monogamy rant
Why Should monogamy be a protected status?
(warning for possible TMI)
What is it about a relationship between two people exclusively that makes it a higher form of love? What about monogamy deserves respect?
Is there much of a secular reason to prefer the union of one man and one woman? or even if you arent so archaic as to be biased against other peoples preferences what makes the union of only two, better than a union of many? or no union at all?
I understand the obsession of other people's lives and other peoples sex lives. I think we are all voyeurs in some way, We all have curiosities. And i understand how one may fear what they dont understand and perhaps be resentful. Resentful of the freedom, resentful of conflicting feelings. I think so much of it is insecurity. There is no other logic in needing to suppress others relationships, other than, you dont believe you or the other person could resist. That all these sexual delinquencies are so tempting, and so powerful, we must ban them, same sex relationships, poly relationships, fetishes, etc. The only way we dont fall into them, must be to keep them from existing.
There is such an idea that sex and relationships are one size fits all. That love is definable. That what works for one, must work for all, and i have never found life let alone relationships,to work that way.
Me and my husband enjoy a protected status, and im aware of that. No one looks at me funny when i say im married. No one questions the legitimacy of our love. I dont have to explain a damn thing to anyone. Now wouldnt that be lovely for everyone?
Though if they were to ask, what our relationship was like, instead of their own definition they put to the word "married" it might be a different picture.
We believe in love. but we are both realists. We dont believe in some mystical divine force, or soul mates, or any of that. We love each other, we want to spend our lives together, we are friends and we are compatible lovers and that is what we both want. we have few illusions. We have talked throughout our relationship of bring other people into our bedroom and i am certain we will, though for us (especially me) its a process, and a process of loosing many of my own insecurities. Neither of us believe humans are monogamous by nature, but we choose (for the most part) to live that way. I have had a few open relationships in the past so this really shouldnt surprise anyone whos known me for a while.
And even i fall prey to the idea love should mean only two. Ive spent a good deal of my relationship thinking sex=love even though ive known otherwise for quite some time. Of thinking id have to give up fantasies and experiences to be with the man i love, of not wanting to, and how funny it can be when you're honest with someone. you might just find they feel the same...
So long rant short, what works for you doesnt work for others, monogamy is no exception. I see no reason why its preferred over other types of relationships, ive known people who grew up in poly households and are no worse at all for the wear, in fact they were very openminded accepting people, since there is nothing that angers me more than using children as an excuse to keep adults from practicing adult behavior, responsibly.
(warning for possible TMI)
What is it about a relationship between two people exclusively that makes it a higher form of love? What about monogamy deserves respect?
Is there much of a secular reason to prefer the union of one man and one woman? or even if you arent so archaic as to be biased against other peoples preferences what makes the union of only two, better than a union of many? or no union at all?
I understand the obsession of other people's lives and other peoples sex lives. I think we are all voyeurs in some way, We all have curiosities. And i understand how one may fear what they dont understand and perhaps be resentful. Resentful of the freedom, resentful of conflicting feelings. I think so much of it is insecurity. There is no other logic in needing to suppress others relationships, other than, you dont believe you or the other person could resist. That all these sexual delinquencies are so tempting, and so powerful, we must ban them, same sex relationships, poly relationships, fetishes, etc. The only way we dont fall into them, must be to keep them from existing.
There is such an idea that sex and relationships are one size fits all. That love is definable. That what works for one, must work for all, and i have never found life let alone relationships,to work that way.
Me and my husband enjoy a protected status, and im aware of that. No one looks at me funny when i say im married. No one questions the legitimacy of our love. I dont have to explain a damn thing to anyone. Now wouldnt that be lovely for everyone?
Though if they were to ask, what our relationship was like, instead of their own definition they put to the word "married" it might be a different picture.
We believe in love. but we are both realists. We dont believe in some mystical divine force, or soul mates, or any of that. We love each other, we want to spend our lives together, we are friends and we are compatible lovers and that is what we both want. we have few illusions. We have talked throughout our relationship of bring other people into our bedroom and i am certain we will, though for us (especially me) its a process, and a process of loosing many of my own insecurities. Neither of us believe humans are monogamous by nature, but we choose (for the most part) to live that way. I have had a few open relationships in the past so this really shouldnt surprise anyone whos known me for a while.
And even i fall prey to the idea love should mean only two. Ive spent a good deal of my relationship thinking sex=love even though ive known otherwise for quite some time. Of thinking id have to give up fantasies and experiences to be with the man i love, of not wanting to, and how funny it can be when you're honest with someone. you might just find they feel the same...
So long rant short, what works for you doesnt work for others, monogamy is no exception. I see no reason why its preferred over other types of relationships, ive known people who grew up in poly households and are no worse at all for the wear, in fact they were very openminded accepting people, since there is nothing that angers me more than using children as an excuse to keep adults from practicing adult behavior, responsibly.