MERRY CHRISTMAS, WANG FIRE HIGH!

[onlystr8eskimo]

OH MAN...SO I JUST HAD THE MOST CRAZY CHRISTMAS NIGHT EVER DDD8...HERE, YOU CAN READ ABOUT IT ALL IN THIS OH-SO-CONVENIENT CHILDREN'S BOOK 8DDDD...



TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
AND THROUGHOUT WANG FIRE HIGH,
ALL THE WANGERS IN WANGVILLE
HAD STARTED TO CRY.

THEY CRIED WITHOUT CEASING
THEY CRIED WITHOUT PAUSE
THE REASON? THIS YEAR
THERE WOULD BE NO SANTA CLAUS!

IT ALL STARTED LAST SEPTEMBER,
I'LL RETTELL THE TAIL,
OF ROKU, HIS BEARD
AND SOKKA'S NIGHT OF FAIL:

WHILE AT THE DEL FUEGO HOUSE
SOKKA DID PILLAGE AND RANSACK.
AND WITH A GUN FILLED WITH DYE
TURNED ROKU'S BEARD INKY BLACK!

SAID ROKU: "SOKKA YOU DOLT!
THIS IS WORSE THAN I FEARED,
YOU'VE GONE AND RUINED CHRISTMAS
BY RUINING MY BEARD!

HOW CAN I PLAY SANTA,
WITHOUT A BEARD THAT'S SNOW-WHITE?
IT WOULDN'T BE DECENT!
IT WOULDN'T LOOK RIGHT!

AND SO YOU'VE RUINED CHRISTMAS
AND PUT US ALL IN A PINCH,
I HOPE THAT YOU'RE HAPPY,
MR. SOKKA-THE-GRINCH!"

CRIED SOKKA: "NO ROKU!
YOU LIE! HOW COULD THIS BE?
THAT CHRISTMAS COULD BE RUINED
AND BE RUINED BY ME?"

SAID ROKU: "THERE MAY BE ONE WAY
TO CHANGE FROM GRINCH BACK TO ELF,
YOU MUST USE THE POWER OF BEARDS
AND SAVE CHRISTMAS YOURSELF."

SO FOR THREE MONTHS HE PLOTTED,
SOKKA THOUGHT AND HE PLANNED
ABOUT HOW BEST TO BRING CHRISTMAS
TO EVERYONE IN THE LAND.

CAME CHRISTMAS EVE HE WAS READY,
TO HIS PLAN HE'D ADHERED.
HE HAD THE PERFECT SANTA COSTUME
AND HIS VERY OWN FAKE BEARD.

HE HAD ALL THE PRESENTS,
AND TIED SOME ANTLERS ON FANG.
OUR OWN DEAR FRIEND SOKKA,
HAD BECOME SANTA-WANG!

SO HE TOOK FOO-FOO CUDDLY POOPS,
HIS SABER-TOOTHED LION-MOOSE
AND THEY FLEW UP INTO THE SKY
(WITH THE HELP OF SOME CACTUS JUICE).

THEY FLEW OVER EMBER ISLAND
AND OVER BA SING SE
DELIVERING ALL THE PRESENTS
BEFORE CHRISTMAS DAY:

FOR SUKI A BRACELET,
FOR KATARA A MUSIC BOX
(IN HOPES SHE WOULD ALWAYS
KEEP KNITTING HIM SOCKS)

FOR YANGCHEN AND APPA
WARM GLOVES FOR HAND AND FOR PAW
AND FOR AANG A NEW STAFF
TO HELP HIM PRACTICE BA GUA

FOR HAHN, A LUMP OF COAL
(AND A WHALE HUNTING KIT)
AND FOR JET, LOTS OF WEED
(THE REALLY GOOD SHIT)

FOR TYRO, HARUKA
AND HARU, THEIR SON
A TV WITH CABLE
AND UNIVISION

FOR HAMA, FIRE LILY PLANTS
AND FOR FOAMY, A RAKE
AND FOR JEONG JEONG, SILICON BAKE WARE
FOR THE BAKING OF CAKE

AND FOR BEE AND LONGSHOT,
A FULL ARSENAL OF NERF
TO HELP PROTECT THE TREE HOUSE
AND KEEP FOLKS OFF THEIR TURF

THE DUKE GETS A HAT
AND A BRAND-NEW TEA SET
AND FOR BUMI MORE BUNNY-CHOW
FOR HIS FREAKISHLY BIG PET

AND FOR HAKODA, POWER TOOLS
THE NICEST YOU'VE SEEN
AND FOR BATO A SUBSCRIPTION
TO PLAYBOY MAGAZINE

FOR KYA NEW COOKIE SHEETS,
IN ALL ABOUT TEN.
WITH A NOTE: "PLEASE DON'T EVER
TOUCH SOKKA'S GIRLFRIEND AGAIN!"

KANNA GETS A NEW BLEND-TECH BLENDER,
(QUALITY ON WHICH YOU CAN DEPEND)
AND SHE CAN FINALLY ANSWER
THE QUESTION "WILL IT BLEND?"

FOR PAKKU, A WOOLEN SWEATER
MADE WITH LOVE IN EVERY SINGLE STITCH
(MAYBE THIS YEAR HE WON'T
BE SUCH A CRABBY OLD BITCH)

FOR YUE, FINE JEWELRY
FOR SSBM, A WATCH
NEW DANCE SHOES FOR BEARDMAN
AND HIS BLACK-HOLE OF A CROTCH

NEW DRUG PARAPHERNALIA
FOR LILY AND CHONG
AND FOR MAI TROJAN MAGNUMS
FOR HER SHINY NEW SCHLONG

FOR TOPH, A RED RYDER
AIR-CARBINE ACTION GUN
FOR LEE, JARS OF NUTELLA
(FOR GOOD NOT-SO-CLEAN FUN)

FOR FAKE!AANG, BREAST BINDINGS
TO HELP HER BE STEALTHY
(REMEMBER KIDS THIS KIND OF
HERO WORSHIP AIN'T HEALTHY)

FOR AUNT WU, AND ZHAO
THE TYPIST, TONG AND MS. JUN
ALL SORTS OF OFFICE SUPPLIES AND BOOZE
(BECAUSE CLASSES START SOON)

AND PROFESSOR ZEI AND KUEI,
THE DISTANCE BETWEEN THEM TOO MUCH,
BOTH RECEIVED CELLULAR PHONE PLANS,
SO THEY CAN ALWAYS BE IN TOUCH

FOR ZEI'S MERMAID FRIEND,
SCALE-POLISH FOR HER TAIL
AND AN ANGER-MANAGEMENT BOOK
FOR A CERTAIN GRUMPY SNAIL

FOR KURUK A NEW MINI-FRIDGE
FILLED FULL OF JELLO SHOOTERS
AND FOR KYOSHI A GIFT CARD
TO HER FAVORITE RESTAURANT, HOOTERS

FOR TEO AND HIS DAD
A NEW CHEMISTRY SET
(AND BEST HOMEOWNERS INSURANCE
THAT MONEY CAN GET)

FOR ZUKO TONS OF CDS,
MAKE UP AND EMO-BOY CLOTHES
FOR AZULA, A RACK
WITH WHICH TO TORMENT HER FOES

FOR IROH, RARE TEAS
FOR OZZAI, NEW SHADES
FOR URSA A HUGE NEW
ASSORTMENT OF BLADES

AND AS SANTA-WANG PASSED ROKU,
WHO WAS ASLEEP, HIS FACE SHEARED
SANTA LEFT, BY HIS PILLOW,
A BRAND-NEW FAKE BEARD

AND SO SANTA-WANG FINISHED
DELIVERING GIFTS TO HIS ILK
(SO HE WENT HOME TO HIS LADIES
FOR SOME NOOKIE AND MILK)

SO SOKKA HAD DONE IT,
HE WAS PRAISED AND REVERED
HE HAD ACTUALLY SAVED CHRISTMAS
(ALL THANKS TO HIS BEARD)

AND HE CALLED OUT TO ALL:
"IN THE NEW YEAR, GOOD LUCK!
AND HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL
...AND TO ALL...A GOOD *SCRIBBLED OUT HERE WITH THE WORD "NIGHT" WRITTEN IN UNDERNEATH*!"