Comments | only_dani: Moments In Time

only_dani

Moments In Time

Oct 28, 2010 12:34

Author: Only_Dani
Title: Moments In Time
Rating: M - Just to be on the safe side. I might change it later though
Pairing: Roy/Older Al
word count: 2537
Series: Post FMA Brotherhood
Warnings: Spoilery, angst, boylove
Summary: Sometimes life takes you to places you never thought you would go. For Al, finding his place in the world turns out to be harder ( Read more... )

al, roy, fullmetal alchemist

Comments 14

azure15 October 28 2010, 20:00:23 UTC

Ahh, this is gorgeous! You've captured Al's voice so well, and the feelings he's struggling to come to terms to.

Your descriptions about Mustang are extremely unf, too.

And there is a severe lack of Roy/Al in this fandom. I'm looking forward to seeing where this one goes!

only_dani October 28 2010, 23:51:07 UTC

Thanks for the lovely comments! There is such a lack of Roy/Al, and they're so cute together. I don't know why they aren't written together more.

I'm really glad the voice came out so well, I was worried that it would feel a little too angsty for him, if thats possible.

jazz_trousers October 28 2010, 21:26:33 UTC

I thought I would save my feedback for when you posted the fic rather than after I beta'd it cuz I was tired and couldn't think of words to do it justice, so here it is:

I. LOVE. YOUR. AL! He is a character that is very difficult to write in POV but you've got him so spot on, he has the maturity here that a lot of other writers miss and make him too child-like. I also loved your slightly sad, war-torn Roy (and as an avid EdxWinry shipper it was nice to see them together too, hehe)
The descriptive language in this is beautiful, also the way Al feels like he's missing something rang very true to me (closet-cases? Us? Never! ^^)
The pleasure was all mine and I will greatly anticipate the next part!

only_dani October 28 2010, 23:57:34 UTC

awe thanks *blushes* I'm so glad you liked, and thanks for all your help in sprucing it up.

I thought it was about time Al grew up in a story, and he has the potential of being such a complicated adult in my eyes, still with that happiness he's known for, but with a sadness under it all because of everything he's been through.

And I see you caught the closet-ness XD. It seems to me that if he was stuck in metal for so long he wouldn't know what to do with those emotions if they hit him like that, so thanks for picking up on it hehe.

evilchuckles October 29 2010, 01:48:51 UTC

Great way to end the chapter! Frustrating though because I'm gasping for me now!

I really enjoyed this. It has wonderful atmosphere and tone and the first person works really well. You really BELIEVE that it's Al.

I'm seriously looking forward to chapter 2.

only_dani October 29 2010, 21:16:41 UTC

I'm really glad you enjoyed this piece, and as for the update, I should have it up in about a week for you, so don't worry too much about never seeing the second chappie :)

and I'm so so so happy the first person worked out, I was going back and forth between making it first person or changing it, but Al finally won out and decided on the POV for me lol.

evilchuckles October 29 2010, 22:53:01 UTC

First person can be problematic. I don't know why but there's always a high risk of OOC-ness. But you totally nailed it. It was Al. No question!

I'm so glad that chapter two is coming!

seatbeltdrivein October 29 2010, 03:34:28 UTC

I love the way you've dealt with Al coming to terms with his "abnormality" and especially the way you had him trying to fix it. I can imagine Al standing with all those people in the party at the end and getting frustrated because all anyone wants to hear about is the women LOL!

I'm not normally a very big fan of first person pov, but I think you've managed to capture Al's voice very nicely here, particularly his way of viewing the world around him. There's so little Roy/Al in fandom. I'm really looking forward to seeing where you go with this! :)

only_dani October 29 2010, 21:19:27 UTC

I could just imagine Havoc at that celebration party bugging Al about what chicks he had slept with haha.

I'm really happy you enjoyed this chappie *blushes* I should have chapter 2 up by this wednesday, so keep your eyes peeled :)

orion117 October 29 2010, 04:48:09 UTC

I agree: it’s great to see some Roy/Al! This is an intriguing beginning. It makes sense that Al’s time in the armor short-circuited the usual discovery time of adolescence. I also liked your world-weary Roy. I’m looking forward to more!

only_dani October 29 2010, 21:40:13 UTC

It makes me really happy to hear that you've been enjoying this *grins*