Self help
Easter Sunday, April 16, 2006
Believe it or not: Here I weigh approximately 370 pounds.
Today I went to the library. I checked out 2 books:
Losing Your Pounds of Pain
Fat & Furious: Women and Food Obsession The Amazon.com title is different. I must have an older edition.
Anyway, I guess I've always been so ashamed of my problem with food that I have never really researched it. God forbid I be seen with a self-help book for fat people. Anyway, I'm doing some prep work. I know I can "diet." I've spent the majority of my life doing that. But there are some underlying emotional issues that I have to overcome before I can take off the weight.
Even though I have 100 pounds to go, I always get hung up at 260. That was the weight where I actually embraced my body and myself and did a lot of healing. That's the weight I was at when I had my first sexual awakening (the first *good* sex I'd ever had) and started dating. I was active at that weight. I had a lot of happy memories at that weight. I had self confidence at that weight that I lacked at all the lighter weights.
I need to work past that 260 hang-up. When I get to 260, I start freaking out and losing control. I ditch my good habits and go back to the bad ones. And I gain all the weight I lost back. Plus more. Maybe I'm afraid of going back to the weights under 260 where I was so insecure and self-conscious and had such low self esteem. Like it's some kind of nightmare I don't want to revisit.
So I'm going to read these books and see if they help. I want to set myself up for success this time. If anyone has read any good books they think might be helpful for me, please let me know.
x-posted to my journal, 100pounds2lose, and 100pluswl