[FOR DESIGNATIONS] HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS (2/2)
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Yixing continues to read the fantasy story. Every night, a little detail of what he’d read creeps into his dream adventure with Lu Han, and every day it seeps into his relationship with Lu Han back at the dorm.
In the book, the main character; the daughter of Winter; and the newly introduced son of Fall stumble upon a small town of kind people who take them in as one of their own and cook them a feast upon their arrival. In his dream, Yixing and Lu Han only have the sparse amount of meat they were able to hunt cooked over a small fire on the outskirts of a field, but the laughter and warm feelings shared as they talk the night away are the same that the characters felt among all the villagers. In the real world, Yixing wakes up from a good night’s sleep and joins Lu Han in the kitchen for a quiet, comfortable breakfast every morning, sleepy smiles shared over bowls of soggy cereal and plates of misshapen pancakes.
When the descendants of the seasons urge the main character to join them in their training at the Solstice Temple, his immediate awkwardness and magical slip ups amuse them just as much as Lu Han trying to adapt to Elven customs back in the elf’s treetop society tickles Yixing. Real world-Yixing gets even more joy out of Lu Han coming to him for dance tips as they have their own private lessons in an empty practice room, which end up with them fooling around to top k-pop hits more often than not.
When Yixing reads about the daughter of Winter being poisoned by an arrow in battle, dragon-Tao takes a hit trying to protect Lu Han from Retrievers sent to take the demon back home, and the worry and guilt he feels for not being able to heal Tao completely is the same the main character feels for not being able to protect those he loves. (And when Lu Han sits next to Yixing as Yixing watches Tao sleep, he knows Yixing is staring at the gruesome scar now adorning one of her eyes and pulls Yixing into his side until Yixing dozes off, much like real-world- Lu Han lets Yixing curl up against him on the couch during movie nights and unknowingly takes away all of Yixing’s worries with the comfort).
The members are so very pleased that Yixing is returning to his usual self - Junmyeon looks exceptionally proud - but none are more content than Lu Han. If Lu Han notices Yixing’s increase in clinginess lately, he doesn’t say anything - he is more than happy to have Yixing back, and joins in on the skinship with vigor.
By the time Yixing finishes reading and the main characters succeed in rejuvenating the land, he and Lu Han succeed in returning Tao to her family and decide to travel the realms together just because they can. These feelings of completion strike a chord in Yixing, and he finally feels like he is able to close some doors in his mind.
The next book he moves on to, however, opens a whole new building of troublesome doors.
°˖✧★✧˖°
What progress Yixing had made so far with the magical tale of comradery gets stilted by the period piece he slowly makes his way through after.
It is a forbidden love story between the youngest son of a noble family, whose ancestors have close ties with the current a ruling monarchy, and of a servant girl, born into the lowest of the lower class with no hope of ever becoming anything more.
The day the girl gets assigned to the Duke and Duchess’s estate, she and the young Lord pass each other in a lavish, Rococo styled hallway and it’s love at first sight. They soon develop a close, secret relationship, both of love and of friendship, and the Lord even begins to teach the girl how to read during her daily lunch breaks so that they may slip each other notes whenever they can.
It is a heartwarming story so far and their desperation to see each other as often as possible is tear-inducing, but living through it with your best friend is not quite as desirable as one might think.
When Yixing finds himself in a small shack, through the tiny, glassless window of which he can see a large, ornate garden, he first thinks perhaps he is still in his previous dream world and this is his and Lu Han’s handmade shelter in some land of nature fairies. He realizes that is just wishful thinking, though, when a loud, impatient fist raps at his thin door and shouts at him to wake up and come to the house to get ready for the day.
He looks around and sees nothing of importance that he should bring with him among the bare minimum of necessities in his dusty abode, so he cautiously opens the door hoping he will not get scolded for forgetting something and nearly bumps into a gruff, unpleasant-looking middle aged woman in a black and white uniform. A gold pin stuck into the bosom of her uniform makes Yixing realize that this must be his boss. He bows quickly and deeply, telling her a soft, barely shaky good morning, ma’am before scrambling after her down a cobblestone pathway towards the estate.
Up close, the home is more magnificent than Yixing ever imagined from the text of his book. It isn’t as gaudy on the outside as he pictured, though the details in the woodwork is exquisite, but inside it is like he stepped into a palace - which he did, almost.
A short man runs to the foot of the stairs to announce “his excellency, the Duke,” and Yixing stops and bows to the almost-king like everyone else until he passes by. Yixing feels like he is in a museum - do not stand too close to anything, do not touch anything, do not even breathe wrong or guards will escort you out. He merely continues to follow the angry woman to the basement of the home.
The servant’s wing is much less fancy than the rest of the house. Yixing is all but shoved into the men’s side where other workers are hurrying to shower and change into their pristine uniforms - they may be lower than dirt, but at least they will look acceptable to be in a duke’s home.
As Yixing makes his way to the showers, he feels a hand clap against his shoulder and he looks up at a man who appears to be a gardener - he’s tanned and strong and has tattered work gloves on the bench beside him.
“Must be nice being a favorite,” he says with a smile, though his tone is slightly spiteful. “Nice to sleep in an extra hour, huh?”
Yixing looks at him, confused. “Um…”
Another man, who must be a chef with that pure white apron hanging from his arm, brushes the gardener’s hand away from Yixing and clicks his tongue. “That’s enough. We all know being a personal servant is a stressful job. Poor kid’s probably exhausted with the way Master Lu Han always has him sticking to his side like glue.”
The gardener grunts and turns back to getting dressed. “He’s too kind,” he says. “No one will respect Master Lu Han if they hear he is lax with his servants.” He slams his cabinet door closed and stalks out to the gardens.
Yixing watches him leave, head spinning with the news that Lu Han is a Lord here. He gasps when the cook pats his back.
“Don’t mind him - he’s just pissed because his tomatoes got ravaged by raccoons last night. Go on; take your shower, kid.”
Yixing nods and mutters out a thank you before cleaning himself quickly. He can’t wait to meet the Lu Han in this world.
Lu Han may be “too kind” according to that gardener, but everyone else in the household, visitors included, are awful. As soon as Yixing steps up onto the main floor of the house, hands nervously adjusting the sleeves of his uniform, he is approached by the same woman who took him to the house and ordered to bring the Duchess her morning tea and pushed into the kitchen. An intricate silver platter is forced into his arms and he hurries up the servant stairs, balancing a tea set and small sandwiches, to a golden door at the end of a pink and yellow hall. As soon as he enters the room he is yelled at for being two minutes late by the Duchess’s own personal servant, tray snatched from his arms, and the Duchess looks him over and turns away with her nose raised.
As Yixing is rushing back down the stairs, he is told to see what the eldest son of the family wants, “as he has been ringing the servant bell rather impatiently.” Yixing changes direction and hurries to a silver door on the side of a blue and white hall, where he is scolded for some mistake made the previous day by someone else just because he is the one who showed up at the room. The future duke roughly pushes Yixing against a wall, which makes a portrait fall and its frame to break, and he orders Yixing to clean up the mess as he walks casually out of the room.
The middle child is a young woman who does not say much, to which Yixing is grateful, but she still looks upon him with degrading eyes as he goes back and forth between her large closet and her bedroom with different dresses in tow as she tries on outfits to wear to some ball she is attending that evening.
By noon Yixing still has not had the chance to see Lu Han. He learns that the rest of the family comes first since Lu Han is the youngest child, so although he is mainly a personal servant to Lu Han, if there are no available hands then he must help tend to everyone else. He even waits on the neighboring noble family who comes for lunch and must stand by the door quietly while they all crack jokes about what unsightly things his family must have done to wind up as servants for eternity.
Around 2 in the afternoon, when he is told to go spend the rest of the day with “the youngest Lord”, Yixing feels so tired and run-down that he almost wants to ditch his duties and hole up in his shack until he wakes up. But that could take days in dream world, so he slowly climbs the stairs to Lu Han’s plain white door and knocks three times. His stress seems to wash away when Lu Han opens the door and breaks into a wide smile upon seeing him.
“Finally,” Lu Han breathes, taking Yixing by the wrist - gently, unlike his eldest brother - and pulling him inside, door clicking shut softly behind them. He envelops Yixing in a warm, tight hug, and after the day Yixing’s had, it almost makes him cry. Lu Han notices his glossy eyes when he pulls back and swipes his thumbs lightly across Yixing’s cheekbones. “You are safe now,” he promises.
The almost intimate affection surprises Yixing, but he smiles and bows his head. “What shall I do for you, sire?”
Lu Han looks at him with amusement. “You are so delightful, Yixing.” He leads Yixing to a chair and urges him to sit. “You must be hungry.” He takes a plate of uneaten sandwiches, much like the ones Yixing had brought to the Duchess, and holds it out. “I saved them all for you. Go on.”
Yixing’s stomach growls and he takes one sandwich in each hand in embarrassment. Lu Han’s laugh is a beautiful sound.
“I heard about what my brother did to you,” Lu Han admits, voiced laced with guilt. He strokes Yixing’s hair as Yixing takes a bite of a sandwich. “I’m so sorry.”
Yixing shakes his head and swallows. “I’m okay,” he says.
Lu Han looks relieved. He grabs a cloth napkin and dabs at mustard at the corner of Yixing’s mouth. “I wish you didn’t have to live like this,” he says before kneeling down and cupping Yixing’s cheek, head tilting as his lips-
-Yixing jolts up in bed with a loud gasp and looks around wildly in the dark, only relaxing when he is sure he is awake and in his bed. His breathing slows, but his heart continues to beat erratically.
“Xing?” Lu Han’s sleep-raspy voice calls out quietly.
Yixing looks in the direction of Lu Han’s bed. “Y-yeah?”
“Are you okay? Was it another nightmare?”
Yixing can hear Lu Han’s mattress creak, knows he’s getting up to check on him, and says quickly, “No, no. I’m okay. Go back to sleep. I just got surprised.”
Yixing isn’t sure if Lu Han is really convinced that everything is alright, but he’s so tired that he mumbles out a goodnight, get some more sleep before burying his head in his pillow again.
Yixing doesn’t sleep.
°˖✧★✧˖°
It’s curiosity that has Yixing picking up the book again the next night. Something is eating at him and he thinks that maybe, if he sees Lord Lu Han again, things will become clearer. He gets a little uneasy as he reads on about the servant girl accompanying the young Lord on a romantic moonlit carriage ride since this round of dreams seems to be much more related to the text, but he soon becomes sucked into the pure emotions the book emits and can’t put it down.
Fortunately Yixing already finds himself in Lu Han’s quarters, having apparently started this dream after the hectic work of morning. Lu Han is sitting at his desk, where Yixing’s mind tells him he’s been for hours, pouring over old scrolls and newer books and jotting down an occasional notation with a fancy quill pen. Yixing watches the black-dipped golden tip scratch across parchment, almost in a trance, until Lu Han drops it to rub tiredly at his forehead.
“Don’t you want to take a break?” he asks softy from where he sits on the chest at the foot of Lu Han’s bed, trying not to startle Lu Han in the silence of the room. Lu Han looks back at him and smiles warmly.
“Take one with me?” he asks, and Yixing cocks his head. Lu Han stands and heads to the bed, taking one of Yixing’s hands and guiding him onto the embroidered silk sheets. They sit, and Yixing hopes his nervousness doesn’t show and make Lu Han uncomfortable.
“Sire?” Yixing ventures.
Lu Han laughs and shakes his head. “Again with that…you know to just call me Lu Han, Yixing.” He laces his fingers with Yixing’s against the white duvet and rubs Yixing’s knuckles with a thumb. Birds chirp outside and Lu Han looks towards the large windowed door leading to his room’s balcony. “Spring is so beautiful,” he muses. “I wish I could stand out there with you and enjoy it.”
Yixing watches Lu Han’s regretful smile, watches the way his cheeks round and his eyes soften at whatever he is thinking, and feels something in his chest that he’s not sure he can explain away with the role he is currently playing.
Yixing wakes up and is still uneasy.
°˖✧★✧˖°
Yixing can feel eyes on him when he messes up yet another dance practice. He’s been forgetting sequences and butchering moves all day, and it hasn’t gone unnoticed. Jongin and Sehun try to approach him during break and ask if he’s alright, but he brushes them off with a smile and says it just must not be his day. Lu Han isn’t as easy to convince - he knows Yixing too well.
“Your condition was improving so well lately,” he says, cutting to the chase as he hands Yixing some water. “What gives?”
Yixing is hesitant to look into Lu Han’s eyes because no matter what world he’s visited, those eyes are always the same. “It’s not my day,” he repeats, but Lu Han just gives him a look. “I don’t know,” he admits. “I’m working on it, though. I’ll be ready for this comeback, I promise.”
Lu Han sees Yixing’s determination and nods. “I know you will. I believe in you, always do.”
°˖✧★✧˖°
Yixing decides to venture into the world of royal families one last time and regrets it with every fiber of his being. The first thing he sees once he enters Lu Han’s room is the young Lord trying to blink away tears and put on a smile for him and the sight makes Yixing’s heart lurch.
“Lu?” he asks instinctively, forgetting where they are, but Lu Han seems to like the informality as it emits a small laugh from the young man who looks as if he bears the world on his shoulders.
“Yixing,” he says, crossing the room in three strides and pulling Yixing into his arms. “You have never doubted my love for you, have you?”
Yixing is taken aback by the sudden confession but there is no denying Lu Han’s feelings for him in this world, even he can tell. “No,” he says honestly.
Lu Han looks into Yixing’s eyes with his own red ones and asks, “And you love me, don’t you?”
“Yes,” Yixing answers, because he knows it is what he is supposed to say here, he’s probably said it countless times before, and when Lu Han kisses his cheek he isn’t entirely opposed to the idea.
They just lie in Lu Han’s bed, hand in hand and staying as close as they can until Lu Han eventually dozes off. Yixing slips out of bed without waking him and lingers in the doorway of Lu Han’s room for a moment, watches as Lu Han breathes through slightly parted lips and his eyelashes occasionally flutter, and wants nothing more than to make him smile again.
“Ma’am,” Yixing speaks up as he and his boss fold sheets in the laundry room. Her lack of scolding prompts Yixing to continue. “Master Lu Han seemed very upset today,” he says carefully. “Do you happen to know why?” The woman looks at Yixing and he says quickly, “I am worried for the young master and I figured if I knew what was wrong I could provide some sort of service.”
The woman seems pleased - or at least not mad - at Yixing’s apparent willingness to do extra work and gives him a grunt, which he assumes means she will tell him what she knows. “There is talk of arranging a marriage for Lord Lu Han,” she says, and Yixing drops one of the corners of his pillow cases. “There is a dispute between our region and a kingdom farther north, but it is not a large disagreement and they are likely to accept the family’s youngest as treaty.”
Yixing gapes at the idea of throwing Lu Han at a stranger as collateral. No wonder Lu Han looked to be crying his eyes out all morning. He doesn’t say anything else in fear of seeming too involved, but his mind keeps racing until he is able to see Lu Han again that evening.
“Why didn’t you tell me about the arranged marriage?” he blurts out as soon as Lu Han lets him into his room. “I…they shouldn’t do this to you, Lu, it’s not fair.” He doesn’t realize he had grabbed for Lu Han’s hands until Lu Han raises them to his lips.
“It is my duty, Yixing,” he says honorably, though his face looks anything but happy. Then, quieter, he admits, “I have no choice.”
“But I…” Yixing starts, takes a breath, then says, “but I love you,” because that’s what he is supposed to say.
Just hearing those words seems to brighten Lu Han’s expression slightly. “And I you, Yixing.”
They spend the rest of the evening on Lu Han’s balcony watching the spring sun set over the estate grounds while Lu Han laments on what it would be like to be a bird, free to fly away and be with Yixing wherever the wind blows.
Yixing never finishes the period piece. It isn’t that he dislikes the story - in fact, the writing is extraordinary - but it just feels too real. It is quite obvious that although the main couple is what it is, they will not wind up together in the end. They just can’t.
Yixing stops reading because he realizes he doesn’t want to lose the Lu Han in this dream.
°˖✧★✧˖°
Yixing tries to get by without any reading before bed for about a week, and his sleeping patterns really are changing for the better, but now he faces a new obstacle in the form of his best friend, the person he should trust the most. He both wants to act normal around Lu Han and stay away from him. He wants to link arms with Lu Han as they get ushered around but he is afraid of the contact. He wants to share food with Lu Han but he is afraid of their mouths being close. He is afraid of Lu Han noticing his dilemma and taking it to mean he doesn’t value their friendship. He is afraid of so many things he shouldn’t be afraid of because Lu Han is Lu Han, Lu Han is safety.
Yet at the same time, trying to subtly avoid Lu Han also makes him crave Lu Han more. While his mind may be letting him sleep easier now, when he is awake it torments him with confusion and guilt and ideas he shouldn’t be thinking and he wonders if he is really any better off than before.
Lu Han does notice Yixing’s daily discomforts, but instead of prying or feeling offended, he sits Yixing down in their room one day and apologizes. Yixing blinks at him.
“I don’t know, I feel like…I feel like maybe I pushed you too much to read and made you think you had to get back on track quickly,” Lu Han says, and he looks so upset at himself even as he stares down at the floor that Yixing doesn’t know what to say. “I’m just worried about you, Xing,” Lu Han continues, “we all are. But especially me, you know? I feel like we’re always each other’s pillars but I didn’t do my job right and pressured you so I’m really sorry.” His next sentence is so quiet it takes Yixing a second to register that he said anything at all. “Just don’t ignore me anymore, okay?”
Yixing can’t bear to see Lu Han like this. He shakes his head and grabs Lu Han’s hands firmly, like Lord Lu Han did to him, and hopes it feels just as secure. “It is definitely not your fault, Lu,” he says, “it’s mine. I let my problems affect our friendship and that’s not okay. So forgive me instead, yeah?”
Lu Han looks at Yixing and snorts. “Well aren’t we a couple of teenage girls.”
Yixing laughs and they spend the rest of the day watching dumb dramas and weird Japanese game shows.
°˖✧★✧˖°
That night Yixing finally picks up the last book he borrowed. If he can get through everything he planned to originally get through, he reasons, then maybe his mind can finally settle down once and for all. And today’s talk with Lu Han made him determined to try his best to reach some sort of closure. He hated anything coming between them like that.
The book is a simple, sweet high school love story between a boy and a girl who have grown up as best friends and neighbors their whole lives, a duo who can’t see what is right in front of their noses. They go through instances where they should realize their feelings but don’t, and even a dramatic scene where the girl gets confessed to by someone else. It’s cliché, but it’s a light read and Yixing needs something light. The last book was too much too fast. The last Lu Han was too much too fast.
“Hey, Yixing, can I see your chem notes?” Jongdae calls as he jogs across the grassy courtyard before school starts. He comes to a stop, ever-present smile adorning his face, and waves.
“Sorry,” Yixing says with a regretful smile. “I fell asleep in class…”
Jongdae whines as a couple other members - classmates - approach the two. “Did anyone pay attention in chem last week?”
“I did,” Junmyeon says, and Sehun and Jongin snort at him for being a nerd, or something.
Everyone merges off into their own groups as they head to separate homerooms except for Yixing, who looks around for Lu Han, his only homeroom friend out of the group. They do everything together, especially school life. They will both end up at one of their houses or the other at the end of the day too, families treating both boys as their own. People say they must be brothers in another universe, and Yixing supposes that’s right.
“Wait up!” Yixing hears Lu Han call, and he turns to search for his friend through the crowd of students flooding the halls. When Lu Han finally pushes his way through the current, he slings an arm around Yixing’s shoulders and pulls him into a rough hug.
“Ow, Lu,” Yixing whines, cupping his hands over his freshly pierced ears.
“Oops, my bad,” Lu Han says, easing up on the affection. “I forgot you did that over the weekend.” He looks at the small black studs contrasting against Yixing’s pale skin and continues to stare at them when he says, “They look real good.”
“Thanks,” Yixing says, not noticing the extra attention. “I wanted purple ones but they were out…”
Lu Han finally shifts his gaze to Yixing’s face. “I have a lot, see if you like any of mine,” he offers.
Yixing feels something strange in his chest at the thought of wearing Lu Han’s jewelry. “Gross,” he pretends to gag. “They’ll have your germs on them.”
Lu Han punches him lightly in the arm and they both laugh as they continue on to class, body heat radiating onto each other as they walk closely side by side.
Rather than going through entire days of classes and homework, the high school love story fortunately inspires a collection of shorter dreams focusing mainly on Yixing and Lu Han and how they spend their time together between fun and the stresses of being a teenager.
Like the next scene Yixing’s mind skips to, of Yixing leaving his dance club after school and waiting by the side of the soccer field as he watches Lu Han’s practice run long. He has been told many times how skillful his dancing is, but to Yixing, Lu Han is their more captivating half, especially when he’s on the grass. Lu Han has grace in a game of sweat and dirt. The way his feet maneuver make it seem like he’s gliding - Yixing can’t even imagine himself playing soccer well at all, let alone as beautifully as Lu Han.
The coach’s whistle startles Yixing and brings him back to reality just in time to catch Lu Han waving at him as the team jogs into the locker room. Yixing pulls his jacket closer and hums under his breath as he waits for Lu Han to dress.
“Want to get some coffee?” Lu Han asks, bumping shoulders as they walk in the direction of Yixing’s home. Without waiting for an answer, Lu Han links their arms together and leads Yixing to the hole-in-the-wall café they had stumbled into for shelter one rainy day during sophomore year and they spend hours just chatting and sitting in the comfort of each other and the scents of twenty different coffees and too-early Christmas music.
Next thing Yixing knows, he and Lu Han are crowding on Lu Han’s bed a week later with textbooks and notes sprawled out around them and trying not to get distracted from studying every five minutes. Yixing is actually making progress - slow progress, but still progress - on his English vocabulary when Lu Han crumples up a blank sheet of lined paper and throws it at him. They wind up in a tickle fight, homework and notebooks becoming an unrecognizable mess as they thrash around the bed and shriek with laughter.
“U-uncle!” Yixing gasps out when Lu Han manages to pin him down and blow steadily over his neck.
Lu Han grins confidently and stops blowing, but when he leans back he doesn’t lean very far and just looks at Yixing’s flushed face mere inches from his with an expression Yixing doesn’t quite understand.
“What?” Yixing asks, still panting from laughing so hard.
“…Nothing,” Lu Han says, climbing off of Yixing and trying to make sense of the clutter they made.
°˖✧★✧˖°
By this point Yixing’s sleep troubles are completely gone and the anxious pressure he gets in his chest every time he thinks back on the Lu Hans in his dreams is lessening - or, rather, it is becoming a comfortable feeling. It feels like everything is going back to normal, and a little something extra is slowly shifting into place as well. He notices it whenever Lu Han drags him outdoors, away from his precious phone screen, to a park to play a botched game of soccer or to a tiny ice cream place tucked into a corner of Hongdae. He can tell something different is there in the way Lu Han smiles at him and laughs, or perhaps it is Yixing’s perception that gives importance to what has been distinctly Lu Han all along.
Yixing develops a habit of bumping shoulders and brushing fingers with Lu Han as they walk and joining him whenever he wants coffee at seven in the morning, and Lu Han seems to light up at every touch and every cup in a way that Yixing has never seen before.
°˖✧★✧˖°
A rumor spreads around the Internet about Yixing being a little too friendly with some female staff member he had crossed paths with a couple times at various shows in China- oh, she is the daughter of the network’s CEO Yixing reads on Weibo. So that’s what all the fuss is about. He assures fans and members alike that he was just spreading his appreciation to everyone on set, but of course not all fans accept the “excuse” and Yixing has to ignore the situation completely before he rolls his eyes so hard they fall right out of his skull.
The members give him a little teasing then drop it soon enough when the joke gets stale, but Lu Han seems to stay irrationally bothered by something he knows isn’t true. Coincidentally, the chapters Yixing reads that night are about a surprise confession.
“How many chocolates did you get this time?” Baekhyun asks as he slaps Chanyeol on the back during lunch break. He whistles when he sees the pile. “What a playboy.”
Chanyeol shoves Baekhyun’s hands away and grins. “Yeah, but this is a regular V-day for me - did you hear Yixing got confessed to after first period?”
Suddenly it seems like the whole grade knows about the quiet, sweet girl who had admitted her blossoming feelings to Yixing that morning. Jongdae asks Yixing about it when he passes Yixing and Lu Han in the hall, and Lu Han goes rigid. When Yixing just laughs the question off nervously, Lu Han pushes ahead and continues on to class alone.
Yixing doesn’t manage to catch Lu Han until after school, when the moon is high in the sky and sweat clings to his body like a second skin after dance club. He stops Lu Han from walking briskly out of the school gates after soccer practice alone and pulls him to a stone bench in the courtyard. Trees cast shadows from the moonlight across Lu Han’s face, and Yixing can’t really see what he is thinking.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, and he can see Lu Han’s jaw clench even in the dark.
“Nothing,” Lu Han lies. Yixing often lets Lu Han’s lies slide because he knows Lu Han will talk to him if the situation becomes too much, but not this time.
“Bullshit,” he says in a rare show of crudity. “Lu, you know you can’t fool me.”
“Apparently I can because you don’t know why I’m upset,” Lu Han snaps. Yixing draws his hand back and Lu Han sighs. Then, quieter, he asks, “You know you’re my best friend, right?” and the situation is suddenly the same as the confession from Lord Lu Han, except this Lu Han is so much more real.
“And you’re mine,” Yixing assures, reaching his hand back out and taking one of Lu Han’s hands.
Lu Han stays still and silent for a good minute before finally moving, and when he does the rest of the world seems to slow. He rests his free hand against Yixing’s cheek and leans in until their mouths just barely touch but it’s enough to make Yixing’s lips tingle send shock waves running through his chest. He can’t help the gasp that slips out and Lu Han’s pulling away quickly in embarrassment and probably anger at himself until Yixing pulls him back in and rests their heated foreheads against each other.
“I turned her down, you know,” Yixing whispers. “How could you believe that anyone would be more important in my life than you? Do you not know me at all?”
Lu Han snorts softly and thumbs Yixing’s wrists and they share a more proper first kiss right there in the schoolyard.
°˖✧★✧˖°
Yixing is resolute in making Lu Han feel happy again. He tries to think of roundabout ways of asking Lu Han what’s wrong when he gives up and just approaches him one morning, still in his pajamas and unruly bedhead.
“Are you upset about those dating rumors?” Yixing asks bluntly, standing over the kitchen table as Lu Han eats leftovers from a couple days ago. Lu Han looks up at him, noodle hanging from his mouth. He slurps it up and swallows.
“Not really,” he says airily, and he’s lying. Yixing sits in the chair next to him and doesn’t give him much space until he tells him more. “Alright, alright,” Lu Han sighs, pushing his food away. “I admit it’s a little unnerving. I know it’s not true, but it made me think about how it’s not always just gonna be you and me and I don’t like that idea.” Yixing doesn’t have time to retort - Lu Han is pushing his chair back and heading towards the front before he can even figure out how to say what he wants to say.
“Let’s get a pizza!” Yixing shouts, just to get a word in. Lu Han looks back at him, then at his food on the table. “Then…then let’s take a walk. I don’t know where but we’ll find some nature and just walk wherever we feel like it.”
“What?” Lu Han asks, and he probably thinks Yixing is acting really weird right now but at least he’s facing away from the door.
“We can walk by Hangang River at night,” Yixing continues to ramble. “Moonlight strolls are nice, right? Or we can stand on the dorm balcony and-”
“Xing,” Lu Han interrupts, thoroughly confused but a little charmed. “Are you trying to ask me on some sort of date?”
Yixing gulps. “I don’t know,” he says honestly.
Lu Han walks back to the table and stands beside Yixing. “If you were,” he says slowly, fingers dancing through Yixing’s hair, “and I wanted to accept - hypothetically, of course - I think pizza at Hangang sounds really cool.”
Yixing nods and then ”Oh!” and Lu Han laughs at him as he kneels down so he’s face level with Yixing. He looks a little nervous. Not like how he gets on stage when a mic is coming his way, but a kind of nervousness reserved for private company when Lu Han knows he can be himself and show whatever emotions he wants without worry of intrusion. He gently brushes Yixing’s bangs aside and looks just as hopeful as when Yixing first told him the books were helping his insomnia. Lu Han is always paying so much attention to him.
“So, pepperoni for you and Hawaiian for me?” Yixing asks, and he muffles Lu Han’s laugh with a kiss.
(Yixing never actually finishes the romance book - he doesn’t have to).