vicious cycle

[oni_chan]

when i found out my ex was having phone, text, and internet relations with ladies from all around, i thought i hit pretty low. i cried, i obsessed over each word of each conversation i snuck a peek at in his cell phone, and i opened up to the one person who seemed to care at the time. i would stay up after nate went to bed to talk to the one

Comments

[kazeno_taka]

;_; *hug* I don't know why people act the way they do. But I do know that when people change, generally it's for a reason they would never admit, or even they don't know. Thing is, in relationships, it's a double effort, and one member of that party can't just abandon his or her responsibility without an explanation. Otherwise, it leaves the other person wondering what the hell happened for the rest of their life.

And a convent? I know it was a rhetorical suggestion but what kind of convent would you join? Instead of your mind being on relationships and love it would be on living for a god you don't believe in. And the military would be a world of unbearable control and possible duty to take another person's life based on the orders of someone else. I think, if you really want to escape the memory of a person, and of relationships, you should find a passion to envelop yourself in. I think you should get back into art - it's a wonderful world that masks everything away.

[oni_chan]

for me art doesnt mask anything, it spells it out more clearly on paper :\

i want to get back into it, when i've got more space to stretch my legs. and, my point is if people can change then maybe i can lock everything away in a closet and move on to another phase in my life. i can lie to myself just as well as the next person, and the idea is probably just an extreme one that i will never actually follow through with. also, i dont want to work in ACTION in the military, i want to have them pay for me to go to school and sit in front of a radio translating all day - that would be my dream job. not necessarily for the military, but still.

i hate that i myself am changing. but i want to try my hardest to get what i want and not give up when the going gets tough :\ i'm afraid that by the time i do get it, i will be changed and unable to be who i was before.

[oni_chan]

it is only partly about teh baws, and partly about the funds and ability to skip work for a week :\