting lightning bolts involuntarily.
But they need not have worried. Psssht! Sian the half human, half robot was half a robot! In fact, she was programmed to play solitaire. It was one of her Super Sweet Mad Skillz. She won in thirty four seconds, beating the Queen of Solitaire’s speed by five whole seconds. Which is LOADS in solitaire speak.
So the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! were free to continue on their way, leaving the Queen of Solitaire to play and play and play, striving hopelessly to beat Sian the half human, half robot’s speed.