(no subject)
so, i'm definitely never again going to do a shift trade that results in me working the 5-11 shift, and then coming in the next morning to do the 7-12 shift. needless to say, i'm TIRED. Also, i've noticed a trend lately: As i get less and less sleep, i become more and more unhappy. Whereas before, as a youngin', i would become irrationally giddy when i would get say, four, or five hours of sleep, now i become semi-rationally miserable. It's like, because i have nothing to do at my job but sit on the computer and dwell on my own loneliness, i really get a chance to think about how I'M LONELY. what a shocker. I never would have guessed that moving 314 miles away from my home, family, and best friends would make me homesick, or lonely, or any of that, i mean what a shocker.
i guess what it is is that lately, i've been having a hard time finding the motivation to do anything. i know it's really rather stupid, but i just can't seem to find any purpose or meaning in anything anymore. like sometimes i'll wake up, and look at the ceiling( it's like two feet away from my face, because my bed is a shelf) and go over what i'm going to do that day and just think to myself "ok, so i get up, procure some kind of breakfast, go to class, do something for some hours, go to class, and then come back, maybe watch a movie, and then go to bed, for what?" I'm having a hard time picturing what i'm going to do with my life. i mean sure, i'll get my degree, and then find employment somewhere, and then what? work? i mean, it just seems so pointless. i don't even know what i want.
i guess what it comes down to is that fact that i'm having trouble adjusting to life in a town where i don't have my family, or my best friends. it's really hard. and you know what else? i miss having someone who's willing to date me. i miss that nice support system. it's really reassuring to have someone to love/be loved by, and i miss it.