Hikaru No Go Fic: Desynchronization (WIP) Part XIII
Title: desynchronization. Part XIII of ?
Main Characters: Ogata, Sai
Disclaimer: These lovely characters are the creation of Yumi Hotta and Takeshi Obata. Not mine, I'm just playing in their sandbox.
Spoilers: For the entire series.
Warnings: Ages 16 and up. Cursing and sensuality. It's possible the rating will go up eventually.
Word Count: 5700
Notes Much thanks to my betas, aiwritingfic and harumi, who had the unique pleasure of suffering my company over New Year's, so they got to beta in person. Ho ho ho. (Betas are wonderful treasures, especially ones who put up with me!)
Also, thanks to koramay for the information about Lolita fashion. It's very interesting (and it's not actually "cosplay" as our characters seem to think!)
It's been far too long since I last updated, although I was rather busy studying for the Japanese Language Proficiency Test, which I took on December 7th. :crosses fingers, hopes for luck: I hope to finish this story before I leave Japan in May. There shouldn't be more than three chapters left.
Previous chapters can be located here: Master Fic List.
* * *
From: gofish@tsn.flet.ne.jp
To: touyak@r24.ocn.ne.jp
Sent: Sat, 30 Aug 2003 11:43 p.m.
Re: Phone call
Sensei,
I have a matter I need to discuss with you as soon as possible. When would be a convenient time for me to call?
Respectfully yours,
Ogata Seiji
* * *
From: gofish@tsn.flet.ne.jp
To: touyak@r24.ocn.ne.jp
Sent: Sun, 31 Aug 2003 10:23 a.m.
Re: kifu
Sensei,
As per our phone conversation, I have attached a zip file of my games with Fujiwara-san. Please call me if you have any trouble opening the file.
Also, I have attached a photograph.
Respectfully yours,
Ogata Seiji
Attachments:
FujiwaraAquarium2.jpg
FujiwaraKifu.zip
* * *
From: gopro@r24.ocn.ne.jp
To: touyak@r24.ocn.ne.jp
Sent: Mon, 01 Sep 2003 3:45 p.m.
Re: Good Afternoon
Dear Father,
I hope you and Mother have been doing well. Here in Tokyo, the weather has finally started to cool off. Is the temperature also dropping in Beijing?
We reviewed your match with So Chan Wan-san during the young pros study session last week. It was a brilliant game, particularly the kata-tsuki at 5-5. I feel that I learned a lot from it.
The reason I'm writing to you is because of a man I met this weekend. His name is Fujiwara Sai, and Shindou has confirmed that he is indeed the same s a i that both of us played online two years ago. Fujiwara-san is eager to play you again, and has asked me to introduce him to you upon your return. Please let me know when you would like to meet with him.
I have attached a kifu of a game I played with Fujiwara-san yesterday. (If you would like more kifu, perhaps you should ask Ogata-san, since he has been playing with him since May.)
I ought to mention that Fujiwara-san has suffered from some memory loss, although I do not feel at liberty to disclose any particulars. I apologize.
Please take care of yourself, and give Mother my regards.
--Akira
Attachments:
Aug30kifu.pdf
* * *
From: touyak@r24.ocn.ne.jp
To: gopro@r24.ocn.ne.jp
Sent: Tue, 02 Sep 2003 7:38 p.m.
Re: Re: Good Afternoon
Both your mother and I are doing well. Your mother insists that I remind you to take a coat with you when you go out in the evenings.
Our plane will arrive at Narita Wednesday the 10th in the afternoon, so please ask Fujiwara-san if Thursday is convenient. I must confess to finding myself rather impatient for my team matches to finish.
I looked at the kifu. Your ability to read ahead has improved since your last match with Fujiwara-san, although your response at 12-7 remains too soft.
I spoke to Ogata-kun on the phone yesterday. He explained Fujiwara-san's situation to me.
Thank you for your compliments on the game. I would have preferred to have won, though.
Touya Kouyou
* * *
From: touyak@r24.ocn.ne.jp
To: gofish@tsn.flet.ne.jp
Sent: Fri, 05 Sep 2003 1:25 p.m.
Re: Re: kifu
Ogata-kun,
Thank you for sending me the attachment. I did not have any problems opening it. I haven't had the opportunity to replay all the kifu yet (Akiko has warned me that I am not allowed to spend all my free time in the hotel room when I have promised to take her shopping and to the opera) but it is obvious that Fujiwara-san's abilities have advanced remarkably. However, I too have learned a few new tricks since our last match, so please kindly warn him not to expect an easy victory.
I'm happy that you've had the opportunity to play against such an opponent regularly. This is what your go has been lacking: someone to spur you onto the next level.
Do you have Wednesday evening free? It's been too long since we last played a proper match. I look forward to seeing how your game has grown.
Warmest regards,
Touya Kouyou
* * *
Ogata hit the “send” button on his reply, then leaned back in his chair, his mind racing. What motive could Sensei possibly have for wanting to play him first instead of Fujiwara? Touya Kouyou had been playing Ogata since Ogata was a mere twelve years old, so Touya-sensei was already intimately familiar with his playing style - his weaknesses, his strengths, his quirks. Even though Ogata's style had evolved because of Fujiwara, Ogata couldn't think of why Touya-sensei would be that interested in discovering the differences. They were no longer opponents since Touya-sensei had retired from the Japanese Go Association, and Ogata had yet to participate internationally, which was the only venue where he could face Sensei officially.
No, they were no longer opponents - unless Touya-sensei viewed Ogata as an opponent for Fujiwara's rivalry. Ogata's eyes narrowed. Perhaps that was Sensei's aim: to defeat Ogata so thoroughly that Ogata would be forced to acknowledge that Touya-sensei was a more worthy rival.
But defeating Ogata would be an utterly pointless gesture: Fujiwara already viewed Touya Kouyou as his true rival. Fujiwara hadn't made such a statement, at least not to Ogata's knowledge, but Ogata didn't need a statement to notice how still Fujiwara grew at the mere mention of Touya Kouyou, or how Fujiwara pored over the ex-Meijin's kifu with the gravity of a general preparing for battle. Whereas when Fujiwara played Ogata, there was often a playfulness lurking in Fujiwara's patterns and at the corners of his mouth. More than once during their games, Ogata had suspected that Fujiwara was smiling at him from behind that fan he snapped open on occasion.
Ogata tried and failed to conjure up the image of Fujiwara smiling teasingly at Touya Kouyou during a game. Sensei's go wouldn't give Fujiwara the chance to relax for even a second. After all, Sensei had been the one capable of limiting Fujiwara to a mere half-moku lead in his first and only match against s a i. Ogata, on the other hand, had been playing Fujiwara regularly for months and still hadn't managed such a close game yet.
To make matters worse, Ogata didn't know when he'd get a chance to play Fujiwara again. Ogata didn't intend to renege on his promise that Fujiwara didn't have to play him, so he'd been careful to avoid even mentioning their games to Fujiwara, while still maintaining the hope that eventually Fujiwara would be the one to ask to resume their games. But Fujiwara could hardly be desperate for opponents now that he'd started his job at the Iwamoto Go Salon, had been reunited with Shindou, and was about to meet Touya Kouyou.
The thought of Fujiwara indefinitely playing many people who were not him was rather vexing to say the least, especially since Ogata had grown accustomed to an abundance of challenging, brilliant games... and to the companionship. Ogata hadn't realized how much time he had been regularly spending with Fujiwara until the past few days. Now Fujiwara was either busy working, or spending time with Shindou whenever he wasn't working. Shindou - judging from Fujiwara's chatter -- had no qualms about simply showing up early to the go salon and playing shidougo with the customers until Fujiwara's shift ended, and then he would drag Fujiwara off to some silly place (so far, Shindou had taken Fujiwara to a ramen stand, a baseball game, his old middle school's go club, and oddly enough, an antique store).
Logically, Ogata realized that Shindou knew Fujiwara intimately, and the places Shindou was bringing Fujiwara were undoubtedly significant to Fujiwara's recovery (if Shindou possessed any sense, that was). But accepting that he was no longer the center of Fujiwara's attention was more difficult than Ogata had expected, especially since Ogata didn't think there was anything that outstanding about his replacement, other than the shock of bleached bangs and the boy's remarkable ability to put his foot in his mouth at the most amusingly awkward moments. Shindou seemed the polar opposite of Fujiwara: whereas Fujiwara spoke with a refined sensitivity and bore himself with dignity, Shindou had to be smacked on the head occasionally by his own peers to be reminded of even the most basic manners, and he slouched, and messily sprawled his limbs out on whatever unfortunate piece of furniture he was occupying.
Shindou was, of course, an exceptionally talented player; Ogata had recognized this and supported Shindou's go even in its most nascent stages. Regardless, Shindou still needed experience to sharpen his skills and mental presence. Shindou hadn't made it into any of the later semi-finals for the titles, and he wasn't capable yet of presenting a serious challenge to Ogata, much less Fujiwara.
A... challenger? Ogata wondered if he were being utterly ridiculous for comparing himself to a teenage boy, especially one whom he could still easily fluster with a well-aimed remark. So what if Shindou had managed to effortlessly seize Fujiwara's attention? This was to be expected; of course Fujiwara would gravitate to anyone connected to his previous life, especially a precious student. Fujiwara's absorption with Shindou might gradually fade as Fujiwara remembered more, and grew less dependent on Shindou for information about himself. On the other hand, Fujiwara would eventually outgrow his need of Ogata as well. Hadn't that been one of Fujiwara's reasons for accepting the salon job? He didn't want to be dependent on Ogata. Fujiwara had also said he didn't want to take time away from Ogata's schedule, so perhaps that was why he was allowing Shindou to take up all his free time instead.
Or it could be that Fujiwara simply preferred Shindou's company to his.
Scowling, Ogata tugged his glasses off so he could pinch at the bridge of his nose. That his reasoning had descended to such infantile depths was ample proof that he definitely needed a distraction. He got up abruptly from his computer chair and went into the kitchen, where he prepared himself a light meal and pointedly tried to not figure out where Shindou had dragged Fujiwara to today.
Ogata was on his second cup of after-dinner tea when Fujiwara returned.
“Good evening!” Fujiwara said, slipping his shoes off in the entranceway.
“Hello. Did you have a nice time?” Ogata said with a carefully neutral tone, noting the damp tendrils of hair clinging to Fujiwara's face.
“Yes!” Fujiwara sat down at the table, accepting a cup of Ceylon with a smile. “Hikaru and Waya took me to this place called 'Akiba' because Waya wanted a new game for his Nintendo DS, and we played taiko drums, and we also saw these people wearing pretty dresses because they were pretending to be this person named 'Sweet Lolita.' Waya said they were 'cosplayers.' ”
Well, Ogata could think of better diversions than playing video games, but perhaps that was the height of sophistication for teenagers who bleached their hair.
“Hikaru bet Waya that I would be 'horrible' at the drums,” Fujiwara said with an indignant huff. “But I have a better sense of rhythm than he does since he never learned to play an instrument. He really shouldn't have been shocked that I beat him three times in a row.”
“I'm glad you were able to teach him some respect for his elders,” Ogata said, wryly noting that Shindou had a knack for bringing out Fujiwara's competitive streak -- rather like a brat egging on his older brother. “And does that mean that you do play an instrument?”
Nodding, Fujiwara pulled out a piece of folded paper from his shirt pocket and handed it Ogata. “Hikaru said I play the flute and the guitar, but not modern ones. He couldn't remember the names of them so he drew me pictures.”
Ogata studied the pencil sketches intently. Ogata hadn't studied classical Japanese history since high school, but the guitar was instantly recognizable as a four-stringed biwa. Shindou had also sketched the biwa's distinctive plectrum out to the side. Ogata wasn't certain about the flute, though, but the design was definitely dated. Unlike a modern flute, this flute was made of wood and had deep recesses around the mouthpiece and each of its seven holes.
“This is a biwa,” Ogata said, writing the kanji over the sketch of the guitar before returning the paper. “It was a part of the Japanese court's ensemble centuries ago. I don't know the name of the flute, but perhaps it's like the ones they use in Noh performances. I can check online, if you'd like.”
“Yes, please do. I'm really excited about this. It seems I've been learning a lot about myself recently,” Fujiwara said with another smile.
The smile was large and bright, and Ogata found it entirely unconvincing. He'd been been observing Fujiwara long enough to recognize the nuances of Fujiwara's expressions: when Fujiwara was smiling out of consideration rather than genuine emotion, he tended to lower his gaze, as if he were afraid the other person would be able to pluck his secrets right out of his eyes. Perhaps that was a downside to having such expressive eyes, Ogata thought, and wondered if Fujiwara had had a disagreement with Shindou. Or did Fujiwara simply did not feel comfortable around him any longer?
Ogata said nothing, however, regulating himself to sipping at his tea as Fujiwara fiddled with the paper, smoothing out the creases with restless hands. He was on his third cup of tea when Fujiwara finally said: “I don't remember playing any instruments. I don't even remember what these are supposed to sound like.”
“Remember how you didn't recognize my goban at first, not until you started laying stones on it?” At Fujiwara's nod, Ogata continued: “Well, some of your memories are linked to physical triggers. You need to try holding an instrument.”
“That's true. I certainly hope so.” Fujiwara nudged the paper with a fingernail. “I... didn't want to tell Hikaru that I didn't remember. I didn't want to worry him, especially not since he was having such a good time.”
Ogata narrowed his eyes in consideration. Was Fujiwara asking him for advice about Shindou?
“He's just so young. I don't want to bother him: a teacher is supposed to take care of his student, not the other way around.”
“Shindou doesn't seem the type to get worried easily,” Ogata said, careful to avoid phrasing the statement in a way that appeared critical of the boy. “Besides, I don't think you need to be concerned about bothering him, not since he's so eager to spend time with you.”
“Hikaru has a sensitive side,” Fujiwara said quietly, his gaze turned inwards as if he were recalling an incident, but he did not elaborate.
The tearful reunion in the restaurant sprang to Ogata's mind. Although Fujiwara hadn't explained the details, it was clear that Fujiwara had disappeared abruptly from Shindou's life for several years, and that disappearance had caused Shindou a lot of distress. Perhaps Fujiwara's disappearance was even linked to Shindou's temporarily refusing to play shortly after turning pro. Regardless, Fujiwara probably still felt guilty about the incident, and it was hindering his ability to be frank with Shindou.
“I've been wondering why both of the instruments I play are old,” Fujiwara said, apparently steering the subject away from Shindou. “What would have interested me in playing them? Wouldn't it make more sense for me to choose a modern instrument?”
Ogata considered the question carefully. “To keep the tradition alive, I suppose,” he replied. “There is an attraction in preserving the past, especially when it's beautiful. Like go, for example.”
Fujiwara nodded emphatically. “Yes, that's right. I'm happy to have met so many people who still love go, like you and Hikaru and Akira and Waya and Isumi. But it's just... well... don't you think I'm... a little...”
Fujiwara trailed off, his face flushing red as he fumbled for words, and Ogata leaned forward to encourage him. “A little what?” he prompted.
“...odd,” Fujiwara finished. “Everything about me - everything that I've remembered so far -- it doesn't fit in. It's all old..”
Ogata frowned. Had Shindou said something that had upset Fujiwara? Fujiwara had never displayed any concern about “fitting in” before; he'd just been focused on regaining his ability to function in daily life. Although Fujiwara was one of the most unusual people Ogata had ever met: that Fujiwara apparently played classical instruments was just as exceptional as everything else about him, like the heavy robes Fujiwara had been wearing when Ogata had found him half-drowned in the canal. Or his skill in calligraphy and knowledge of ancient Chinese and Edo teacups. Or his ever-present politeness, his odd but charming mannerisms, and delicacy of movement: Fujiwara was correct, none of it quite “fit” with how ordinary people acted. Even Fujiwara's extremely long hair was an outdated style for both men and women (although it did suit his features).
None of these factors was that strange in and of itself, but the combination of all of them was... improbable. Yet there was certainly nothing inherently wrong with a person choosing to live in the style of the past, and Ogata did not like to think that Fujiwara had somehow been made to feel awkward over his choices. “You do have a lot of unique hobbies, and an interesting outlook. Isn't that something to be proud of?” Ogata said.
“Oh, I'm not embarrassed!” Fujiwara said, waving his hands in front of himself. “I was just hoping - I thought that meeting someone who knew me would help me understand everything about myself better, since friends are usually similar in a lot of ways, like shared interests and that sort of thing. But Hikaru and I are very different people, although of course we both like go, and that's the most important thing.” Fujiwara smiled wistfully. “I suppose I was being unfair to expect all my concerns to be cleared up by just one person. Hikaru's doing his best to answer my questions.”
For Fujiwara's sake, Ogata nodded sympathetically, although frankly he'd had doubts about Shindou's honesty ever since the dinner reunion. Shindou had said at the dinner that he couldn't tell Fujiwara everything yet, and he'd asked Fujiwara to wait. That had been about one week ago, and apparently, he was still keeping Fujiwara waiting. Then there was Shindou's assertion that Fujiwara didn't have any other friends or family. It was possible that Fujiwara had no family - although unusual, it wasn't unheard of - but for Fujiwara to have no friends or even acquaintances seemed very implausible, especially since Fujiwara was outgoing and likable. Plus, Fujiwara had a lot of hobbies: people did not usually pursue hobbies in complete isolation, and the more eccentric the hobby, the stronger the bonds between the participants tended to be - like the go community. Ancient Chinese, Heian era cosplay, classical music, and of course his go.... Fujiwara's skills and interests couldn't have just developed in a vacuum. Surely, as well as Shindou knew Fujiwara, he ought to know someone else connected to Fujiwara - just like Ogata had.
Was Shindou making the exact same mistake that he had?
Ogata had never intended to hurt Fujiwara, but those few small omissions he'd rationalized as inconsequential had turned out to be a cornerstone of Fujiwara's memory. The selective bits of information Ogata had hoarded from Fujiwara had strained their relationship - almost to the breaking point. Whether he'd made the omissions out of simple jealousy, misguided protectiveness, or blind ignorance, it was ultimately irrelevant: by compromising Fujiwara's trust in him, Ogata knew he'd lost most of the sway he'd held as Fujiwara's anchor.
That also meant Ogata had absolutely no ground to question Shindou's motives or cast any doubt on his actions in front of Fujiwara. Especially not since Shindou was precious to Fujiwara -- Fujiwara loved Shindou with all the indiscriminate affection of a doting brother. He wouldn't take it well at all if he thought Ogata were accusing Shindou of lying.
"I've been waiting for my answers for a long time already. Waiting a little longer won't hurt anything," Fujiwara said absent-mindedly, as if he were counseling himself to be patient.
Fujiwara was hardly being "unfair" to Shindou by needing answers, but Ogata restrained himself. "I've noticed that Shindou can be easily... distracted," Ogata said instead. "If he's not answering your questions, you should ask him again, but more directly. And use a serious tone, so he pays attentions." Ogata omitted the part about grabbing Shindou and holding him against a wall if he tried to escape (it was effective for getting Shindou's attention, but Ogata rather doubted that Fujiwara would appreciate the advice).
The corners of Fujiwara's mouth quirked up. "You sound as if you're discussing training a puppy, Ogata-sensei."
Definitely a deflection, but far too tantalizing to pass up. "Training puppies is easier. And they don't make as much of a mess as a teenage boy."
"Says the man who keeps fish," Fujiwara said with a laugh that sent a spiral of warmth curling through Ogata, and he felt the set of his shoulders relaxing.
"I've never been accused of being sentimental," Ogata answered, pleased to hear Fujiwara laugh again. It was infinitely preferable to that awkward politeness Fujiwara had shown him too frequently lately, even though Ogata had told Fujiwara repeatedly that he wasn't "imposing."
"But you were the one who gave Kuwabara-kun his name." Fujiwara sounded smug.
Ogata raised his eyebrows, conceding the point. He wasn't about to tell Fujiwara that particular naming had been more of a private insult to the real Kuwabara than any actual affection for the fish in question. (Ogata tried to keep the true extent of his loathing for the old man a secret; he didn't want anyone to realize exactly how much Kuwabara got under his skin.)
They talked for awhile longer about nothing in particular, then Ogata casually brought up his upcoming game on Touya Kouyou. "Sensei e-mailed me earlier to ask me to play him when he returns on Wednesday. Perhaps he's hoping to gain an edge for his game against you. I though I should warn you that I'll be obliged to reveal all your weaknesses to him if he asks. Teacher's privilege."
Ogata had said it with a joking tone, but Fujiwara tilted his head thoughtfully. "He's been overseas for a long time, hasn't he?"
"He goes whever the action is. China and Korea have more tournaments and conferences than Japan, and there are more players." Touya Kouyou had started travelling regularly ever since his retirement, although perhaps travelling wasn't the right term; he spent more time outside of Japan than inside. He maintained a modest apartment in Beijing, and his close friend So Chan Wan also kept a spare room available for Kouyou and Akiko's use whenever there were tournaments or matches of interests within Korea. Kouyou returned to Japan sporadically, but rarely for more than a week-long stretch, although he usually found the time to hold a study session for his old students (even for those who had taken to studying under other masters in his absences).
"He must be happy to play you again, then. It's difficult to be separated from your students, even with e-mail and texting," Fujiwara said.
Fujiwara's features softened with fondness, and Ogata knew he was thinking of his own relationship with Hikaru. It was somewhat cute, despite being a completely inaccurate basis for comparison with Ogata's relationship with Touya-sensei. "I sincerely doubt he wastes time fretting about me. I already have two titles, after all," Ogata clarified, omitting to mention that he'd taken one of those titles from his teachers.
Fujiwara smiled knowingly. "But weren't you his first student? He's always going to feel like your mentor, whether or not you surpass him."
"I'm hardly privy to what he's thinking," Ogata muttered. It wasn't really true -- he did know Touya Kouyou far better than most -- but Ogata hated sentimental drivel. It was too fuzzy-edged and... sticky. Go was far superior with its precise, sharp grids.
"Do you think he'll like me?"
Ogata glanced up, taken aback by the question. "As I'm certain Akira has already told you, Sensei has been preparing for a rematch with you ever since your first game. He's quite eager to meet you."
Fujiwara shifted in his chair. "I'm eager to meet him too, of course, but what I meant is, 'Do you think he'll like me personally?' If you don't mind my asking?" he added quickly, his cheeks coloring.
For a long moment, Ogata stared at the other man blankly. He honestly hadn't considered such a question; it seemed insignificant compared to the go. As long as your opponent wasn't completely disagreeable off the board (like a certain old geezer), what did his compatibility with yours matter? Ogata rarely saw his opponents outside of matches or conferences, so he couldn't be bothered to spend much time thinking about any of them in particular, unless he had an upcoming match with them.
s a i had been the notable exception to that, and Shindou as well, although Ogata's interest in the boy had waned when he'd found s a i for himself. Manipulating Shindou to rile Akira still held its full entertainment value, though. Those two were as obsessed with each other as the day they'd met. Eternal rivals and all that jazz.
Then it clicked.
Of course Fujiwara would care if Touya-sensei "liked" him. Sensei was his rival, not a mere opponent. Opponents could be easily found by walking into a go salon or logging onto NetGo, and could be just as easily discarded. Not so a rival. Regardless, Sensei wasn't a difficult person to get along with. "Touya-sensei can be reserved, but he's not unkind," Ogata said.
"I've heard that he's very serious. I know sometimes I seem a little excitable and... young. I don't want him to think..." Fujiwara's voice trailed off, and he stared at his hands helplessly.
Ogata frowned. The other man usually enjoyed, even relished meeting new people, especially in relation to go. "You've gotten along well with all the other pros you've met so far. Why should this be any different?" Ogata asked gently.
Fujiwara looked at him from under his eyelashes. "I'm probably not being very 'logical' about this -- but it's easy for me to feel comfortable with Hikaru's friends. They're open to ideas, and trying new approaches in go. They've never seemed threatened by me, and they don't judge me for being different."
"You've had a problem with an older pro before?"
"Yes." Fujiwara's expression was pensive. "I just began to remember this week, and I don't remember it very well. It's like when I had that nightmare that Hikaru had... left. I don't know the context, only that there was another go player who was ranked above me. He was angry that I wanted to try out new methods. I believe he was jealous, and he was afraid that I would surpass him even though I had less experience. He considered my age to be a personal insult to him." Fujiwara's lips tightened into a thin line. "He did something horrible to me."
A cold thrill ran down Ogata's spine. This jealous rival -- had he been the one responsible for Fujiwara's amnesia? Perhaps he'd drugged Fujiwara and dumped him into the canal, in order to stage a drowning that would be written off as "accidental." Fujiwara was too trusting. He would have never seen it coming.
Ogata forced himself to speak slowly and calmly, despite the blood pounding in his ears. "What did he do?"
Fujiwara shook his head, tugging at his shirt cuff absently. "I don't remember, and I think that's what scares me the most, not knowing exactly. But maybe it's better that I don't. I just want to enjoy the game with Touya-sensei, and not think about this other person. It's unfair to both of us."
"I want you to enjoy the game too," Ogata said vehemently. "Both of you deserve it."
Fujiwara's eyes rounded in surprise. Frankly, Ogata was surprised at himself too. He'd been jealous; hell, he was still a little jealous. But there were more pressing issues than his own personal hangups to deal with now.
"You've both been waiting for a long time," Ogata said. "Sensei is stubborn: he never stopped believing that he would get a rematch, even when s a i disappeared from the Internet completely. He doesn't care about your nationality or gender or status, and he's certainly not perturbed by something as trivial as your age." Unlike some established pros, Kouyou had never been the sort of man to engage in petty mind games with young players, or the type to play harsh, crushing go to warn up-and-comers that he was a force to be respected. Yes, there was the aspect of him that showed no mercy to opponents, but that was born out of his love and respect for the game, not out of insecurity or pride. Sensei was nothing like this shadowy monster from Fujiwara's past, the one who'd cast Fujiwara aside as an obstacle rather than treasuring him as a rival, and Ogata needed to help Fujiwara to see that. "When Sensei finds talented players, he isn't threatened -- he believes he is closer to finding the Hand of God."
"I feel the same way," Fujiwara said.
Ogata could hear the hesitation in the other man's voice, and he could read the doubt in the way Fujiwara held his hands together, near the edge of the table, as if he were pulling into himself. Ogata felt a dull ache in his stomach. That someone had been able to wound Fujiwara so deeply about the thing he loved most was wrong, but perhaps it wasn't all that different from what Ogata had done himself. "I've known Sensei for a long time. He would never do anything to hurt you. He's one of the most honorable men I know." Honorable. The word felt old-fashioned and unfamiliar in Ogata's mouth, but it suited Touya Kouyou perfectly.
"You must think very highly of Touya-sensei," Fujiwara said.
"Yes." Ogata didn't hesitate. They didn't always agree, but Ogata had always respected his teacher's wisdom and integrity. "I trust him."
"You aren't the sort of person who says that lightly." Fujiwara smiled slightly. "Thank you for telling me about Touya-sensei. I just wish I hadn't remembered this other... person."
"You don't want to ask Shindou about him?" Ogata asked, even though he already suspected the answer.
Fujiwara shook his head. "If Hikaru knew him, I'm sure he would have already mentioned it. So I don't want him to worry needlessly about a man whose name and face I can't even remember." Fujiwara wrinkled his nose. "Maybe I've gotten the memory confused. I've been mistaken before... I ought to have waited to tell you, until I was more certain. I apologize for up--"
"Don't apologize," Ogata interrupted sharply, angry that Fujiwara was trivializing his own memories out of misguided consideration. "Telling me was exactly the right thing to to do, even if you don't recall all the details, or you are confused. What matters is that you're safe, and that you can play go without having to glance over your shoulder."
Fujiwara bowed his head low as if he were ashamed, his chin almost touching his chest. "That's very kind of you, but I feel uncomfortable about involving others in this personal business, especially since I don't know what exactly it entails."
Ogata felt his jaw muscles tensing. Didn't Fujiwara realize how vulnerable he was? "That is precisely why you shouldn't keep this information to yourself," Ogata heard himself almost growl, his voice low and harsh. "You don't know what to expect, so how can you possibly hope to protect yourself?"
"Ogata-sensei," Fujiwara said, his eyes very large.
Then Ogata noticed that he was out of his chair and leaning halfway across the table. He was practically looming over Fujiwara -- he was close enough to see the quickened pulse in Fujiwara's throat. His skin looked very pale and soft.
Ogata took a deep breath to focus himself, mentally scolding himself for berating Fujiwara; the man had already been through enough. "I'm serious," Ogata said, careful to soften his tone. "I want you to promise that you'll tell me immediately if you remember anything else about this man."
"I..." Fujiwara's voice trailed off.
The idea of Fujiwara trying to confront some ill-intentioned stranger by himself made Ogata's skin prickle. Fujiwara was a gentle-natured man, and Ogata had yet to see any sign that Fujiwara was capable of violence, even for self-protection. He didn't have the mindset necessary for it. Not like Ogata. "Let me look after you," Ogata murmured.
Fujiwara's face flushed a brilliant red, and Ogata realized exactly what he had just said and how it could be interpreted. No wonder Fujiwara was flustered.
He had meant it, though.
Ogata withdrew to his chair, not breaking eye contact with Fujiwara. Fujiwara seemed to relax, enough to manage a wobbly smile. "You know, you can be very intense."
"You'll tell me, right?" Ogata was unwilling to let the matter drop.
Fujiwara frowned at him, but there was no heat behind it. "I will tell you if you will act reasonably, Ogata-sensei."
"I will," Ogata said, although he was rather certain that his definition of "reasonable" was not quite the same as Fujiwara's.
Fujiwara pursed his lips, but he nodded as if he were satisfied. "Then I agree. Also... I was wondering if you would go with me when I meet Touya-sensei on Thursday."
Ogata blinked, taken aback by the sudden request, but gratified nonetheless. He had assumed that Fujiwara would want to keep his games with Sensei a private matter. "I'd be happy to," Ogata said. To be a part of the games between the two -- even as an observer -- would be a great privilege.
"Thank you," Fujiwara said. "And thank you for... 'looking after me'," he said calmly, his cheeks coloring only faintly.
"You're welcome," Ogata said, feeling a sense of deep relief. Perhaps he still had a few moves left to play after all.
Author's Notes:
Erm, lots of talking heads in this one. I had originally intended to have the games with Touya Kouyou appear in this chapter, but it's been pushed back to the next chapter. I'll make the games detailed enough so that they deserve their own chapter. I hope people enjoyed this chapter regardless. I was worried when I realized that I hadn't written an Ogata POV chapter since March. ^^;;
Main Characters: Ogata, Sai
Disclaimer: These lovely characters are the creation of Yumi Hotta and Takeshi Obata. Not mine, I'm just playing in their sandbox.
Spoilers: For the entire series.
Warnings: Ages 16 and up. Cursing and sensuality. It's possible the rating will go up eventually.
Word Count: 5700
Notes Much thanks to my betas, aiwritingfic and harumi, who had the unique pleasure of suffering my company over New Year's, so they got to beta in person. Ho ho ho. (Betas are wonderful treasures, especially ones who put up with me!)
Also, thanks to koramay for the information about Lolita fashion. It's very interesting (and it's not actually "cosplay" as our characters seem to think!)
It's been far too long since I last updated, although I was rather busy studying for the Japanese Language Proficiency Test, which I took on December 7th. :crosses fingers, hopes for luck: I hope to finish this story before I leave Japan in May. There shouldn't be more than three chapters left.
Previous chapters can be located here: Master Fic List.
* * *
From: gofish@tsn.flet.ne.jp
To: touyak@r24.ocn.ne.jp
Sent: Sat, 30 Aug 2003 11:43 p.m.
Re: Phone call
Sensei,
I have a matter I need to discuss with you as soon as possible. When would be a convenient time for me to call?
Respectfully yours,
Ogata Seiji
* * *
From: gofish@tsn.flet.ne.jp
To: touyak@r24.ocn.ne.jp
Sent: Sun, 31 Aug 2003 10:23 a.m.
Re: kifu
Sensei,
As per our phone conversation, I have attached a zip file of my games with Fujiwara-san. Please call me if you have any trouble opening the file.
Also, I have attached a photograph.
Respectfully yours,
Ogata Seiji
Attachments:
FujiwaraAquarium2.jpg
FujiwaraKifu.zip
* * *
From: gopro@r24.ocn.ne.jp
To: touyak@r24.ocn.ne.jp
Sent: Mon, 01 Sep 2003 3:45 p.m.
Re: Good Afternoon
Dear Father,
I hope you and Mother have been doing well. Here in Tokyo, the weather has finally started to cool off. Is the temperature also dropping in Beijing?
We reviewed your match with So Chan Wan-san during the young pros study session last week. It was a brilliant game, particularly the kata-tsuki at 5-5. I feel that I learned a lot from it.
The reason I'm writing to you is because of a man I met this weekend. His name is Fujiwara Sai, and Shindou has confirmed that he is indeed the same s a i that both of us played online two years ago. Fujiwara-san is eager to play you again, and has asked me to introduce him to you upon your return. Please let me know when you would like to meet with him.
I have attached a kifu of a game I played with Fujiwara-san yesterday. (If you would like more kifu, perhaps you should ask Ogata-san, since he has been playing with him since May.)
I ought to mention that Fujiwara-san has suffered from some memory loss, although I do not feel at liberty to disclose any particulars. I apologize.
Please take care of yourself, and give Mother my regards.
--Akira
Attachments:
Aug30kifu.pdf
* * *
From: touyak@r24.ocn.ne.jp
To: gopro@r24.ocn.ne.jp
Sent: Tue, 02 Sep 2003 7:38 p.m.
Re: Re: Good Afternoon
Both your mother and I are doing well. Your mother insists that I remind you to take a coat with you when you go out in the evenings.
Our plane will arrive at Narita Wednesday the 10th in the afternoon, so please ask Fujiwara-san if Thursday is convenient. I must confess to finding myself rather impatient for my team matches to finish.
I looked at the kifu. Your ability to read ahead has improved since your last match with Fujiwara-san, although your response at 12-7 remains too soft.
I spoke to Ogata-kun on the phone yesterday. He explained Fujiwara-san's situation to me.
Thank you for your compliments on the game. I would have preferred to have won, though.
Touya Kouyou
* * *
From: touyak@r24.ocn.ne.jp
To: gofish@tsn.flet.ne.jp
Sent: Fri, 05 Sep 2003 1:25 p.m.
Re: Re: kifu
Ogata-kun,
Thank you for sending me the attachment. I did not have any problems opening it. I haven't had the opportunity to replay all the kifu yet (Akiko has warned me that I am not allowed to spend all my free time in the hotel room when I have promised to take her shopping and to the opera) but it is obvious that Fujiwara-san's abilities have advanced remarkably. However, I too have learned a few new tricks since our last match, so please kindly warn him not to expect an easy victory.
I'm happy that you've had the opportunity to play against such an opponent regularly. This is what your go has been lacking: someone to spur you onto the next level.
Do you have Wednesday evening free? It's been too long since we last played a proper match. I look forward to seeing how your game has grown.
Warmest regards,
Touya Kouyou
* * *
Ogata hit the “send” button on his reply, then leaned back in his chair, his mind racing. What motive could Sensei possibly have for wanting to play him first instead of Fujiwara? Touya Kouyou had been playing Ogata since Ogata was a mere twelve years old, so Touya-sensei was already intimately familiar with his playing style - his weaknesses, his strengths, his quirks. Even though Ogata's style had evolved because of Fujiwara, Ogata couldn't think of why Touya-sensei would be that interested in discovering the differences. They were no longer opponents since Touya-sensei had retired from the Japanese Go Association, and Ogata had yet to participate internationally, which was the only venue where he could face Sensei officially.
No, they were no longer opponents - unless Touya-sensei viewed Ogata as an opponent for Fujiwara's rivalry. Ogata's eyes narrowed. Perhaps that was Sensei's aim: to defeat Ogata so thoroughly that Ogata would be forced to acknowledge that Touya-sensei was a more worthy rival.
But defeating Ogata would be an utterly pointless gesture: Fujiwara already viewed Touya Kouyou as his true rival. Fujiwara hadn't made such a statement, at least not to Ogata's knowledge, but Ogata didn't need a statement to notice how still Fujiwara grew at the mere mention of Touya Kouyou, or how Fujiwara pored over the ex-Meijin's kifu with the gravity of a general preparing for battle. Whereas when Fujiwara played Ogata, there was often a playfulness lurking in Fujiwara's patterns and at the corners of his mouth. More than once during their games, Ogata had suspected that Fujiwara was smiling at him from behind that fan he snapped open on occasion.
Ogata tried and failed to conjure up the image of Fujiwara smiling teasingly at Touya Kouyou during a game. Sensei's go wouldn't give Fujiwara the chance to relax for even a second. After all, Sensei had been the one capable of limiting Fujiwara to a mere half-moku lead in his first and only match against s a i. Ogata, on the other hand, had been playing Fujiwara regularly for months and still hadn't managed such a close game yet.
To make matters worse, Ogata didn't know when he'd get a chance to play Fujiwara again. Ogata didn't intend to renege on his promise that Fujiwara didn't have to play him, so he'd been careful to avoid even mentioning their games to Fujiwara, while still maintaining the hope that eventually Fujiwara would be the one to ask to resume their games. But Fujiwara could hardly be desperate for opponents now that he'd started his job at the Iwamoto Go Salon, had been reunited with Shindou, and was about to meet Touya Kouyou.
The thought of Fujiwara indefinitely playing many people who were not him was rather vexing to say the least, especially since Ogata had grown accustomed to an abundance of challenging, brilliant games... and to the companionship. Ogata hadn't realized how much time he had been regularly spending with Fujiwara until the past few days. Now Fujiwara was either busy working, or spending time with Shindou whenever he wasn't working. Shindou - judging from Fujiwara's chatter -- had no qualms about simply showing up early to the go salon and playing shidougo with the customers until Fujiwara's shift ended, and then he would drag Fujiwara off to some silly place (so far, Shindou had taken Fujiwara to a ramen stand, a baseball game, his old middle school's go club, and oddly enough, an antique store).
Logically, Ogata realized that Shindou knew Fujiwara intimately, and the places Shindou was bringing Fujiwara were undoubtedly significant to Fujiwara's recovery (if Shindou possessed any sense, that was). But accepting that he was no longer the center of Fujiwara's attention was more difficult than Ogata had expected, especially since Ogata didn't think there was anything that outstanding about his replacement, other than the shock of bleached bangs and the boy's remarkable ability to put his foot in his mouth at the most amusingly awkward moments. Shindou seemed the polar opposite of Fujiwara: whereas Fujiwara spoke with a refined sensitivity and bore himself with dignity, Shindou had to be smacked on the head occasionally by his own peers to be reminded of even the most basic manners, and he slouched, and messily sprawled his limbs out on whatever unfortunate piece of furniture he was occupying.
Shindou was, of course, an exceptionally talented player; Ogata had recognized this and supported Shindou's go even in its most nascent stages. Regardless, Shindou still needed experience to sharpen his skills and mental presence. Shindou hadn't made it into any of the later semi-finals for the titles, and he wasn't capable yet of presenting a serious challenge to Ogata, much less Fujiwara.
A... challenger? Ogata wondered if he were being utterly ridiculous for comparing himself to a teenage boy, especially one whom he could still easily fluster with a well-aimed remark. So what if Shindou had managed to effortlessly seize Fujiwara's attention? This was to be expected; of course Fujiwara would gravitate to anyone connected to his previous life, especially a precious student. Fujiwara's absorption with Shindou might gradually fade as Fujiwara remembered more, and grew less dependent on Shindou for information about himself. On the other hand, Fujiwara would eventually outgrow his need of Ogata as well. Hadn't that been one of Fujiwara's reasons for accepting the salon job? He didn't want to be dependent on Ogata. Fujiwara had also said he didn't want to take time away from Ogata's schedule, so perhaps that was why he was allowing Shindou to take up all his free time instead.
Or it could be that Fujiwara simply preferred Shindou's company to his.
Scowling, Ogata tugged his glasses off so he could pinch at the bridge of his nose. That his reasoning had descended to such infantile depths was ample proof that he definitely needed a distraction. He got up abruptly from his computer chair and went into the kitchen, where he prepared himself a light meal and pointedly tried to not figure out where Shindou had dragged Fujiwara to today.
Ogata was on his second cup of after-dinner tea when Fujiwara returned.
“Good evening!” Fujiwara said, slipping his shoes off in the entranceway.
“Hello. Did you have a nice time?” Ogata said with a carefully neutral tone, noting the damp tendrils of hair clinging to Fujiwara's face.
“Yes!” Fujiwara sat down at the table, accepting a cup of Ceylon with a smile. “Hikaru and Waya took me to this place called 'Akiba' because Waya wanted a new game for his Nintendo DS, and we played taiko drums, and we also saw these people wearing pretty dresses because they were pretending to be this person named 'Sweet Lolita.' Waya said they were 'cosplayers.' ”
Well, Ogata could think of better diversions than playing video games, but perhaps that was the height of sophistication for teenagers who bleached their hair.
“Hikaru bet Waya that I would be 'horrible' at the drums,” Fujiwara said with an indignant huff. “But I have a better sense of rhythm than he does since he never learned to play an instrument. He really shouldn't have been shocked that I beat him three times in a row.”
“I'm glad you were able to teach him some respect for his elders,” Ogata said, wryly noting that Shindou had a knack for bringing out Fujiwara's competitive streak -- rather like a brat egging on his older brother. “And does that mean that you do play an instrument?”
Nodding, Fujiwara pulled out a piece of folded paper from his shirt pocket and handed it Ogata. “Hikaru said I play the flute and the guitar, but not modern ones. He couldn't remember the names of them so he drew me pictures.”
Ogata studied the pencil sketches intently. Ogata hadn't studied classical Japanese history since high school, but the guitar was instantly recognizable as a four-stringed biwa. Shindou had also sketched the biwa's distinctive plectrum out to the side. Ogata wasn't certain about the flute, though, but the design was definitely dated. Unlike a modern flute, this flute was made of wood and had deep recesses around the mouthpiece and each of its seven holes.
“This is a biwa,” Ogata said, writing the kanji over the sketch of the guitar before returning the paper. “It was a part of the Japanese court's ensemble centuries ago. I don't know the name of the flute, but perhaps it's like the ones they use in Noh performances. I can check online, if you'd like.”
“Yes, please do. I'm really excited about this. It seems I've been learning a lot about myself recently,” Fujiwara said with another smile.
The smile was large and bright, and Ogata found it entirely unconvincing. He'd been been observing Fujiwara long enough to recognize the nuances of Fujiwara's expressions: when Fujiwara was smiling out of consideration rather than genuine emotion, he tended to lower his gaze, as if he were afraid the other person would be able to pluck his secrets right out of his eyes. Perhaps that was a downside to having such expressive eyes, Ogata thought, and wondered if Fujiwara had had a disagreement with Shindou. Or did Fujiwara simply did not feel comfortable around him any longer?
Ogata said nothing, however, regulating himself to sipping at his tea as Fujiwara fiddled with the paper, smoothing out the creases with restless hands. He was on his third cup of tea when Fujiwara finally said: “I don't remember playing any instruments. I don't even remember what these are supposed to sound like.”
“Remember how you didn't recognize my goban at first, not until you started laying stones on it?” At Fujiwara's nod, Ogata continued: “Well, some of your memories are linked to physical triggers. You need to try holding an instrument.”
“That's true. I certainly hope so.” Fujiwara nudged the paper with a fingernail. “I... didn't want to tell Hikaru that I didn't remember. I didn't want to worry him, especially not since he was having such a good time.”
Ogata narrowed his eyes in consideration. Was Fujiwara asking him for advice about Shindou?
“He's just so young. I don't want to bother him: a teacher is supposed to take care of his student, not the other way around.”
“Shindou doesn't seem the type to get worried easily,” Ogata said, careful to avoid phrasing the statement in a way that appeared critical of the boy. “Besides, I don't think you need to be concerned about bothering him, not since he's so eager to spend time with you.”
“Hikaru has a sensitive side,” Fujiwara said quietly, his gaze turned inwards as if he were recalling an incident, but he did not elaborate.
The tearful reunion in the restaurant sprang to Ogata's mind. Although Fujiwara hadn't explained the details, it was clear that Fujiwara had disappeared abruptly from Shindou's life for several years, and that disappearance had caused Shindou a lot of distress. Perhaps Fujiwara's disappearance was even linked to Shindou's temporarily refusing to play shortly after turning pro. Regardless, Fujiwara probably still felt guilty about the incident, and it was hindering his ability to be frank with Shindou.
“I've been wondering why both of the instruments I play are old,” Fujiwara said, apparently steering the subject away from Shindou. “What would have interested me in playing them? Wouldn't it make more sense for me to choose a modern instrument?”
Ogata considered the question carefully. “To keep the tradition alive, I suppose,” he replied. “There is an attraction in preserving the past, especially when it's beautiful. Like go, for example.”
Fujiwara nodded emphatically. “Yes, that's right. I'm happy to have met so many people who still love go, like you and Hikaru and Akira and Waya and Isumi. But it's just... well... don't you think I'm... a little...”
Fujiwara trailed off, his face flushing red as he fumbled for words, and Ogata leaned forward to encourage him. “A little what?” he prompted.
“...odd,” Fujiwara finished. “Everything about me - everything that I've remembered so far -- it doesn't fit in. It's all old..”
Ogata frowned. Had Shindou said something that had upset Fujiwara? Fujiwara had never displayed any concern about “fitting in” before; he'd just been focused on regaining his ability to function in daily life. Although Fujiwara was one of the most unusual people Ogata had ever met: that Fujiwara apparently played classical instruments was just as exceptional as everything else about him, like the heavy robes Fujiwara had been wearing when Ogata had found him half-drowned in the canal. Or his skill in calligraphy and knowledge of ancient Chinese and Edo teacups. Or his ever-present politeness, his odd but charming mannerisms, and delicacy of movement: Fujiwara was correct, none of it quite “fit” with how ordinary people acted. Even Fujiwara's extremely long hair was an outdated style for both men and women (although it did suit his features).
None of these factors was that strange in and of itself, but the combination of all of them was... improbable. Yet there was certainly nothing inherently wrong with a person choosing to live in the style of the past, and Ogata did not like to think that Fujiwara had somehow been made to feel awkward over his choices. “You do have a lot of unique hobbies, and an interesting outlook. Isn't that something to be proud of?” Ogata said.
“Oh, I'm not embarrassed!” Fujiwara said, waving his hands in front of himself. “I was just hoping - I thought that meeting someone who knew me would help me understand everything about myself better, since friends are usually similar in a lot of ways, like shared interests and that sort of thing. But Hikaru and I are very different people, although of course we both like go, and that's the most important thing.” Fujiwara smiled wistfully. “I suppose I was being unfair to expect all my concerns to be cleared up by just one person. Hikaru's doing his best to answer my questions.”
For Fujiwara's sake, Ogata nodded sympathetically, although frankly he'd had doubts about Shindou's honesty ever since the dinner reunion. Shindou had said at the dinner that he couldn't tell Fujiwara everything yet, and he'd asked Fujiwara to wait. That had been about one week ago, and apparently, he was still keeping Fujiwara waiting. Then there was Shindou's assertion that Fujiwara didn't have any other friends or family. It was possible that Fujiwara had no family - although unusual, it wasn't unheard of - but for Fujiwara to have no friends or even acquaintances seemed very implausible, especially since Fujiwara was outgoing and likable. Plus, Fujiwara had a lot of hobbies: people did not usually pursue hobbies in complete isolation, and the more eccentric the hobby, the stronger the bonds between the participants tended to be - like the go community. Ancient Chinese, Heian era cosplay, classical music, and of course his go.... Fujiwara's skills and interests couldn't have just developed in a vacuum. Surely, as well as Shindou knew Fujiwara, he ought to know someone else connected to Fujiwara - just like Ogata had.
Was Shindou making the exact same mistake that he had?
Ogata had never intended to hurt Fujiwara, but those few small omissions he'd rationalized as inconsequential had turned out to be a cornerstone of Fujiwara's memory. The selective bits of information Ogata had hoarded from Fujiwara had strained their relationship - almost to the breaking point. Whether he'd made the omissions out of simple jealousy, misguided protectiveness, or blind ignorance, it was ultimately irrelevant: by compromising Fujiwara's trust in him, Ogata knew he'd lost most of the sway he'd held as Fujiwara's anchor.
That also meant Ogata had absolutely no ground to question Shindou's motives or cast any doubt on his actions in front of Fujiwara. Especially not since Shindou was precious to Fujiwara -- Fujiwara loved Shindou with all the indiscriminate affection of a doting brother. He wouldn't take it well at all if he thought Ogata were accusing Shindou of lying.
"I've been waiting for my answers for a long time already. Waiting a little longer won't hurt anything," Fujiwara said absent-mindedly, as if he were counseling himself to be patient.
Fujiwara was hardly being "unfair" to Shindou by needing answers, but Ogata restrained himself. "I've noticed that Shindou can be easily... distracted," Ogata said instead. "If he's not answering your questions, you should ask him again, but more directly. And use a serious tone, so he pays attentions." Ogata omitted the part about grabbing Shindou and holding him against a wall if he tried to escape (it was effective for getting Shindou's attention, but Ogata rather doubted that Fujiwara would appreciate the advice).
The corners of Fujiwara's mouth quirked up. "You sound as if you're discussing training a puppy, Ogata-sensei."
Definitely a deflection, but far too tantalizing to pass up. "Training puppies is easier. And they don't make as much of a mess as a teenage boy."
"Says the man who keeps fish," Fujiwara said with a laugh that sent a spiral of warmth curling through Ogata, and he felt the set of his shoulders relaxing.
"I've never been accused of being sentimental," Ogata answered, pleased to hear Fujiwara laugh again. It was infinitely preferable to that awkward politeness Fujiwara had shown him too frequently lately, even though Ogata had told Fujiwara repeatedly that he wasn't "imposing."
"But you were the one who gave Kuwabara-kun his name." Fujiwara sounded smug.
Ogata raised his eyebrows, conceding the point. He wasn't about to tell Fujiwara that particular naming had been more of a private insult to the real Kuwabara than any actual affection for the fish in question. (Ogata tried to keep the true extent of his loathing for the old man a secret; he didn't want anyone to realize exactly how much Kuwabara got under his skin.)
They talked for awhile longer about nothing in particular, then Ogata casually brought up his upcoming game on Touya Kouyou. "Sensei e-mailed me earlier to ask me to play him when he returns on Wednesday. Perhaps he's hoping to gain an edge for his game against you. I though I should warn you that I'll be obliged to reveal all your weaknesses to him if he asks. Teacher's privilege."
Ogata had said it with a joking tone, but Fujiwara tilted his head thoughtfully. "He's been overseas for a long time, hasn't he?"
"He goes whever the action is. China and Korea have more tournaments and conferences than Japan, and there are more players." Touya Kouyou had started travelling regularly ever since his retirement, although perhaps travelling wasn't the right term; he spent more time outside of Japan than inside. He maintained a modest apartment in Beijing, and his close friend So Chan Wan also kept a spare room available for Kouyou and Akiko's use whenever there were tournaments or matches of interests within Korea. Kouyou returned to Japan sporadically, but rarely for more than a week-long stretch, although he usually found the time to hold a study session for his old students (even for those who had taken to studying under other masters in his absences).
"He must be happy to play you again, then. It's difficult to be separated from your students, even with e-mail and texting," Fujiwara said.
Fujiwara's features softened with fondness, and Ogata knew he was thinking of his own relationship with Hikaru. It was somewhat cute, despite being a completely inaccurate basis for comparison with Ogata's relationship with Touya-sensei. "I sincerely doubt he wastes time fretting about me. I already have two titles, after all," Ogata clarified, omitting to mention that he'd taken one of those titles from his teachers.
Fujiwara smiled knowingly. "But weren't you his first student? He's always going to feel like your mentor, whether or not you surpass him."
"I'm hardly privy to what he's thinking," Ogata muttered. It wasn't really true -- he did know Touya Kouyou far better than most -- but Ogata hated sentimental drivel. It was too fuzzy-edged and... sticky. Go was far superior with its precise, sharp grids.
"Do you think he'll like me?"
Ogata glanced up, taken aback by the question. "As I'm certain Akira has already told you, Sensei has been preparing for a rematch with you ever since your first game. He's quite eager to meet you."
Fujiwara shifted in his chair. "I'm eager to meet him too, of course, but what I meant is, 'Do you think he'll like me personally?' If you don't mind my asking?" he added quickly, his cheeks coloring.
For a long moment, Ogata stared at the other man blankly. He honestly hadn't considered such a question; it seemed insignificant compared to the go. As long as your opponent wasn't completely disagreeable off the board (like a certain old geezer), what did his compatibility with yours matter? Ogata rarely saw his opponents outside of matches or conferences, so he couldn't be bothered to spend much time thinking about any of them in particular, unless he had an upcoming match with them.
s a i had been the notable exception to that, and Shindou as well, although Ogata's interest in the boy had waned when he'd found s a i for himself. Manipulating Shindou to rile Akira still held its full entertainment value, though. Those two were as obsessed with each other as the day they'd met. Eternal rivals and all that jazz.
Then it clicked.
Of course Fujiwara would care if Touya-sensei "liked" him. Sensei was his rival, not a mere opponent. Opponents could be easily found by walking into a go salon or logging onto NetGo, and could be just as easily discarded. Not so a rival. Regardless, Sensei wasn't a difficult person to get along with. "Touya-sensei can be reserved, but he's not unkind," Ogata said.
"I've heard that he's very serious. I know sometimes I seem a little excitable and... young. I don't want him to think..." Fujiwara's voice trailed off, and he stared at his hands helplessly.
Ogata frowned. The other man usually enjoyed, even relished meeting new people, especially in relation to go. "You've gotten along well with all the other pros you've met so far. Why should this be any different?" Ogata asked gently.
Fujiwara looked at him from under his eyelashes. "I'm probably not being very 'logical' about this -- but it's easy for me to feel comfortable with Hikaru's friends. They're open to ideas, and trying new approaches in go. They've never seemed threatened by me, and they don't judge me for being different."
"You've had a problem with an older pro before?"
"Yes." Fujiwara's expression was pensive. "I just began to remember this week, and I don't remember it very well. It's like when I had that nightmare that Hikaru had... left. I don't know the context, only that there was another go player who was ranked above me. He was angry that I wanted to try out new methods. I believe he was jealous, and he was afraid that I would surpass him even though I had less experience. He considered my age to be a personal insult to him." Fujiwara's lips tightened into a thin line. "He did something horrible to me."
A cold thrill ran down Ogata's spine. This jealous rival -- had he been the one responsible for Fujiwara's amnesia? Perhaps he'd drugged Fujiwara and dumped him into the canal, in order to stage a drowning that would be written off as "accidental." Fujiwara was too trusting. He would have never seen it coming.
Ogata forced himself to speak slowly and calmly, despite the blood pounding in his ears. "What did he do?"
Fujiwara shook his head, tugging at his shirt cuff absently. "I don't remember, and I think that's what scares me the most, not knowing exactly. But maybe it's better that I don't. I just want to enjoy the game with Touya-sensei, and not think about this other person. It's unfair to both of us."
"I want you to enjoy the game too," Ogata said vehemently. "Both of you deserve it."
Fujiwara's eyes rounded in surprise. Frankly, Ogata was surprised at himself too. He'd been jealous; hell, he was still a little jealous. But there were more pressing issues than his own personal hangups to deal with now.
"You've both been waiting for a long time," Ogata said. "Sensei is stubborn: he never stopped believing that he would get a rematch, even when s a i disappeared from the Internet completely. He doesn't care about your nationality or gender or status, and he's certainly not perturbed by something as trivial as your age." Unlike some established pros, Kouyou had never been the sort of man to engage in petty mind games with young players, or the type to play harsh, crushing go to warn up-and-comers that he was a force to be respected. Yes, there was the aspect of him that showed no mercy to opponents, but that was born out of his love and respect for the game, not out of insecurity or pride. Sensei was nothing like this shadowy monster from Fujiwara's past, the one who'd cast Fujiwara aside as an obstacle rather than treasuring him as a rival, and Ogata needed to help Fujiwara to see that. "When Sensei finds talented players, he isn't threatened -- he believes he is closer to finding the Hand of God."
"I feel the same way," Fujiwara said.
Ogata could hear the hesitation in the other man's voice, and he could read the doubt in the way Fujiwara held his hands together, near the edge of the table, as if he were pulling into himself. Ogata felt a dull ache in his stomach. That someone had been able to wound Fujiwara so deeply about the thing he loved most was wrong, but perhaps it wasn't all that different from what Ogata had done himself. "I've known Sensei for a long time. He would never do anything to hurt you. He's one of the most honorable men I know." Honorable. The word felt old-fashioned and unfamiliar in Ogata's mouth, but it suited Touya Kouyou perfectly.
"You must think very highly of Touya-sensei," Fujiwara said.
"Yes." Ogata didn't hesitate. They didn't always agree, but Ogata had always respected his teacher's wisdom and integrity. "I trust him."
"You aren't the sort of person who says that lightly." Fujiwara smiled slightly. "Thank you for telling me about Touya-sensei. I just wish I hadn't remembered this other... person."
"You don't want to ask Shindou about him?" Ogata asked, even though he already suspected the answer.
Fujiwara shook his head. "If Hikaru knew him, I'm sure he would have already mentioned it. So I don't want him to worry needlessly about a man whose name and face I can't even remember." Fujiwara wrinkled his nose. "Maybe I've gotten the memory confused. I've been mistaken before... I ought to have waited to tell you, until I was more certain. I apologize for up--"
"Don't apologize," Ogata interrupted sharply, angry that Fujiwara was trivializing his own memories out of misguided consideration. "Telling me was exactly the right thing to to do, even if you don't recall all the details, or you are confused. What matters is that you're safe, and that you can play go without having to glance over your shoulder."
Fujiwara bowed his head low as if he were ashamed, his chin almost touching his chest. "That's very kind of you, but I feel uncomfortable about involving others in this personal business, especially since I don't know what exactly it entails."
Ogata felt his jaw muscles tensing. Didn't Fujiwara realize how vulnerable he was? "That is precisely why you shouldn't keep this information to yourself," Ogata heard himself almost growl, his voice low and harsh. "You don't know what to expect, so how can you possibly hope to protect yourself?"
"Ogata-sensei," Fujiwara said, his eyes very large.
Then Ogata noticed that he was out of his chair and leaning halfway across the table. He was practically looming over Fujiwara -- he was close enough to see the quickened pulse in Fujiwara's throat. His skin looked very pale and soft.
Ogata took a deep breath to focus himself, mentally scolding himself for berating Fujiwara; the man had already been through enough. "I'm serious," Ogata said, careful to soften his tone. "I want you to promise that you'll tell me immediately if you remember anything else about this man."
"I..." Fujiwara's voice trailed off.
The idea of Fujiwara trying to confront some ill-intentioned stranger by himself made Ogata's skin prickle. Fujiwara was a gentle-natured man, and Ogata had yet to see any sign that Fujiwara was capable of violence, even for self-protection. He didn't have the mindset necessary for it. Not like Ogata. "Let me look after you," Ogata murmured.
Fujiwara's face flushed a brilliant red, and Ogata realized exactly what he had just said and how it could be interpreted. No wonder Fujiwara was flustered.
He had meant it, though.
Ogata withdrew to his chair, not breaking eye contact with Fujiwara. Fujiwara seemed to relax, enough to manage a wobbly smile. "You know, you can be very intense."
"You'll tell me, right?" Ogata was unwilling to let the matter drop.
Fujiwara frowned at him, but there was no heat behind it. "I will tell you if you will act reasonably, Ogata-sensei."
"I will," Ogata said, although he was rather certain that his definition of "reasonable" was not quite the same as Fujiwara's.
Fujiwara pursed his lips, but he nodded as if he were satisfied. "Then I agree. Also... I was wondering if you would go with me when I meet Touya-sensei on Thursday."
Ogata blinked, taken aback by the sudden request, but gratified nonetheless. He had assumed that Fujiwara would want to keep his games with Sensei a private matter. "I'd be happy to," Ogata said. To be a part of the games between the two -- even as an observer -- would be a great privilege.
"Thank you," Fujiwara said. "And thank you for... 'looking after me'," he said calmly, his cheeks coloring only faintly.
"You're welcome," Ogata said, feeling a sense of deep relief. Perhaps he still had a few moves left to play after all.
Author's Notes:
Erm, lots of talking heads in this one. I had originally intended to have the games with Touya Kouyou appear in this chapter, but it's been pushed back to the next chapter. I'll make the games detailed enough so that they deserve their own chapter. I hope people enjoyed this chapter regardless. I was worried when I realized that I hadn't written an Ogata POV chapter since March. ^^;;