RP log
[Who]: ICMatsuda and OOCMatsuda
[Where]: Touta’s Apartment
[When]: Later afternoon
[On What]: MSN/Third person
[Summary]: Matsuda tells Touta that he has to go back to the HQ… tomorrow.
Matsuda sighed as he was about finished packing his duffle bag. He didn't know how to tell Touta, but he knew that he had to go back sooner or later. He had to go back tomorrow.. no question about it he had to go to HQ tomorrow. What am I gonna do? I know he won't be happy about this...
Touta was downstairs for one, on that computer. It was warmer down there, and a fire extinguisher nearby in case his cigarette fell fro his lips. He was currently engaged in a flame war with a moron who said Seether was an idiot. The NERVE of some people...
Matsuda finished up while leaving the sheet on the couch. He walked towards Touta while putting his hands gently on the back of the chair. "Touta.. I need to talk to you..."
Touta was in the midst of typing a heated response when he heard Matsuda come in. He paused. That sounded... ominous.
Turning, he looked at Matsuda, his fingers still flying without him looking at the keys. "...what's up?" he asked, masking his concern.
Matsuda smiled slightly as he looked down at him. "Touta... I need to go back. I... was planning on going back to the HQ.. tomorrow." He replied as he looked at him.
Touta blinked. "Oh," he said. "Do you need something there? Did you leave a bag or something?"
Matsuda sighed he placed a hand on his cheek. "I'm going back to work Touta. You knew I was gonna go back sooner or later."
"........"
Touta's eyes grew imperceptibly as the realization hit. Matsuda was leaving. He was leaving. Leaving. Leavingleavingleavingleavingleaving. Forcing himself to stay calm, he looked at Matsuda, shoving his swirling feelings down inside. "...why?" he asked. "Why do you have to go?"
Matsuda sighed as he looked at him. "It's humanly impossible for me to stay here and TRY to go to work from here..." He smiled as he chuckled slightly. "I have to wake up at least 3 in the morning to catch three subways and two buses to get there on time. I probably won't leave from there until like late at night." He sighed sadly as he looked at him.
A sharp, cold feeling stabbed at Touta, and he could feel himself bleed water from the ice. Why did Matsuda even have to work? Why did he want to leave? They had been fine here, together; really, they had... Touta had been providing enough for the both of them.....
An awful gnawing feeling chewing on his heart, Touta hid his reaction, not wanting to cause Matsuda any pain. This was his choice, after all, and he'd make it easy for him. It was the least he could do after the week of happiness he'd given him...
"I...understand," he said to him, offering him a weak facsimile of a smile. "Don't be a stranger, though, y'know?" He knew it would be the last time he would see him. He knew it. But he had to extend that last sliver of hope, though. Matsuda... was someone he couldn't just let go.
Matsuda smiled at his sadly as he leaned in placing his lips against his before pulling back slightly. "Touta... I understand how you must feel. I didn't want you to be sad. I really didn't." He kisses his cheek as he stays close to him.
He felt bad for leaving him like this, he had a wonderful time here and enjoyed every second of it. But he knew he had to go back, he didn't want to go back but he knew he had to. He couldn't leave that life forever. Matsuda sighed slightly as he looked him in the eyes.
"You silly man, your not even going to put up a fight... I'm rather.. shocked at that." He replied softly as he waited for the other to reply.
Touta tensed. He let the raw pain and tormented emotion flicker into his eyes for a moment, before hiding it back behind the blue. "You've already decided," he said quietly. 'Regardless of what I want, you're going to leave. Would putting up a fight and making you feel bad in the process do either of us any good?"
"I may have already decided..." He replied and leaned forward to whisper into his ear. "But your could have tried to change my mind." Matsuda pulled away looking at him with sad, soft eyes. He turned leaving to go towards the duffle bag that laid near the couch.
This was Hell. This was sheer Hell, only instead of fire, it was made of ice. Raw, burning cold scorched Touta's heart, and he wanted to cry out, beg him not to leave, but his teeth ground into his lip, making him keep his words his own.
How could he ask Matsuda to stay...? It was clear he didn't want to, the way he had come in and flatly told him so... and at least one of them could still be happy, if he let him go, unscarred.
"I'll miss you," Touta said quietly, his eyes watching Matsuda get his things, preparing to go. He felt raw inside; sick, even, knowing the dream was coming to a close.
He should have known it would. Dreams always ended, and dreams became nightmares, as his life would, without the light of Matsuda by his side. It was fate, though, as Touta should have never tried to share Matsuda's light. He would only end up dragging him down into darkness instead.
"I'll miss you more, Touta..." Matsuda replied as he picked up the bag and put it over his shoulder. He looked over at him as he gripped the strap tightly. He didn't want to leave, his heart wanted him to stay, but he couldn't stay... it was clear that Touta didn't want him to. He didn't even fight for him to stay.
He closed his eyes as he walked towards the door. He turned back around looking at him. "You have a spot, Touta, where I won't let anyone else have..."
Touta heard something. It sounded almost like... sadness, in Matsuda's tone. Regret. Pain. It sounded like himself. And suddenly, Touta knew he couldn't let him go.
"Matsuda!"
Reaching out, moving from his chair, he caught Matsuda's wrist in his hand, holding him back from reaching the knob. His own wrists ached, as if knowing their dismal fate if his counterpart walked out that door, and Touta found... he couldn't let him go.
"Stay, Matsuda," he said quietly, looking at him, exposing the raw feelings in his eyes. "Stay. Please. Forget your work... forget your apartment... but please. Please. Matsuda... I need you here. I need you in my life..."
Matsuda looked at him while dropping the bag and throwing his arms around him hugging him tightly. He wanted to stay there had to be some way of doing so. He chuckled softly as he remembered something... that he hadn't used because it would cost him too much, but yet he was still paying off the stupid thing. "...I'll forgot my apartment... but... I won't forget about work."
>He looked up at him while smiling slightly nervously. "I.. forgot that I was still paying for a car all this time.. I don't use it because it costs too much for gas... but.. at least that'll be faster to get from here... to work."
Touta's heart stopped. Matsuda... was staying?
His arms instinctively tightening around him, Touta nearly wept. Matsuda was staying. He was safe.
"That's fine. I'll pay for gas. I'll pay for your apartment, if you still want it. I'll pay for it all...." Touta was babbling, his mind overpowered by his heart. Matsuda was staying. He was really, truly staying. He wanted to stay. He wanted to stay with him.
Matsuda chuckled. "Yeah pay for the apartment? I'll just move in with you. And maybe we could fix this place up a bit. Make it our own, ne? But I need to pack things from my apartment move them to the car and get the car here with all of my stuff." He replied as he kept his arms around him tightening his grip. "You can help me pay for gas but we need to patch things in here too."
Touta relaxed. Matsuda wanted to live with him, Matsuda wanted to stay...
"Anything," he said, kissing his forehead. "Anything, love. Whatever you want."
Moving down, Touta pressed his lips to his, letting MAtsuda feel his relief and joy. Matsuda was staying, Matsuda cared for him, the dream wasn't over; no, far far from it...
Life had only just begun.
[Where]: Touta’s Apartment
[When]: Later afternoon
[On What]: MSN/Third person
[Summary]: Matsuda tells Touta that he has to go back to the HQ… tomorrow.
Matsuda sighed as he was about finished packing his duffle bag. He didn't know how to tell Touta, but he knew that he had to go back sooner or later. He had to go back tomorrow.. no question about it he had to go to HQ tomorrow. What am I gonna do? I know he won't be happy about this...
Touta was downstairs for one, on that computer. It was warmer down there, and a fire extinguisher nearby in case his cigarette fell fro his lips. He was currently engaged in a flame war with a moron who said Seether was an idiot. The NERVE of some people...
Matsuda finished up while leaving the sheet on the couch. He walked towards Touta while putting his hands gently on the back of the chair. "Touta.. I need to talk to you..."
Touta was in the midst of typing a heated response when he heard Matsuda come in. He paused. That sounded... ominous.
Turning, he looked at Matsuda, his fingers still flying without him looking at the keys. "...what's up?" he asked, masking his concern.
Matsuda smiled slightly as he looked down at him. "Touta... I need to go back. I... was planning on going back to the HQ.. tomorrow." He replied as he looked at him.
Touta blinked. "Oh," he said. "Do you need something there? Did you leave a bag or something?"
Matsuda sighed he placed a hand on his cheek. "I'm going back to work Touta. You knew I was gonna go back sooner or later."
"........"
Touta's eyes grew imperceptibly as the realization hit. Matsuda was leaving. He was leaving. Leaving. Leavingleavingleavingleavingleaving. Forcing himself to stay calm, he looked at Matsuda, shoving his swirling feelings down inside. "...why?" he asked. "Why do you have to go?"
Matsuda sighed as he looked at him. "It's humanly impossible for me to stay here and TRY to go to work from here..." He smiled as he chuckled slightly. "I have to wake up at least 3 in the morning to catch three subways and two buses to get there on time. I probably won't leave from there until like late at night." He sighed sadly as he looked at him.
A sharp, cold feeling stabbed at Touta, and he could feel himself bleed water from the ice. Why did Matsuda even have to work? Why did he want to leave? They had been fine here, together; really, they had... Touta had been providing enough for the both of them.....
An awful gnawing feeling chewing on his heart, Touta hid his reaction, not wanting to cause Matsuda any pain. This was his choice, after all, and he'd make it easy for him. It was the least he could do after the week of happiness he'd given him...
"I...understand," he said to him, offering him a weak facsimile of a smile. "Don't be a stranger, though, y'know?" He knew it would be the last time he would see him. He knew it. But he had to extend that last sliver of hope, though. Matsuda... was someone he couldn't just let go.
Matsuda smiled at his sadly as he leaned in placing his lips against his before pulling back slightly. "Touta... I understand how you must feel. I didn't want you to be sad. I really didn't." He kisses his cheek as he stays close to him.
He felt bad for leaving him like this, he had a wonderful time here and enjoyed every second of it. But he knew he had to go back, he didn't want to go back but he knew he had to. He couldn't leave that life forever. Matsuda sighed slightly as he looked him in the eyes.
"You silly man, your not even going to put up a fight... I'm rather.. shocked at that." He replied softly as he waited for the other to reply.
Touta tensed. He let the raw pain and tormented emotion flicker into his eyes for a moment, before hiding it back behind the blue. "You've already decided," he said quietly. 'Regardless of what I want, you're going to leave. Would putting up a fight and making you feel bad in the process do either of us any good?"
"I may have already decided..." He replied and leaned forward to whisper into his ear. "But your could have tried to change my mind." Matsuda pulled away looking at him with sad, soft eyes. He turned leaving to go towards the duffle bag that laid near the couch.
This was Hell. This was sheer Hell, only instead of fire, it was made of ice. Raw, burning cold scorched Touta's heart, and he wanted to cry out, beg him not to leave, but his teeth ground into his lip, making him keep his words his own.
How could he ask Matsuda to stay...? It was clear he didn't want to, the way he had come in and flatly told him so... and at least one of them could still be happy, if he let him go, unscarred.
"I'll miss you," Touta said quietly, his eyes watching Matsuda get his things, preparing to go. He felt raw inside; sick, even, knowing the dream was coming to a close.
He should have known it would. Dreams always ended, and dreams became nightmares, as his life would, without the light of Matsuda by his side. It was fate, though, as Touta should have never tried to share Matsuda's light. He would only end up dragging him down into darkness instead.
"I'll miss you more, Touta..." Matsuda replied as he picked up the bag and put it over his shoulder. He looked over at him as he gripped the strap tightly. He didn't want to leave, his heart wanted him to stay, but he couldn't stay... it was clear that Touta didn't want him to. He didn't even fight for him to stay.
He closed his eyes as he walked towards the door. He turned back around looking at him. "You have a spot, Touta, where I won't let anyone else have..."
Touta heard something. It sounded almost like... sadness, in Matsuda's tone. Regret. Pain. It sounded like himself. And suddenly, Touta knew he couldn't let him go.
"Matsuda!"
Reaching out, moving from his chair, he caught Matsuda's wrist in his hand, holding him back from reaching the knob. His own wrists ached, as if knowing their dismal fate if his counterpart walked out that door, and Touta found... he couldn't let him go.
"Stay, Matsuda," he said quietly, looking at him, exposing the raw feelings in his eyes. "Stay. Please. Forget your work... forget your apartment... but please. Please. Matsuda... I need you here. I need you in my life..."
Matsuda looked at him while dropping the bag and throwing his arms around him hugging him tightly. He wanted to stay there had to be some way of doing so. He chuckled softly as he remembered something... that he hadn't used because it would cost him too much, but yet he was still paying off the stupid thing. "...I'll forgot my apartment... but... I won't forget about work."
>He looked up at him while smiling slightly nervously. "I.. forgot that I was still paying for a car all this time.. I don't use it because it costs too much for gas... but.. at least that'll be faster to get from here... to work."
Touta's heart stopped. Matsuda... was staying?
His arms instinctively tightening around him, Touta nearly wept. Matsuda was staying. He was safe.
"That's fine. I'll pay for gas. I'll pay for your apartment, if you still want it. I'll pay for it all...." Touta was babbling, his mind overpowered by his heart. Matsuda was staying. He was really, truly staying. He wanted to stay. He wanted to stay with him.
Matsuda chuckled. "Yeah pay for the apartment? I'll just move in with you. And maybe we could fix this place up a bit. Make it our own, ne? But I need to pack things from my apartment move them to the car and get the car here with all of my stuff." He replied as he kept his arms around him tightening his grip. "You can help me pay for gas but we need to patch things in here too."
Touta relaxed. Matsuda wanted to live with him, Matsuda wanted to stay...
"Anything," he said, kissing his forehead. "Anything, love. Whatever you want."
Moving down, Touta pressed his lips to his, letting MAtsuda feel his relief and joy. Matsuda was staying, Matsuda cared for him, the dream wasn't over; no, far far from it...
Life had only just begun.