The First Thing
Title: The First Thing
Pairing: FanXing
Genre: Romance, Fluff, Canon
Length: approx. 4800+ | One-shot
Warning: stupid fluff?
Summary: The first thing that Kris does in the morning is turn to his side where Yixing’s bed is situated.
---
The first thing that Kris sees in the morning is Yixing’s steady breathing, chest heaving and subsiding into an even rhythm, and the morning sun bleeding through the blinds of their room’s window. The light is a little startling at first but he doesn’t mind it when it highlight’s Yixing’s peaceful features at 6 o’clock in the morning, when the sun is just rising and when everyone else is sleeping.
The first thing that Kris does in the morning is turn to his side where Yixing’s bed is situated. He likes it like this - how his bed is beside Yixing’s and their manager's bed is by the foot of both of their beds. He likes the way how Yixing is only an arm’s reach away from him. He likes the way how his bed is only a few feet away from Yixing, a distance enough for him to swing his legs when he gets off the bed.
The first thing that Kris says in the morning is ‘G’morning.’ to Yixing, that is well, if Yixing wakes up earlier than him. But at days like this when Yixing is sure to wake up late, when Yixing was too tired from last night’s schedule, he doesn’t say anything and instead, just looks at Yixing as if he is the most delicate thing in the world.
Kris pulls his covers away from him and swings his legs off his bed when Yixing shifts so that he is lying on his back and slowly stirs awake. Kris likes to pretend that he had just awoken the same time Yixing does because he doesn’t want to be caught staring at his roommate for minutes before he actually gets up.
He stretches his arms, extending long limbs as Yixing sits up and yawns, fists coming up to rub at his eyes and Kris really thinks that Yixing is adorable when he just woke up, hair mussed from sleep and eyelids still drooping.
Yixing turns to Kris with that angelic smile of his, the dimple denting his bare morning face and with his eyes barely open. “Good morning, duizhang.”
Kris laughs softly to not wake up their manager before he reaches out and pokes Yixing on his cheeks. “You’re the only one who calls me duizhang nowadays.” He jokes and Yixing frowns at him, features still tender and playful.
“What, do you want me to just call you Kris now or?” The brunette trails off, his hands running through his mussed hair and with morning eyes narrowing at the taller.
And Kris shakes his head, brief and quick, a reaction that is a beat too fast. “No, call me duizhang.” He retorts before standing up from his bed and using Yixing’s head as a support for his weight. Yixing whines at him and tries to kick Kris with covers still on his legs which doesn’t end good with the dancer’s legs tangling on the sheets while he tries to kick Kris and the latter just dodges him and sprints to the door.
Kris smiles and lets himself wrap around the fact he is the only one who has the privilege to see Yixing’s morning face, that he is the only one who can see Yixing rubbing his eyes at 8:05 in the morning because it’s his habit when he wakes up. He lets himself wrap around that fact because that’s the only thing about Yixing that only him knows about.
Also, Kris is thankful that their manager sleeps a good few feet away from their beds.
***
EXO uses two vans for travelling.
To make things much easier and bring less of a trouble, one van is for EXO-K and one van is for EXO-M and Kris is really really thankful that somehow, Yixing always end up sitting next to him.
“I’m so tired.” Yixing’s body sags against Kris’ shoulder and it can always be seen as friendly and normal between them because, well, they are close friends and roommates and they had always been there for each other since the start. But for Kris, Yixing’s small action of leaning against his shoulder is enough to send weird electricity down his spine.
Kris places a hand on Yixing’s thigh and squeezes it a little as the van starts to move and Zitao starts to whine at Minseok and Jongdae who just cut him off with his snarky remark while Lu Han just laughs along at the back. “We’ll be home soon.”
Yixing nods against his shoulder and the face that Yixing makes with the slight scrunch of his face, makes Kris want to kiss him right then and there but he knows that it is a stupid idea. Kris feels Yixing let himself fall against him as he falls asleep beside him, just right against Kris’ shoulder with their thighs too close.
Kris shifts so that he has an arm around Yixing and holds him just like that, fit and snug under his arm as the younger snores softly.
***
The first time Kris realizes his feelings was not very eventful, it was actually very simple. He realized it in the way he values Yixing’s smile, how the sound of Yixing’s laugh would make his head turn in a snap because he liked the way how Yixing would look when he is smiling from ear to ear, how Yixing cares for others, how Yixing would pull him by the arm to whisper the little details that he notices in his ear. He realized Yixing was special because he catches himself staring at Yixing while dancing for a little too long and for a little too much, it’s the way how after five years of being together, that after five years of friendship he is slowly crossing the friendship line. It is when he realized that his heart beats so much faster with Yixing around.
So Kris tried to distance himself from Yixing despite the fact that he is the first thing that he sees in the morning and the last thing that he sees before falling into a deep slumber. He tried, he really did, to lessen the touches. He tried to avoid Yixing. He tried to hang out with others more and ignore Yixing because he is afraid. The whole 187 centimeters of frigid features is afraid of crossing the friendship line.
And he isn’t even sure if it was him or Yixing who drew the friendship line.
Albeit, to his dismay (but not really), Yixing innocently finds his way back into Kris’ arms at night when the younger can’t fall asleep. He crawls into Kris’ bed and asks if he could hug him because his waist aches and that is when Kris’ walls crumble into tiny little pieces, that is when Kris’ defense is attacked by Yixing, that is when he turns into the naïve boy who panics because his friend is hurting, that is when he panics and tries to wake up the manager but Yixing just tugs him back to bed and pleads to just hug him for it to go away.
At those nights, Kris’ hands find their way into Yixing’s waist to slowly massage it until Yixing is comfortable enough to sleep, until Yixing is breathing steadily against his neck, until Yixing is relaxed against his body.
These are the nights that Kris pushes his feelings aside, the nights that the things that matter to Kris the most are Yixing and his feelings. What’s all in his mind is that Yixing is safe, in his arms, secure, warm and okay.
He doesn’t even think of how Yixing wanted to cuddle with him to sleep over getting up and drinking his medicine. He doesn’t even think of how the tears in Yixing’s eyes disappeared as he tugged him back down on the bed when he hugged him, so fit and snug. He doesn’t even think of how Yixing was so calmed and satisfied just with Kris’ voice and hands trying to help him ease out the pain. He doesn’t even think of the possibility of Yixing liking him back.
Kris doesn’t think because he is too submerged with the thought of Yixing hurting. He wants to do everything to make Yixing feel okay, to make Yixing feel better.
***
A fist lands against Kris' scapula while he sits on his bed, facing his laptop and his back to the door. He turns around to a frowning Yixing with his lips into a small pout. "You forgot who I was, duizhang." He says and his lips move so cutely that Kris has this really huge urge to just kiss them. But of course, keeping his image, he inwardly shakes this thought off and tries to focus on Yixing and not his lips.
"What? What do you mean?" He asks in confusion because he is sure that there isn't a moment that Yixing left his mind.
Yixing then makes himself comfortable on Kris' bed. The way how his hands take the laptop and the way how Kris just lets him is really natural that neither of them really cares. Yixing ends up sitting beside Kris with a leg dangling on the edge of the bed while Kris moves in closer to Yixing, his hand on the bed around the younger to support his weight.
Close. Too close. There is a red light blinking at Kris but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t budge or move away. He just let himself be this close to Yixing. “Ge,” Yixing starts and when he turns his head to look at Kris, the taller almost gets a heart attack and jerks his head away because Yixing’s face is too close.
“See, you forgot who I was. You forgot who I am, duizhang.” Yixing doesn’t seem baffled with their proximity as he presses the play button and Kris furrows his eyes at the screen, his chin resting on Yixing’s shoulder. Because maybe, maybe Yixing would think that this too is a friendly act.
The video is of him introducing his silly drawing in Starcast. He laughs a little as he looks at it. It isn’t like he purposely does that. His hands are just way too big for drawing and holding little markers. The video gets to him pointing and naming the members one by one and suddenly, the Kris in the video goes “Ah, who is this…?” and the Yixing in the video goes “Lay! It’s Lay!”
That is when Kris presses his forehead against Yixing’s shoulder and laughs wholeheartedly. “I didn’t mean to forget you-“
“What do you mean didn’t mean to?” Yixing questions him with that cute frown and cute eyes and just cute everything. Yixing elbows him and Kris’ back lands on his mattress, he really didn’t mean to forget Yixing. It’s just that he did not want to call him ‘Xing’ on broadcast.
“How could you forget me?!” Yixing turns to face him and the bed bounces a little. He playfully pokes Kris on the stomach before talking again, causing Kris to swat his hand away. “I’m the first thing that you see when you wake up and I’m also the last thing you see when you go to sleep. I’m the first person that you say good morning to and I’m the last person that you say good night to. How can you forget me? I’m deeply offended.”
Yixing crosses his arms over his chest and purses his lips tight together, glaring down at Kris who can’t stop laughing because Yixing is too adorable, Yixing fusses over the little things, Yixing is being Yixing. Kris props himself up on his elbow and takes a deep breath. “Xing, it’s because I don’t want to call you Xing on a broadcast.” He explains and this seems to calm Yixing down.
“Oh. Okay.” And then Yixing hops off his bed, almost tripping on his own feet before stumbling on his own, face first into the pillow. Kris watches Yixing rub his own face on his pillow before he gets back on his laptop.
“Turn off the lights, ge.” Yixing turns his back on Kris, pulling his blankets over his shoulder and shifting so that he is comfortable on his bed. Kris groans a little before he untangles his legs and goes over the door to shut the light.
“Thanks ge, good night. I’m tired.” Yixing says and with a final yawn. He falls asleep so easily. On the other hand, Kris thinks that Yixing is so adorable like this and he bends down a little to pat Yixing on the butt as he trudges back to his own bed to get back on weibo.
***
The first time Kris met Yixing was when he still went with the name ‘Kevin’ and introduced himself as ‘Kevin’ every time. The first time he met Yixing was when they were still teenagers with big dreams as they had only had first entered the company. Yixing was the first Chinese trainee he talked to, mostly because he bumped against Yixing’s shoulder and he spluttered a shaky sorry in Korean and then cursed at Mandarin before he hissed at himself in English about bad lucks on the first day. Yixing looked at him, long hair tucked away by a ponytail as he laughed and told Kris that cursing at the first day is really bad in fluent Mandarin.
They stuck together since then.
At first, making friends was really hard because he had a permanent angry, intimidating face on but he made friends with the new trainees like Lu Han and Minseok who got in through a contest. Minseok got in first before him and accommodated him and Yixing while Lu Han was that pretty face who got scouted and had a really great personality so they clicked. However, Yixing was treated as an ace, as a threat to the older trainees because he had dancing abilities that was at par to that one kid called Jongin.
Yixing conversed with the other trainees a lot while Kris stuck with their small group of two Chinese teenagers and one Korean teenager but at every end of the day when all of the trainees had finished practicing, Kris was always the one to put a stop to Yixing’s daily 12-hour practice by tossing a water bottle over the tired dancer’s direction and saying, “The last train comes at 11pm.” and Yixing had to break out in a smile before chugging down said bottle of water.
“Thanks,” and then a dent shows up on Yixing’s left cheek and all the hours of waiting was really worth it.
They dormed together, because both of them were away from family, because they both felt like home, because they could both talk to each other in confident Mandarin while they practice their unstable Korean and while they both splayed across the living room with heavy Hangul textbooks and tired eyes.
So, five years into the future, when they are a year into their debut, when they are topping charts and have hectic schedules, Yixing doesn’t find it hard to stumble into his bed and collapse into a slumber while Kris sorts out his feelings a few inches across him.
***
Growl promotions are almost ending. They don’t room together anymore so Yixing is not the first thing that Kris sees in the morning and the last thing that he sees anymore. When he does, it’s very rare.
He doesn’t touch Yixing a lot, he doesn’t hold him like he used to a year ago, he doesn’t act childish with Yixing anymore. Kris thinks that if he does and lets himself gets too intoxicated with Yixing more, he will collapse. So, he is thankful that Yixing isn’t the first person that greets him with a dimpled smile and a good morning every time he opens his eyes. Somehow, his heart calms down a little.
Yixing is the last thing that Kris will see today after their schedules because today they have a schedule late at night. Kris can see how Yixing is so excited. Yixing can’t stop talking about nonsense (but to Kris, it isn’t) and about his talent that he wants to showcase on the radio broadcast today. In response, Kris just listens and listens to him, laughing and smiling because Yixing is so so endearing when he’s excited.
It’s fascinating, really, how they were chosen to be the members to go on this radio show, usually it’d be Baekhyun or Jongdae or Chanyeol, any of those three who have more talent in variety shows. He finds it amusing how they decided to guest two struggling Chinese members in a Korean radio show. But above anything else, it pleases him greatly because it’s Yixing who’s with him.
Everything about Yixing pleases him.
“I studied with Kris on the same academy for a year too.”
And the memories of them from years ago floods back in his mind and burns in front of his eyes. The memories of nights spent with heads buried into hangul text books with their shoulders touching, the memories of correcting each other’s pronunciation when they walk together on the academy’s halls, the memories of the punches of laughter when both of them stumble on their syllables, the pasting of sticky notes with illegible hangul and hanzi in between pages of books, the singing of Korean songs at the top of their lungs, the struggle they went through together incorporating new words into their knowledge, everything. Every single thing that happened a few years back floods to him again.
And he thinks that maybe at those times was when he really did fall for Yixing.
Minutes into the radio show, the DJ and their sunbae, Shindong, is suddenly asking them questions about each other. The answers are only either ‘yes’ or ‘no’. It’s easy, Kris thinks, especially because it’s Yixing that he’s with. It’s Yixing that the questions are about. And Kris knows Yixing too well.
But one question gets him to think, “I recently cried because I was sad, yes or no?” Shindong questions and Kris furrows his brows, his hands holding on his headphones and Yixing laughs beside him.
He thinks long and hard, muttering out small ‘uhh-s’ and ‘umm-s’ during the few seconds that he thinks about it. He hasn’t seen Yixing cry for the past month or for the past few months he was still rooming with Yixing. And there never was a time that Yixing cried due to sorrow. The only reasons why Yixing cried the past few months was because of his waist and now, his waist doesn’t seem to hurt a lot anymore.
“No?” His answer is unsure and unconfident, very much unlike to his previous answers when he answered them all with eloquence and arrogance because it’s Yixing. And he knows more than he wants to about Yixing.
And Yixing snickers beside him.
He gets it right.
***
“You really haven’t been sad?” Kris asks on the way out of the studio. At the end, it’s Yixing who won the cake making contest. He never was fond of cooking, if ever, all he could cook are instant noodles. He is sure that he appeared proud and confident after getting all five answers right a while ago but he still wants to know if really hasn’t been sad.
Yixing looks at him, pursing his lips a little and his dimple shows very meekly. “I said I haven’t cried because I was sad. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t sad.” Yixing explains and Kris slows down a little to the point that Yixing is now three feet away from him.
“You’ve been sad?” Kris asks as he catches up with Yixing though they sure talked a lot when they were roommates. They talked behind the cameras, behind the members, behind the fans and behind the confines of their room where only them could hear their conversation of hushed voices and soft bursts of laughter. Now, he isn’t very sure if they still had the same way of communication.
Yixing laughs, shakes his head a little before he looks at Kris again and then the dent on his cheek appears again. It takes Kris a lot of self-control to not poke the small hole on his cheek. “I have, I have been sad.” Yixing looks at him and his eyes speak of words his lips can never let out. His eyes speak of admiration, of desire and of something he wants to tell. Kris, since he’s in denial, thinks he’s just being delusional.
“Why?” Kris asks and the silence that fills them is dumb and eerie until Yixing breaks out into laughter filling the whole quiet studio and Kris hopes that no one hears them talking like this. Yixing’s laugh is like music to his ears. As cliché as that may sound, he feels things in his heart when Yixing laughs like this.
Yixing just keeps on laughing until they reach the car and Kris asks him again. “It’s because of you.” He says as he gets into the car. Kris just stares at him dumbfounded, his mouth hanging open and gripping on the car door before Yixing calls him out and laughs at his face again.
It’s because of you.
The words burn in his mind, they tug in his intestines. However, he never had the courage to ask Yixing why even when they got home with Yixing exclaiming that he forgot the ramyun packet that he won over Kris, saying that he wanted to not share it with him. The managers don’t mind Yixing and just laughs at him like he was a silly elementary school kid. However, the question at the back of his mind is burning him.
The question is burning Kris.
***
Kris takes Yixing out to eat once he got back from Canada. It was his promise when he left the hotel in Malaysia earlier than the rest. It was his promise to Yixing to treat him ramyun when he gets back to Korea. He doesn’t how it happened, how this promise thing happened but here is now, sitting across Yixing and laughing over memories in Canada.
“Really? You broke an arcade game? Did you pay for it?” Yixing snorts over his shrimp-flavored ramyun. Kris licks his lips a little, stretching his cheeks because it’s hurting from too much smiling.
“I didn’t! So glad I didn’t. I thought I could’ve gone to jail because of it.” Kris says and Yixing almost spurts out noodles from the side of his lips because he is laughing too hard to the point that he is almost wheezing when he did. Kris thinks that it’s adorable when Yixing wheezes because he does something stupid and ruins his supposed to be ‘cool’ image and he had noticed this way back their debut days.
“Honestly, I saw the video.” Yixing confesses and Kris’ eyes go wide as Yixing props his elbow on the table and rests his cheek on his palm, his other hand lingering above the bowl of ramyun in front of him. “How does one have enough strength to break a what? A metal rod?” Yixing huffs, stuffs his mouth with ramyun noodles before speaking again. “How are you real, duizhang?”
It’s Kris’ turn to laugh hysterically because dear God, Yixing thinks he’s unreal. Yixing thinks he’s wonderful and surreal.
“Yixing… Did you really just-“A shutter of a camera is heard and the beautiful grin on Yixing’s lips falters.
***
Kris decides to take Yixing back to the dorm so they bought instant ramyun on cups at the convenience store they passed by. He thinks that this is better. That sitting on the staircase in their dorm building, holding cups of ramyun is better than talking in a nice restaurant but only to have fans pry into their private schedules and hearing their conversation.
“Yixing,” He starts suddenly when Yixing is happily drinking his sweet, carbonated drink that Kris personally dislikes but since it’s Yixing, it’s okay, as long as he drinks water after. “Remember when weeks ago you said that it was me? The reason why you were sad?” Yixing looks up at him. He is leaning against the wall while Yixing is the one sitting down.
It takes Yixing a few seconds before he smiles, puts down his own cup and laces his fingers together with forearms on his knees. “Do you really want to know why?” Yixing questions him with a grin too cocky and too confident. Kris gulps a little. What could be the reason why? He catches himself nod at the question anyways.
It’s quick. It’s fast. Yixing stands up and kisses him, hands cupping his cheeks and lips moving fluidly against his lips. Kris almost collapses when Yixing pulls back, a sly smile on his lips and his fingers playing with the collar of Kris’ shirt. “It’s because of you. It’s because you were suddenly distant. You were suddenly a sea away from me. You’re suddenly so so far and I don’t know why? It hurts me so much. When I reach out to you, when I try to touch you, you always almost seem to flinch away. Do you really hate me? And I…” Yixing gulps a little before continuing his words.
“I… I kissed you because that’s what my heart told me. Because I know I was hurting because I love you and you were so distant. It hurts me because I love you so so much. But you were so aloof and so so far, so now, I just went for it.” Yixing pulls away from him a little, teeth sinking down on his bottom lip and curling his hands into fists, his eyes never left Kris’ eyes though.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Yixing’s head falls and before Yixing can even sob, Kris pulls him into his arms, dropping his ramyun cup in the process and hugging Yixing so so tight. He’s so happy, too happy to form coherent words and his mind is stumbling on all four languages that he knows by heart. So, instead, he tilts up Yixing’s head with a hand before placing a chaste kiss against his lips.
He explains to him, at that staircase, why he became distant; he explains to him that the reason why he tried to avoid Yixing was because he was falling in love with him. He explains that he loves Yixing too but thinks that there is fine friendship line between the both of them and that he shouldn’t break it. He thinks that maybe Yixing doesn’t like him back and just treats him as a very close friend. He explains and pours out to Yixing everything his heart has wanted to say to the man in front of him.
“I think we’re really stupid. But you’re stupider.” Yixing says after they’ve talked about their feelings and Kris feels nothing but felicity right at this moment when Yixing’s head is against his shoulder and his hand was on Yixing’s knee.
“Why am I stupider?” Kris asks, squeezing Yixing’s thigh a little and kisses the top of his head.
“Because you drew a friendship line that was never there and in the end, it was me who broke it.” A chuckle, a giggle, came out of Yixing’s lips and indeed, Kris feels stupid for drawing such a line that was never there and was never supposed to exist.
“I’m sorry for being stupid.” Kris says, putting an arm around Yixing’s waist and pulling him closer and tugging him next to him more and feeling his body meld with his. It’s perfect, he thinks. This moment is perfect. This is the moment that he has been longing for everyday of his life since when they were roommates, since he started waking up to Yixing’s face way back 2008 when they were trainees with unsure futures, since the first time they stayed up until the sun breaks out into the horizon, face buried into hangul books because they have an exam the next day. He had always wanted this and now it feels like a dream to hold Yixing so close next to him.
“It’s okay, I love you the most when you’re stupid.”
“I know.”
They spend the next hour like that, huddled next to each other, breathing each other’s scent and indulging into kisses that both had longed for so long. They talk about everything and anything until Yixing asks. “Will you still be distant to me after this?”
Kris raises a brow, smiling a little and shaking his head before kissing the spot where the dent of Yixing’s dimple is located. “I’ll try to control my hands when you’re around now that I have the right to touch you a lot.”
A fist meets Kris' arm and he laughs.
--
A/N: It's inspired by the fact that Fanxing roomed together with the manager for quite some time around the wolf era ((wait so does that mean that i've been working at this for like a month????)) and then my inspiration suddenly bloomed into this and... yeah... and it's also the reason why Kris is distant towards Yixing these days in my head and I needed to let it out somehow ahahaha... delusions... I think this goes from serious to crack wtf??? ah... what else...? I'm sorry that this is really long TT
also, special shoutout to dothedmotion for beta-ing this and expressing her thoughts ♥ ilu ate maine~ she's my emotional pillar when it comes to fanxing lol
Pairing: FanXing
Genre: Romance, Fluff, Canon
Length: approx. 4800+ | One-shot
Warning: stupid fluff?
Summary: The first thing that Kris does in the morning is turn to his side where Yixing’s bed is situated.
---
The first thing that Kris sees in the morning is Yixing’s steady breathing, chest heaving and subsiding into an even rhythm, and the morning sun bleeding through the blinds of their room’s window. The light is a little startling at first but he doesn’t mind it when it highlight’s Yixing’s peaceful features at 6 o’clock in the morning, when the sun is just rising and when everyone else is sleeping.
The first thing that Kris does in the morning is turn to his side where Yixing’s bed is situated. He likes it like this - how his bed is beside Yixing’s and their manager's bed is by the foot of both of their beds. He likes the way how Yixing is only an arm’s reach away from him. He likes the way how his bed is only a few feet away from Yixing, a distance enough for him to swing his legs when he gets off the bed.
The first thing that Kris says in the morning is ‘G’morning.’ to Yixing, that is well, if Yixing wakes up earlier than him. But at days like this when Yixing is sure to wake up late, when Yixing was too tired from last night’s schedule, he doesn’t say anything and instead, just looks at Yixing as if he is the most delicate thing in the world.
Kris pulls his covers away from him and swings his legs off his bed when Yixing shifts so that he is lying on his back and slowly stirs awake. Kris likes to pretend that he had just awoken the same time Yixing does because he doesn’t want to be caught staring at his roommate for minutes before he actually gets up.
He stretches his arms, extending long limbs as Yixing sits up and yawns, fists coming up to rub at his eyes and Kris really thinks that Yixing is adorable when he just woke up, hair mussed from sleep and eyelids still drooping.
Yixing turns to Kris with that angelic smile of his, the dimple denting his bare morning face and with his eyes barely open. “Good morning, duizhang.”
Kris laughs softly to not wake up their manager before he reaches out and pokes Yixing on his cheeks. “You’re the only one who calls me duizhang nowadays.” He jokes and Yixing frowns at him, features still tender and playful.
“What, do you want me to just call you Kris now or?” The brunette trails off, his hands running through his mussed hair and with morning eyes narrowing at the taller.
And Kris shakes his head, brief and quick, a reaction that is a beat too fast. “No, call me duizhang.” He retorts before standing up from his bed and using Yixing’s head as a support for his weight. Yixing whines at him and tries to kick Kris with covers still on his legs which doesn’t end good with the dancer’s legs tangling on the sheets while he tries to kick Kris and the latter just dodges him and sprints to the door.
Kris smiles and lets himself wrap around the fact he is the only one who has the privilege to see Yixing’s morning face, that he is the only one who can see Yixing rubbing his eyes at 8:05 in the morning because it’s his habit when he wakes up. He lets himself wrap around that fact because that’s the only thing about Yixing that only him knows about.
Also, Kris is thankful that their manager sleeps a good few feet away from their beds.
***
EXO uses two vans for travelling.
To make things much easier and bring less of a trouble, one van is for EXO-K and one van is for EXO-M and Kris is really really thankful that somehow, Yixing always end up sitting next to him.
“I’m so tired.” Yixing’s body sags against Kris’ shoulder and it can always be seen as friendly and normal between them because, well, they are close friends and roommates and they had always been there for each other since the start. But for Kris, Yixing’s small action of leaning against his shoulder is enough to send weird electricity down his spine.
Kris places a hand on Yixing’s thigh and squeezes it a little as the van starts to move and Zitao starts to whine at Minseok and Jongdae who just cut him off with his snarky remark while Lu Han just laughs along at the back. “We’ll be home soon.”
Yixing nods against his shoulder and the face that Yixing makes with the slight scrunch of his face, makes Kris want to kiss him right then and there but he knows that it is a stupid idea. Kris feels Yixing let himself fall against him as he falls asleep beside him, just right against Kris’ shoulder with their thighs too close.
Kris shifts so that he has an arm around Yixing and holds him just like that, fit and snug under his arm as the younger snores softly.
***
The first time Kris realizes his feelings was not very eventful, it was actually very simple. He realized it in the way he values Yixing’s smile, how the sound of Yixing’s laugh would make his head turn in a snap because he liked the way how Yixing would look when he is smiling from ear to ear, how Yixing cares for others, how Yixing would pull him by the arm to whisper the little details that he notices in his ear. He realized Yixing was special because he catches himself staring at Yixing while dancing for a little too long and for a little too much, it’s the way how after five years of being together, that after five years of friendship he is slowly crossing the friendship line. It is when he realized that his heart beats so much faster with Yixing around.
So Kris tried to distance himself from Yixing despite the fact that he is the first thing that he sees in the morning and the last thing that he sees before falling into a deep slumber. He tried, he really did, to lessen the touches. He tried to avoid Yixing. He tried to hang out with others more and ignore Yixing because he is afraid. The whole 187 centimeters of frigid features is afraid of crossing the friendship line.
And he isn’t even sure if it was him or Yixing who drew the friendship line.
Albeit, to his dismay (but not really), Yixing innocently finds his way back into Kris’ arms at night when the younger can’t fall asleep. He crawls into Kris’ bed and asks if he could hug him because his waist aches and that is when Kris’ walls crumble into tiny little pieces, that is when Kris’ defense is attacked by Yixing, that is when he turns into the naïve boy who panics because his friend is hurting, that is when he panics and tries to wake up the manager but Yixing just tugs him back to bed and pleads to just hug him for it to go away.
At those nights, Kris’ hands find their way into Yixing’s waist to slowly massage it until Yixing is comfortable enough to sleep, until Yixing is breathing steadily against his neck, until Yixing is relaxed against his body.
These are the nights that Kris pushes his feelings aside, the nights that the things that matter to Kris the most are Yixing and his feelings. What’s all in his mind is that Yixing is safe, in his arms, secure, warm and okay.
He doesn’t even think of how Yixing wanted to cuddle with him to sleep over getting up and drinking his medicine. He doesn’t even think of how the tears in Yixing’s eyes disappeared as he tugged him back down on the bed when he hugged him, so fit and snug. He doesn’t even think of how Yixing was so calmed and satisfied just with Kris’ voice and hands trying to help him ease out the pain. He doesn’t even think of the possibility of Yixing liking him back.
Kris doesn’t think because he is too submerged with the thought of Yixing hurting. He wants to do everything to make Yixing feel okay, to make Yixing feel better.
***
A fist lands against Kris' scapula while he sits on his bed, facing his laptop and his back to the door. He turns around to a frowning Yixing with his lips into a small pout. "You forgot who I was, duizhang." He says and his lips move so cutely that Kris has this really huge urge to just kiss them. But of course, keeping his image, he inwardly shakes this thought off and tries to focus on Yixing and not his lips.
"What? What do you mean?" He asks in confusion because he is sure that there isn't a moment that Yixing left his mind.
Yixing then makes himself comfortable on Kris' bed. The way how his hands take the laptop and the way how Kris just lets him is really natural that neither of them really cares. Yixing ends up sitting beside Kris with a leg dangling on the edge of the bed while Kris moves in closer to Yixing, his hand on the bed around the younger to support his weight.
Close. Too close. There is a red light blinking at Kris but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t budge or move away. He just let himself be this close to Yixing. “Ge,” Yixing starts and when he turns his head to look at Kris, the taller almost gets a heart attack and jerks his head away because Yixing’s face is too close.
“See, you forgot who I was. You forgot who I am, duizhang.” Yixing doesn’t seem baffled with their proximity as he presses the play button and Kris furrows his eyes at the screen, his chin resting on Yixing’s shoulder. Because maybe, maybe Yixing would think that this too is a friendly act.
The video is of him introducing his silly drawing in Starcast. He laughs a little as he looks at it. It isn’t like he purposely does that. His hands are just way too big for drawing and holding little markers. The video gets to him pointing and naming the members one by one and suddenly, the Kris in the video goes “Ah, who is this…?” and the Yixing in the video goes “Lay! It’s Lay!”
That is when Kris presses his forehead against Yixing’s shoulder and laughs wholeheartedly. “I didn’t mean to forget you-“
“What do you mean didn’t mean to?” Yixing questions him with that cute frown and cute eyes and just cute everything. Yixing elbows him and Kris’ back lands on his mattress, he really didn’t mean to forget Yixing. It’s just that he did not want to call him ‘Xing’ on broadcast.
“How could you forget me?!” Yixing turns to face him and the bed bounces a little. He playfully pokes Kris on the stomach before talking again, causing Kris to swat his hand away. “I’m the first thing that you see when you wake up and I’m also the last thing you see when you go to sleep. I’m the first person that you say good morning to and I’m the last person that you say good night to. How can you forget me? I’m deeply offended.”
Yixing crosses his arms over his chest and purses his lips tight together, glaring down at Kris who can’t stop laughing because Yixing is too adorable, Yixing fusses over the little things, Yixing is being Yixing. Kris props himself up on his elbow and takes a deep breath. “Xing, it’s because I don’t want to call you Xing on a broadcast.” He explains and this seems to calm Yixing down.
“Oh. Okay.” And then Yixing hops off his bed, almost tripping on his own feet before stumbling on his own, face first into the pillow. Kris watches Yixing rub his own face on his pillow before he gets back on his laptop.
“Turn off the lights, ge.” Yixing turns his back on Kris, pulling his blankets over his shoulder and shifting so that he is comfortable on his bed. Kris groans a little before he untangles his legs and goes over the door to shut the light.
“Thanks ge, good night. I’m tired.” Yixing says and with a final yawn. He falls asleep so easily. On the other hand, Kris thinks that Yixing is so adorable like this and he bends down a little to pat Yixing on the butt as he trudges back to his own bed to get back on weibo.
***
The first time Kris met Yixing was when he still went with the name ‘Kevin’ and introduced himself as ‘Kevin’ every time. The first time he met Yixing was when they were still teenagers with big dreams as they had only had first entered the company. Yixing was the first Chinese trainee he talked to, mostly because he bumped against Yixing’s shoulder and he spluttered a shaky sorry in Korean and then cursed at Mandarin before he hissed at himself in English about bad lucks on the first day. Yixing looked at him, long hair tucked away by a ponytail as he laughed and told Kris that cursing at the first day is really bad in fluent Mandarin.
They stuck together since then.
At first, making friends was really hard because he had a permanent angry, intimidating face on but he made friends with the new trainees like Lu Han and Minseok who got in through a contest. Minseok got in first before him and accommodated him and Yixing while Lu Han was that pretty face who got scouted and had a really great personality so they clicked. However, Yixing was treated as an ace, as a threat to the older trainees because he had dancing abilities that was at par to that one kid called Jongin.
Yixing conversed with the other trainees a lot while Kris stuck with their small group of two Chinese teenagers and one Korean teenager but at every end of the day when all of the trainees had finished practicing, Kris was always the one to put a stop to Yixing’s daily 12-hour practice by tossing a water bottle over the tired dancer’s direction and saying, “The last train comes at 11pm.” and Yixing had to break out in a smile before chugging down said bottle of water.
“Thanks,” and then a dent shows up on Yixing’s left cheek and all the hours of waiting was really worth it.
They dormed together, because both of them were away from family, because they both felt like home, because they could both talk to each other in confident Mandarin while they practice their unstable Korean and while they both splayed across the living room with heavy Hangul textbooks and tired eyes.
So, five years into the future, when they are a year into their debut, when they are topping charts and have hectic schedules, Yixing doesn’t find it hard to stumble into his bed and collapse into a slumber while Kris sorts out his feelings a few inches across him.
***
Growl promotions are almost ending. They don’t room together anymore so Yixing is not the first thing that Kris sees in the morning and the last thing that he sees anymore. When he does, it’s very rare.
He doesn’t touch Yixing a lot, he doesn’t hold him like he used to a year ago, he doesn’t act childish with Yixing anymore. Kris thinks that if he does and lets himself gets too intoxicated with Yixing more, he will collapse. So, he is thankful that Yixing isn’t the first person that greets him with a dimpled smile and a good morning every time he opens his eyes. Somehow, his heart calms down a little.
Yixing is the last thing that Kris will see today after their schedules because today they have a schedule late at night. Kris can see how Yixing is so excited. Yixing can’t stop talking about nonsense (but to Kris, it isn’t) and about his talent that he wants to showcase on the radio broadcast today. In response, Kris just listens and listens to him, laughing and smiling because Yixing is so so endearing when he’s excited.
It’s fascinating, really, how they were chosen to be the members to go on this radio show, usually it’d be Baekhyun or Jongdae or Chanyeol, any of those three who have more talent in variety shows. He finds it amusing how they decided to guest two struggling Chinese members in a Korean radio show. But above anything else, it pleases him greatly because it’s Yixing who’s with him.
Everything about Yixing pleases him.
“I studied with Kris on the same academy for a year too.”
And the memories of them from years ago floods back in his mind and burns in front of his eyes. The memories of nights spent with heads buried into hangul text books with their shoulders touching, the memories of correcting each other’s pronunciation when they walk together on the academy’s halls, the memories of the punches of laughter when both of them stumble on their syllables, the pasting of sticky notes with illegible hangul and hanzi in between pages of books, the singing of Korean songs at the top of their lungs, the struggle they went through together incorporating new words into their knowledge, everything. Every single thing that happened a few years back floods to him again.
And he thinks that maybe at those times was when he really did fall for Yixing.
Minutes into the radio show, the DJ and their sunbae, Shindong, is suddenly asking them questions about each other. The answers are only either ‘yes’ or ‘no’. It’s easy, Kris thinks, especially because it’s Yixing that he’s with. It’s Yixing that the questions are about. And Kris knows Yixing too well.
But one question gets him to think, “I recently cried because I was sad, yes or no?” Shindong questions and Kris furrows his brows, his hands holding on his headphones and Yixing laughs beside him.
He thinks long and hard, muttering out small ‘uhh-s’ and ‘umm-s’ during the few seconds that he thinks about it. He hasn’t seen Yixing cry for the past month or for the past few months he was still rooming with Yixing. And there never was a time that Yixing cried due to sorrow. The only reasons why Yixing cried the past few months was because of his waist and now, his waist doesn’t seem to hurt a lot anymore.
“No?” His answer is unsure and unconfident, very much unlike to his previous answers when he answered them all with eloquence and arrogance because it’s Yixing. And he knows more than he wants to about Yixing.
And Yixing snickers beside him.
He gets it right.
***
“You really haven’t been sad?” Kris asks on the way out of the studio. At the end, it’s Yixing who won the cake making contest. He never was fond of cooking, if ever, all he could cook are instant noodles. He is sure that he appeared proud and confident after getting all five answers right a while ago but he still wants to know if really hasn’t been sad.
Yixing looks at him, pursing his lips a little and his dimple shows very meekly. “I said I haven’t cried because I was sad. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t sad.” Yixing explains and Kris slows down a little to the point that Yixing is now three feet away from him.
“You’ve been sad?” Kris asks as he catches up with Yixing though they sure talked a lot when they were roommates. They talked behind the cameras, behind the members, behind the fans and behind the confines of their room where only them could hear their conversation of hushed voices and soft bursts of laughter. Now, he isn’t very sure if they still had the same way of communication.
Yixing laughs, shakes his head a little before he looks at Kris again and then the dent on his cheek appears again. It takes Kris a lot of self-control to not poke the small hole on his cheek. “I have, I have been sad.” Yixing looks at him and his eyes speak of words his lips can never let out. His eyes speak of admiration, of desire and of something he wants to tell. Kris, since he’s in denial, thinks he’s just being delusional.
“Why?” Kris asks and the silence that fills them is dumb and eerie until Yixing breaks out into laughter filling the whole quiet studio and Kris hopes that no one hears them talking like this. Yixing’s laugh is like music to his ears. As cliché as that may sound, he feels things in his heart when Yixing laughs like this.
Yixing just keeps on laughing until they reach the car and Kris asks him again. “It’s because of you.” He says as he gets into the car. Kris just stares at him dumbfounded, his mouth hanging open and gripping on the car door before Yixing calls him out and laughs at his face again.
It’s because of you.
The words burn in his mind, they tug in his intestines. However, he never had the courage to ask Yixing why even when they got home with Yixing exclaiming that he forgot the ramyun packet that he won over Kris, saying that he wanted to not share it with him. The managers don’t mind Yixing and just laughs at him like he was a silly elementary school kid. However, the question at the back of his mind is burning him.
The question is burning Kris.
***
Kris takes Yixing out to eat once he got back from Canada. It was his promise when he left the hotel in Malaysia earlier than the rest. It was his promise to Yixing to treat him ramyun when he gets back to Korea. He doesn’t how it happened, how this promise thing happened but here is now, sitting across Yixing and laughing over memories in Canada.
“Really? You broke an arcade game? Did you pay for it?” Yixing snorts over his shrimp-flavored ramyun. Kris licks his lips a little, stretching his cheeks because it’s hurting from too much smiling.
“I didn’t! So glad I didn’t. I thought I could’ve gone to jail because of it.” Kris says and Yixing almost spurts out noodles from the side of his lips because he is laughing too hard to the point that he is almost wheezing when he did. Kris thinks that it’s adorable when Yixing wheezes because he does something stupid and ruins his supposed to be ‘cool’ image and he had noticed this way back their debut days.
“Honestly, I saw the video.” Yixing confesses and Kris’ eyes go wide as Yixing props his elbow on the table and rests his cheek on his palm, his other hand lingering above the bowl of ramyun in front of him. “How does one have enough strength to break a what? A metal rod?” Yixing huffs, stuffs his mouth with ramyun noodles before speaking again. “How are you real, duizhang?”
It’s Kris’ turn to laugh hysterically because dear God, Yixing thinks he’s unreal. Yixing thinks he’s wonderful and surreal.
“Yixing… Did you really just-“A shutter of a camera is heard and the beautiful grin on Yixing’s lips falters.
***
Kris decides to take Yixing back to the dorm so they bought instant ramyun on cups at the convenience store they passed by. He thinks that this is better. That sitting on the staircase in their dorm building, holding cups of ramyun is better than talking in a nice restaurant but only to have fans pry into their private schedules and hearing their conversation.
“Yixing,” He starts suddenly when Yixing is happily drinking his sweet, carbonated drink that Kris personally dislikes but since it’s Yixing, it’s okay, as long as he drinks water after. “Remember when weeks ago you said that it was me? The reason why you were sad?” Yixing looks up at him. He is leaning against the wall while Yixing is the one sitting down.
It takes Yixing a few seconds before he smiles, puts down his own cup and laces his fingers together with forearms on his knees. “Do you really want to know why?” Yixing questions him with a grin too cocky and too confident. Kris gulps a little. What could be the reason why? He catches himself nod at the question anyways.
It’s quick. It’s fast. Yixing stands up and kisses him, hands cupping his cheeks and lips moving fluidly against his lips. Kris almost collapses when Yixing pulls back, a sly smile on his lips and his fingers playing with the collar of Kris’ shirt. “It’s because of you. It’s because you were suddenly distant. You were suddenly a sea away from me. You’re suddenly so so far and I don’t know why? It hurts me so much. When I reach out to you, when I try to touch you, you always almost seem to flinch away. Do you really hate me? And I…” Yixing gulps a little before continuing his words.
“I… I kissed you because that’s what my heart told me. Because I know I was hurting because I love you and you were so distant. It hurts me because I love you so so much. But you were so aloof and so so far, so now, I just went for it.” Yixing pulls away from him a little, teeth sinking down on his bottom lip and curling his hands into fists, his eyes never left Kris’ eyes though.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Yixing’s head falls and before Yixing can even sob, Kris pulls him into his arms, dropping his ramyun cup in the process and hugging Yixing so so tight. He’s so happy, too happy to form coherent words and his mind is stumbling on all four languages that he knows by heart. So, instead, he tilts up Yixing’s head with a hand before placing a chaste kiss against his lips.
He explains to him, at that staircase, why he became distant; he explains to him that the reason why he tried to avoid Yixing was because he was falling in love with him. He explains that he loves Yixing too but thinks that there is fine friendship line between the both of them and that he shouldn’t break it. He thinks that maybe Yixing doesn’t like him back and just treats him as a very close friend. He explains and pours out to Yixing everything his heart has wanted to say to the man in front of him.
“I think we’re really stupid. But you’re stupider.” Yixing says after they’ve talked about their feelings and Kris feels nothing but felicity right at this moment when Yixing’s head is against his shoulder and his hand was on Yixing’s knee.
“Why am I stupider?” Kris asks, squeezing Yixing’s thigh a little and kisses the top of his head.
“Because you drew a friendship line that was never there and in the end, it was me who broke it.” A chuckle, a giggle, came out of Yixing’s lips and indeed, Kris feels stupid for drawing such a line that was never there and was never supposed to exist.
“I’m sorry for being stupid.” Kris says, putting an arm around Yixing’s waist and pulling him closer and tugging him next to him more and feeling his body meld with his. It’s perfect, he thinks. This moment is perfect. This is the moment that he has been longing for everyday of his life since when they were roommates, since he started waking up to Yixing’s face way back 2008 when they were trainees with unsure futures, since the first time they stayed up until the sun breaks out into the horizon, face buried into hangul books because they have an exam the next day. He had always wanted this and now it feels like a dream to hold Yixing so close next to him.
“It’s okay, I love you the most when you’re stupid.”
“I know.”
They spend the next hour like that, huddled next to each other, breathing each other’s scent and indulging into kisses that both had longed for so long. They talk about everything and anything until Yixing asks. “Will you still be distant to me after this?”
Kris raises a brow, smiling a little and shaking his head before kissing the spot where the dent of Yixing’s dimple is located. “I’ll try to control my hands when you’re around now that I have the right to touch you a lot.”
A fist meets Kris' arm and he laughs.
--
A/N: It's inspired by the fact that Fanxing roomed together with the manager for quite some time around the wolf era ((wait so does that mean that i've been working at this for like a month????)) and then my inspiration suddenly bloomed into this and... yeah... and it's also the reason why Kris is distant towards Yixing these days in my head and I needed to let it out somehow ahahaha... delusions... I think this goes from serious to crack wtf??? ah... what else...? I'm sorry that this is really long TT
also, special shoutout to dothedmotion for beta-ing this and expressing her thoughts ♥ ilu ate maine~ she's my emotional pillar when it comes to fanxing lol