Boys' Yeshiva Dorms

[onionsoupmix]

In an open forum on imamother, the ladies are discussing teenage puberty. One anonymous poster writes :

My brother was skipped a grade to start at Telshe Yeshiva days after his bar mitzvah. The ROSH YESHIVA told my parents to keep him out of the dorms because his social awkwardness and young age would make him a prime candidate for s-xual

Comments

all-males-setting

[anonymous]

Well, some say that male-on-male sexuality is more prevalent in an only-males setting like the army, priest seminary, boy's boarding school.

So why should it not apply to Yeshivot too?

And then, if one boy per class of say 20 is molested, it would be somethin to worry about, and still prevalence would only be 5%...

Re: all-males-setting

[onionsoupmix]

I would say there is a difference between natural exploration or curiosity and molestation.

I mean, what about a regular public school or a co-ed private school? There is all kinds of contact between boys and girls there but if a principal counseled against skipping your daughter into a higher class because she's more likely to be molested, that would be beyond the pale.

Re: all-males-setting

[mrn613]

no it wouldn't. I am on secular forums and many people advocate holding back your child even if she makes the cut-off because everyone else is holding back. if you don't, she will be 18 months younger than some of the boys who will prey on her.

Re: all-males-setting

[onionsoupmix]

do you think there is a difference between saying : "you child will be immature and have difficulty asserting himself in social settings" and "your child will be more at risk for molestation from all the little rapists we are teaching" ?

[ext_225297]

My x wife married a Chabad Chasid who rapped his own daughters (now they are working in Kiruv!) Then because he tried the same stunts on my children they were taken to foster care by Ohel in Brooklyn. Ohel prevented me from custody because i am not religious and then place my children with different orthodox Jewish frum families. In those families they are all abused sexually. So I can definitely say that sexual abuse and perversion is a fundamental part of the fundamentalist Jewish orthodox world

[onionsoupmix]

I find this hard to believe as well. Why were you not given custody by the courts if your ex wife could not care for them? Also the child welfare system generally allows the children to stay with the mother if she gets rid of the molesting husband/boyfriend. But I don't understand why you wouldn't get custody in a court of law, regardless of what Ohel wanted in terms of religious observance for the children. Did you give up parental rights? It would seem impossible for them to do this if you have not had your parental rights removed, but maybe the laws in NY are different.

child abuse

[ext_225297]

Ohel controlled the courts in those days.I fought for years to protect my children from them with no success.
I can understand why this would seem unbelievable. It was to me also unbelievable. I am still years later in a state of shock that a New York court of law would go along with such a corrupt organization.
But I assure you that ever word I wrote is true.

Re: child abuse

[mrn613]

why did you not have joint legal custody of your children even if you did not have joint residential custody? To lose custody in ny state you have to be in jail, a drug addict, have abused the child, or other serious serious problems yourself. No need to share them with me.

[hamaskil]

Flyers and shiurim are for those who aren't in yeshivah and they actually can see women. I don't really understand the need for those flyers anyway - I don't look at women and my wife named Mordechai also is not interested.

[anonymous]

I can't understand the weird emphasis on sending teens to board at school, esp. within Chabad, even when acceptable schools are available in the area.

Yes, I let my kids have sleepovers, and they can go to sleepaway camp when I feel its appropriate, but I can imagine having a teen spend all their time away from family, and in a closed environment. If there was bullying or molestation, how would they get support and an outlet?

Yes, I've heard of sexual assault in public schools here - but it's considered rare and a complete scandal. Public school students don't board.

[onionsoupmix]

I completely agree with this. A teen who sees his or her parents on the occasional shabbos or yomtov is not going to share all about the mean girls or the creepy dorm counselor or rebbi.

[tesyaa]

I think this is/was commonplace in all-male boarding schools. Why expect more from the frum world, given what you already know?

[onionsoupmix]

if my son was attending Phillips Andover, a posh private school, and the principal suggested that I not skip him for fear of molestation, I would call the cops and then the newspapers.

[tesyaa]

I grew up in the ultra-elite prep school world, and although the headmaster of such a school would never say such a thing, I promise you that it happens at every boarding school - especially for boys. Frum schools are going to be no different, except possibly worse, since presumably it is even more difficult for a boy to ahem "relieve" his tension or to sneak out with the girls... This is why my children are staying in day school and sleeping at my house until college (yes, college, not yeshiva).