RP Log; -- m i n d g a m e s --
[Who]: OOC!Near white_sparkles & IC!Mello mellodramatics
[Where]: Whammy's House~ O:
[When]: Uh. Today? 8D
[On What?]: MSN, third person para-styled RP~
[Rating]: PG-13 [For violence, naughty words, wangst and a kiss.]
[Summary]: IC!Mello decides to visit OOC!Near and see how much pain he can inflict upon his play-thing. Of course heated arguments ensue, then IC!Mello sort of loses it and OOC!Near has an epiphany of sorts. ...Draaaaaaaaaaama~~~ And bipolar OOCness on IC!Mello's part. 8D
Near was, as usual, sitting on the floor of his room with a leg raised up to his chest. In front of him there was his beloved white L puzzle, the one he liked building and destroying again and again. His thoughts lost in the pieces he made fit so easily, maybe too easily.
Everything was meant to fit, he always bore this in mind.
It hadn't been at all hard to locate the the fake Whammy's House, to let his thin wiry legs carry him inside the orphanage in search of Near's clone.
Nia.
How long had it been since he had last seen the snow-haired boy?
Days, weeks, months? He didn't exactly know, but whatever. It had been long enough; long enough for the blonde to remember a majority of things; some of which he was glad to recall, others he wished that he hadn't. Though, it wasn't as if he could change the past, or stop himself from remembering all the sordid details of the last five years of his life. No one could.
Cloaked in black, Mello silently made his way down the hall, the wide-eyed stares that he received from the children he passed were met with a aloof wolfish grin. It would have been amusing to try conversing with one of the other orphans, Mello was sure that he could tarnish his clone's good reputation in less than a minute. But, as tempting as that idea was; he had to take care of business first.
...Whatever that business was. Mello wasn't exactly sure why he had decided to seek out Nia in the first place, though he figured that he could blame the visit on his inherent need to cause trouble. Even with most of his time going to the Kira investigation, he still found that being confined to one location made him restless, no matter how large headquarters was.
Footfalls ceased when the seventh door on the right was reached. Resting his hand upon the doorknob, Mello turned it slowly, surprised to find it unlocked. Slipping into the room, he slowly shut the door behind him, dark eyes drifting to Nia, who sat on the floor, absorbed with a puzzle. Moving to lean against the wall, Mello continued to study the other boy, he wasn't going to say anything until his presence was acknowledged.
The pale boy continued working on his puzzle, not acknowledging the other one's presence until he had finished it.
As soon as he placed the last piece, he felt a pair of eyes staring at him, turning quickly to look at the person who had invaded his personal space without permission.
His eyes widened at the sight. "Mello…" was all he managed to say. Why was Mello here? Did he want to see him? As happy as the meeting should have been for him, he was aware that whatever reason Mello had to come to see him wasn't going to be good. ...Though wasn't this what he really wished for?
He gave a last glance to the puzzle pieces, all of them perfectly fitting with each other, before he stood up, facing the other boy; other than that, he didn't move at all.
For a moment Mello was quiet, dark eyes glinting in the light like broken pieces of glass. "You know, you're a lot like him... if not worse." He took a few steps forward, walking past Nia before stopping abruptly to look down at the pristine white of the puzzle pieces that decorated the floor.
"Is it comforting, completing puzzles like this?" Bending his knees he reached down, picking up one of the corner pieces of the puzzle. "An activity that's so static... it couldn't possibly be interesting, could it?" He paused slightly, turning his gaze back toward Nia, "...Do enlighten me."
Near didn’t take his eyes off Mello, not even for a small moment. It was like a sheep watching a dangerous wolf approaching, though in this case the sheep seemed more than willing for the wolf to bite it.
"Creation and destruction, Mello." he said, finally; his voice toneless. "I believe everything is like a puzzle; you just have to find all the pieces. They'll always fit."
Suddenly, the emotionless expression he had been keeping until now changed into a small, yet twisted smile. He was remembering Mello’s words from a moment ago, "You're a lot like him... if not worse". Yes, that was what he really wanted to hear....
Near didn’t ask why Mello was here; he’d rather figure out himself. That’s what made the game interesting, after all.
"That's just as good as saying that there's a divine will, that everything happens for a reason, there's always a motive and that there's no room for woodgrain anomolies." Mello bent the puzzle piece between his fingers, "You probably liken yourself to God as well, after all you have creation and destruction at your fingertips..." A gesture was made to the almost-complete puzzle on the floor, "And I must say, that's scarily close to Kira's mindset." Testing, testing, testing; to see how Nia would react.
The puzzle piece was snapped in half with little to no effort of Mello's part. Letting the pieces drop to the floor the blonde took a step closer toward Nia, noting the small smile upon the other boy's lips. "...Don't tell me you're having a good time."
Near watched how Mello broke his puzzle piece, undisturbed. It was quite pleasing, actually, seeing Mello show such a possessive attitude toward him. Did he want to leave his mark on his life that much? The thought made him even more amused.
"Creation and destruction are two bipolar concepts human beings have always found thrilling. You should know this better than anyone," he stated with his toneless voice again, never taking his eyes off Mello. "I believe there's always a reason behind everything; a reason for you to be here and a reason for me to smile now."
After a small pause, he added, amused "...But it seems Mello is not interested in solving puzzles~?"
"So you admit that you're on the same level as everyone else." A languid smile crossed Mello's lips, "..That you find the concepts of creation and destruction to be, as you say, thrilling." The blonde's words were slow and meticulously drawled out as he continued to walk forward, effectively closing the distance between himself and Nia. "Though, in the end, you know creation and destruction are the same; they're both enraptured and raped by one another." Mello laughed sharply, a short fleeting sound that died along with the moment.
"...Once you've figured that much out, pondering the concepts becomes terribly boring. And I like to make my own goddamned thrills, thank you very much." Black gloved hands snaked out, taking hold of the smaller boy's neck with a grip that was violent enough to leave bruises, but uncertain enough to allow Nia to draw breath and speak comfortably if he so chose. "Let me guess, you're smiling now because you're a masochistic bastard, right?" Dark eyes were half-lidded, and lips were smeared into a feral grin.
"…!" Near's eyes widened when Mello suddenly gripped his neck. Out of all the physical assaults he had received from Mello, this one took everything a step further. He didn't, however, think Mello would really want to kill him. No, Mello wouldn't kill him; that would only leave everything too unfinished, and it wouldn't make Mello free of him.
He never took his eyes from the other boy, nor made any movement to stop him. Only his smile returned to his lips. "Aren't you a masochistic bastard too, Mello? You keep coming back to me, trying to leave a mark on me, despite everything…"
This was good. No matter how angry and full of hatred the other boy's predatory eyes were; as long as those eyes kept looking at him… How couldn’t he smile?
Mello faltered, breath hitching for a split second. It was ironic, really; he was in what should have been a position of power, his hands encircling Nia's neck, fingers causing bruises to form on the smaller boy's pale flesh... and yet... it felt so much like losing. Like he was victim to some unseen force that he didn't quite understand. Nia had said that there was a reason for his presence at the orphanage, but he couldn't see it, and found that he didn't want to see it, either.
"I'm afraid that my sadistic side outweighs my masochistic side." Mello said with a snarl, before he roughly shoved Nia down to the ground. "I am nothing like you." The words were said with a vehement hostility, though it was clear that he was trying to make a valiant effort to convince himself that the statement was true.
"Unable to get control back, Mello?"
Nia's voice rang through his head, though he was sure that the other boy hadn't spoken a word. Shifting his heated gaze toward the smaller boy on the floor, he stared at the other incredulously.
"Unable to stand your ground, brat?"
Eyes widening, Mello unconsciously lifted a hand to his forehead.
Flashes. He was seeing flashes of an event that he had yet to remember. A conversation with Nia... that happened right before.. before.
"I hate you."
Right before he had passed out; collapsed to the ground like a helpless idiot. The memory itself was blurred, but it was clear that there had been an argument. ...This was grand. Perfectly and truly grand. He had been arguing with Nia. But then again, it was always Nia, he shouldn't have been surprised.
"So this was your fault." A laugh. "Probably some part of your master plan."
Hitting the ground like that really hurt, but it wasn't like he could complain. He was the one who created such a situation to start with; wasn't he always thinking that he welcomed whatever Mello wanted to give him? No matter how unpleasant it was, he wanted to hold on to it tight, as if it was precious.
…Even if it wasn't.
Sitting up, he wiped the little blood coming from his mouth with his oversized sleeves, looking up at Mello. His eyes almost neutral, almost… if it wasn't for the few small tears that glimmered there.
"My master plan..." he said with a mixture of amusement and annoyances, standing up slowly with a certain difficulty, his sleeve still on his mouth. "You don't need anyone's master plan to destroy yourself, Mello. I merely follow whatever game you want to play, willingly." His eyes remained glued to the other boy's. "Want to continue playing?"
"There isn't a point in playing any longer... I have all my memories back now." Or at least, he thought he did; there was no real way of knowing if some minor details remained lost in the dark. "It's no longer a fair playing field, either." Mello continued to hold Nia's heavy gaze, refusing to back down. "Not that it ever was, of course." Pink lips twisted into a smirk as onyx eyes widened further into a glazed-over manic stare.
"...Aren't you leaving part of your master plan out, though? Sure I can go about destroying myself just fucking fine and dandy on my own, but... you want me to drag you down as well."
Mello didn't miss the fact that Nia was having trouble standing, that he was covering his mouth with his pajama sleeve, that there were tears glistening in his eyes.
"Why are you holding yourself back?" A flicker of distaste crossed his features.
"……." was all Near managed to say for a moment, before turning his gaze from Mello, speaking with a soft voice.
"If you're going down, I want to go down with you. That's all."
Holding back? Was there any point in crying? He never had any problem in showing his emotions, in letting his tears flow in front of others, but when it came to a very serious matter, one he truly felt hurt from, he just didn't know how to cry. Just like when he was truly happy, he didn't sparkle. Those sparkles only came when he wasn't really feeling happy, when it didn't matter, when he didn't care.
Maybe Mello was the only one able to make him show his true self, or was it his fake self? Whatever it was, there was something clear: This self was only alive in front of Mello.
He knew he was half blind, as he told L the other day. He didn't need a rainbow; he only saw the world in black and white. Always black over white, white over black…
But something was missing, what was it? And as he noticed the tears fall down his cheek, he wondered what was wrong. Just why was he crying right now?
This time when Mello laughed, it was a hollow bitter sound that reverberated through the room. "He would never cry, you know." A dry chuckle sounded as the blonde took a few steps closer to Nia. Removing one of his gloves, Mello shoved the article of clothing away into the depths of his pocket before raising his hand to cup the side of Nia's face, his fingers becoming damp with the other boy's tears.
...This was a victory, wasn't it? The tears that stained Nia's face and his fingertips were proof of that, right? "Perhaps pain is what creation and destruction are enraptured by; forcing the giving and taking of pleasurable victory and defeat." Mello mused out-loud, wondering exactly why this particular victory felt so... empty.
With his free hand Mello batted away the sleeve that Nia held to his mouth, bright splotches of blood starkly contrasting with the aura of white sterility that usually hung around the other boy. "...Pathetic." Mello wasn't sure if he was referring to Nia or himself.
Near was forced to look at Mello when he felt the other boy’s hand on his cheek, and after that soft touch from him, everything was suddenly brighter, less painful; he could even forget about anything that had just happened. But it was also scarier, too scary.
He smiled slightly, acknowledging his own weakness and defeat, and how dependent he was on the other boy, despite everything. Mello had the power to kill him inside and then bring him back to life, to give him more energy to keep walking behind him, even if that was hardly the blonde's intention, of which he was well aware.
It was like a drug that clouded his senses, and somehow, he always found himself itching for more.
"Pathetic, indeed."
He stopped smiling and turned his head away again, not wanting Mello to keep touching him like that; it made him feel as if for a moment he was something precious… He decided he hated that feeling, despite how good it felt at first.
"Don't." The command was hissed through clenched teeth as the blonde lifted his gloved hand to Nia's chin, forcefully turning the smaller boy's face toward his; canting Nia's head upward until their eyes met. "You asked for this, you're going to have to deal with it." Mello's voice had taken on an oddly hushed tone, though his words held no less fervor.
With a eerie delicacy that didn't seem to fit his nature at all, Mello ghosted his fingers over Nia's lips, bare fingers lightly tapping over the spots of congealing blood that decorated the other boy's mouth. It was almost as if Mello was surveying the damage that he had done, as if he were trying to convince himself to take pleasure in the fact that he had caused Nia harm. But really, there was no thought behind the action, it was just a fanciful whim of a fourteen year old boy who just couldn't help himself.
What was… this kind of soft contact? It felt really intimate…
Near’s eyes grew wider for a moment, before softening, half-closing as Mello caressed his lips in such a delicate way, fighting the urge to close them completely.
He was painfully aware of how hard his heart was pounding in his chest and how he was struggling to contain his breathing, as the need for oxygen suddenly became a bigger deal than usual. How odd…
But… what was this feeling? Why was Mello suddenly showing this side of him? It made him dizzy; thinking was starting to become a hard task. Something inside his chest and stomach told him that this wasn’t good, not good at all. He'd rather Mello be mean and hurt him, that was easier to handle, easier than this strange feeling waking up inside of him…
When he couldn't take it anymore, overwhelmed, he quickly turned his head again. "Don't touch me like that…!"
"Why shouldn't I?" Mello's lips cracked into a grin; not at all fazed by Nia's rejection. Hands dropped down to the base of the other boy's neck, lightly caressing the bruised flesh. "You welcomed my kisses before, didn't you?" The statement was accented with a raucous laugh as Mello continued his deceptively gentle touches, spider-like fingers dancing around patters of darkening blue and purple.
He sought out Nia's eyes, wanting to catch a glimpse of what the younger boy might be thinking. "Could it be that you're afraid?" Mello grinned again, this time bearing his teeth.
Canting his head to the side, Mello silently observed Nia from behind strands of golden hair; noticing that Nia's breathing had quickened, how the other boy still refused to look at him. It was so much easier to study Nia than himself; really, he didn't even want to think about why he still lingered in the orphanage, why he couldn't bring himself to leave.
Near's body shivered as Mello kept touching his bruises softly. "It's not… the same…"
No, not the same. Those kisses were full of hatred, they were a game. It was a different game, a different one using different rules. Perhaps the other boy had found out about his weakness (which wasn't very hard) and was trying to push him to his limit, just to see his reactions.
Is this the game he wanted to play, then? Fine.
Fixing his eyes with Mello's, Near placed a hand on the other boy's, caressing it softly, what could be called an affectionate touch, as if suddenly welcoming what the blonde was doing. He remembered last time he requested something, how Mello ran away… None of them was free from fear, actually.
"I take it you aren't afraid… then... do you dare to kiss me again?"
"Tch." Initially caught off-guard by the question, Mello recovered quickly with a scoff, "I think the real question here is: do you have the guts to kiss me?" The blonde's voice was low and dangerous, tinged with an air of delirium. "You already know what I'm capable of, right?" A sneer, "But knowing yourself... that's a whole other fucking story, isn't it?"
Letting his gaze shift downward to the hand that laid upon his own, Mello frowned. True, it was a affectionate gesture, one that reciprocated his own; but Nia had said that he'd willingly follow whatever game he started. The warmth of smaller boy's hand upon his could be nothing more than a well-played farce.
Before he was aware of what he was doing, Mello had released the slight hold he had on Nia's neck and had sunk to his knees before the other boy. A frenzied smirk upon his lips, Mello looked to Nia, dark eyes gleaming with challenge.
Paralyzed for a moment, Near listened to Mello's words, words that felt like knives, slicing him open, always exposing his core.
He watched Mello kneel down in front of him with large eyes, many conflicting thoughts running through his mind. What was he…?
He really didn't know the rules to this new game, but Mello was willing to let him give him something. Isn't this the chance he'd always wanted? Yet, he was so scared, now that the chance had come... how pathetic, as Mello had said well before.
Not taking chances would only result in him regretting it later, and when it came to Mello, Near knew he didn’t have any other choice but to accept the challenge. Softening his eyes, he kneeled down in front of the other boy, looking at him, keeping that image in his mind.
He let the feeling and need for Mello take over for a moment, realizing that he had, indeed, always wanted to give the other boy a part of his heart. It wasn’t like he ever could, as Mello always threw his friendship away and stepped on it... but now… perhaps… Mello could accept this part of him, even if it was only for a second.
Just a second would be enough, really…
Cheeks blushing, Near leaned in slowly, slowly… finally pressing his lips softly and lightly against Mello's, pouring his emotions into the tender touch.
He hadn't expected the little bugger to actually take up his challenge. He hadn't expected to actually let the little bugger kiss him. He hadn't expected to like it very much, either.
He hadn't
he hadn't
he hadn't
....expected to be in shock.
The last memory on his fingertips carried a gingered plague, but the taste in his mouth rang with familiarity. Instinct took over in place of shock and Mello deepened the kiss, daring to slip his tongue past Nia's lips, possessively claiming the boy's mouth. A salivated convolution, a ritualed decay, an idea that someday they were going to die this way.
That's what Nia wanted. That's what the self-righteous masochistic brat wanted. And he, the villainous bullheaded control-freak, almost consented to that wish.
You're so stupid, Mihael.
Something broke, the delirium faded. Mello was disgusted to the point of nausea; how could he have let this happen? Without warning the kiss was broken and hatred for the other boy was quickly amassed as the blonde unsteadily rose to his feet. Mello was visibly shaken, repulsed by his own actions and quickly scrambling for a cover-up.
He. Wasn't. The. One. Who. Was. Supposed. To. Be. Played.
A whimper could be heard as the blonde boy deepened the contact, turning a chaste, innocent kiss into a needy, near-lustful one. Near's heart skipped a beat when he felt Mello's possessive invasion, overwhelmed, not only by the alien feeling, but also by Mello's fire, by Mello's… passion.
So far, the only fire he had felt from the other boy was pure hatred; the only contact, malicious, coming from a wish to hurt him and push him as further away as possible.
But this… what was this…? What was this strange feeling awakening inside of him?
Just when his hand reached out to grip Mello's shirt, the other boy cut the kiss abruptly, separating from him completely. Near found himself staring at the floor, flushed… panting… unable to tell what had just taken possession of him, trying to return to reality.
Shivering, he couldn't look back at Mello now.
Black eyes were dull but glinted with an underlying agitation. Part of Mello really, really couldn’t take it. Everything in his head mixed up, stirred up, and he muttered "fuck it" under his breath before taking a step backwards, away from Nia. It was ridiculously funny, how he couldn't seem to tear his gaze away from the boy on the ground when all the other seemed to be preoccupied with was studying the floorboards. Though, Nia's flushed appearance was more than enough to give him away; Mello knew he was being ignored on purpose. He wasn't blind.
The blonde stilted his way to the door, sandbag sediments sinking to the folly of his legs; backing away, but still keeping his eyes trained on the other in a sick fascination. He couldn't believe what still wanted to do he had done, didn't want to think about the warmth that still lingered on his lips.
A turn to leave was a turn to die.
And he didn't care.
He knew no other way.
He didn't know anything better.
He turned on his heel to flee leave; clumsily opening the door before slamming it shut behind him before breaking into a run.
The pale boy stayed there, on his knees, still catching his breath in the now-empty room, though he was still full of the blonde. He placed his fingers on his lips, caressing them softly as Mello’s touch still lingered on them, along with that bittersweet chocolate taste…
Eyes half closed, his mind was too full of thoughts now, though all of them were about the same matter. For whatever twisted reason, the blonde boy, despite being full of eternal hatred, was the only one able to make him fevered like this; and for whatever twisted reason, he felt as if they both…
“…As if we fit…” he whispered to himself.
[Where]: Whammy's House~ O:
[When]: Uh. Today? 8D
[On What?]: MSN, third person para-styled RP~
[Rating]: PG-13 [For violence, naughty words, wangst and a kiss.]
[Summary]: IC!Mello decides to visit OOC!Near and see how much pain he can inflict upon his play-thing. Of course heated arguments ensue, then IC!Mello sort of loses it and OOC!Near has an epiphany of sorts. ...Draaaaaaaaaaama~~~ And bipolar OOCness on IC!Mello's part. 8D
Near was, as usual, sitting on the floor of his room with a leg raised up to his chest. In front of him there was his beloved white L puzzle, the one he liked building and destroying again and again. His thoughts lost in the pieces he made fit so easily, maybe too easily.
Everything was meant to fit, he always bore this in mind.
It hadn't been at all hard to locate the the fake Whammy's House, to let his thin wiry legs carry him inside the orphanage in search of Near's clone.
Nia.
How long had it been since he had last seen the snow-haired boy?
Days, weeks, months? He didn't exactly know, but whatever. It had been long enough; long enough for the blonde to remember a majority of things; some of which he was glad to recall, others he wished that he hadn't. Though, it wasn't as if he could change the past, or stop himself from remembering all the sordid details of the last five years of his life. No one could.
Cloaked in black, Mello silently made his way down the hall, the wide-eyed stares that he received from the children he passed were met with a aloof wolfish grin. It would have been amusing to try conversing with one of the other orphans, Mello was sure that he could tarnish his clone's good reputation in less than a minute. But, as tempting as that idea was; he had to take care of business first.
...Whatever that business was. Mello wasn't exactly sure why he had decided to seek out Nia in the first place, though he figured that he could blame the visit on his inherent need to cause trouble. Even with most of his time going to the Kira investigation, he still found that being confined to one location made him restless, no matter how large headquarters was.
Footfalls ceased when the seventh door on the right was reached. Resting his hand upon the doorknob, Mello turned it slowly, surprised to find it unlocked. Slipping into the room, he slowly shut the door behind him, dark eyes drifting to Nia, who sat on the floor, absorbed with a puzzle. Moving to lean against the wall, Mello continued to study the other boy, he wasn't going to say anything until his presence was acknowledged.
The pale boy continued working on his puzzle, not acknowledging the other one's presence until he had finished it.
As soon as he placed the last piece, he felt a pair of eyes staring at him, turning quickly to look at the person who had invaded his personal space without permission.
His eyes widened at the sight. "Mello…" was all he managed to say. Why was Mello here? Did he want to see him? As happy as the meeting should have been for him, he was aware that whatever reason Mello had to come to see him wasn't going to be good. ...Though wasn't this what he really wished for?
He gave a last glance to the puzzle pieces, all of them perfectly fitting with each other, before he stood up, facing the other boy; other than that, he didn't move at all.
For a moment Mello was quiet, dark eyes glinting in the light like broken pieces of glass. "You know, you're a lot like him... if not worse." He took a few steps forward, walking past Nia before stopping abruptly to look down at the pristine white of the puzzle pieces that decorated the floor.
"Is it comforting, completing puzzles like this?" Bending his knees he reached down, picking up one of the corner pieces of the puzzle. "An activity that's so static... it couldn't possibly be interesting, could it?" He paused slightly, turning his gaze back toward Nia, "...Do enlighten me."
Near didn’t take his eyes off Mello, not even for a small moment. It was like a sheep watching a dangerous wolf approaching, though in this case the sheep seemed more than willing for the wolf to bite it.
"Creation and destruction, Mello." he said, finally; his voice toneless. "I believe everything is like a puzzle; you just have to find all the pieces. They'll always fit."
Suddenly, the emotionless expression he had been keeping until now changed into a small, yet twisted smile. He was remembering Mello’s words from a moment ago, "You're a lot like him... if not worse". Yes, that was what he really wanted to hear....
Near didn’t ask why Mello was here; he’d rather figure out himself. That’s what made the game interesting, after all.
"That's just as good as saying that there's a divine will, that everything happens for a reason, there's always a motive and that there's no room for woodgrain anomolies." Mello bent the puzzle piece between his fingers, "You probably liken yourself to God as well, after all you have creation and destruction at your fingertips..." A gesture was made to the almost-complete puzzle on the floor, "And I must say, that's scarily close to Kira's mindset." Testing, testing, testing; to see how Nia would react.
The puzzle piece was snapped in half with little to no effort of Mello's part. Letting the pieces drop to the floor the blonde took a step closer toward Nia, noting the small smile upon the other boy's lips. "...Don't tell me you're having a good time."
Near watched how Mello broke his puzzle piece, undisturbed. It was quite pleasing, actually, seeing Mello show such a possessive attitude toward him. Did he want to leave his mark on his life that much? The thought made him even more amused.
"Creation and destruction are two bipolar concepts human beings have always found thrilling. You should know this better than anyone," he stated with his toneless voice again, never taking his eyes off Mello. "I believe there's always a reason behind everything; a reason for you to be here and a reason for me to smile now."
After a small pause, he added, amused "...But it seems Mello is not interested in solving puzzles~?"
"So you admit that you're on the same level as everyone else." A languid smile crossed Mello's lips, "..That you find the concepts of creation and destruction to be, as you say, thrilling." The blonde's words were slow and meticulously drawled out as he continued to walk forward, effectively closing the distance between himself and Nia. "Though, in the end, you know creation and destruction are the same; they're both enraptured and raped by one another." Mello laughed sharply, a short fleeting sound that died along with the moment.
"...Once you've figured that much out, pondering the concepts becomes terribly boring. And I like to make my own goddamned thrills, thank you very much." Black gloved hands snaked out, taking hold of the smaller boy's neck with a grip that was violent enough to leave bruises, but uncertain enough to allow Nia to draw breath and speak comfortably if he so chose. "Let me guess, you're smiling now because you're a masochistic bastard, right?" Dark eyes were half-lidded, and lips were smeared into a feral grin.
"…!" Near's eyes widened when Mello suddenly gripped his neck. Out of all the physical assaults he had received from Mello, this one took everything a step further. He didn't, however, think Mello would really want to kill him. No, Mello wouldn't kill him; that would only leave everything too unfinished, and it wouldn't make Mello free of him.
He never took his eyes from the other boy, nor made any movement to stop him. Only his smile returned to his lips. "Aren't you a masochistic bastard too, Mello? You keep coming back to me, trying to leave a mark on me, despite everything…"
This was good. No matter how angry and full of hatred the other boy's predatory eyes were; as long as those eyes kept looking at him… How couldn’t he smile?
Mello faltered, breath hitching for a split second. It was ironic, really; he was in what should have been a position of power, his hands encircling Nia's neck, fingers causing bruises to form on the smaller boy's pale flesh... and yet... it felt so much like losing. Like he was victim to some unseen force that he didn't quite understand. Nia had said that there was a reason for his presence at the orphanage, but he couldn't see it, and found that he didn't want to see it, either.
"I'm afraid that my sadistic side outweighs my masochistic side." Mello said with a snarl, before he roughly shoved Nia down to the ground. "I am nothing like you." The words were said with a vehement hostility, though it was clear that he was trying to make a valiant effort to convince himself that the statement was true.
"Unable to get control back, Mello?"
Nia's voice rang through his head, though he was sure that the other boy hadn't spoken a word. Shifting his heated gaze toward the smaller boy on the floor, he stared at the other incredulously.
"Unable to stand your ground, brat?"
Eyes widening, Mello unconsciously lifted a hand to his forehead.
Flashes. He was seeing flashes of an event that he had yet to remember. A conversation with Nia... that happened right before.. before.
"I hate you."
Right before he had passed out; collapsed to the ground like a helpless idiot. The memory itself was blurred, but it was clear that there had been an argument. ...This was grand. Perfectly and truly grand. He had been arguing with Nia. But then again, it was always Nia, he shouldn't have been surprised.
"So this was your fault." A laugh. "Probably some part of your master plan."
Hitting the ground like that really hurt, but it wasn't like he could complain. He was the one who created such a situation to start with; wasn't he always thinking that he welcomed whatever Mello wanted to give him? No matter how unpleasant it was, he wanted to hold on to it tight, as if it was precious.
…Even if it wasn't.
Sitting up, he wiped the little blood coming from his mouth with his oversized sleeves, looking up at Mello. His eyes almost neutral, almost… if it wasn't for the few small tears that glimmered there.
"My master plan..." he said with a mixture of amusement and annoyances, standing up slowly with a certain difficulty, his sleeve still on his mouth. "You don't need anyone's master plan to destroy yourself, Mello. I merely follow whatever game you want to play, willingly." His eyes remained glued to the other boy's. "Want to continue playing?"
"There isn't a point in playing any longer... I have all my memories back now." Or at least, he thought he did; there was no real way of knowing if some minor details remained lost in the dark. "It's no longer a fair playing field, either." Mello continued to hold Nia's heavy gaze, refusing to back down. "Not that it ever was, of course." Pink lips twisted into a smirk as onyx eyes widened further into a glazed-over manic stare.
"...Aren't you leaving part of your master plan out, though? Sure I can go about destroying myself just fucking fine and dandy on my own, but... you want me to drag you down as well."
Mello didn't miss the fact that Nia was having trouble standing, that he was covering his mouth with his pajama sleeve, that there were tears glistening in his eyes.
"Why are you holding yourself back?" A flicker of distaste crossed his features.
"……." was all Near managed to say for a moment, before turning his gaze from Mello, speaking with a soft voice.
"If you're going down, I want to go down with you. That's all."
Holding back? Was there any point in crying? He never had any problem in showing his emotions, in letting his tears flow in front of others, but when it came to a very serious matter, one he truly felt hurt from, he just didn't know how to cry. Just like when he was truly happy, he didn't sparkle. Those sparkles only came when he wasn't really feeling happy, when it didn't matter, when he didn't care.
Maybe Mello was the only one able to make him show his true self, or was it his fake self? Whatever it was, there was something clear: This self was only alive in front of Mello.
He knew he was half blind, as he told L the other day. He didn't need a rainbow; he only saw the world in black and white. Always black over white, white over black…
But something was missing, what was it? And as he noticed the tears fall down his cheek, he wondered what was wrong. Just why was he crying right now?
This time when Mello laughed, it was a hollow bitter sound that reverberated through the room. "He would never cry, you know." A dry chuckle sounded as the blonde took a few steps closer to Nia. Removing one of his gloves, Mello shoved the article of clothing away into the depths of his pocket before raising his hand to cup the side of Nia's face, his fingers becoming damp with the other boy's tears.
...This was a victory, wasn't it? The tears that stained Nia's face and his fingertips were proof of that, right? "Perhaps pain is what creation and destruction are enraptured by; forcing the giving and taking of pleasurable victory and defeat." Mello mused out-loud, wondering exactly why this particular victory felt so... empty.
With his free hand Mello batted away the sleeve that Nia held to his mouth, bright splotches of blood starkly contrasting with the aura of white sterility that usually hung around the other boy. "...Pathetic." Mello wasn't sure if he was referring to Nia or himself.
Near was forced to look at Mello when he felt the other boy’s hand on his cheek, and after that soft touch from him, everything was suddenly brighter, less painful; he could even forget about anything that had just happened. But it was also scarier, too scary.
He smiled slightly, acknowledging his own weakness and defeat, and how dependent he was on the other boy, despite everything. Mello had the power to kill him inside and then bring him back to life, to give him more energy to keep walking behind him, even if that was hardly the blonde's intention, of which he was well aware.
It was like a drug that clouded his senses, and somehow, he always found himself itching for more.
"Pathetic, indeed."
He stopped smiling and turned his head away again, not wanting Mello to keep touching him like that; it made him feel as if for a moment he was something precious… He decided he hated that feeling, despite how good it felt at first.
"Don't." The command was hissed through clenched teeth as the blonde lifted his gloved hand to Nia's chin, forcefully turning the smaller boy's face toward his; canting Nia's head upward until their eyes met. "You asked for this, you're going to have to deal with it." Mello's voice had taken on an oddly hushed tone, though his words held no less fervor.
With a eerie delicacy that didn't seem to fit his nature at all, Mello ghosted his fingers over Nia's lips, bare fingers lightly tapping over the spots of congealing blood that decorated the other boy's mouth. It was almost as if Mello was surveying the damage that he had done, as if he were trying to convince himself to take pleasure in the fact that he had caused Nia harm. But really, there was no thought behind the action, it was just a fanciful whim of a fourteen year old boy who just couldn't help himself.
What was… this kind of soft contact? It felt really intimate…
Near’s eyes grew wider for a moment, before softening, half-closing as Mello caressed his lips in such a delicate way, fighting the urge to close them completely.
He was painfully aware of how hard his heart was pounding in his chest and how he was struggling to contain his breathing, as the need for oxygen suddenly became a bigger deal than usual. How odd…
But… what was this feeling? Why was Mello suddenly showing this side of him? It made him dizzy; thinking was starting to become a hard task. Something inside his chest and stomach told him that this wasn’t good, not good at all. He'd rather Mello be mean and hurt him, that was easier to handle, easier than this strange feeling waking up inside of him…
When he couldn't take it anymore, overwhelmed, he quickly turned his head again. "Don't touch me like that…!"
"Why shouldn't I?" Mello's lips cracked into a grin; not at all fazed by Nia's rejection. Hands dropped down to the base of the other boy's neck, lightly caressing the bruised flesh. "You welcomed my kisses before, didn't you?" The statement was accented with a raucous laugh as Mello continued his deceptively gentle touches, spider-like fingers dancing around patters of darkening blue and purple.
He sought out Nia's eyes, wanting to catch a glimpse of what the younger boy might be thinking. "Could it be that you're afraid?" Mello grinned again, this time bearing his teeth.
Canting his head to the side, Mello silently observed Nia from behind strands of golden hair; noticing that Nia's breathing had quickened, how the other boy still refused to look at him. It was so much easier to study Nia than himself; really, he didn't even want to think about why he still lingered in the orphanage, why he couldn't bring himself to leave.
Near's body shivered as Mello kept touching his bruises softly. "It's not… the same…"
No, not the same. Those kisses were full of hatred, they were a game. It was a different game, a different one using different rules. Perhaps the other boy had found out about his weakness (which wasn't very hard) and was trying to push him to his limit, just to see his reactions.
Is this the game he wanted to play, then? Fine.
Fixing his eyes with Mello's, Near placed a hand on the other boy's, caressing it softly, what could be called an affectionate touch, as if suddenly welcoming what the blonde was doing. He remembered last time he requested something, how Mello ran away… None of them was free from fear, actually.
"I take it you aren't afraid… then... do you dare to kiss me again?"
"Tch." Initially caught off-guard by the question, Mello recovered quickly with a scoff, "I think the real question here is: do you have the guts to kiss me?" The blonde's voice was low and dangerous, tinged with an air of delirium. "You already know what I'm capable of, right?" A sneer, "But knowing yourself... that's a whole other fucking story, isn't it?"
Letting his gaze shift downward to the hand that laid upon his own, Mello frowned. True, it was a affectionate gesture, one that reciprocated his own; but Nia had said that he'd willingly follow whatever game he started. The warmth of smaller boy's hand upon his could be nothing more than a well-played farce.
Before he was aware of what he was doing, Mello had released the slight hold he had on Nia's neck and had sunk to his knees before the other boy. A frenzied smirk upon his lips, Mello looked to Nia, dark eyes gleaming with challenge.
Paralyzed for a moment, Near listened to Mello's words, words that felt like knives, slicing him open, always exposing his core.
He watched Mello kneel down in front of him with large eyes, many conflicting thoughts running through his mind. What was he…?
He really didn't know the rules to this new game, but Mello was willing to let him give him something. Isn't this the chance he'd always wanted? Yet, he was so scared, now that the chance had come... how pathetic, as Mello had said well before.
Not taking chances would only result in him regretting it later, and when it came to Mello, Near knew he didn’t have any other choice but to accept the challenge. Softening his eyes, he kneeled down in front of the other boy, looking at him, keeping that image in his mind.
He let the feeling and need for Mello take over for a moment, realizing that he had, indeed, always wanted to give the other boy a part of his heart. It wasn’t like he ever could, as Mello always threw his friendship away and stepped on it... but now… perhaps… Mello could accept this part of him, even if it was only for a second.
Just a second would be enough, really…
Cheeks blushing, Near leaned in slowly, slowly… finally pressing his lips softly and lightly against Mello's, pouring his emotions into the tender touch.
He hadn't expected the little bugger to actually take up his challenge. He hadn't expected to actually let the little bugger kiss him. He hadn't expected to like it very much, either.
He hadn't
he hadn't
he hadn't
....expected to be in shock.
The last memory on his fingertips carried a gingered plague, but the taste in his mouth rang with familiarity. Instinct took over in place of shock and Mello deepened the kiss, daring to slip his tongue past Nia's lips, possessively claiming the boy's mouth. A salivated convolution, a ritualed decay, an idea that someday they were going to die this way.
That's what Nia wanted. That's what the self-righteous masochistic brat wanted. And he, the villainous bullheaded control-freak, almost consented to that wish.
You're so stupid, Mihael.
Something broke, the delirium faded. Mello was disgusted to the point of nausea; how could he have let this happen? Without warning the kiss was broken and hatred for the other boy was quickly amassed as the blonde unsteadily rose to his feet. Mello was visibly shaken, repulsed by his own actions and quickly scrambling for a cover-up.
He. Wasn't. The. One. Who. Was. Supposed. To. Be. Played.
A whimper could be heard as the blonde boy deepened the contact, turning a chaste, innocent kiss into a needy, near-lustful one. Near's heart skipped a beat when he felt Mello's possessive invasion, overwhelmed, not only by the alien feeling, but also by Mello's fire, by Mello's… passion.
So far, the only fire he had felt from the other boy was pure hatred; the only contact, malicious, coming from a wish to hurt him and push him as further away as possible.
But this… what was this…? What was this strange feeling awakening inside of him?
Just when his hand reached out to grip Mello's shirt, the other boy cut the kiss abruptly, separating from him completely. Near found himself staring at the floor, flushed… panting… unable to tell what had just taken possession of him, trying to return to reality.
Shivering, he couldn't look back at Mello now.
Black eyes were dull but glinted with an underlying agitation. Part of Mello really, really couldn’t take it. Everything in his head mixed up, stirred up, and he muttered "fuck it" under his breath before taking a step backwards, away from Nia. It was ridiculously funny, how he couldn't seem to tear his gaze away from the boy on the ground when all the other seemed to be preoccupied with was studying the floorboards. Though, Nia's flushed appearance was more than enough to give him away; Mello knew he was being ignored on purpose. He wasn't blind.
The blonde stilted his way to the door, sandbag sediments sinking to the folly of his legs; backing away, but still keeping his eyes trained on the other in a sick fascination. He couldn't believe what still wanted to do he had done, didn't want to think about the warmth that still lingered on his lips.
A turn to leave was a turn to die.
And he didn't care.
He knew no other way.
He didn't know anything better.
He turned on his heel to flee leave; clumsily opening the door before slamming it shut behind him before breaking into a run.
The pale boy stayed there, on his knees, still catching his breath in the now-empty room, though he was still full of the blonde. He placed his fingers on his lips, caressing them softly as Mello’s touch still lingered on them, along with that bittersweet chocolate taste…
Eyes half closed, his mind was too full of thoughts now, though all of them were about the same matter. For whatever twisted reason, the blonde boy, despite being full of eternal hatred, was the only one able to make him fevered like this; and for whatever twisted reason, he felt as if they both…
“…As if we fit…” he whispered to himself.