not fic: end of the year fic meme
fics i wrote in 2015
Total Word Count: 951527 words (purely fic), 1080307 words (with original works)
Fandoms Written In: EXO, Infinite, f(x), BTS
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Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? Less in terms of actual number of fics, but more in terms of word count. I wrote about 750k last year, and this year I've written a million words (including original works; still counts as writing fiction without 'fan', right?). Never thought it was possible but hey, here we are. :)
To be completely honest, I wanted to write more 'tiny fics' so I can do a bit more exploration, try to write things I normally wouldn't, but the year has been exceptionally toxic in terms of work. I'm just grateful I can still write. It keeps me sane. :)
What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? Definitely definitely definitely BTS. I didn't even know them until… until July or something! I have Frances and Rina to thank for getting me into Bangtan, and Corner for making me feel comfortable in my new little cubicle in fandom. Seriously, thank you for introducing me to such a fun fandom. I'm really having lots of fun. :)
What's your own favorite story of the year? Possibly not a surprise, but here’s a map; now let’s get lost together. It was a huge challenge to write and I do admit that there were times when I doubted if I was writing the right thing (I was getting too technical with things at the back of my mind, the Pokemon master in me was second-guessing everything and such), but I'm glad I powered through the whole thing. Huge thanks to my friends - specifically F, L, A, A, C, H, and J - for helping me get through this test. :)
Other close contenders are challenge the call and you make my heart beat (faster). These two challenged me in a lot of ways but I still had a lot of fun exploring the worlds I've built for these fics.
Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? Outlining and actually following my outline. I'm a firm believer in free and wild writing, but there are times when I have to meet critical deadlines and simply cannot let my mind go wild and get too funky. So I learned to write proper outlines and try to stick to it as much as possible. I still add glue scenes that aren't in the outline, but for the most part I try to follow the 'structure' I've set for my fics. I still do do outline-less writing (hullo, 50% of my fics), but if I have deadly deadlines, having an outline helps me not panic. :)
Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year? Write more, write better. :)
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From my past year of writing, what was…
My best story of this year: here’s a map; now let’s get lost together., challenge the call, and you make my heart beat (faster)
My most popular story of this year: here’s a map; now let’s get lost together. because it's a 326000-word fic about a Pokemon adventure. Who the hell even writes something like that. :)) For BTS fandom, head first and no regrets.
Most fun story to write: these accidents of fate and nature. I wrote this as a pinch for Extrafic and struggled with the prompts at first, but the whole world was so much fun to explore! Possibly one of the quickest 25k fics I wrote, and that's a testament to how much fun I had with the fic. :)
Story with the single sexiest moment: kiss quick and head first and no regrets, more for the intimacy than the actual sex.
Most "holy crap, that's wrong, even for you" story: oh, the things we invent (baekhyun/kyungsoo) because I have never written doppelganger sex before, much more a threesome with a doppelganger. Oh well! You learn something new everyday! :))
Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: you make my heart beat (faster), which is surprising since Seokjin is supposedly someone I'm accustomed to writing, but- I dunno, writing this gave me a deeper understanding of him.
Hardest story to write: some air'd be good for you, the Suho/Lay I wrote for Suholiday. Other than having to write about weird magic and science shenanigans, I've always found it difficult to write Yixing. It was definitely a great learning experience, though. I love this fic a lot, despite the many struggles I've had while writing it.
Biggest surprise: running from the heart's responsibilities. I didn't even think I'd ever write V/Rap Monster! It was so much fun to write, though, and I'm definitely excited to write more for this universe. :)
Most unintentionally telling story: definitely you will never sleep alone. It's a fic on Lu Han leaving the band so… yeah. What else is there to say? :))
Favorite Opening Lines:
- Kyungsoo jolts awake to the sound of DBSK's Rising Sun blasting in his ears. He looks around his room, squinting hard when a sudden flurry of light hits him. He'd left his lamp open last night, and while the light isn't bright enough to blind it's still enough to shake off some of the sleep clinging to his eyelids. Enough to pull him out of bed and back on his feet, toes wiggling in his bedroom slippers. Enough for him to boot his brain and for him to register that - one, it's only five in the morning; and two, it's a Saturday.
Choikang Changmin is still singing in the background. Kyungsoo shakes his head, shivers when he feel his stomach give a funny lurch in his stomach. Now it's Xiah Junsu who's belting out.
Someone's calling. (just say yes; chen/kyungsoo)
- Kyungsoo looks around him and takes a deep breath. Sunlight hits his skin, leaves tiny spots of light that prickle him all over. He shivers. It makes him want to grab the sunglasses dangling from the collar of Seungsoo's shirt or maybe even blindfold himself until his eyes adjust to the new light. It makes him want to retreat to the back of that truck again, lumped with boxes filled with memories of Sinyuk-ri in it. He's supposed to be accustomed to this by now, being exposed to the sun, being blinded by it, but this feels different. He can't smell the scent of dried fish in the air, thick in his nostrils. He can't sway to the steady rhythm of waves crashing to shore or against each other. And he can't crane his neck in the hope of finding a familiar face just a few feet away. Instead, he finds buildings, a couple of houses here and there, too tall and intimidating. Wide streets donned with people who are lugging around plastic bags, baby Pokemon following them from one place to another.
Something heavy lands on his head. When he looks up, he finds thick white fur, and Wingull taps a quick beat on his forehead before flying off. (here’s a map; now let’s get lost together.; baekhyun/kyungsoo)
- Joonmyun looks around him one last time and takes a deep breath. The last time he stood in front of a crowd of hundreds, maybe even thousands, was a good seven years ago, tennis bag slung on his right shoulder and a face towel clutched with his left hand. He was wearing a head band then, to keep his hair away from his face and to keep every bad opportunity from foiling his chances at winning. And he was twenty-eight, not too old to be a sportsman who ran across a court that was sometimes a bit too big and overwhelming for experienced players, but not that young, either, to still be considered a threat especially with five to ten new players graduating from the juniors division into the master class, into professional tennis, every year. Even then, he hadn't been aware of the people around him. He recalls standing from his seat and walking towards the bright light filtering from the now-open doors, recalls hearing the first few bubbles of cheers from the crowd just beyond the walls. He recalls, without meaning to, the way he'd balled his hands into tight fists that time and told himself, you have to win this. There's no other way to go but up. Then his world fell blessedly silent, void of the noise that had once prickled his ears. He heard the points being called out, yes, heard the linesmen calling his shots in, out, long and short, but that was it. Anything beyond the dull thud of the ball making contact with the hard court and familiar cues for points and misplays that he heard everyday for hours on end dissolved into cracks of white noise in the background.
He was cruising his way to victory, landing one winner after another and making shots that he never thought he was capable of. He was in the zone. He was at the top of his game. Anyone who'd followed his journey as a tennis player would say that it was his greatest year yet, and the greatest match he'd ever played.
He was having the time of his life. (break of serve; suho/kai *WIP*)
- I love people, Seokjin reminds himself for the nth time that day and coaxes the corners of his mouth to pull up into a bigger smile. To anyone who doesn't know him, he probably looks like some overeager kid wanting to be friends with everyone and every single organism that breathes in this agency, but to people who can read him faster than they can say I'm gonna kick these fucking clients in the balls, he's pretty sure that it's obvious the last thing he wants right now is to have to present himself to another group of people, much more the creatives. After all, the lot's notorious for making the lives of people in accounts a living hell. He's had his fair share of bad experiences with the artists and designers back in his old company, has had to put up with the sickening attitude for nearly a decade; he can only imagine how the 'traditional creatives' - as Minseok, his former boss, had lovingly put it - act around accounts people like him.
And it's almost one in the afternoon. The last meal he had was at seven in the morning because someone decided to get extra paranoid with arriving at work late on his first day (and he's always paranoid that he'll punch in late at work by just a few minutes even if he leaves his house at least an hour and a half before starting time). He had been trapped in a meeting room for close to two hours, strapped to his seat as he listened to the Human Resource Manager ramble about company policies that are supposed to be a no-brainer already. Then he was summoned to the Finance Director's office for another orientation on finance policies, on how to properly file his timesheet and the repercussions of failing to submit it on time. He felt a lot like a kid being lectured by grown-ups on 'adult things'. It felt a lot like being strangled into submission. And now, he's being 'routed' in the office like an envelope being passed from one person to another to collect money for a big celebration. So it's warranted, right, his burning desire to just hide someplace else and curl up in a corner? It's normal to want to raise his arms in the air and cry out in a loud, deafening voice, Make them stop, right? Isn't it only normal to want to throw in the towel and just want to give up this early? He's cold and hungry and tired of grinning ear-to-ear. He's just about done with introducing himself to every single person in this agency.
He just wants to breathe.
His stomach grumbles. It feels like taking a hundred punches to the gut, or claws raking figures spelling out I'm hungry! in big, messy hangul. And he's always been told to trust what his gut tells him. (you make my heart beat (faster); jin/suga)
Favorite Closing Lines:
- It takes no more than five minutes to get from the garden at the back to the front door, no more than five minutes for him to regain some of his color. He can still see through his right hand, for the most part, and he still feels oddly light and a bit light-headed but every part of him feels warm, even more when he holds his hand up against the glass of the window by the door, splays the pale fingers on the cool surface, and sees the veins of Yixing's fingers on the other side. There are scars on Yixing's face from where he's touched Yixing too much, too long, but Yixing doesn't seem to mind - the situation they're in, the half-life they live, the burn of Joonmyun's touch on his skin, Joonmyun can't tell yet. All the knows is that they will always try to find holes in which they can fit, that they will always try to find ways to break down the glass keeping them apart. And that Yixing is smiling, the corners of his mouth stretched wide open, reaching up to the corners of his eyes and making them crinkle. Blinding Joonmyun, washing Yixing out. So Joonmyun closes his eyes and lets his face fall forward, forehead thunking against the glass, the soft thud mirroring on the other side.
He stays there and holds in his breath, listening to Yixing breathe. (some air'd be good for you; suho/lay)
- Baekhyun snorts, wrinkles his nose, shakes his head. Drops one hand to pinch Kyungsoo in his side, then rests the same warm hand on the small of Kyungsoo's back. The harsh white lights wash Baekhyun out for a quick second, blinding Kyungsoo and stunning him, and the next thing he knows Baekhyun's hands are all over him - sliding up his sides, curling around his nape, fingers brushing along the slope of his neck, palms cupping his cheeks and coaxing him to move even closer, to bring their bodies to a nice, perfect fit and their mouths in an inelegant slide of warm, willing skin. Suddenly, it all feels too real - every brush of Baekhyun's skin against his scar-stained limbs, every lick along the cavern of his mouth and every suck on his bottom lip, his tongue, the underside of his jaw. The loud thumping in his chest set to the beating in Baekhyun's own, Baekhyun's pattering pulse on his skin making him shiver all over, making him surrender. Every hitch of Baekhyun's breath when Kyungsoo seals his mouth on Baekhyun's warm skin and sucks a mark there, and another, and another, like he's mapping out a path to their next big destination, the next journey, the next big challenge. And the slow-forming smile on Baekhyun's lips that leaves marks on Kyungsoo's skin as they surface to kiss again, slow and languid, like they have no need for air.
"Still feels surreal?" Baekhyun asks when they part, lips swollen, slick with spit.
Kyungsoo laughs, bright and loud. He can nod, say yes, wave the white flag and surrender, but he can't give in just yet. So he shakes his head and leans in, capturing Baekhyun's lips in another kiss, and another, and another, finally reaching the harbor that he’s long been searching for. And Baekhyun keeps giving, stays in the warm fit of their bodies, dropping anchor once and for all. They are two powerful waves crashing into familiar shores, two powerful waves melding into one and submitting into each other's arms. They are not at the end of a journey - they’ve just begun, just unfolded a new map, ready to tackle new streets, towns, cities that seem oddly familiar, sort of like there’s a piece of them to be recovered from every place they’re just about to discover.
They are home. (here’s a map; now let’s get lost together.; baekhyun/kyungsoo)
- He kissed Seokjin. It wasn't anything grand, just a light brush of the lips, a tentative press of skin against Seokjin's damp, warm mouth, but soon Seokjin was tilting his head back, parting his lips, letting him in. Seokjin pulled him even closer until they were chest to chest, racing heartbeats catching up to each other as he was tangling his trembling fingers in Seokjin's hair. Seokjin caught his bottom lip between his teeth and teased it with gentle nips until he was moaning into the furnace of Seokjin's mouth, until he was giving back and licking the back of Seokjin's teeth, making Seokjin shiver. And Seokjin was memorizing every part of him, slipping hands beneath his shirt, skating cool fingers across the expanse of warmth and sucking harder on his lips like Seokjin was mapping out his most vulnerable spots - the corners of his mouth, the sensitive dip of his belly, the skin on his chest where his heartbeat echoed Seokjin's own. The cut on his lips where Seokjin laved his tongue and his only response was to kiss Seokjin deeper, harder.
They weren't the still waves of the sea during winter or the gentle breeze of spring tousling the green grass in the mountains. No - they were the storms of summer rushing to shore. They were the seasons coming together in a violent whip of the winds. They were two forces that were never supposed to meet but reached out for each other in the middle of the sea. They were the category five. They were each other's destruction.
"Less teeth, more tongue," Seokjin whispered, but gave Yoongi's lower lip a light nibble anyway. It was electrifying.
Yoongi laughed, warmth blooming in his chest. There was no turning back now. (these accidents of fate and nature; jin/suga)
Favorite 5 Line(s) from Anywhere:
- "You need your assistant, Nurse Jinri. I-" He looks to his side and fixes his gaze on Baekhyun. I can handle this, he was just about to say, but right now he isn't sure if he can even lay a finger on Baekhyun without thinking how he might break Baekhyun even more. He's tended to his Pokemon's wounds before at least fifty times already, sure, but it's different when you're trying to patch together someone human, much more a friend. It's difficult trying to stitch Baekhyun together, knowing that, in some ways, things will never be the same - he drives a needle through Baekhyun's skin and he'll leave marks there, leave scars, where he'd never touched Baekhyun before. He tends to Baekhyun's wounds and he knows he'll never be able to wash away the feeling of mapping out Baekhyun's skin with the light press of his fingers on Baekhyun's body. He saves Baekhyun right here, right now, and he knows he might not be able to save himself ever again. (here’s a map; now let’s get lost together.; baekhyun/kyungsoo)
- Kyungsoo takes a deep breath. Tries to not let his shoulders rise or his chest puff out for fear of Baekhyun figuring him out. If Baekhyun ever realized how much power he had over Kyungsoo, if he ever found a way to maneuver himself into that tiny, unoccupied vessel in Kyungsoo's heart, well, then, game over. (here’s a map; now let’s get lost together.; baekhyun/kyungsoo)
- In broad daylight, in front of all these people who he might have trained alongside with but have never even seen him lose control, it seems like an innocent gesture, but the upward curl of Baekhyun's lips say otherwise. This is smile number forty-four, Kyungsoo muses, one of those smiles of Baekhyun's that leaves him feeling torn between ripping that look off of Baekhyun's features or just kissing Baekhyun senseless so that Baekhyun learns his lesson. But Baekhyun has way too many tricks up his sleeve that Kyungsoo knows neither how or when to attack, pin Baekhyun down to the floor or to the wall to keep him in place and make him stop. Baekhyun is too fucking unpredictable that all the information that Baekhyun has catalogued at the back of his mind? Those are of no use.
So he takes a deep breath, tries to scour the surface for a nice retort. Something snappy and will make Baekhyun shut up, but will keep him hanging around long enough that Kyungsoo might have start wearing a mask because Baekhyun always gets too close with people. On a normal day, he's touchy at best, but have coughs and colds bring him down and he'll cling to the person closest to him like a cute little koala.
Kyungsoo's hardly the closest thing, but he's convenient. Doesn't move around too much because that requires so much effort and because Baekhyun always smells nice. A combination of mint and cucumber and melon. With a dash of trouble to taste. (notice me; baekhyun/kyungsoo)
- How can you be so sure that I do, he wants to ask, but then Lu Han's wearing that smile, just a small upward curl of the lip that makes the question he'd just posed more of a statement than an inquiry. Good for you, he almost says - it took Lu Han just a few hours of watching him and Yixing run around in circles, took Lu Han just an afternoon to know that whatever it was that they shared, it wasn't your usual friendship. They can't be the type of friends who'd hold hands just because they feel like it, or the type who'd brush their lips to the back of the other's ear as a show of moral support. Can't be the type of friends who'd curl up in the couch after a long day and fall asleep in each other's arms, expecting to wake up in the morning not feeling a weird, lurching sensation at the pit of their stomach. It's ridiculous. Who even spends hours upon hours sharing both pieces of themselves and a weird, comforting kind of silence with each other without at least hoping to feel a stronger, deeper connection? Who the hell even leans a bit too close for a kiss but holds back at the very last minute and expects to not fall in love? (some air'd be good for you; suho/lay)
- Moments breed memories and memories breed bonds. (you make my heart beat (faster); jin/suga)
Top 5 Scenes from Anywhere You Would Choose to Have Illustrated:
- Joonmyun and Yixing's tragic first kiss in "some air'd be good for you"
- the battles against Minseok, Jino, and Yura in "here’s a map; now let’s get lost together."
- the kabedon scene in "challenge the call"
- the entire scene in Seokjin's house in "you make my heart beat (faster)" (I call this the 'Butterfly sequence' in my outline)
- the actual pitch scene in "you make my heart beat (faster)"
New year's resolutions:
- No more advent thinggies, really. Just pinch and write for yourself, Ree!
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Word Count Totals:
→ total finished, posted fic: 1080307 words, 31 fics, 2 original works
→ longest posted fic: here’s a map; now let’s get lost together., 326000 words
→ total number of words written: 1080307 words
→ percentage of fics started and completed in 2015: 83.78%, 31 out of 37 fics
→ wip word count total: break of serve (suho/kai; 52000+ words)
→ longest wip: break of serve (suho/kai; 52000+ words)
Characters (posted fic only):
→ most common narrator: Kyungsoo (6 fics, 19.35%) (POV breakdown)
→ most common pairing: Suga/Jin (6 fics, 19.35%) (pairing breakdown)
list of completed stories:
january (79763 words)
start (of something new)
just say yes
oh, the things we invent (when we are scared and want to be rescued)
february (126395 words)
「シャッターチャンスは一度だけ」 (there's only one chance to take a picture)
march (17100 words)
you will never sleep alone
may (97287 words)
notice me
some air'd be good for you
june (326000 words)
here’s a map; now let’s get lost together.
july (16163 words)
can't fight this feeling
take me in, take me deeper
kiss quick
august (1090 words)
little loves
october (37072)
these accidents of fate and nature
head first and no regrets
not seeing the rest of you is getting the best of me
the moment i wake up
untitled
i look into the mirror and i see us
i found you in the gaps between my fingers
arester
alley-oop
inch by inch, we're moving closer
don't be wasting your time (on your own)
friends should sleep in other beds
WILD
november (108885 words)
challenge the call
TM 47
december (142267 words)
you know i'm such a fool for you
running from the heart's responsibilities
no one fucks it up like us
you make my heart beat (faster) (i wrote 60% of this fic before 2015 ended)
list of wips (not necessarily over 50%):
break of serve (suho/kai; 52000+ words)
Total Word Count: 951527 words (purely fic), 1080307 words (with original works)
Fandoms Written In: EXO, Infinite, f(x), BTS
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Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? Less in terms of actual number of fics, but more in terms of word count. I wrote about 750k last year, and this year I've written a million words (including original works; still counts as writing fiction without 'fan', right?). Never thought it was possible but hey, here we are. :)
To be completely honest, I wanted to write more 'tiny fics' so I can do a bit more exploration, try to write things I normally wouldn't, but the year has been exceptionally toxic in terms of work. I'm just grateful I can still write. It keeps me sane. :)
What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? Definitely definitely definitely BTS. I didn't even know them until… until July or something! I have Frances and Rina to thank for getting me into Bangtan, and Corner for making me feel comfortable in my new little cubicle in fandom. Seriously, thank you for introducing me to such a fun fandom. I'm really having lots of fun. :)
What's your own favorite story of the year? Possibly not a surprise, but here’s a map; now let’s get lost together. It was a huge challenge to write and I do admit that there were times when I doubted if I was writing the right thing (I was getting too technical with things at the back of my mind, the Pokemon master in me was second-guessing everything and such), but I'm glad I powered through the whole thing. Huge thanks to my friends - specifically F, L, A, A, C, H, and J - for helping me get through this test. :)
Other close contenders are challenge the call and you make my heart beat (faster). These two challenged me in a lot of ways but I still had a lot of fun exploring the worlds I've built for these fics.
Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? Outlining and actually following my outline. I'm a firm believer in free and wild writing, but there are times when I have to meet critical deadlines and simply cannot let my mind go wild and get too funky. So I learned to write proper outlines and try to stick to it as much as possible. I still add glue scenes that aren't in the outline, but for the most part I try to follow the 'structure' I've set for my fics. I still do do outline-less writing (hullo, 50% of my fics), but if I have deadly deadlines, having an outline helps me not panic. :)
Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year? Write more, write better. :)
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From my past year of writing, what was…
My best story of this year: here’s a map; now let’s get lost together., challenge the call, and you make my heart beat (faster)
My most popular story of this year: here’s a map; now let’s get lost together. because it's a 326000-word fic about a Pokemon adventure. Who the hell even writes something like that. :)) For BTS fandom, head first and no regrets.
Most fun story to write: these accidents of fate and nature. I wrote this as a pinch for Extrafic and struggled with the prompts at first, but the whole world was so much fun to explore! Possibly one of the quickest 25k fics I wrote, and that's a testament to how much fun I had with the fic. :)
Story with the single sexiest moment: kiss quick and head first and no regrets, more for the intimacy than the actual sex.
Most "holy crap, that's wrong, even for you" story: oh, the things we invent (baekhyun/kyungsoo) because I have never written doppelganger sex before, much more a threesome with a doppelganger. Oh well! You learn something new everyday! :))
Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: you make my heart beat (faster), which is surprising since Seokjin is supposedly someone I'm accustomed to writing, but- I dunno, writing this gave me a deeper understanding of him.
Hardest story to write: some air'd be good for you, the Suho/Lay I wrote for Suholiday. Other than having to write about weird magic and science shenanigans, I've always found it difficult to write Yixing. It was definitely a great learning experience, though. I love this fic a lot, despite the many struggles I've had while writing it.
Biggest surprise: running from the heart's responsibilities. I didn't even think I'd ever write V/Rap Monster! It was so much fun to write, though, and I'm definitely excited to write more for this universe. :)
Most unintentionally telling story: definitely you will never sleep alone. It's a fic on Lu Han leaving the band so… yeah. What else is there to say? :))
Favorite Opening Lines:
- Kyungsoo jolts awake to the sound of DBSK's Rising Sun blasting in his ears. He looks around his room, squinting hard when a sudden flurry of light hits him. He'd left his lamp open last night, and while the light isn't bright enough to blind it's still enough to shake off some of the sleep clinging to his eyelids. Enough to pull him out of bed and back on his feet, toes wiggling in his bedroom slippers. Enough for him to boot his brain and for him to register that - one, it's only five in the morning; and two, it's a Saturday.
Choikang Changmin is still singing in the background. Kyungsoo shakes his head, shivers when he feel his stomach give a funny lurch in his stomach. Now it's Xiah Junsu who's belting out.
Someone's calling. (just say yes; chen/kyungsoo)
- Kyungsoo looks around him and takes a deep breath. Sunlight hits his skin, leaves tiny spots of light that prickle him all over. He shivers. It makes him want to grab the sunglasses dangling from the collar of Seungsoo's shirt or maybe even blindfold himself until his eyes adjust to the new light. It makes him want to retreat to the back of that truck again, lumped with boxes filled with memories of Sinyuk-ri in it. He's supposed to be accustomed to this by now, being exposed to the sun, being blinded by it, but this feels different. He can't smell the scent of dried fish in the air, thick in his nostrils. He can't sway to the steady rhythm of waves crashing to shore or against each other. And he can't crane his neck in the hope of finding a familiar face just a few feet away. Instead, he finds buildings, a couple of houses here and there, too tall and intimidating. Wide streets donned with people who are lugging around plastic bags, baby Pokemon following them from one place to another.
Something heavy lands on his head. When he looks up, he finds thick white fur, and Wingull taps a quick beat on his forehead before flying off. (here’s a map; now let’s get lost together.; baekhyun/kyungsoo)
- Joonmyun looks around him one last time and takes a deep breath. The last time he stood in front of a crowd of hundreds, maybe even thousands, was a good seven years ago, tennis bag slung on his right shoulder and a face towel clutched with his left hand. He was wearing a head band then, to keep his hair away from his face and to keep every bad opportunity from foiling his chances at winning. And he was twenty-eight, not too old to be a sportsman who ran across a court that was sometimes a bit too big and overwhelming for experienced players, but not that young, either, to still be considered a threat especially with five to ten new players graduating from the juniors division into the master class, into professional tennis, every year. Even then, he hadn't been aware of the people around him. He recalls standing from his seat and walking towards the bright light filtering from the now-open doors, recalls hearing the first few bubbles of cheers from the crowd just beyond the walls. He recalls, without meaning to, the way he'd balled his hands into tight fists that time and told himself, you have to win this. There's no other way to go but up. Then his world fell blessedly silent, void of the noise that had once prickled his ears. He heard the points being called out, yes, heard the linesmen calling his shots in, out, long and short, but that was it. Anything beyond the dull thud of the ball making contact with the hard court and familiar cues for points and misplays that he heard everyday for hours on end dissolved into cracks of white noise in the background.
He was cruising his way to victory, landing one winner after another and making shots that he never thought he was capable of. He was in the zone. He was at the top of his game. Anyone who'd followed his journey as a tennis player would say that it was his greatest year yet, and the greatest match he'd ever played.
He was having the time of his life. (break of serve; suho/kai *WIP*)
- I love people, Seokjin reminds himself for the nth time that day and coaxes the corners of his mouth to pull up into a bigger smile. To anyone who doesn't know him, he probably looks like some overeager kid wanting to be friends with everyone and every single organism that breathes in this agency, but to people who can read him faster than they can say I'm gonna kick these fucking clients in the balls, he's pretty sure that it's obvious the last thing he wants right now is to have to present himself to another group of people, much more the creatives. After all, the lot's notorious for making the lives of people in accounts a living hell. He's had his fair share of bad experiences with the artists and designers back in his old company, has had to put up with the sickening attitude for nearly a decade; he can only imagine how the 'traditional creatives' - as Minseok, his former boss, had lovingly put it - act around accounts people like him.
And it's almost one in the afternoon. The last meal he had was at seven in the morning because someone decided to get extra paranoid with arriving at work late on his first day (and he's always paranoid that he'll punch in late at work by just a few minutes even if he leaves his house at least an hour and a half before starting time). He had been trapped in a meeting room for close to two hours, strapped to his seat as he listened to the Human Resource Manager ramble about company policies that are supposed to be a no-brainer already. Then he was summoned to the Finance Director's office for another orientation on finance policies, on how to properly file his timesheet and the repercussions of failing to submit it on time. He felt a lot like a kid being lectured by grown-ups on 'adult things'. It felt a lot like being strangled into submission. And now, he's being 'routed' in the office like an envelope being passed from one person to another to collect money for a big celebration. So it's warranted, right, his burning desire to just hide someplace else and curl up in a corner? It's normal to want to raise his arms in the air and cry out in a loud, deafening voice, Make them stop, right? Isn't it only normal to want to throw in the towel and just want to give up this early? He's cold and hungry and tired of grinning ear-to-ear. He's just about done with introducing himself to every single person in this agency.
He just wants to breathe.
His stomach grumbles. It feels like taking a hundred punches to the gut, or claws raking figures spelling out I'm hungry! in big, messy hangul. And he's always been told to trust what his gut tells him. (you make my heart beat (faster); jin/suga)
Favorite Closing Lines:
- It takes no more than five minutes to get from the garden at the back to the front door, no more than five minutes for him to regain some of his color. He can still see through his right hand, for the most part, and he still feels oddly light and a bit light-headed but every part of him feels warm, even more when he holds his hand up against the glass of the window by the door, splays the pale fingers on the cool surface, and sees the veins of Yixing's fingers on the other side. There are scars on Yixing's face from where he's touched Yixing too much, too long, but Yixing doesn't seem to mind - the situation they're in, the half-life they live, the burn of Joonmyun's touch on his skin, Joonmyun can't tell yet. All the knows is that they will always try to find holes in which they can fit, that they will always try to find ways to break down the glass keeping them apart. And that Yixing is smiling, the corners of his mouth stretched wide open, reaching up to the corners of his eyes and making them crinkle. Blinding Joonmyun, washing Yixing out. So Joonmyun closes his eyes and lets his face fall forward, forehead thunking against the glass, the soft thud mirroring on the other side.
He stays there and holds in his breath, listening to Yixing breathe. (some air'd be good for you; suho/lay)
- Baekhyun snorts, wrinkles his nose, shakes his head. Drops one hand to pinch Kyungsoo in his side, then rests the same warm hand on the small of Kyungsoo's back. The harsh white lights wash Baekhyun out for a quick second, blinding Kyungsoo and stunning him, and the next thing he knows Baekhyun's hands are all over him - sliding up his sides, curling around his nape, fingers brushing along the slope of his neck, palms cupping his cheeks and coaxing him to move even closer, to bring their bodies to a nice, perfect fit and their mouths in an inelegant slide of warm, willing skin. Suddenly, it all feels too real - every brush of Baekhyun's skin against his scar-stained limbs, every lick along the cavern of his mouth and every suck on his bottom lip, his tongue, the underside of his jaw. The loud thumping in his chest set to the beating in Baekhyun's own, Baekhyun's pattering pulse on his skin making him shiver all over, making him surrender. Every hitch of Baekhyun's breath when Kyungsoo seals his mouth on Baekhyun's warm skin and sucks a mark there, and another, and another, like he's mapping out a path to their next big destination, the next journey, the next big challenge. And the slow-forming smile on Baekhyun's lips that leaves marks on Kyungsoo's skin as they surface to kiss again, slow and languid, like they have no need for air.
"Still feels surreal?" Baekhyun asks when they part, lips swollen, slick with spit.
Kyungsoo laughs, bright and loud. He can nod, say yes, wave the white flag and surrender, but he can't give in just yet. So he shakes his head and leans in, capturing Baekhyun's lips in another kiss, and another, and another, finally reaching the harbor that he’s long been searching for. And Baekhyun keeps giving, stays in the warm fit of their bodies, dropping anchor once and for all. They are two powerful waves crashing into familiar shores, two powerful waves melding into one and submitting into each other's arms. They are not at the end of a journey - they’ve just begun, just unfolded a new map, ready to tackle new streets, towns, cities that seem oddly familiar, sort of like there’s a piece of them to be recovered from every place they’re just about to discover.
They are home. (here’s a map; now let’s get lost together.; baekhyun/kyungsoo)
- He kissed Seokjin. It wasn't anything grand, just a light brush of the lips, a tentative press of skin against Seokjin's damp, warm mouth, but soon Seokjin was tilting his head back, parting his lips, letting him in. Seokjin pulled him even closer until they were chest to chest, racing heartbeats catching up to each other as he was tangling his trembling fingers in Seokjin's hair. Seokjin caught his bottom lip between his teeth and teased it with gentle nips until he was moaning into the furnace of Seokjin's mouth, until he was giving back and licking the back of Seokjin's teeth, making Seokjin shiver. And Seokjin was memorizing every part of him, slipping hands beneath his shirt, skating cool fingers across the expanse of warmth and sucking harder on his lips like Seokjin was mapping out his most vulnerable spots - the corners of his mouth, the sensitive dip of his belly, the skin on his chest where his heartbeat echoed Seokjin's own. The cut on his lips where Seokjin laved his tongue and his only response was to kiss Seokjin deeper, harder.
They weren't the still waves of the sea during winter or the gentle breeze of spring tousling the green grass in the mountains. No - they were the storms of summer rushing to shore. They were the seasons coming together in a violent whip of the winds. They were two forces that were never supposed to meet but reached out for each other in the middle of the sea. They were the category five. They were each other's destruction.
"Less teeth, more tongue," Seokjin whispered, but gave Yoongi's lower lip a light nibble anyway. It was electrifying.
Yoongi laughed, warmth blooming in his chest. There was no turning back now. (these accidents of fate and nature; jin/suga)
Favorite 5 Line(s) from Anywhere:
- "You need your assistant, Nurse Jinri. I-" He looks to his side and fixes his gaze on Baekhyun. I can handle this, he was just about to say, but right now he isn't sure if he can even lay a finger on Baekhyun without thinking how he might break Baekhyun even more. He's tended to his Pokemon's wounds before at least fifty times already, sure, but it's different when you're trying to patch together someone human, much more a friend. It's difficult trying to stitch Baekhyun together, knowing that, in some ways, things will never be the same - he drives a needle through Baekhyun's skin and he'll leave marks there, leave scars, where he'd never touched Baekhyun before. He tends to Baekhyun's wounds and he knows he'll never be able to wash away the feeling of mapping out Baekhyun's skin with the light press of his fingers on Baekhyun's body. He saves Baekhyun right here, right now, and he knows he might not be able to save himself ever again. (here’s a map; now let’s get lost together.; baekhyun/kyungsoo)
- Kyungsoo takes a deep breath. Tries to not let his shoulders rise or his chest puff out for fear of Baekhyun figuring him out. If Baekhyun ever realized how much power he had over Kyungsoo, if he ever found a way to maneuver himself into that tiny, unoccupied vessel in Kyungsoo's heart, well, then, game over. (here’s a map; now let’s get lost together.; baekhyun/kyungsoo)
- In broad daylight, in front of all these people who he might have trained alongside with but have never even seen him lose control, it seems like an innocent gesture, but the upward curl of Baekhyun's lips say otherwise. This is smile number forty-four, Kyungsoo muses, one of those smiles of Baekhyun's that leaves him feeling torn between ripping that look off of Baekhyun's features or just kissing Baekhyun senseless so that Baekhyun learns his lesson. But Baekhyun has way too many tricks up his sleeve that Kyungsoo knows neither how or when to attack, pin Baekhyun down to the floor or to the wall to keep him in place and make him stop. Baekhyun is too fucking unpredictable that all the information that Baekhyun has catalogued at the back of his mind? Those are of no use.
So he takes a deep breath, tries to scour the surface for a nice retort. Something snappy and will make Baekhyun shut up, but will keep him hanging around long enough that Kyungsoo might have start wearing a mask because Baekhyun always gets too close with people. On a normal day, he's touchy at best, but have coughs and colds bring him down and he'll cling to the person closest to him like a cute little koala.
Kyungsoo's hardly the closest thing, but he's convenient. Doesn't move around too much because that requires so much effort and because Baekhyun always smells nice. A combination of mint and cucumber and melon. With a dash of trouble to taste. (notice me; baekhyun/kyungsoo)
- How can you be so sure that I do, he wants to ask, but then Lu Han's wearing that smile, just a small upward curl of the lip that makes the question he'd just posed more of a statement than an inquiry. Good for you, he almost says - it took Lu Han just a few hours of watching him and Yixing run around in circles, took Lu Han just an afternoon to know that whatever it was that they shared, it wasn't your usual friendship. They can't be the type of friends who'd hold hands just because they feel like it, or the type who'd brush their lips to the back of the other's ear as a show of moral support. Can't be the type of friends who'd curl up in the couch after a long day and fall asleep in each other's arms, expecting to wake up in the morning not feeling a weird, lurching sensation at the pit of their stomach. It's ridiculous. Who even spends hours upon hours sharing both pieces of themselves and a weird, comforting kind of silence with each other without at least hoping to feel a stronger, deeper connection? Who the hell even leans a bit too close for a kiss but holds back at the very last minute and expects to not fall in love? (some air'd be good for you; suho/lay)
- Moments breed memories and memories breed bonds. (you make my heart beat (faster); jin/suga)
Top 5 Scenes from Anywhere You Would Choose to Have Illustrated:
- Joonmyun and Yixing's tragic first kiss in "some air'd be good for you"
- the battles against Minseok, Jino, and Yura in "here’s a map; now let’s get lost together."
- the kabedon scene in "challenge the call"
- the entire scene in Seokjin's house in "you make my heart beat (faster)" (I call this the 'Butterfly sequence' in my outline)
- the actual pitch scene in "you make my heart beat (faster)"
New year's resolutions:
- No more advent thinggies, really. Just pinch and write for yourself, Ree!
☆ ☆ ☆
Word Count Totals:
→ total finished, posted fic: 1080307 words, 31 fics, 2 original works
→ longest posted fic: here’s a map; now let’s get lost together., 326000 words
→ total number of words written: 1080307 words
→ percentage of fics started and completed in 2015: 83.78%, 31 out of 37 fics
→ wip word count total: break of serve (suho/kai; 52000+ words)
→ longest wip: break of serve (suho/kai; 52000+ words)
Characters (posted fic only):
→ most common narrator: Kyungsoo (6 fics, 19.35%) (POV breakdown)
→ most common pairing: Suga/Jin (6 fics, 19.35%) (pairing breakdown)
list of completed stories:
january (79763 words)
start (of something new)
just say yes
oh, the things we invent (when we are scared and want to be rescued)
february (126395 words)
「シャッターチャンスは一度だけ」 (there's only one chance to take a picture)
march (17100 words)
you will never sleep alone
may (97287 words)
notice me
some air'd be good for you
june (326000 words)
here’s a map; now let’s get lost together.
july (16163 words)
can't fight this feeling
take me in, take me deeper
kiss quick
august (1090 words)
little loves
october (37072)
these accidents of fate and nature
head first and no regrets
not seeing the rest of you is getting the best of me
the moment i wake up
untitled
i look into the mirror and i see us
i found you in the gaps between my fingers
arester
alley-oop
inch by inch, we're moving closer
don't be wasting your time (on your own)
friends should sleep in other beds
WILD
november (108885 words)
challenge the call
TM 47
december (142267 words)
you know i'm such a fool for you
running from the heart's responsibilities
no one fucks it up like us
you make my heart beat (faster) (i wrote 60% of this fic before 2015 ended)
list of wips (not necessarily over 50%):
break of serve (suho/kai; 52000+ words)