If I lay out the welcome mat, who will come to my doorstep?
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I'm torn between believing it to be shameless timewasting and needing it. There is just too much missing from my life nowadays, in a perfect world I could see my friends and the people I love everyday, but that isn't the world I know. I feel so stagnant, like the life I lead is slowly killing me from the inside out. I can write, but my writing seems to lack true purpose, I have no muse. My palette has run dry ever since the world of color was snatched from me. Today I realized that I haven't thought about Anna in over three months, which scared the shit out of me. How could I simply forget about someone I thought meant so much to me? It's worse, try as I might, I can barely remember what my first years of high school were like, save for a few memories. All the people I've forgotten stand on a hillside bleached by the sun, the shadows of my mind are all I have left. There was a time when I thought it would never change, that surely,a life as perfectly simple as this must go on forever? If I had a heaven, that would be it. Just friends, and the people I came to trust and admire.
Alex said this to me once: "You must be the most independant of all of us." I knew it then, but there is no way in hell that is true. I live a life boxed in by memories and internal hatred. Everywhere I turn I'm confronted by some new kind of candy-coated bullshit that makes a mockery of my dreams and aspirations. Work for the sake of work is pointless, just countless kilojewles of energy wasted on digging our holes deeper into the ground. Maybe one day I'll look up and realize that mine is too deep to climb out of.
And I realize that half that shit must make no sense to some people, but such is the latticework of my mind.
In any case, I learned a few songs on request. "Pieces" From Sum 41, "Your Name Here (Sunrise Highway)" By Straylight Run, and "Sidewalks" from Story of the Year.
Peace.
Alex said this to me once: "You must be the most independant of all of us." I knew it then, but there is no way in hell that is true. I live a life boxed in by memories and internal hatred. Everywhere I turn I'm confronted by some new kind of candy-coated bullshit that makes a mockery of my dreams and aspirations. Work for the sake of work is pointless, just countless kilojewles of energy wasted on digging our holes deeper into the ground. Maybe one day I'll look up and realize that mine is too deep to climb out of.
And I realize that half that shit must make no sense to some people, but such is the latticework of my mind.
In any case, I learned a few songs on request. "Pieces" From Sum 41, "Your Name Here (Sunrise Highway)" By Straylight Run, and "Sidewalks" from Story of the Year.
Peace.