(no subject)
Casey Freedman
November 19, 2004
Music: Diamonds On The Soles Of Her Shoes by Paul Simon (5:51)
Don’t Panic by Coldplay (2:16)
Dancing In The Moonlight by Toploader (3:52)
Backyard by Guster (2:55)
Moments With You by Gran Torino (3:27)
Today is my last day of being 16. I have not yet decided whether I am relieved or unhappy about this. This not knowing is okay, just like it’s okay not to be perfect all the time or even ever. Though I’ve spent much of my life striving to achieve this goal, thankfully, I realized that I don’t have to. Apparently, I can’t be perfect. Neither can you.
I was born in New York City. It was my first home. I lived there until I was 10, and went to school there through 5th grade. My first room was my only room until August 1998, over six years ago. I loved New York for a whole decade, because it was the only home I knew how to love. I do not yet know what those ten years mean to me. Maybe I’ll never know. It can’t be explained away or fully understood and that is really hard for me. I think it’s important that I mention it, though, because before I was aware that I was alive, I existed in New York City.
I have one brother that all of you know by now, and his name is Aaron. Since I am nearly two and a half years older than him, I obviously spent much of my childhood bossing him around, taking occasional breaks to read stories to him or play games, and most especially, play with our dolls. Back in the days before our family was cool enough to have a CD player, when we had both a record player and a cassette player, one of our most favorite possessions was a cassette tape titled “Equator.” God only knows why my parents had it, or where it came from, but it was tremendously appealing to Aaron and me when we were young and impressionable. Essentially, “Equator” was created when a bunch of guys looking for some way to use their expensive sound equipment trucked down to, guess, the Equator, set up their mics and pressed ‘record.’ The actual tape consists of over an hour of rainforesty sounds, captured directly from the rainforest by the crazy men with their sound equipment. Lucky children that we were, Aaron and I were also the proud owners of a large tent from Ikea. This tent was designed for kids and really easy to set up so of course it was ideal. Every time it was put up, we had extravagant plans to sleep in it over night and make a big deal out of it. The few times that our parents let us do this, I couldn’t actually follow through because Aaron always fell asleep before me and his breathing drove me insane. Sorry, Aaron. Back to “Equator.” Quite frequently, Aaron and I would pitch our tent in the middle of his room. We spent much of the day doing this, and then carefully “scattered” every single stuffed animal we owned all over his room. We turned off the lights and started the Equator “music”. Huddled safely in the tent, we started hyperventilating. A hurricane was happening, and our animals were out in the storm! They had to be saved, and we were the only ones who could help them. Aaron and I repeatedly risked our own lives to frantically dash out of the tent into the darkened room and hurriedly collect every last animal. Each animal, no matter how small, needed to be tended to. We rocked them to sleep, calmed them down, dried them off and comforted them. You must understand that Aaron and I were very imaginative children.