(no subject)
Title: Last Dream
Author: onecasillas
Pairing: Daniel Agger/Nicklas Bendtner
Summary: Nicklas could feel time slipping past them faster than it ever had, betraying them; erasing from their memories the good times spent together, making it all seem distant.
Disclaimer: None of this ever happened. I don't own any of the characters.
Word count: 1,774
Nicklas stood outside his tent in the chilly air of that April night, staring at the starless sky with both his hands shoved down his pockets, thinking. He tried to remember when all of this had started, when he'd thought for whatever reason that doing this was right.
Had he really been that different back then? Was it possible he'd changed so much over the past weeks that he'd forgotten about everything he'd once believed in? The thought scared him. He didn't want to reach that conclusion, he didn't want to accept that he wasn't the same man that had set foot in this place for the first time, fearless, determined, confident.
He didn't want to accept that he'd turned into this. He just couldn't afford it; not tonight, not when they were so close. Not when everything he'd ever prepared himself for was only hours away.
But of course, Nicklas admitted with a knot in his stomach, when he'd arrived here for the first time, he hadn't had the same priorities. He hadn't seen the same things, hadn't done the same exercises. He hadn't known the same people he knew now.
Everything in his life had changed, and it would be stupid to believe it could do so without changing him as a person.
"There you are."
Nicklas didn't need to turn around to know who had spoken, who had climbed outside the tent and was now standing beside him, nothing but a faint shadow in the dark. He saw, through the corner of his eyes, a faint flicker, and then his partner's face was lightened with a weak, reddish light.
"Last one tonight, I promise," Daniel muttered to him, taking a long drag of his cig as if his life depended on it, and then, as in a second thought, he took another one of the package and lit it up with his own. He handed it to Nicklas without even looking his way.
"Thanks."
Of course, Nicklas went on inside his mind, going back to his previous thoughts, he couldn't expect being the same person he'd been before when he'd met someone like Daniel. When he'd finally, finally found a motivation to keep himself alive, and to go back home. When he had plenty of reasons to be scared other than his own death.
"What are your bets on tomorrow?" Daniel asked him, breaking the silence abruptly, almost as if he'd known what the other had been thinking and wanted to stop him.
Nicklas couldn't help but smirk a little. "My bets? We kick their asses, steal their weapons, and crash the motherfucking city."
"Nice," Daniel said with a chuckle. He took a long drag of his cigarette, and still without looking at Nicklas, he spoke again. "Are you scared?"
Nicklas made a pause, then shrugged. "Sort of, yeah. What scares me is the idea that anything could happen, you know? Like... this is one of those situations where it doesn't matter if you're prepared or not, doesn't depend on your abilities or any of that shit. You can either step over them or get killed with the first bullet. I..."
He forced himself quiet.
"I'd much rather get killed there than anywhere else," Daniel said, and Nicklas, who had almost been expecting something like that, knowing that Daniel liked to come off as strong and unbeatable, rolled his eyes.
"Right, 'cause you're so badass, aren't you?"
Daniel laughed. "That's a known fact," he said, and then went back to a serious tone when he added, "it's just, dying there is... it's so full of honor, you know? I don't want to die in a bed when I'm ninety fucking years old just because I lived my entire life inside a bubble to protect myself. I... I want to know I did something, you know? And if I'm given the chance to choose anywhere to die, I choose the battlefield. And man, am I taking them all down with me."
Nicklas did everything he could to hide the fact that he had suddenly ran out of air, that his heart had started beating faster than it ever had. He didn't want to listen to any of what Daniel had to say, all he wanted was this to be over as soon as possible, he just wanted...
... he just wanted to live. He wanted to keep Dan safe, to be his protective bubble, however stupid that sounded. He just didn't think it was fair that someone else got to decide how much time together they had left, not when not even an entire lifetime seemed enough to share with Daniel.
"So what do you say to that, Bendtner?" Daniel asked him, throwing his cig to the ground and stepping over it with his left foot. "Where do you want to fall dead?"
Nicklas spoke without even thinking, or more like as if he'd thought about it too much, memories of sleepless nights inside cold tents and promised vacations jumping to his mind.
"The beach," he said in a mutter, not taking the cig off his mouth.
If Daniel recognized the setting, he did nothing to show it. "The beach, eh? Nice choice. I bet you're the romantic kind who wants a painless and slow death, resting over the sand and watching the sun setting over the sea."
"And what if I am?" Nicklas shot back, feeling almost offended.
"Well..." Daniel trailed off with a smirk. "I don't know, mate, it's kind of gay."
Nicklas shook his head with the slightest hint of a smile. "Oh, shit, sorry stud. Didn't mean to scare you off with my queerness."
A chuckle came out of Daniel's lips, and then they both fell silent again. As he stared up at the sky, Nicklas could feel time slipping past them faster than it ever had, betraying them; erasing from their memories the good times spent together, making it all seem distant. Leaving Nicklas to think that all he had left was right here, right now.
"Maybe I'll be there with you," Daniel said, his voice barely a whisper, "at the beach, you know?"
Nicklas felt his throat closing. "I thought you wanted to die in the battlefield."
"Well, God doesn't seem to be on my side lately, to be honest," Daniel said with a shrug. "I say I want to die tomorrow, and he may keep me alive for eternity, who knows. I said I might be there with you, not that I wanted to be."
"Oh, I get the point, thanks."
"Come here, Bendtner."
Daniel placed an arm around Nick's shoulders, struggling only slightly as the other was taller, and pulled him closer to his warm body, his nose quickly finding its favorite place in the spot right under Nicklas' neck.
"Dan..."
"Shh," he whispered, starting to kiss Nicklas' jaw, but the other couldn't hold his thoughts back anymore.
"Dan, I don't want you to die tomorrow."
And just like he'd expected, as to prove him that some things still remained unchanged, Daniel pushed him away as quick as he'd pulled him close, and shoved his hands down his baggy pants' pockets with a sigh.
"I don't want to hear it," was all he said in a low voice.
"You never do."
Nicklas looked down at his scruffing feet, his boots all too familiar there as he didn't have anything else to wear, and he tried to force down the huge lump that he felt inside him, that kept him from breathing normally and that was putting tears in his eyes.
He turned his head as he heard Daniel pull out another cigarette, the sound of his fingers on the carton box almost startling.
"I thought you said you were having only one tonight," Nicklas told him, just to say something.
Daniel groaned. "Let me fucking be, I just want to enjoy this one," he said with a shake of his head. And then, for the first time that night, he turned his head to look at Nick direct into his eyes. "You want one?"
Nicklas shook his head. "I'm going inside."
The pain of his chest was almost surreal, Nicklas thought as he walked and jumped over sleeping bodies on the floor until he reached his spot; it felt like it was tearing at his insides, ripping him apart, hurting him more than anything else had.
And he couldn't help but feel like he understood Daniel. He couldn't help but feel weaker for not controling his emotions like he did, like they were supposed to be doing, because this wasn't a little conversation back in their houses in the middle of a school night. This was much more serious than that and, as much as it hurt to admit it, they couldn't afford losing anything because of a mistake.
Nicklas thought of the beach. He remembered Daniel's words, his promises, as if they'd been only minutes ago. He thought of how much he wanted that, he imagined them both there, together, and reminded himself that, if he truly wanted that, he had to do exactly what Daniel was doing.
No place for doubts, no place for fears, no place for weakness.
Barely a minute or two had passed when Nicklas heard a pair of boots walking near him, the soud of zippers and low breathes and curses, and then an arm falling around his waist, a warm body pressing against his back.
"I thought you wanted to enjoy your cig," Nicklas pointed out, all of his thoughts flying away as he felt Daniel's breath against the back of his neck, even warmer and stronger as the other sighed.
"It just seemed less appealing than being here with you."
Nicklas smiled and went to turn around to face Daniel, but the arm around him stopped him and held him tight in his place.
"Please don't," Daniel whispered, and then, as if feeling the need to apologize to Nicklas, he pressed a kiss over his shoulder. "Just try to get some sleep."
"Alright," Nicklas said, and accepting the needs and thoughts of the other, he snuggled back as far as he could into his chest, then twinned his fingers with Daniel's. A thought travelled from his mind to the tip of his tongue, and he paused a second or two before deciding to say it, not wanting to waste any more opportunities. "I'm going to dream about the beach tonight," he said.
The arm around him closed tighter around his body, and he felt a pair of lips moving at the back of his neck as Daniel spoke to him in a whisper.
"So am I."
Author: onecasillas
Pairing: Daniel Agger/Nicklas Bendtner
Summary: Nicklas could feel time slipping past them faster than it ever had, betraying them; erasing from their memories the good times spent together, making it all seem distant.
Disclaimer: None of this ever happened. I don't own any of the characters.
Word count: 1,774
Nicklas stood outside his tent in the chilly air of that April night, staring at the starless sky with both his hands shoved down his pockets, thinking. He tried to remember when all of this had started, when he'd thought for whatever reason that doing this was right.
Had he really been that different back then? Was it possible he'd changed so much over the past weeks that he'd forgotten about everything he'd once believed in? The thought scared him. He didn't want to reach that conclusion, he didn't want to accept that he wasn't the same man that had set foot in this place for the first time, fearless, determined, confident.
He didn't want to accept that he'd turned into this. He just couldn't afford it; not tonight, not when they were so close. Not when everything he'd ever prepared himself for was only hours away.
But of course, Nicklas admitted with a knot in his stomach, when he'd arrived here for the first time, he hadn't had the same priorities. He hadn't seen the same things, hadn't done the same exercises. He hadn't known the same people he knew now.
Everything in his life had changed, and it would be stupid to believe it could do so without changing him as a person.
"There you are."
Nicklas didn't need to turn around to know who had spoken, who had climbed outside the tent and was now standing beside him, nothing but a faint shadow in the dark. He saw, through the corner of his eyes, a faint flicker, and then his partner's face was lightened with a weak, reddish light.
"Last one tonight, I promise," Daniel muttered to him, taking a long drag of his cig as if his life depended on it, and then, as in a second thought, he took another one of the package and lit it up with his own. He handed it to Nicklas without even looking his way.
"Thanks."
Of course, Nicklas went on inside his mind, going back to his previous thoughts, he couldn't expect being the same person he'd been before when he'd met someone like Daniel. When he'd finally, finally found a motivation to keep himself alive, and to go back home. When he had plenty of reasons to be scared other than his own death.
"What are your bets on tomorrow?" Daniel asked him, breaking the silence abruptly, almost as if he'd known what the other had been thinking and wanted to stop him.
Nicklas couldn't help but smirk a little. "My bets? We kick their asses, steal their weapons, and crash the motherfucking city."
"Nice," Daniel said with a chuckle. He took a long drag of his cigarette, and still without looking at Nicklas, he spoke again. "Are you scared?"
Nicklas made a pause, then shrugged. "Sort of, yeah. What scares me is the idea that anything could happen, you know? Like... this is one of those situations where it doesn't matter if you're prepared or not, doesn't depend on your abilities or any of that shit. You can either step over them or get killed with the first bullet. I..."
He forced himself quiet.
"I'd much rather get killed there than anywhere else," Daniel said, and Nicklas, who had almost been expecting something like that, knowing that Daniel liked to come off as strong and unbeatable, rolled his eyes.
"Right, 'cause you're so badass, aren't you?"
Daniel laughed. "That's a known fact," he said, and then went back to a serious tone when he added, "it's just, dying there is... it's so full of honor, you know? I don't want to die in a bed when I'm ninety fucking years old just because I lived my entire life inside a bubble to protect myself. I... I want to know I did something, you know? And if I'm given the chance to choose anywhere to die, I choose the battlefield. And man, am I taking them all down with me."
Nicklas did everything he could to hide the fact that he had suddenly ran out of air, that his heart had started beating faster than it ever had. He didn't want to listen to any of what Daniel had to say, all he wanted was this to be over as soon as possible, he just wanted...
... he just wanted to live. He wanted to keep Dan safe, to be his protective bubble, however stupid that sounded. He just didn't think it was fair that someone else got to decide how much time together they had left, not when not even an entire lifetime seemed enough to share with Daniel.
"So what do you say to that, Bendtner?" Daniel asked him, throwing his cig to the ground and stepping over it with his left foot. "Where do you want to fall dead?"
Nicklas spoke without even thinking, or more like as if he'd thought about it too much, memories of sleepless nights inside cold tents and promised vacations jumping to his mind.
"The beach," he said in a mutter, not taking the cig off his mouth.
If Daniel recognized the setting, he did nothing to show it. "The beach, eh? Nice choice. I bet you're the romantic kind who wants a painless and slow death, resting over the sand and watching the sun setting over the sea."
"And what if I am?" Nicklas shot back, feeling almost offended.
"Well..." Daniel trailed off with a smirk. "I don't know, mate, it's kind of gay."
Nicklas shook his head with the slightest hint of a smile. "Oh, shit, sorry stud. Didn't mean to scare you off with my queerness."
A chuckle came out of Daniel's lips, and then they both fell silent again. As he stared up at the sky, Nicklas could feel time slipping past them faster than it ever had, betraying them; erasing from their memories the good times spent together, making it all seem distant. Leaving Nicklas to think that all he had left was right here, right now.
"Maybe I'll be there with you," Daniel said, his voice barely a whisper, "at the beach, you know?"
Nicklas felt his throat closing. "I thought you wanted to die in the battlefield."
"Well, God doesn't seem to be on my side lately, to be honest," Daniel said with a shrug. "I say I want to die tomorrow, and he may keep me alive for eternity, who knows. I said I might be there with you, not that I wanted to be."
"Oh, I get the point, thanks."
"Come here, Bendtner."
Daniel placed an arm around Nick's shoulders, struggling only slightly as the other was taller, and pulled him closer to his warm body, his nose quickly finding its favorite place in the spot right under Nicklas' neck.
"Dan..."
"Shh," he whispered, starting to kiss Nicklas' jaw, but the other couldn't hold his thoughts back anymore.
"Dan, I don't want you to die tomorrow."
And just like he'd expected, as to prove him that some things still remained unchanged, Daniel pushed him away as quick as he'd pulled him close, and shoved his hands down his baggy pants' pockets with a sigh.
"I don't want to hear it," was all he said in a low voice.
"You never do."
Nicklas looked down at his scruffing feet, his boots all too familiar there as he didn't have anything else to wear, and he tried to force down the huge lump that he felt inside him, that kept him from breathing normally and that was putting tears in his eyes.
He turned his head as he heard Daniel pull out another cigarette, the sound of his fingers on the carton box almost startling.
"I thought you said you were having only one tonight," Nicklas told him, just to say something.
Daniel groaned. "Let me fucking be, I just want to enjoy this one," he said with a shake of his head. And then, for the first time that night, he turned his head to look at Nick direct into his eyes. "You want one?"
Nicklas shook his head. "I'm going inside."
The pain of his chest was almost surreal, Nicklas thought as he walked and jumped over sleeping bodies on the floor until he reached his spot; it felt like it was tearing at his insides, ripping him apart, hurting him more than anything else had.
And he couldn't help but feel like he understood Daniel. He couldn't help but feel weaker for not controling his emotions like he did, like they were supposed to be doing, because this wasn't a little conversation back in their houses in the middle of a school night. This was much more serious than that and, as much as it hurt to admit it, they couldn't afford losing anything because of a mistake.
Nicklas thought of the beach. He remembered Daniel's words, his promises, as if they'd been only minutes ago. He thought of how much he wanted that, he imagined them both there, together, and reminded himself that, if he truly wanted that, he had to do exactly what Daniel was doing.
No place for doubts, no place for fears, no place for weakness.
Barely a minute or two had passed when Nicklas heard a pair of boots walking near him, the soud of zippers and low breathes and curses, and then an arm falling around his waist, a warm body pressing against his back.
"I thought you wanted to enjoy your cig," Nicklas pointed out, all of his thoughts flying away as he felt Daniel's breath against the back of his neck, even warmer and stronger as the other sighed.
"It just seemed less appealing than being here with you."
Nicklas smiled and went to turn around to face Daniel, but the arm around him stopped him and held him tight in his place.
"Please don't," Daniel whispered, and then, as if feeling the need to apologize to Nicklas, he pressed a kiss over his shoulder. "Just try to get some sleep."
"Alright," Nicklas said, and accepting the needs and thoughts of the other, he snuggled back as far as he could into his chest, then twinned his fingers with Daniel's. A thought travelled from his mind to the tip of his tongue, and he paused a second or two before deciding to say it, not wanting to waste any more opportunities. "I'm going to dream about the beach tonight," he said.
The arm around him closed tighter around his body, and he felt a pair of lips moving at the back of his neck as Daniel spoke to him in a whisper.
"So am I."