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I'm at work, this is like...illegal or something...but that's alright! ;) My momma sent this to me, and it's funny.
Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the
Bible, even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a
Catholic Elementary school test. Kids were asked questions about the
old and new testaments. The following statements about the Bible
were written by children. They have not been retouched nor corrected.
(i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in).
1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis. God got tired of
creating the world so he took the sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an Apple tree. Noah's wife was
called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.
3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of
fire during the night.
4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had
trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a
Jezebel like Delilah.
6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
7. Moses led the Jews to the Red sea where they made unleavened
bread which is bread without any ingredients.
8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert, Afterwards,
Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
10. The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada Then Joshua led
the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
12. The greates miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son
to stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar.
He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in bibical times.
14.Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the
Magna Carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they
found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption,
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others
before they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by
sweat alone.
20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to
get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
22. The epistels were the wives of the apostals.
23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony,
which is another name for marraige.
25.Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
IN GOD WE TRUST!
Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the
Bible, even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a
Catholic Elementary school test. Kids were asked questions about the
old and new testaments. The following statements about the Bible
were written by children. They have not been retouched nor corrected.
(i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in).
1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis. God got tired of
creating the world so he took the sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an Apple tree. Noah's wife was
called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.
3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of
fire during the night.
4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had
trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a
Jezebel like Delilah.
6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
7. Moses led the Jews to the Red sea where they made unleavened
bread which is bread without any ingredients.
8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert, Afterwards,
Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
10. The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada Then Joshua led
the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
12. The greates miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son
to stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar.
He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in bibical times.
14.Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the
Magna Carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they
found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption,
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others
before they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by
sweat alone.
20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to
get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
22. The epistels were the wives of the apostals.
23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony,
which is another name for marraige.
25.Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
IN GOD WE TRUST!