My Heart Wants To Come Home
Title: My Heart Wants To Come Home
Pairing: Xiumin/LuHan, Kris/Lay, hinted!Sehun/Tao
Genre: Romance, soulmates!au
Length: approx. 4000w | one-shot
Rating: PG-13
Summary: In which Lu Han keeps running and his soulmate keeps running away.
In which people glow a bright light of white when their soulmates are near.
Lu Han has always fancied the idea of glowing. He has always been interested and enthralled of the idea of finding your soulmate eventually in your lifetime. Though, he is very much aware that not all soulmates meet each other. Sometimes the universe just conspires with itself and your soulmate lives across the world. He knows a couple of people who are happy with people that aren’t their soulmates but he can’t help but wonder… what if these people met their soulmates?
So Lu Han has been keeping himself unattached until he finds his soulmate. There has been a decent amount of both men and women wanting to be with him but Lu Han is loyal to all this ordeal with the glowing and the soulmates. He believes that one day, one day he will find his soulmate.
Lu Han’s first time of glowing happens when he’s fifteen. He’s in Korea for the first time for a vacation with his family and he’s been having the time of his life. He likes this boygroup called TVXQ! and that night is when he first meets them.
Although, his glowing happens after the concert-it happens when he’s sitting in a fastfood restaurant across his mother who has accompanied him to the concert and then suddenly, a dim white light glows from his chest, where his heart beats steadily.
“Mom…” He says, dropping his cheeseburger with his expression is a mix of excited and scared and his mother just gasps in her seat, clasping a hand to her lips. “Mom?” He squeaks again and this time, the glowing intensifies and he puts a hand over his chest.
His mother shushes him. “Oh dear, oh dear! Your soulmate! Your soulmate’s near!” She says as she jumps out of her seat and then the few people in the restaurant turn to look at him. Some of them look surprise and some just want his mother to stay silent.
Lu Han’s breathing is uneven and he can’t stand up for god’s sake. His mother’s head snap everywhere just to see if there’s someone in the room with the same glowing light as her son’s.
But just as suddenly as it came, it fades away the same.
His mother sits back down on her seat, face solemn and she takes Lu Han’s hand in hers. “It’s alright, Han. You’ll meet them again some time.”
Lu Han only nods but the hand on his chest doesn’t leave.
*
Lu Han’s twenty-one now and he has forgotten of how his chest glowed inside his chest six years ago.
Except he hasn’t really forgotten about that, he just chooses to push that behind because even though he genuinely believes that one day, he’ll meet his soulmate, that one day he will have someone, someone to hold on to, even though he knows that his soulmate is somewhere out there… he still has a life to keep up with.
So at twenty-one, Lu Han’s working for his family’s company.
He has a few friends from college and high school that he’s kept through the years and most of them has found their soulmates. One pair is very special to Lu Han because he’s the one who made them meet each other.
Yifan and Yixing have been together now since Lu Han introduced Yixing to Yifan.
He can remember being half-naked as Yixing rapped the door of Yifan and Lu Han’s shared apartment during college. Lu Han had only gotten up from his bed and Yifan was in the living room, reluctant to open the door because he never had any visitors so it must be for his roommate. When Lu Han opened the door, eyes barely opened, there were two blinding bright lights glowing from his friends-too bright that it almost blinded Lu Han.
They are Lu Han’s inspiration in finding his soulmate.
At least he has something, at least he knows something about his soulmate… at least he knows he’s somewhere in South Korea.
But Lu Han has never had to chance to return to Korea.
He’s told Yixing about his soulmate and even Yifan knows about his first time of glowing and they both constantly tell him to fly back to Korea.
But Lu Han doesn’t want to chase his soulmate. He wants his soulmate to come to him.
Because it’s destiny, because it’s meant to be, then, it will happen.
*
The next time Lu Han glows, he’s twenty-four and has had one girlfriend. That relationship didn’t last long however, when his girlfriend found her soulmate. Lu Han understands.
And to be fair, he hasn’t made an effort to look for his soulmate. Despite that, he still believes he’ll see them one day… even if he’s in his fifties.
He’s grocery shopping and choosing between buying a box of chocolate milk and just pure milk and he can’t decide. He ponders there, with his shopping cart stale and two cartons of milk are in his hands.
He doesn’t notice the soft light emitting from his chest until it grows, it grows so strong that he can feel his heart beat fast in his chest as if he has run a mile. Lu Han just stands there, cartons of milk in his hands, staring down at his glowing chest and then he realizes.
His soulmate is in Beijing… in the same place as he is… his soulmate is near.
He drops both of the cartons in his cart and then runs, pushing past people with his cart and he goes to the direction where his chest glow stronger… where he feels like it’s right. People give him way, staring with wide eyed at his glowing chest.
He’s at the gate that leads inside and outside the grocery store and he leaves his cart as he runs outside.
He runs so hard and the glowing on his chest gets even stronger and then he sees him-
He sees him entering a bright red car in the parking lot. He sees him with his chest glowing the same color as his, he sees him frowning at his chest before he speeds away.
Lu Han just stands there, out of breath and the glowing in his chest diminishing.
At least, Lu Han tells himself, he’s seen his face and that’s something.
Later that night, Lu Han will fall asleep to round cheeks, pale skin, and a bright red car.
*
He tells Yixing about seeing his soulmate when he comes over their place for dinner. Yifan and Yixing are getting married in a month and they’ve been busy with preparing all the details… especially Yixing so Lu Han is thankful that they still have time for him.
“What?” Yixing asks as he wipes the table clean. Lu Han is seated on their couch, legs propped up on the coffee table.
“Yeah, I met him yesterday. I tried to chase him but he didn’t seem to care about his fucking chest glowing.” Lu Han groans as he flips channels absentmindedly, his mind seem to be on other things, like the plate number of the car which he barely even laid eyes on.
Yixing snorts at his friend as he finishes cleaning the table and Yifan emits from his small office room in their apartment. Lu Han doesn’t see them kiss, he doesn’t see Yifan put his arm around Yixing’s shoulders and only sees them when they sit on the sofa adjacent to the couch where Lu Han is on. Yixing is on the sofa while Yifan sits on the armrest.
“Unfortunate. But at least you know what he looks like.” Yifan tries to console him, his thumb drawing circles on his fiance’s shoulder.
Lu Han glances at the happy couple across him and frowns. “Thanks, Yifan. That feels very uplifting.” He deadpans as he sits up and stops on a channel that plays Korean music videos. Right now, it seems like liking TVXQ! is a far-off memory.
“Did you see the plate number?” Yixing asks and leans against Yifan’s arm.
Lu Han notices the very dim glow from his friends’ chest and wonders when is he ever going to glow like that?
He knows that the dimness of the glow only means that they are in a stable relationship, that they are deeply in love with each other and Lu Han knows what his bright glowing meant yesterday… it meant that he is still looking for his soulmate… that they still don’t know each other.
Lu Han merely shakes his head and expects the look of disappointment in Yixing’s face and the look of disbelief in Yifan’s.
“But we’ll meet each other, I can feel it.” He says, reassuring his friends but more than anything, he’s reassuring himself that no matter when or where-he’ll meet his soulmate. He knows it. Not today, not now or not soon, but someday.
*
Lu Han glows again three months later when he’s in this impulsive trip in Seoul. He only knows a smattering of Korean but he’s sure he’ll survive. He’s been saving up for it for months upon the new of TVXQ!’s comeback and he personally wants to go see them. He’s already twenty-four and TVXQ! isn’t a newbie in the industry, so, he feels comfortable when he lines up for a music show with the fans around his age.
He glows at 5AM because fans line up annoyingly early for stages like this and he’s with his only Korean friend who’s also into TVXQ!-Oh Sehun. He’s four years younger than he is but he feels all sorts of comfortable when he’s with Sehun. Surprisingly, the younger boy has found his soulmate a year ago in the form of an exchange student from China. Sometimes, the world can really play on you.
Lu Han’s just sitting on their place in the line and Sehun’s right beside him, blasting the newest TVXQ! song and he doesn’t really seem to mind.
Lu Han’s just looking around everywhere, trying to make his excitement subside. He isn’t sure if it’s about TVXQ! but something’s gnawing at his heart and it’s telling him that his excitement isn’t just because of TVXQ!
“Hyung,” Sehun calls out and pokes Lu Han’s shoulder.
Lu Han turns to the younger, his brow raising. “What?”
Sehun blinks up at him and there’s an odd light illuminating Sehun’s features and it’s only ten minutes past five. “You’re glowing.”
Lu Han looks down at his chest and there’s this light emitting from his chest. Lu Han’s eyes are wide and his heart is thumping hard inside his ribcage as if he’s about to explode.
And both him and Sehun know what this means.
Lu Han gets up from their blanket, almost tripping on his own feet as he bursts into a run again. He doesn’t mind leaving his backpack behind which holds all of his TVXQ! merch and the lightstick he has bought but it feels like he’s back three months ago in a grocery store in Beijing.
He knows the light and the feeling in his heart is telling him where to go so he runs to the entrance, where the door is still closed and he stops in front of the door.
The light on his heart grows stronger like a mini sun in the dawn and the door remains closed.
There are fans lining up near the entrance but he doesn’t mind them and he’s close to tears because his chest glows and it almost physically hurts that his soulmate is here and near and he doesn’t fucking know who he is. That he doesn’t know who this person is. That he only knows of pale cheeks and plump lips and a bright red car.
The glowing of his chest stops again and then he doesn’t feel anything anymore.
This has happened so many times before and Lu Han doesn’t know how to feel.
*
Two days before he leaves for Beijing, he decides to go to different cafés around the place where he stays. Sehun’s still in college and has a roommate that he can’t stand so he can’t stay over his place. Hence here is Lu Han, in a snug café a few meters away from his hotel.
He orders Americano and now he’s here sitting by the glass windows. In his table, he has a great view of strangers passing past the café that almost no one notices.
Lu Han’s lost in his thoughts-in thoughts of how he has glowed for three times in his lifetime and how there has always been a long interval of when he glowed. He thinks of the times him and his soulmate were so close to each other for three times but never did he even talk to him, never did he even get the chance to properly see his face. It makes him a little sad.
Lu Han’s still looking outside the café’s window absentmindedly, the Americano in his hands and his thumbs graze over the ceramic of the mug.
All the times of almost meeting his soulmate makes him more motivated than ever even though he’s sure he should feel demotivated by now because it’s been three times and three times is already too much. Maybe the universe doesn’t want them to meet at all? But that’s impossible, why are they so close to each other if the universe don’t intend for them to meet? They have to meet. Lu Han knows that.
He doesn’t notice someone walking inside the café with round cheeks and plump lips. He doesn’t notice the glowing of his chest as he is now focused on the way this man keeps on shaking his shoes as he walks as if there’s a rock stuck inside his feet or something.
Lu Han shakes his head and that moment is when someone pulls the chair across him, causing a slight screeching sound of the metal on the floor. Lu Han’s head snaps up, suddenly alert and sees this very very beautiful man with the most beautiful smile and oh. Oh. His chest is glowing.
Lu Han looks down at his own chest and he almost drops the coffee to see that his chest is glowing the brightest it has ever glowed and his heart is beating as strong as his chest is glowing. “Hi,” he squeaks out, still staring at the man who licks lips with a timid smile.
“Hello, I hope you don’t mind me sitting across you?” He asks but he’s already sitting down so Lu Han doesn’t reply.
He doesn’t fucking know that much of Korean but he tries to respond.
“I… you… glow?” He asks dumbly, putting down the mug of Americano and they are still glowing.
The other man nods with the tiniest hint of a laugh and it sounds like heaven to Lu Han’s ears. He’s so so overwhelmed with feelings that he’s so close to sobbing and breaking down at that moment. But he keeps it in well.
“Minseok. My name’s Minseok. And I feel like I need to do a lot of explaining with you.” Minseok-his soulmate says with that smile and Lu Han only nods.
“I… um… do you understand Korean? I’m not sure if you are Korean because I know we were near each other that one time in Beijing…”
Lu Han’s decided on speaking the best as he can so he does. “I’m Lu Han and yes, only a little bit. I’m from Beijing and I studied Korean for a while.”
Minseok nods, still smiling and Lu Han’s heart is beating faster than ever.
“That’s rude of me to not ask.” Minseok laughs and then his eyes glance down at the drink Lu Han has placed down earlier. “Oh, we like the same coffee.”
And Lu Han almost screams because they are literally soulmates.
“Funny.”
Minseok licks his lips again. “Anyway, Lu Han.” Minseok starts and Lu Han doesn’t know how but he misses the way how his name rolls along Minseok’s as if he has said those syllables before-as if he has known that name for ages. “I need to apologize to you. First of all, that time… years ago… the first time I glowed… I ran away.”
Lu Han tilts his head, curious. He remembers being sat there across his mother not knowing that to do. “Ah, I remember that. I was 15? And I was in this fastfood restaurant… my mother freaked out.” Lu Han laughs.
Minseok snorts. “It’s after TVXQ!’s concert and I went-“ Minseok doesn’t finish because Lu Han gasps so loud.
“You like them too?!”
“Um… yeah…”
“I like them too…” Lu Han clears his throat, trying to keep up the cool façade.
“Wow, we’re literally soulmates.” Minseok jokes and Lu Han finds himself laughing out loud.
It’s the worst joke but Lu Han finds him so so funny.
“So, I went to their concert with my friends and I had the time of my life. We were walking to catch our bus and then that was when I first glowed when I passed by McDonald’s. I’m assuming you were in there?”
Lu Han only nods.
“So, I’m sorry for running away. It was because I was scared. I was scared of the idea of soulmates. I was scared of this glowing on my chest dictating who I was supposed to be with. I hated it.”
His words feel like knives to Lu Han’s heart but he lets him continue as he sips on his Americano.
“Because my parents, y’know-they weren’t each other’s soulmates and my father walked out on us when he found his soulmate. It was painful, very very painful and I am the oldest so I had to take care of my sister and mother.” Minseok doesn’t look nervous as he speaks… it’s almost as if he has prepared for this for a long time.
Lu Han just takes everything in patiently but he can’t help but wonder why does he also have to suffer? Why does he have to suffer alone not knowing that his soulmate is running away from him when he tries his best to literally run to him?
He tries to shrug those thoughts away and drowns into brown eyes and red lips.
“Second time. Beijing. That time I told myself that if ever I glowed again, I’m going to ignore it and don’t look for my soulmate. I was keen on avoiding meeting my soulmate so there I was, getting groceries for my friend because he was sick while I had a vacation in Beijing and then I glowed. I just shrugged it off, having so much nonchalance over the fact that hey, my soulmate might be anywhere looking for me. I didn’t care.”
Lu Han’s breath hitches and he feels the slight tugging of anger. “I ran to you. I saw you and the bright red car.” But he knows he isn’t capable of being angry.
Minseok looks embarrassed, a deep colour of red spreads on his pale cheeks. “Sorry… I’m really… really… sorry…” He reaches out for Lu Han’s hand around his Americano and Lu Han lets him twine their fingers together. This is comforting and he doesn’t feel angry anymore.
With the simple touch of Minseok’s hand-he feels at home.
And from watching his parents and his friends, he knows that this is what having a soulmate feels like.
He doesn’t need the explanations anymore because he knows they have all the time to catch up even though he’s leaving for Beijing in less than 48 hours but that’s alright, they can be together in the future.
But Minseok proceeds.
“Third time. I was inside the studio where the TVXQ! comeback stage is happening because I had connections and I was allowed inside as they rehearsed. It was fun and then I started glowing. I’m going to make you so jealous but I want to tell you that Changmin told me to go look for my soulmate but I didn’t.” Minseok cocks his brow at Lu Han, smirking and Lu Han only pouts at him.
“Unfair. You could’ve also pulled me in so we could watch them.” He huffs, feigning anger but he doesn’t pull his hand away from Minseok’s.
Minseok only laughs at him. “I’m sorry but I promise next time, we’ll get to talk to them.”
“So,” Lu Han asks and leans forward. “Why? Why did you approach me now? I’m going to be honest but I feel slightly bothered how you’re controlling our meeting-how you’re the one dictating when we’re going to meet and there’s a thing in me telling that I don’t need explanations but Minseok… I… I want them.” Lu Han doesn’t know if he made sense in Korean but the sudden surprised look in Minseok’s face tells him he delivered it well.
Their hands twined even tighter as Minseok starts to speak. “Because I realized that the third time of this happening, it’s not a joke anymore. That I need to finally meet you, that I need to face you because we are meant to be. Because this is what’s supposed to happen. Because I realized that I am being a selfish jerk.”
“So then I was walking to my workplace at that small record store over the street and then I glowed-and I knew I had to find you.” Minseok’s voice is sincere and Lu Han knows he needs to tell him something.
“I was almost losing hope today… actually.” He feels ashamed.
Minseok smiles and brings their hands to his lips and presses Lu Han’s hand to his lips. “Timing is a funny thing, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. And you know, if… if you don’t want us to happen… we can… we can stop… at least I know I found you at least I got to talk to you a-“
“No, no, that’s not the case!” Minseok stops him, panicked. “The thing is, I want us to happen. No matter where you will be, I want us to get to know each other and to fall in love and-“ Minseok’s blushing again and Lu Han finds it the absolute cutest.
Lu Han’s close to tears now. For real. He knows he will fall in love with this man, he knows that he will be absolutely whipped for this man, he knows he will be with him and he knows every moment with him will feel at home.
His glow is dimming, like that dim of Yixing and Yifan’s when they’re together and Lu Han loves the warmth running up his veins where their hands connected.
“I’m leaving for Beijing in two days.” Lu Han finally gets it out and Minseok doesn’t seem surprised.
“That’s okay. We’ll still be connected right? We can spend the two days together right? And then we’ll have all the time to be together.” Minseok’s voice almost sounds hopeful and he knows Minseok is looking for assurance that Lu Han will be there now that they have found each other.
“Of course, Minseok. We will have all the time in the world.”
And Lu Han does something he doesn’t expect that he can. He stands up from his chair and reaches over to Minseok, his hand on his face and he grazes his thumb over his cheek. His cheeks are as soft as he imagined them to be all this time. “Can I?” Lu Han asks and he glances down Minseok’s lips then looks back at his eyes.
“You may.” Minseok says before he closes his eyes and he is the one to press their lips together.
And Lu Han feels warm, he feels safe and secure and sure. He feels right, he feels that this is how it is supposed to be. And even though he is more than a thousand miles away from home, he knows, like this, with Minseok, he is home.