Chapter Eleven
CHAPTER TEN. I THINK. OR MAYBE IT IS NOT CHAPTER TEN. PERHAPS I WILL GIVE UP ON THE NUMBERS. AND CALL THIS CHAPTER, FOR EXAMPLE, CHAPTER CHEESECAKE: IN WHICH LUCY THE LITERATE IS INVALUABLE. I - N - V - A - L - U - A - B - L - E.
(This chapter, Chapter Cheesecake: In Which Lucy the Literate is Invaluable. I - N - V - A - L - U - A - B - L - E, will not be finishing until the total count is thirty two thousand words. Just so you know. But also, each letter that is spelled out, (like this, for example, E - X - A - M - P - L - E) counts for a word. Which is nice, do you not think?)
The NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! continued on their merry way through the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy after leaving the giant polar bear and the very few spaghetti leftovers. They liked the giant polar bear, but he could not go with the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! for reasons that were two fold. One, he would make six. And I do believe we have discussed the problem with having more or less members of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! before. Two, he was a polar bear, and smelt strongly of fish. And no one likes the smell of fish. Particularly India, who, just like Scott the evil robot, had become traumatised, emotionally scarred, horrified, troubled, et cetera, after the incident with the Murray cod. So as much as she had come to live the giant polar bear, just being around him gave India terrifying flashbacks; flashbacks of raining fish.
Anywho, this chapter is not about crazy India, and her crazy phobias. This chapter is about a spelling bee. And by ‘spelling bee’, I do not mean a bee that spells, because that would just be crazy, and there is no place for crazy in such fine literature as this. No, by ‘spelling bee’, I mean a competition where one spells out words, so as to win a prize.
The NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! stumbled across a group - a swarm? A hive? - of oversized bees, who challenged them to a spelling bee (okay, so maybe I did also mean bees that spelt. But in that instance before, I did mean a competition where one spells out words). This is the second event in a row where the build up is poorly explained, but it is too late to go back and fix it now!!! The up shot of it all was that the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! now depended on Lucy the Literate to spell them to their freedom.
Luckily for the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!!, the only time that Lucy the Literate did not speak in a pattern of five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables was when she was spelling something.
The spelling bee was between Lucy the Literate, and one of the giant bees. Another of the giant bees - the Queen Bee - was running the competition, but do not worry, do not stress, do not fret your pretty little head; the Queen Bee who was running the competition was not letting her bias influence the competition. She had too much respect for the ancient and fine art of spelling for that.
“Buzz, buzz, buzz buzz buzz, buzz buzz buzz, buzz buzz,” said the Queen Bee to Lucy the Literate, which meant, “Lucy the Literate, your first word is ‘artichoke’.”
“Okay,” said Lucy the Literate, for once not in haiku form. “Artichoke. A - R - T - I - C - H - O - K - E. Artichoke.”
“Buzz buzz buzz,” said the Queen Bee. “That is correct.”
Lucy the Literate smiled at her fellow members of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!!, who smiled back, and cheered her on. “Go, Lucy the Literate,” they would cry. “We believe in you!”
“Buzz buzz, buzz buzz buzz, buzz buzz buzz buzz, buzz buzz, buzz,” said the Queen Bee to the other giant bee, Boris. “Boris the giant bee, your first word is ‘calendar’.”
“Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz,” said Boris the giant bee. “C - A - L - E - N - D - A - R. Calendar.”
“Buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz,” said the Queen Bee. “Boris the giant bee, that is correct. Lucy the Literate, your next word is ‘envelope’.”
“Could you use it in a sentence?” Lucy the Literate asked the Queen Bee.
“Buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz,” replied the Queen Bee. “Of course. I will need an ENVELOPE to put the letter in. Sorry. I will need an ENVELOPE in which to put the letter.”
“Ah, of course,” said Lucy the Literate. “Envelope. E - N - V - E - L - O - P - E. Envelope.”
“Very good,” said the Queen Bee. “Boris the giant bee, your next word is ‘antelope’.” Or, in Bee-speak; “Buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz.”
“Buzz, buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz,” said Boris the giant bee. “A - N - T - E - L - O - P - E. Antelope.”
“Correct. Lucy the Literate, your next word is ‘discotheque’,” said the Queen Bee. “Buzz. Buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz.”
“Discotheque,” Lucy the Literate repeated. “D - I - S - C - O - T - H - E - Q - U - E. Discotheque.”
The spelling bee continued on in this fashion for quite some time. If I were a real WriMo, I would document the spelling bee in its entirety. But I am too lazy for that, and feel too guilty about using the spelling bee method to boost word count, even if I DID start my fifty thousand words eighteen days late.
Three hours later, and Lucy the Literate and Boris the giant bee were still spelling perfectly. The rest of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! were losing enthusiasm in their cheering, but were still so proud of their little Lucy the Literate.
And then. All of a sudden, when no one expected it. Boris the giant bee misspelled a word. “Buzz,” he said. “Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz.” Or, for those of you who do not read bee, that was, “Corduroy. C - O - U - R - D - U - R - O - Y. Corduroy.”
“Buzz, buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz. That is INCORRECT. Lucy the Literate, for you to win the spelling bee, and allow you and your fellow members of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! to your freedom, you must correctly spell ‘necessary’.”
“Necessary,” Lucy the Literate repeated. “Could you please use it in a sentence?”
“Buzz, buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz. Of course. It is NECESSARY for you to spell NECESSARY correctly, Lucy the Literate, for you to get out of the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy, ALIVE.”
“Hmm,” Lucy the Literate thought to herself. “The ONE word that I have always had trouble with. WHAT WERE THE ODDS? What was it that Mother Literate always said to me about ‘necessary’? It is necessary to have an ironed shirt? It is necessary to sew fallen buttons back on? AHA! It is necessary to have one Collar, two Sleeves!!!”
“Necessary,” Lucy the Literate said aloud. “N - E - C - E - S - S - A - R - Y!!! Necessary!!!”
“That is…” said the Queen Bee. “Buzz buzz…”
Everyone watching - which was mostly the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!!, but also a few giant bees - held their breath.
“Buzz,” said the Queen Bee. “Correct.”
The NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! cheered and cheered for their friend and saviour, Lucy the Literate. All those times they had laughed at her for her love of the English language, her predisposition for choosing Scrabble at their games nights, and her penchant for taking the dictionary to bed for a little light reading were instantly washed away. Suddenly Lucy the Literate’s verbosity, her extensive vocabulary, her constant reminders of correct grammar; they were all appreciated that tiny little bit more. They still were not LOVED by the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!!, but they were appreciated a tiny little bit more.
The Queen Bee gave Lucy the Literate a jar of honey, and the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! continued on their way through the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy.
Hmm. Still about five hundred words less than where I wanted to end this chapter up. Looks like we will be looking in on Scott the evil robot!!!
Scott the evil robot was, for lack of a better word, sleeping. He was charging his batteries - a necessity, I think you will agree - for the first time in fifteen years. He did not need to charge them all that often.
Scott the evil robot, while in his state of recharge, was dreaming binary dreams. “One, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, one, one, one, zero, zero, one, zero, one, one, zero, zero, zero, one. One, one, one, one, one, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, one. One, one, one, zero, zero, zero. One. One. One! One! ONE!! ONE!!!!!! ZEROOOOOOO!!!”
I do not think we need to invade Scott the evil robot’s privacy ENTIRELY, but it will suffice to say that he was suffering nightmares. Nightmares involving Murray cod. Oh, how the Murray cod haunted him.
This was the first time Scott the evil robot had charged his batteries since the incident at the Castlemaine School for Little Robots, and it was only natural that he would have nightmares about it.
(Argh, there are still about three hundred and fifty words to go. Can I draw out Scott the evil robot’s disturbed robotic psyche that long? I can only try.)
Oh, how different the world might have been if only it were not for those darned Murray cod! What a difference it would have made!! Or not made, as the case may have been. If the Murray cod had not rained from the sky and changed all that Scott the evil robot had known and been, what a different world it would have been!
Scott the evil robot would merely be Scott the robot, and best friend of India. There would be no NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!!, or even a first edition - yes, ‘edition’ is the word I am thinking of; do not be ridiculous. How dare you undermine my authorly skillz. Yeah, I said it, authorly skillz. A made up word, and a purposefully misspelt one. Hells yeah, am I a great author - PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!!
Oh, there are still two hundred odd words left in this chapter! Oh, how will we use them up! I know; I will decide whether I want to go to sleep now, or if I should stay up and write another chapter. WELL. Another thousand words would get me to thirty three thousand. Which would leave me seventeen thousand to do over three days (I am not counting Saturday, because I have work for six and a half hours, and then Emily Lorenz’s eighteenth birthday party to attend. So seventeen thousand divided by three is five thousand, six hundred and sixty seven (rounded up) words for each of those three days. If I do not write this next thousand words, that will be eighteen thousand to go, and six thousand words for each of those three days. Predicament, predicament.
Do I go another Pepsi, and do another thousand words or two? Ooh, if I do two more thousand before going to bed… that would be fifteen thousand over the three days… five thousand a day. Tricky, tricky stuff!
I guess we will just take a look, and see how we go. And now, on to the next chapter…
(This chapter, Chapter Cheesecake: In Which Lucy the Literate is Invaluable. I - N - V - A - L - U - A - B - L - E, will not be finishing until the total count is thirty two thousand words. Just so you know. But also, each letter that is spelled out, (like this, for example, E - X - A - M - P - L - E) counts for a word. Which is nice, do you not think?)
The NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! continued on their merry way through the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy after leaving the giant polar bear and the very few spaghetti leftovers. They liked the giant polar bear, but he could not go with the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! for reasons that were two fold. One, he would make six. And I do believe we have discussed the problem with having more or less members of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! before. Two, he was a polar bear, and smelt strongly of fish. And no one likes the smell of fish. Particularly India, who, just like Scott the evil robot, had become traumatised, emotionally scarred, horrified, troubled, et cetera, after the incident with the Murray cod. So as much as she had come to live the giant polar bear, just being around him gave India terrifying flashbacks; flashbacks of raining fish.
Anywho, this chapter is not about crazy India, and her crazy phobias. This chapter is about a spelling bee. And by ‘spelling bee’, I do not mean a bee that spells, because that would just be crazy, and there is no place for crazy in such fine literature as this. No, by ‘spelling bee’, I mean a competition where one spells out words, so as to win a prize.
The NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! stumbled across a group - a swarm? A hive? - of oversized bees, who challenged them to a spelling bee (okay, so maybe I did also mean bees that spelt. But in that instance before, I did mean a competition where one spells out words). This is the second event in a row where the build up is poorly explained, but it is too late to go back and fix it now!!! The up shot of it all was that the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! now depended on Lucy the Literate to spell them to their freedom.
Luckily for the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!!, the only time that Lucy the Literate did not speak in a pattern of five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables was when she was spelling something.
The spelling bee was between Lucy the Literate, and one of the giant bees. Another of the giant bees - the Queen Bee - was running the competition, but do not worry, do not stress, do not fret your pretty little head; the Queen Bee who was running the competition was not letting her bias influence the competition. She had too much respect for the ancient and fine art of spelling for that.
“Buzz, buzz, buzz buzz buzz, buzz buzz buzz, buzz buzz,” said the Queen Bee to Lucy the Literate, which meant, “Lucy the Literate, your first word is ‘artichoke’.”
“Okay,” said Lucy the Literate, for once not in haiku form. “Artichoke. A - R - T - I - C - H - O - K - E. Artichoke.”
“Buzz buzz buzz,” said the Queen Bee. “That is correct.”
Lucy the Literate smiled at her fellow members of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!!, who smiled back, and cheered her on. “Go, Lucy the Literate,” they would cry. “We believe in you!”
“Buzz buzz, buzz buzz buzz, buzz buzz buzz buzz, buzz buzz, buzz,” said the Queen Bee to the other giant bee, Boris. “Boris the giant bee, your first word is ‘calendar’.”
“Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz,” said Boris the giant bee. “C - A - L - E - N - D - A - R. Calendar.”
“Buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz,” said the Queen Bee. “Boris the giant bee, that is correct. Lucy the Literate, your next word is ‘envelope’.”
“Could you use it in a sentence?” Lucy the Literate asked the Queen Bee.
“Buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz,” replied the Queen Bee. “Of course. I will need an ENVELOPE to put the letter in. Sorry. I will need an ENVELOPE in which to put the letter.”
“Ah, of course,” said Lucy the Literate. “Envelope. E - N - V - E - L - O - P - E. Envelope.”
“Very good,” said the Queen Bee. “Boris the giant bee, your next word is ‘antelope’.” Or, in Bee-speak; “Buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz.”
“Buzz, buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz,” said Boris the giant bee. “A - N - T - E - L - O - P - E. Antelope.”
“Correct. Lucy the Literate, your next word is ‘discotheque’,” said the Queen Bee. “Buzz. Buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz.”
“Discotheque,” Lucy the Literate repeated. “D - I - S - C - O - T - H - E - Q - U - E. Discotheque.”
The spelling bee continued on in this fashion for quite some time. If I were a real WriMo, I would document the spelling bee in its entirety. But I am too lazy for that, and feel too guilty about using the spelling bee method to boost word count, even if I DID start my fifty thousand words eighteen days late.
Three hours later, and Lucy the Literate and Boris the giant bee were still spelling perfectly. The rest of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! were losing enthusiasm in their cheering, but were still so proud of their little Lucy the Literate.
And then. All of a sudden, when no one expected it. Boris the giant bee misspelled a word. “Buzz,” he said. “Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz.” Or, for those of you who do not read bee, that was, “Corduroy. C - O - U - R - D - U - R - O - Y. Corduroy.”
“Buzz, buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz. That is INCORRECT. Lucy the Literate, for you to win the spelling bee, and allow you and your fellow members of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! to your freedom, you must correctly spell ‘necessary’.”
“Necessary,” Lucy the Literate repeated. “Could you please use it in a sentence?”
“Buzz, buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz. Of course. It is NECESSARY for you to spell NECESSARY correctly, Lucy the Literate, for you to get out of the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy, ALIVE.”
“Hmm,” Lucy the Literate thought to herself. “The ONE word that I have always had trouble with. WHAT WERE THE ODDS? What was it that Mother Literate always said to me about ‘necessary’? It is necessary to have an ironed shirt? It is necessary to sew fallen buttons back on? AHA! It is necessary to have one Collar, two Sleeves!!!”
“Necessary,” Lucy the Literate said aloud. “N - E - C - E - S - S - A - R - Y!!! Necessary!!!”
“That is…” said the Queen Bee. “Buzz buzz…”
Everyone watching - which was mostly the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!!, but also a few giant bees - held their breath.
“Buzz,” said the Queen Bee. “Correct.”
The NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! cheered and cheered for their friend and saviour, Lucy the Literate. All those times they had laughed at her for her love of the English language, her predisposition for choosing Scrabble at their games nights, and her penchant for taking the dictionary to bed for a little light reading were instantly washed away. Suddenly Lucy the Literate’s verbosity, her extensive vocabulary, her constant reminders of correct grammar; they were all appreciated that tiny little bit more. They still were not LOVED by the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!!, but they were appreciated a tiny little bit more.
The Queen Bee gave Lucy the Literate a jar of honey, and the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! continued on their way through the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy.
Hmm. Still about five hundred words less than where I wanted to end this chapter up. Looks like we will be looking in on Scott the evil robot!!!
Scott the evil robot was, for lack of a better word, sleeping. He was charging his batteries - a necessity, I think you will agree - for the first time in fifteen years. He did not need to charge them all that often.
Scott the evil robot, while in his state of recharge, was dreaming binary dreams. “One, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, one, one, one, zero, zero, one, zero, one, one, zero, zero, zero, one. One, one, one, one, one, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, one. One, one, one, zero, zero, zero. One. One. One! One! ONE!! ONE!!!!!! ZEROOOOOOO!!!”
I do not think we need to invade Scott the evil robot’s privacy ENTIRELY, but it will suffice to say that he was suffering nightmares. Nightmares involving Murray cod. Oh, how the Murray cod haunted him.
This was the first time Scott the evil robot had charged his batteries since the incident at the Castlemaine School for Little Robots, and it was only natural that he would have nightmares about it.
(Argh, there are still about three hundred and fifty words to go. Can I draw out Scott the evil robot’s disturbed robotic psyche that long? I can only try.)
Oh, how different the world might have been if only it were not for those darned Murray cod! What a difference it would have made!! Or not made, as the case may have been. If the Murray cod had not rained from the sky and changed all that Scott the evil robot had known and been, what a different world it would have been!
Scott the evil robot would merely be Scott the robot, and best friend of India. There would be no NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!!, or even a first edition - yes, ‘edition’ is the word I am thinking of; do not be ridiculous. How dare you undermine my authorly skillz. Yeah, I said it, authorly skillz. A made up word, and a purposefully misspelt one. Hells yeah, am I a great author - PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!!
Oh, there are still two hundred odd words left in this chapter! Oh, how will we use them up! I know; I will decide whether I want to go to sleep now, or if I should stay up and write another chapter. WELL. Another thousand words would get me to thirty three thousand. Which would leave me seventeen thousand to do over three days (I am not counting Saturday, because I have work for six and a half hours, and then Emily Lorenz’s eighteenth birthday party to attend. So seventeen thousand divided by three is five thousand, six hundred and sixty seven (rounded up) words for each of those three days. If I do not write this next thousand words, that will be eighteen thousand to go, and six thousand words for each of those three days. Predicament, predicament.
Do I go another Pepsi, and do another thousand words or two? Ooh, if I do two more thousand before going to bed… that would be fifteen thousand over the three days… five thousand a day. Tricky, tricky stuff!
I guess we will just take a look, and see how we go. And now, on to the next chapter…