long week
It's been a long week. So much I could write about... Where to begin?
Well, Lilia and Tom got here at about 11 p.m. on Wednesday night. It kind of sucked picking them up because I was driving alone and I had some financial crap on my mind. (Warren hadn't been going to study hall because they never specifically said to him that he had to go, but since he wasn't going and should have been they yelled at him on Wednesday. They told him that they might dock his pay, put him on restriction which means living on base for a couple of weeks and possibly putting him back a paygrade. Eeep. Well, we haven't heard anything so far, and with the military they say, "No news is good news," when it comes to stuff like that. So... we're hoping for the best. Anyway, it wasn't cool finding that out right before my best friend came into town.) They had arrived in San Fran, so it was about 1 a.m. by the time we got back to my appartment. I felt kinda bad about having to work on Thursday morning and afternoon, but we worked things out.
Friday we went to this cool breakfast place called First Awakenings and to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. That night I had to work, so Lil cooked dinner with Warren's help (I had the leftovers yesterday and they were yummy) and they rented a movie.
Saturday morning we went horseback riding. Warren had that petty officer's class to go to, so he didn't come along. Not sure how much he would have liked it anyway... He's just weird about things like that. After horseback riding we ate some lunch (mostly snacks that we had bought in the morning) by the ocean. We went back home and I tried to find something to wear to dinner. We were all meeting up with my friend Janna and her husband John at this restaurant by the bay. Anyway, I was feeling a little bloated, so trying to find something nice but not too tight was annoying, so Lil and I went to try and find me something to wear. Ended up buying a sweater for Warren (which he wore on Sunday, not Saturday to dinner) and an awesome shirt for myself. Both cost $40. The shirt is awesome and totally sexy... I hated spending $40 on it, but it's backless and totally hot, so I kept it. Woo hoo for sexy clothing. :) Dinner was okay. The food was mediocre for the price, but I guess you pay for atmosphere, too, and the place was pretty nice. But I wasn't thinking when I took my seat and was far away from Janna and John, so I felt like we were more or less in separate groups than all one group. After all, Lil and Tom never met Janna and John before, so it was a little akward. *sigh* I hope they were all pretty happy when the night was through, though, because otherwise I'd feel like a failure. I have to ask all of them about that...
Sunday we got up kind of early, but not as early as we had been getting up (9 a.m. instead of 6:30 a.m.). We went to Denny's for breakfast/lunch and then we went to San Fran. We hung out in Chinatown all day. I must say that Chinatown is pretty cool, but for some reason I was in a bad mood for much of the day. I felt left out. I can't pinpoint why, but I did. I think it had something to do with the fact that everyone but me understood some Chinese. That and... I don't know. For some reason I just didn't feel included. One thing that made me feel out of place was that Warren and Tom both got Chinese stamps of their names while we were there. I didn't really want one except for that they looked cool, Warren and Tom were getting them, and Lilia already had one at home. Another was that Lil and Tom were using my camera to take pictures, and even when they were just snapping random shots the photos looked better than the ones that I was trying to frame. One half-talent completely overshadowed by others'. To make matters worse, at dinner everyone but me got the Peking Duck (I've had some bad experiences with duck and didn't want to chance it). Besides that, Tom ordered a beer, which everyone but me tried. I was even considering taking a sip of it (even though I detest beer for some reason) so that I didn't feel so out of the group. So yeah. I felt even more left out. But I at least got to try some duck, and Tom and Warren shared the food that I had gotten. After that I felt better. But it's so odd how I just kept feeling... alone even with the three of them there.
After Chinatown Warren and I dropped Lil and Tom off at the airport. For some reason I didn't even feel sad to watch them go. I guess it's because I have no fear that I'll see Lilia again. It was awesome seeing her again, though, and getting to hang out with them.
Yesterday Lil called me to ask what I thought of Tom. It's weird. I liked him a lot, but in some ways it's still hard to picture them together. They get along in this awesome way, and they do work very well togehter, but getting used to the idea, the mental image of them together is a little odd. They look cute in pictures and when they are actually next to each other and stuff, but when you see the two of them separately it's hard to imagine them together. Their style senses are very different, and so are their personalities, so it's gonna take some getting used to. (Besides, I think I still secretly harbor the hope that she and her ex will get back together. It's a long story that would take some explaining, but... yeah, I always saw her being with this one guy forever.) Lil and I both commented on the fact that Tom and I are actually very alike in some ways, and that she and Tom and Warren and I are very different from each other. Odd how we end up with people who are so unlike us but that we get along with them so well, isn't it? I also had the thought that she and I both are with guys who are like our best friends. Warren reflects Lil's personality somewhat, and Tom reflects mine. Cooincidence or not? Hmmm...
What else? I've been feeling like too much of a grownup again. I have so many responsibilities that it's really hard to focues on myself, and believe me, I need to focus on myself. If nothing else, therapy (which starts on Friday) might be good for allowing me the time to reflect on the things in my life instead of just moving on past them. I know that being too anylitical can be bad, I feel as though the fact that I have just been glazing over things that bother me for the past... year or so is not good for me, either. The balance between thinking and letting things be is hard to find. For these reasons, this trip to France might be really good for me. I'm not expecting to have a revelation while I'm there, but I am hoping that I gain some new perspectives that I can bring back with me. I feel as though I could really use that. I'm so opposed to change, especially changing certain things about myself, that it's sickening.
Guess that's it for now.
Oh, if you're interested in reading a pretty comprehensive colletion of my poetry let me know and I'll give you a link to look at.