~10~
I can't use alchemy.
The is really not good on so many levels. And it's really, really hard not to want to panic right about now. How is this possible? All the symbols, the process, it's familiar on some level, but I can't pull it it all together and apply it to save my life. The notes that I wrote may as well be written in ancient Ishballan for all the sense I'm able to make out of them now! How is it possible that something I've studied since I was four-five years old just wiped out instantly! This can't be permanent. Can it?
Shit. I'm having like an existential crisis here. Seriously. Who am I if I'm not an alchemist any longer? This was my life.
Alchemy prodigy. The Fullmetal Alchemist, dog of the military. Alchemist of the People. None of those. I'm not any of those things anymore. I can't even draw a proper array anymore let alone clap my hands in order to transmute! It's just...gone. All of it. I feel like I've lost my other arm.
That isn't the worst part - not by a long shot. What if things don't go back to normal? I suppose I can always try to relearn, but there's no way I'll be up to speed in time for when I go home. But then...what if this goes beyond remembering how? What if my actual ability to do alchemy is gone? Fucking hell. If I can't do alchemy, how the hell am I going to help Alphonse? We're cutting things close as it is! If he dies because of this...I just...
I don't know what to do. What am I going to do?
The is really not good on so many levels. And it's really, really hard not to want to panic right about now. How is this possible? All the symbols, the process, it's familiar on some level, but I can't pull it it all together and apply it to save my life. The notes that I wrote may as well be written in ancient Ishballan for all the sense I'm able to make out of them now! How is it possible that something I've studied since I was four-five years old just wiped out instantly! This can't be permanent. Can it?
Shit. I'm having like an existential crisis here. Seriously. Who am I if I'm not an alchemist any longer? This was my life.
Alchemy prodigy. The Fullmetal Alchemist, dog of the military. Alchemist of the People. None of those. I'm not any of those things anymore. I can't even draw a proper array anymore let alone clap my hands in order to transmute! It's just...gone. All of it. I feel like I've lost my other arm.
That isn't the worst part - not by a long shot. What if things don't go back to normal? I suppose I can always try to relearn, but there's no way I'll be up to speed in time for when I go home. But then...what if this goes beyond remembering how? What if my actual ability to do alchemy is gone? Fucking hell. If I can't do alchemy, how the hell am I going to help Alphonse? We're cutting things close as it is! If he dies because of this...I just...
I don't know what to do. What am I going to do?