so you say you're happy little girl
A long rant mentioning Addison's likelihood of happiness in the moment.
The truth is, Addison has probably never truly been happy. She grew up in a home where everything was complicated. Her dad was always "cheating" on her mom and she kept it a secret, when it was really a bit more than she even ever knew. Her dad was never really happy because he loved a woman wholeheartedly who couldn't really love him, and her mother couldn't be happy because it wasunseemlyfor her to express her love for the person she was really in love with.
So, instead, Addison had this idea that she was happy, and she was as happy as she's probably ever seen. The difficulty is that you can't just say "she was happiest with Sam or Derek or Mark or Pete" or whoever because you don't know everything about her life. But, after watching her for 7 seasons, you kind of get the idea that she's always trying to be happy which is really all you can ask of someone.
The reality is that maybe she was happy with Derek, for a little while. Maybe they were young and dumb and believed that the future could bring happiness if they could just work hard and then have a family together. Maybe they didn't think about the future at all and just lived in the moment for awhile.
But, here's the thing, life generally isn't simple at all times.
Sometimes, you have parents who are fucking amazing and are always there for you and provide financially for you and you couldn't have a worry in the world. Sometimes, your parents die (like Derek's). Sometimes, your parents aren't around very much (like Mark's). Sometimes, your parents just don't know how to be there for you because they feel lost (like Addison's). Sometimes, you have a perfect childhood and sometimes you don't.
That being said, Addison always seems to have something missing from her life. Forget about the fact that she's essentially barren, because she hasn't always been. Forget about the fact that she technically cheated on Derek first. Focus on the fact that her mother had standards for her, standards that she created because she could never be what Addison was. Bizzy at one point says, "I want for you what I never had" (maybe not in those exact words, but you get the gist).
Addison and Derek got married and they were happy. Richard at one point states that he remembers what they were like as interns, young and in love and always sneaking off to be with each other. They were happy...for awhile, and it isn't like Addison pushed Derek to be more than he could because clearly he could and he did become a world-class neurosurgeon. Rather, they all had plans to build their careers and be good at what they do.
For Derek, that just meant burying himself in his work. I think that speaks for his character, shows you that maybe he had to try a little harder because of his field than Mark or Addison, seeing as how they didn't become consumed with work. That isn't me saying that Derek is stupid or not as smart, by any means, that's me saying that being a neurosurgeon is a combative field because there are a lot of neurosurgeons.
(And then you have neurologists like Archer who simply can't stand the field and think that neurosurgery is a waste of time.)
So, clearly, Derek got busy and when he did, his marriage became something that was strictly on paper. Addison was lonely and seeked refuge in Mark. My guess is, it wasn't something intended. It was probably a gradual thing. Derek staying late at the hospital and asking Mark to do him a favor, and suddenly Mark was there when Derek wasn't.
According to Eric Dane, the affair probably went on for at least a year and within that year, Addison was probably really unhappy. She has morals, or intends to have morals but sometimes gets lost within herself. The reason for that is that she's always seeking happiness, always looking for more.
She got so close to having it all with Mark. She had the decent guy, the one who tries hard but never really truly succeeds according to plan, but he's reliable, much more than he is trustworthy. She had the opportunity to have the baby, but her mom convinced her it was unseemly because she was still married to Derek. Addison got it, got that it wasn't the best idea to have Mark's baby while married to Derek, got that Mark probably wasn't cut out for it and at the time they all believed it - no matter how hard none of them wanted to.
She was almost happy even though she maybe never loved Derek as much as she could have loved someone else. As she tells Meredith, she knew Derek was the one because he wouldn't hurt her. That implies that maybe there was someone else, someone that was harder to love or not as simple as a choice, not a love as easy, or not someone who she knew wouldn't hurt her.
(Really, talking about the prospect of Mark and Addison and something completely different than her happiness because then I would have to touch on the kind of guy that Mark is and I don't think we have time for that now. So....moving on...)
Addison essentially sacrifices her potential happiness to do the right thing. Really, let's consider her personality type. She needs someone who will tell her how great she is because she has a self-esteem that has been trampled on. She needs someone who will notice her at the end of every day, someone who will pick her over everything else. Those are just the things that she needs.
In retrospect, she is also very strong-willed, knows what she wants and will stop at nothing to get it even though she'd much rather have support, but she still wants to be liked and have happiness.
She has this idea of happiness that she wants to be fulfilled. She wants the good man. She wants the baby. She wants the career. And who says she can't have it all?
So, eventually she goes to Seattle to try to fix things with Derek. If you think about it, every man she has been with is in love with another woman and/or kisses (screws, whatever) another woman. This is a woman who wants to be happy, but when she hears the words "I will never hurt you" (*cough* Sam *cough*), she automatically doesn't want to believe it.
When she goes to LA, she meets Pete who scared to all hell to even let anything be real.
Basically, she was pretty much blissfully happy with Kevin. He treated her right, was nice, loved her, everything she could have wanted. But, that relationship showed how she was clearly skeptical of love because she went as far as following him when he went on a bust. That's a pretty big deal and fairly important to keep in mind so you remember her insecurities.
Archer comes into town, plants this seed of uncertainty in Kevin's mind, maybe even a small one Addison's, and they both draw away.
Okay, cool. So, there is small occurances in her life from Wyatt and Noah (which I shipped really hard, btw, so that speaks for what my ships are) and even Mark again. Don't even get me started on how irritating it is that Sam basically ran Mark off. Sure, for once, Mark was doing the right thing because he didn't want to hurt her anymore, but he only said that because he wanted Addison to himself.
Okay, a lot of people liked their friendship, but I didn't get their sudden attraction. I felt like she was all for it because she was lonely and so was he. I didn't think he was in love with her, so maybe I was always against the ship. It's funny that no one has ever said anything to me about them, but okay.
So, Mark leaves and they don't even get together.
Instead, Addison and Pete try again and damn, again, she had her dream sitting at her front door. She had the guy and a baby, even if it wasn't hers. She didn't care, she wanted it and she fucking deserved it. She took care of Pete and Lucas when they were sick and she did a damn good job.
My problem with Sam is that he sabotaged any potential relationships she could of had during season 3. That is not a friend. He didn't do it the right way. A friend would have sat her down and said "I don't think you're getting out of this what you need to be", but he didn't do that. Sam went behind her back and ran Mark off; he kissed her when he knew she was with Pete.
That isn't a good friend or a good man, in my opinon.
So finally, finally when her and Sam get together, it is hardly memorable. From what I can tell, most people really liked them together until her mom died and he shook her. (Okay, I guess we are supposed to forget about it because according to Krista, it's what she needed at the time; although, if anyone had SHOOK me when my mom died, I would have knocked the shit out of them. Also, no womandeservesit when they are saying the words "you're hurting me". I am full of opinions, I know.) The whole time, I kept thinking "you're kidding me".
There is so much about Sam that I won't understand, but this isn't a post about that either.
For anyone to say she was happiest with Sam, they must be referring to visibly happy for a longer period of time because I doubt she was happiest with him. Adulthood has a lot of complications and responsibilities that are anything but simple. Her life has been fairly simple, in my opinion, because there haven't been many complications that wasn't created by her beyond maybe the inability to have a baby.
But, here's the thing: she was no longer happy with Sam when he told her that he didn't want to have a baby, that he was done with parenthood. There was never a chance she would be happy because she came to LA to get a baby, some way she was going to get one. Really, how could two people think they could be together when they want different things?
(Read this and you'll get an idea of what a child would feel like in this instance: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7524660/1/Joy_in_the_Understanding)
Ultimately though, Addison won't ever be happy because she always wants more. She's always worrying about the what if's, about the what comes next, about the what almost was, about the what will be.
Here's the thing, Addison and Sam broke up and she's really vulnerable. Both Jake and Sam aren't seeing this for what it is and really, that makes neither one of them right for her. Jake is cornering her in elevators, offering her everything she could ever want, and she's willing to accept it because she wants it all and she always has. And, Sam, he didn't want to be with her again until he'd found out she had given up on having a baby.
Who needs someone like that?
This isn't a question about who I ship with Addison and who I don't. It's a question you have to ask yourself - are these two people compatible? Is this person right for her at this point in her life?
Personally, I think the only man who could make her happy at this point is Henry, but even then she is going to stress herself out. She is going to overextend herself trying to be a single mother, and trying to be there for Amelia. She is going to worry about Henry's future and probably forget what it's like to be happy.
Addison will probably never really realize that she's happy until it's already gone.
That was really long and not even really everything I wanted to say, but I think it got the point across.
The truth is, Addison has probably never truly been happy. She grew up in a home where everything was complicated. Her dad was always "cheating" on her mom and she kept it a secret, when it was really a bit more than she even ever knew. Her dad was never really happy because he loved a woman wholeheartedly who couldn't really love him, and her mother couldn't be happy because it wasunseemlyfor her to express her love for the person she was really in love with.
So, instead, Addison had this idea that she was happy, and she was as happy as she's probably ever seen. The difficulty is that you can't just say "she was happiest with Sam or Derek or Mark or Pete" or whoever because you don't know everything about her life. But, after watching her for 7 seasons, you kind of get the idea that she's always trying to be happy which is really all you can ask of someone.
The reality is that maybe she was happy with Derek, for a little while. Maybe they were young and dumb and believed that the future could bring happiness if they could just work hard and then have a family together. Maybe they didn't think about the future at all and just lived in the moment for awhile.
But, here's the thing, life generally isn't simple at all times.
Sometimes, you have parents who are fucking amazing and are always there for you and provide financially for you and you couldn't have a worry in the world. Sometimes, your parents die (like Derek's). Sometimes, your parents aren't around very much (like Mark's). Sometimes, your parents just don't know how to be there for you because they feel lost (like Addison's). Sometimes, you have a perfect childhood and sometimes you don't.
That being said, Addison always seems to have something missing from her life. Forget about the fact that she's essentially barren, because she hasn't always been. Forget about the fact that she technically cheated on Derek first. Focus on the fact that her mother had standards for her, standards that she created because she could never be what Addison was. Bizzy at one point says, "I want for you what I never had" (maybe not in those exact words, but you get the gist).
Addison and Derek got married and they were happy. Richard at one point states that he remembers what they were like as interns, young and in love and always sneaking off to be with each other. They were happy...for awhile, and it isn't like Addison pushed Derek to be more than he could because clearly he could and he did become a world-class neurosurgeon. Rather, they all had plans to build their careers and be good at what they do.
For Derek, that just meant burying himself in his work. I think that speaks for his character, shows you that maybe he had to try a little harder because of his field than Mark or Addison, seeing as how they didn't become consumed with work. That isn't me saying that Derek is stupid or not as smart, by any means, that's me saying that being a neurosurgeon is a combative field because there are a lot of neurosurgeons.
(And then you have neurologists like Archer who simply can't stand the field and think that neurosurgery is a waste of time.)
So, clearly, Derek got busy and when he did, his marriage became something that was strictly on paper. Addison was lonely and seeked refuge in Mark. My guess is, it wasn't something intended. It was probably a gradual thing. Derek staying late at the hospital and asking Mark to do him a favor, and suddenly Mark was there when Derek wasn't.
According to Eric Dane, the affair probably went on for at least a year and within that year, Addison was probably really unhappy. She has morals, or intends to have morals but sometimes gets lost within herself. The reason for that is that she's always seeking happiness, always looking for more.
She got so close to having it all with Mark. She had the decent guy, the one who tries hard but never really truly succeeds according to plan, but he's reliable, much more than he is trustworthy. She had the opportunity to have the baby, but her mom convinced her it was unseemly because she was still married to Derek. Addison got it, got that it wasn't the best idea to have Mark's baby while married to Derek, got that Mark probably wasn't cut out for it and at the time they all believed it - no matter how hard none of them wanted to.
She was almost happy even though she maybe never loved Derek as much as she could have loved someone else. As she tells Meredith, she knew Derek was the one because he wouldn't hurt her. That implies that maybe there was someone else, someone that was harder to love or not as simple as a choice, not a love as easy, or not someone who she knew wouldn't hurt her.
(Really, talking about the prospect of Mark and Addison and something completely different than her happiness because then I would have to touch on the kind of guy that Mark is and I don't think we have time for that now. So....moving on...)
Addison essentially sacrifices her potential happiness to do the right thing. Really, let's consider her personality type. She needs someone who will tell her how great she is because she has a self-esteem that has been trampled on. She needs someone who will notice her at the end of every day, someone who will pick her over everything else. Those are just the things that she needs.
In retrospect, she is also very strong-willed, knows what she wants and will stop at nothing to get it even though she'd much rather have support, but she still wants to be liked and have happiness.
She has this idea of happiness that she wants to be fulfilled. She wants the good man. She wants the baby. She wants the career. And who says she can't have it all?
So, eventually she goes to Seattle to try to fix things with Derek. If you think about it, every man she has been with is in love with another woman and/or kisses (screws, whatever) another woman. This is a woman who wants to be happy, but when she hears the words "I will never hurt you" (*cough* Sam *cough*), she automatically doesn't want to believe it.
When she goes to LA, she meets Pete who scared to all hell to even let anything be real.
Basically, she was pretty much blissfully happy with Kevin. He treated her right, was nice, loved her, everything she could have wanted. But, that relationship showed how she was clearly skeptical of love because she went as far as following him when he went on a bust. That's a pretty big deal and fairly important to keep in mind so you remember her insecurities.
Archer comes into town, plants this seed of uncertainty in Kevin's mind, maybe even a small one Addison's, and they both draw away.
Okay, cool. So, there is small occurances in her life from Wyatt and Noah (which I shipped really hard, btw, so that speaks for what my ships are) and even Mark again. Don't even get me started on how irritating it is that Sam basically ran Mark off. Sure, for once, Mark was doing the right thing because he didn't want to hurt her anymore, but he only said that because he wanted Addison to himself.
Okay, a lot of people liked their friendship, but I didn't get their sudden attraction. I felt like she was all for it because she was lonely and so was he. I didn't think he was in love with her, so maybe I was always against the ship. It's funny that no one has ever said anything to me about them, but okay.
So, Mark leaves and they don't even get together.
Instead, Addison and Pete try again and damn, again, she had her dream sitting at her front door. She had the guy and a baby, even if it wasn't hers. She didn't care, she wanted it and she fucking deserved it. She took care of Pete and Lucas when they were sick and she did a damn good job.
My problem with Sam is that he sabotaged any potential relationships she could of had during season 3. That is not a friend. He didn't do it the right way. A friend would have sat her down and said "I don't think you're getting out of this what you need to be", but he didn't do that. Sam went behind her back and ran Mark off; he kissed her when he knew she was with Pete.
That isn't a good friend or a good man, in my opinon.
So finally, finally when her and Sam get together, it is hardly memorable. From what I can tell, most people really liked them together until her mom died and he shook her. (Okay, I guess we are supposed to forget about it because according to Krista, it's what she needed at the time; although, if anyone had SHOOK me when my mom died, I would have knocked the shit out of them. Also, no womandeservesit when they are saying the words "you're hurting me". I am full of opinions, I know.) The whole time, I kept thinking "you're kidding me".
There is so much about Sam that I won't understand, but this isn't a post about that either.
For anyone to say she was happiest with Sam, they must be referring to visibly happy for a longer period of time because I doubt she was happiest with him. Adulthood has a lot of complications and responsibilities that are anything but simple. Her life has been fairly simple, in my opinion, because there haven't been many complications that wasn't created by her beyond maybe the inability to have a baby.
But, here's the thing: she was no longer happy with Sam when he told her that he didn't want to have a baby, that he was done with parenthood. There was never a chance she would be happy because she came to LA to get a baby, some way she was going to get one. Really, how could two people think they could be together when they want different things?
(Read this and you'll get an idea of what a child would feel like in this instance: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7524660/1/Joy_in_the_Understanding)
Ultimately though, Addison won't ever be happy because she always wants more. She's always worrying about the what if's, about the what comes next, about the what almost was, about the what will be.
Here's the thing, Addison and Sam broke up and she's really vulnerable. Both Jake and Sam aren't seeing this for what it is and really, that makes neither one of them right for her. Jake is cornering her in elevators, offering her everything she could ever want, and she's willing to accept it because she wants it all and she always has. And, Sam, he didn't want to be with her again until he'd found out she had given up on having a baby.
Who needs someone like that?
This isn't a question about who I ship with Addison and who I don't. It's a question you have to ask yourself - are these two people compatible? Is this person right for her at this point in her life?
Personally, I think the only man who could make her happy at this point is Henry, but even then she is going to stress herself out. She is going to overextend herself trying to be a single mother, and trying to be there for Amelia. She is going to worry about Henry's future and probably forget what it's like to be happy.
Addison will probably never really realize that she's happy until it's already gone.
That was really long and not even really everything I wanted to say, but I think it got the point across.