Comments | onecrazymother: Just project calm.

onecrazymother

Just project calm.

Sep 23, 2013 22:26

First, on two separate occasions last week people told me that my dog, and my kid, who were upset, would be fine if I would just do a better job of projecting calm. This kind of pissed me off, because I feel like I have to hold everything together here. I'm the one woman in the house, increasingly a house of men, and I'm supposed to just ( Read more... )

Comments 4

onecrazymother September 24 2013, 03:05:30 UTC

After I wrote this, I realized one way in which I was really out of line. 1cmf is great at projecting calm, and always has been, as long as I've known him. One of the reasons our relationship took root was that when I started getting fiery and looking for a fight, he would just walk away and defuse me.

The reality is, my older son is now much closer in age to the age I was when 1cmf and I started dating than I am now, and is also closer in age to the age I was when I got married than I am. There's a degree to which I need to own that I had a lot of growing up to do when we started this family, and I've done some of it, and it's not my turn to be a kid anymore. It's their turn. They get first dibs on moodiness and sorting out who they are, and sinking into learning new skill sets, and I am an adult, and a parent, and it's not sexist to ask me to be calm and centered and together and with it. it's just important.

I think my sense of balance will continue to require safe places for me to not have to be Mom.

cinema_babe September 24 2013, 16:27:46 UTC

I think that yes, you are one of the adults in the house and it makes sense that you need to project a sense of calm but I don't think that you should have to carry it all on your shoulders. Like you said, you have John and your boys need to learn how to project their own sense of calm.

Parenting an adolescent? Good luck. Just be kind with yourself, because every parent does something they wish they hadn't. On the up side, their kids turn out OK despite it. You got through having infants and then toddlers and rambunctious youngsters and you'll get through the teen-age years with a couple of grey hairs and a lot of good stories that you can use to embarrass them when they get older :D

onecrazymother September 25 2013, 13:23:09 UTC

You haven't seen my oldest in a bit. Parenting an adolescent, yes, and when I look at him, I can see that in the not so distant future, I will be the parent of an adult.

And yes, I think one of the difficulties of parenting an adolescent is that I begin to see consequences of anything I may have done "wrong".

onecrazymother September 25 2013, 19:56:24 UTC