(no subject)
I finally got the taste of her out of my mouth. That's probably the best way to put it.
I feel like, since we broke up a couple months ago, we've just been playing this dumb cat and mouse game, with insensible power shifts and random insults flying in all directions. For me, it all stems from the way things ended, and that even though I broke it off, we didn't even give it a shot when you came back to Florida. But that's over now. I've moved on.
I've said it before and I'll probably say it one hundred fucking more times before I meet the next girl I decide to care about: I am not suited to have a girlfriend. Everything about my mentality and lifestyle represents my individuality, and desire to run unchecked at all times. This is probably why short flings work out so well for me. Even when things are still fresh and good, I've already begun to tear away at the edges, just waiting for that one thing to set me sliding down that oh-so-slippery slope. The girls I've really had honest feelings for are the ones that made me want to turn around and run back to the top, to the ideal situation that is someone you have love for, but not even those few times were free of moments of doubt.
Call it immaturity. Tell me I'm just not ready for a 'real' relationship. I'd prefer to think we simply have different viewpoints on what it is to live. I know who I am, and I've known all along. Forgive me, I had lost sight of that person for a time. It's ironic that my re-awakening was triggered by a random make-out session, but I'm happy taking a deep breath and laughing at it all.
I've sat and let the cool night air touch my skin, breathed in a thousand revitalizing breaths, and shared a true smile with myself in the mirror. I'm realigned.