exo: spin you 'round through the roar of this crowd
Spin you 'round through the roar of this crowd
- Sehun/Kai, Kai/D.O., implied Suho/D.O.. PG-13. 7577 words.
- On Jongin's to-do list before he graduates, three things are listed as important: to score a good enough GPA that his father can be proud of, to learn how to bake mocha cookies, and to make friends. He ticks off 2 out of 3 before graduation day.
- WARNING: Character death
- A remix of Color Theory, for automix || Title was taken from Matt Nathanson's Love Comes Tumbling Down || Notes || Fanmix
- Again - OMG IT'S FINALLY OVER! Special thanks for Miia for being so patient with me, for holding my hand while I wailed and threw a fit while writing this fic, to Amber for being my shock absorber, and my tlist for being such great enabler. Another side story will be written soon, and you'll find out when you go through the fic what the focus will be. ;) Have fun reading!
It is graduation day. Joonmyun is graduating at the top of the class, closely followed by Kyungsoo, but everybody knows it's Jongin who garners the most amount of attention. The news has been all over the press, after all - he is to lead his company at the age of 23, following the recent death of his parents
He takes a few quick breaths. Walking to the stage has never been so nerve-wrecking.
He's been asked to deliver a speech after Joonmyun's valedictory address. "Talk about the challenge of being a CEO at a young age," they said. "Talk about how excited you are." So he crumples the sheet of paper he's holding just as he settles behind the podium and clears his throat.
He searches for Sehun in the crowd. A small smile tugs at the corner of his lips when he finds Sehun grinning for the first time since Ice Cream Thursdays was made. He wets his lips and leans closer to the microphone, slowly parting his lips to begin his speech.
"In this day and age, we all want to be different."
# # #
Jongin met Sehun when he was seven. It had been approximately a week since they moved in, after his father received a promotion to become Triad's Chief Grader, when Sehun's mother came over to welcome them to the community.
"I brought over some cupcakes," Sehun's mother said, uncertainty in the undertone of her voice. "I'm not sure if you like sweets, so-"
"Jongin loves sweets! Don't you, honey?" Jongin's mother gestured for him to come closer. Jongin looked up at the basket of cupcakes being held out by Sehun's mother and smiled. "He has a sweet tooth. We've been trying to get him off of sweets since we moved here, but he keeps throwing a fit when we deprive him of chocolates!"
"My Sehun's the same. Oh-" Sehun's mother gasped when Sehun peeks from behind her legs. "Here he is. Jongin, this is Sehun. Sehun, this is Jongin, our new neighbor. Be nice."
Sehun narrowed his eyes at Jongin. "Do you like mocha?"
Jongin grinned all too eagerly. "I love mocha!"
People would normally laugh whenever Jongin told the story of how their friendship came to be, but this was how everything began. Sehun was a Yellow, while Jongin was a Red - it was unlikely for two Primaries of different colors to get along so easily, but they just clicked. Everything fell into place. Not too long after, Jongin found himself spending nights in Sehun's room, playing and talking 'til late in the evening - 9 p.m., at the latest, because they had been told that they wouldn't get their cupcakes if they slept late.
Leaving Pinnacle Point wasn't such a bad idea, after all.
Jongin wasn't usually this trusting of people, but Sehun made it easy for him to trust.
Sehun was a lot like him - he had an image to maintain, had parents who were expecting him to take over the family business after college. He had the weirdest fascination with sweets and color theories and harmonies, even at such a young age. Sehun was, in a way, a reflection of him - a better and improved version of himself, the best Jongin could ever be.
Sehun looked up at him, a toothy grin on his lips, some crumbs at the corners, and a question brimming at the tip of his tongue. "Want some," Sehun asked, anyway, offering the remaining cookie that he baked earlier.
Jongin was a bit skeptic - was Sehun offering him the cookie because it tasted awful, was the cookie any good, did Sehun even know how to bake at such a young age - but he nodded, anyway, parted his lips so Sehun could pop the tiny cookie in his mouth.
A smile crept to his lips as soon as the flavor hit his senses.
(Sehun knew how to bake, alright.)
Fun fact about Oh Sehun: he was deathly afraid of heights.
Jongin discovered this when he brought Sehun to Pinnacle Point. "This was your idea!" Jongin exclaimed when Sehun scrambled behind him, then slapped him repeatedly on the arm. "Weren't you the one who begged me to bring you here? I told you it was dangerous but noooo, you still wanted to go."
"It was a joke, okay!" Sehun replied, seething. Jongin could feel Sehun's knuckles trembling against his skin; it sent tingles to his feet, a lurching sensation to his stomach. Sehun grabbed a fistful of Jongin's shirt and tugged Jongin closer. "Can we leave now? Please?"
Jongin stuck out his tongue. "No."
The problem with Sehun was that he always had his way with things, even with Jongin. Especially with Jongin. Sehun was much more assertive and knew how to wrap Jongin around his finger, knew how to con Jongin into doing outrageous things with the subtle downward curve of the lip, the furrowed eyebrows, a sad stare.
"That won't work."
Sehun scowled."Dammit."
Jongin extended a hand in Sehun's direction and Sehun stared at it for the longest time. "Please?" Jongin added, and punctuated his request with a small smile. He was met with the biggest pout Sehun had worn in a long, long time, and cold fingers dancing on the palm of his hand, slowly finding a perfect fit between his own.
(Fun fact about Kim Jongin: he disliked holding people's hands, save for Sehun's.)
The first time Jongin saw Sehun with a girl was when they were thirteen.
It was a girl from P.E. class. She was taller than them by a few inches, and wore her hair past her shoulders. Sehun loved playing with her hair, loved playing with her more now than Jongin, and Jongin wasn't sure which bothered him more - the fact that he had to share, or the fact that Sehun had ditched him for a girl.
"Ice cream tomorrow?" Jongin asked when he'd finally been able to catch up with Sehun. Sehun's fingers brushed against the girl's, and Jongin had to bite back the sound of disgust threatening to escape his lips.
"I can't. I'm-" Sehun turned to the girl, then returned his gaze to Jongin, a frown now surfacing on his lips. "I have to help Krystal with her homework."
"The only thing you're good at is P.E.. We don't have homework in P.E.."
"Math's actually my strongest subject."
Jongin frowned. "You suck."
Sehun stoped and stared. Jongin sucked the inside of his cheek to keep himself from- from doing things. All-out staring games like this usually lasted less than five seconds, because one of them would normally end up laughing or cackling or making funny faces, but Jongin was already regretting his decision to hold his breath until Sehun broke his gaze, or until either of them burst into laughter. Jongin clenched and unclenched his fists. He wasn't used to the empty space beside him; he'd already grown accustomed to Sehun being by his side, not on the opposite side.
"I'll make it up to you tomorrow," Sehun said. After a while, he added, "I promise."
Jongin nodded and offered a small smile. The taste of blood was fresh from where he bit hard on the inside of his cheek.
His racing heartbeat had yet to be stilled.
Sehun never made up for that Thursday, or the Thursday after, or any of the succeeding days. Sehun barely spent time at home, or in Jongin's room, or in the treehouse they built for themselves. Jongin stared at himself in the mirror long enough to see if anything had changed since then, and the bright red band around his wrist had turned into a morose shade of red.
He shook his hands free of the bands, but to no avail - they were a family heirloom, a part of Jongin's being.
His bright red glow was gone.
---
It was in the dance troupe that Jongin met Yixing. It was during the transition from awkward to less awkward, middle school to high school, and Jongin wasn't exactly a fan of easing into new things. Solitude had soon become his staple state of being; Krystal still had Sehun wrapped around her finger, and Jongin was still unable to find the words for a proper confrontation.
"Um, are you new?" Yixing asked.
Yixing was seated in an uncanny manner that Jongin wondered how he deemed this as comfortable. Jongin nodded and smiled a little; it was his staple response when words escaped him.
"Are you," Jongin asked after a while, when the noise of overeager first grade middle school student dancers had died down. "Are you new, too?"
Yixing chuckled. "Not really. I got in last year. Had to stop attending school for a year - really bad case of color poisoning. I'm Zhang Yixing, by the way." Yixing beamed at him. "Glad to meet you."
"Kim Jongin," was the only thing Jongin was able to give as a response.
Yixing was interesting, to say the very least. He had dimples the size of gumball indentations. His hair was a blinding shade of purple, but his eyebrows were a very dark shade of blue. He smiled like a girl going through puberty in front of her crush, laughed like a distressed teenager who was conflicted whether or not he should laugh. Yixing laughed a lot.
Yixing could dance.
He and Jongin had vastly different dancing styles. Jongin was all about sharp movements and pops; Yixing was all about fluid movements, one swift motion, a series of songs translated into dance, an entire scheme of colors laid down in one rather messy palette. Yixing's movements weren't as refined as Jongin's, but Jongin felt himself gaping, choking while watching Yixing, the system of colors in his mind in a state of chaos.
"You're good," Jongin commented after Yixing did his routine.
"Thanks," Yixing replied. "Could have done better."
Jongin chuckled. When it was his turn to show his routine, he looked over his shoulder before stepping on the stage. "Watch closely," he told Yixing, and winked to punctuate his statement.
Yixing kept his eyes on him the whole time.
The following year, Sehun and Krystal got in the dance troupe.
It was halfway through dance practice when the two were introduced to the rest of the group. Jongin wasn't really surprised - he knew for a fact that dancing and Sehun fit like peas in a pod; it was Krystal's presence that he had to prepare for. He'd been practicing his curt smile for quite already, but he still fell short on expectations when the smile faltered a little too early.
Yixing placed a hand on his shoulder. "Don't force it," he said, like he could actually read Jongin like an open book. "He'll come around soon enough."
"It's been three years." Jongin's reply sounded more desperate than intended. "I don't know if he'll ever come around."
"Then make him."
Jongin scoffed. It wasn't that easy. If it was, he'd have been able to show Sehun years back the bitch that Krystal really was, or the repercussions of not observing Ice Cream Thursdays. In hindsight, it could have been, but there was something about Sehun, something in Jongin that kept him from tearing Krystal apart in front of Sehun and saying, "See what you've become?"
See what I've become without you?
Yixing introduced him to Color Saturation when they were in second year.
They'd been swamped with school work for the past few weeks, and Yixing's idea of taking a break involved lots of alcohol, blasting classical music in Jongin's room, and smoking a few sticks of Saturates. "They soothe the nerves. They make me productive," Yixing reasoned out when Jongin frowned at the sad sight of Saturate sticks on his bedroom floor. "Want some?"
"I'm happy with my hue, thank you very much," Jongin replied, but the scent of Saturate was so strong, he might as well be smoking it.
Jongin's first puff wasn't from his very own Saturate stick, but from a kiss that Yixing assaulted him with. One minute, he was gathering the sticks on his floor, tidying up Yixing's mess; the next minute, Yixing was pushing him down on the floor, pressing warm and dry lips on his. "Relax," Yixing mumbled in between kisses. "Do not resist." Only when he needed to take another long drag from the stick did Yixing break the kiss. Only then, when Yixing pressed his lips against Jongin's for a second time, did Jongin begin to appreciate the taste of Saturate, the warm and tingling sensation it sent to the pit of his stomach, to his toes, to his groin.
Jongin got his homework done in thirty minutes.
The rest of the night was spent with his hands on Yixing's skin, running his fingers through Yixing's hair, biting back every whimper threatening to spill from his lips as Yixing wrapped his lips around Jongin's cock.
The dance troupe was split into three one time, to pave way for interaction between members who usually didn't get to work with each other when they were paired off. Jongin and Sehun were put in one group; Yixing and Krystal, in the other. Jongin sucked the inside of his cheek, then flicked his tongue along the cavern of his mouth. The blue Saturate still stung, but it was a pleasurable kind of pain.
"You look different," Sehun said. "Have you been taking anything?"
Jongin tried not to jump. He was usually jumpy and jittery after a good smoke. He simply shook his head and let his gaze graze Sehun's profile for a while before saying, "Come on, let's do this."
He'd been missing the beat more often these days. Most of the time, he blamed the lack of sleep and rest because of the amount of school work to be done, but then he had been spending more time in the labs these days after being assigned to a special Color Grading class for sophomores; the most work he had done in months wasto figure out a way to separate dark reds from bright reds and extract the purest primaries. And then there's Yixing - spending more time in Yixing's place, spending more time in the stock room of the lab with Yixing, doing Yixing.
The song began and the intro beat rung in his ears.
It was in the middle of a pirouette when he tripped and almost twisted his ankle and realized that this wasn't right. Yixing was on the other side of the room, a peculiar glimmer in his eyes, and Sehun was beside Jongin, clutching hard at his arms, steadying him while saying, "Come on, let's get out of here."
"What has he done to you?"
The tap was turned on and Jongin let himself be engulfed by the sound of the rushing water, closing his eyes as he tried to find his center again. In the past, when he was much younger, he'd imagine a flame burning brightly in the darkness, and walk to the source of the light. In a few seconds, he'd feel better, feel renewed and recalibrated again - a bright shade of crimson, the purest shade of red. He wasn't used to rushing water and a vast blue sea in front of him. It felt weird, foreign.
It didn't feel right.
"Hey," Sehun began, this time laying a palm on Jongin's back. "What has he done to you? You look miserable - are you doing drugs or anything?"
"Saturates. I've been smoking Saturates." Jongin hoped the sound of water would muffle his confession, but his voice was crisp and clear. "He made me smoke Saturates, and I was too stupid to give in."
"It's not as bad if you take the same hue."
"I've been taking his hues - blues. He said the new hues would make me feel more complete."
Sehun slammed his fist on the counter. "Dammit," he said through gritted teeth. Jongin didn't have to stare long enough for him to know that Sehun was close to tears; Sehun was quite the emotional person, and tears were the primary manifestation of his disappointment and frustration.
"How long- How long have you been doing this?"
"Since you walked inside the dance practice room with Krystal." Jongin splashed water on his face a couple of times before looking at Sehun again. "Pathetic, I know."
"It was that bad?"
Jongin chuckled. "Could've been worse."
There was a small yet confident smile at the corner of Sehun's lips, but his fists were still shaking and there were wisps of yellow seeping from Sehun's knuckles. Three years apart meant not spending everyday with Sehun, but he still had Sehun memorized like the back of his hand. The quivering of the lips was all too familiar, and the way Sehun furrowed his eyebrows told Jongin that he should probably close the tap and walk over to where Sehun was.
"I've been trying to get rid of her since the start of the year," Sehun said after a while. "Said she was beginning to get on my nerves, that she was too clingy."
"But I'm clingy."
Sehun laughed a little. "You're bearable."
Jongin cackled.
More than missing Sehun's company, it was this that he missed - the playful banter in lieu of a proper apology, the prolonged eye contact that spoke of a silent agreement to never be apart ever again, the silly smile on Sehun's lips, the crinkle in the corner of his eyes, the tiny beads of tears at the corner of Sehun's eyes when he finally burst into laughter. So Jongin did the unspeakable and opened his arms wide in a gesture that can only be interpreted as, "Hey, I really missed you. Give me a hug?"
"Clingy as a grizzly bear," Sehun said, voice muffled as he nuzzled the crook of Jongin's neck.
Food poisoning was the excuse they'd come up with when Jongin asked for medication for the foreign color in his system. It was Sehun's idea - from the very reason to the execution where Jongin was to wheeze and wear blood-shot eyes and croak, "I need help." Sehun was the wisest of the wise, in a way, because he knew Jongin inside out, knew which bad ideas would work and which wouldn't, knew how to effectively get Jongin out of a rut and back to his old self.
"What if this happens again? What will I tell the graders?"
"Stupidity," Sehun chimed all too eagerly. "You can tell them you're so stupid, you fell for the same ol' food poisoning trick."
Jongin slapped Sehun on the butt. "Sounds good enough for me."
---
Midway through their final year in high school, Sehun's family got into a car accident. It wasn't that bad - the roads were slippery and the car ran into an electrical post and Sehun's parents and grandmother were able to escape the car fifteen seconds from when the collision took place. It just so happened that the tires of a color delivery truck skidded on the slippery road, causing the vehicle to crash into the car and spill liters of colors all over the street. Color emissions were deadly - they were highly toxic when taken in large amounts and taken in their purest form.
The truck was to deliver reds and blues. Sehun's family was a family of yellows.
"You can cry, you know," Jongin said, voice faint and somber as he watched the yellow fluid being poured into a porcelain urn. Sehun requested that his family be melted down so he could keep them anywhere he went, even outside of the Spectrum.
Something akin to laughter escaped Sehun's lips. "I want to, but nothing's coming out."
Sehun glowed a sick shade of yellow. It was almost disconcerting, Jongin thought, as he reached for Sehun's hand and linked their fingers. He knew for a fact that contact with a different color will never bring back the old and youthful glow of a Primary, but it was worth a shot, especially since Sehun neither flinched nor gasped at the sudden contact.
He squeezed Sehun's hand thrice, each squeeze three beats apart.
On the third count, tears rolled down Sehun's cheeks.
(The first few weeks, they shared one bed. Sehun had nightmares every night, and in three days Jongin had learned that the best way to pacify Sehun was to run fingers through his hair while humming a song - any song - under his breath. Occasionally, he'd whisper, "It's okay, it's okay. I'm here." Occasionally, he'd plant a kiss on Sehun's forehead, and Sehun would fall into a peaceful slumber. All too frequently, he'd find himself watching the steady rise and fall of Sehun's chest, wondering what exactly it was that he was doing, and why the tingling sensation in the pit of his stomach was telling him to lean in too close and kiss Sehun on the lips.)
On the eve of their high school graduation, Sehun brought Jongin to Pinnacle Point. It was a decision made on a whim - one minute, Sehun was dragging him to the new burger joint a few blocks from their house; the next minute, Sehun was looking for Choi Jin, the driver, and begging the latter to bring them to Pinnacle Point. "Just trust me," Sehun told Jongin when Jongin began to question his actions. "Just trust me on this."
"But you're afraid of heights."
"You're not."
Jongin had very fond memories of Pinnacle Point. It was where his father - who was now often on a business trip - would usually play with him, tell him stories about their great ancestors, tell him to be the hero of the reds and to live his great destiny. Then his mother would call them, tell them to stop talking about silly things, and tell them that dinner was ready.
Pinnacle Point was the best place to be in for a red, after all.
"I've made a decision," Sehun began, eyes fixed on the floor, then continued, "to not pursue color grading as a career. I... don't think I can deal with colors in such an intimate manner after that incident."
"So, what's the plan now?"
Sehun smiled a little. "I don't know. I can run for public office, go into media, get into color calibration?" By then, he'd stared laughing, because he and Jongin both knew that Sehun hated color calibration more than anything else. "Stay with you and wait for you to take over your company so I can be your right-hand man?"
"We could be Batman and Robin," Jongin said, chuckling. "Except better."
"And not in tights. I hate tights."
"You hate plain tights, you mean."
Sehun laughed - careless laughter that he'd only shared with Jongin a few times, before the accident happened. Jongin vaguely remembered Sehun asking, When will I laugh again?, and Jongin had quoted Sex and the City, saying, When something's really funny. Jongin had never been a fan but his mother was avid enough a follower to live Carrie Bradshaw's lines. So Jongin whispered to no one in particular, "When something's really funny."
Sehun choked on the last of his laughter and looked at Jongin, a soft smile on his lips. "So, will you be my Batman?"
Jongin grinned. "Thought you'd never ask."
(Sehun graduated with Latin honors. Jongin was only a few points shy of one. Jongin got the university scholarship he'd long been working hard for, though.
Sehun was going to the same university. Batman and Robin 'til the very end.)
---
Jongin never found out the program that Sehun decided to enroll in until the first day of school. "Color Education, really?" Jongin said, voice loud enough for those within a three-feet radius to hear. "You want to teach Color Education? Don't you sleep through Color Basics classes all the time?"
"I aced all the exams in all of those classes, by the way," Sehun replied, grinning as he looked over his shoulder. "Whereas you scored two points below me in the final exam. Who's not fit to teach Color Education now, huh?"
"Whatever. I can't deal with kids like you."
"Yeah, go ahead and immerse yourself in adult stuff, doctor."
Jongin stuck his tongue out at Sehun. Sehun slapped him hard on the butt.
Freshman year was donned with basic courses, but Basic Grading hardly felt like a general education class. Come the third meeting, they'd been asked to distill secondary colors and extract the primary colors from each combination. It was a long and tedious process, but Jongin somehow managed to finish first, even arriving at a bright and 97% pure extract.
"You're a natural," the professor told him. "Much like your father, except he got a 90% pure extract."
Jongin tried not to grin.
Sehun fared just as well in his classes, and met a few new friends. There was Do Kyungsoo, a sophomore who often acted as a substitute instructor in the absence of a couple of professors. Then there was Kim Joonmyun, who seemed to be reveered by the entire junior batch as the best color grader to ever study in the university.
"The best, huh?" Jongin repeated after Sehun introduced the two to him.
There was a look of confusion in Joonmyun's features. "Are you doubting my skill?"
"Hardly." Jongin smiled. "But I can do better."
"Cocky reds," Kyungsoo said, scoffing. Sehun shook his head and hit Jongin hard at the back of his head.
It was a bit strange - both the presence of new people in their tiny group, and how everything seemed to fall into place. Kyungsoo and Joonmyun didn't feel like intruders, newcomers in their circle of friends. It seemed as if they've been there all along, and all Jongin and Sehun had to do was chunk a Max Revive at them (and feed them with Calcium and Iron).
"To be fair, Joonmyun did a bit of research on the two of you-"
Joonmyun clasped a hand over Kyungsoo's mouth. "He's babbling again. He does that a lot. Don't listen to him. Don't."
Sehun cackled and eventually erupted into a peal of laughter. Jongin sucked the inside of his cheek to keep himself from saying something stupid, to push back the thought of Sehun's laughter being a thing of beauty to the very back of his mind.
"Do you like Sehun?"
Jongin looked up from doing his Color Grading homework and furrowed his eyebrows at Joonmyun. "Huh?" he asked, cocking his head just slightly.
"Do you like Sehun?"
Jongin took a deep breath.
Do you like Sehun was a question he'd been avoiding since the day he saw Sehun with a girl. It was a question that was thrown at him in varying manners - "are you his girl friend or something", "are you two sleeping with each other", and "have you ever tried to get in his pants" were his favorites. Never had he been asked in such a straightforward manner, and never had he felt so compelled to grip Joonmyun by the wrist so tight, Joonmyun's hand might as well come off. So he gulped down the many different expletives that he could reply with and said, "You're funny."
Joonmyun was persistent, intrustive to a certain extent. "Thanks. Do you like him, though?"
Did he like Sehun? He hadn't given it much thought, until now. All he knew was that Sehun was a vital part of his life - those years without Sehun were some of the darkest he had gone through, and he wasn't sure how he would have managed without Saturates and Yixing. Sure, Sehun made him want to be a better man most of the time and, on certain occasions, made him want to spend the rest of his life with him, but he'd never felt the need to label his feelings for Sehun.
Then the image of Sehun crying came to mind - those tear-stained cheeks cut Jongin wide open, and watching Sehun sleep with a smile on his lips nursed the wound back to health.
"I... think so," Jongin said after a while. He was careful to avoid Joonmyun's gaze. "I mean, I know I like him, but I've never thought about liking him."
Joonmyun chuckled. "I'll pretend that makes sense." He reached over to where Jongin's eraser was, rubbed the eraser all over Jongin's grading solution sheet, and scribbled an entirely new set of equations. "Because your concetration's been off since last week, when we last saw Kyungsoo and Sehun before exams."
Jongin took another deep breath. Joonmyun winked at him. "You're welcome."
("So how were the exams?"
Kyungsoo rolled on the bed to lie flat on his stomach and propped his arms under his chin. "Hell. Did pretty well, though, but this was the worst preparation period I've ever gone through."
"We didn't see you two for a week." Joonmyun frowned, then tossed a chocolate bar at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo loved sweets, contrary to popular belief; the press release was that he had a vendetta against sweets, but the truth was that he was simply too picky when it came to food. "How's Sehun?"
"He's alive." Kyungsoo's voice drifted off, then he locked eyes with Joonmyun as they chimed, simultaneously, "But only just."
Kyungsoo was the first to give up and give in, a peal of laughter falling from his lips. His face was a bright shade of red, but Joonmyun's was even brighter. He hadn't seen Kyungsoo like this in two weeks, hadn't seen Kyungsoo at all because Kyungsoo was preparing for the end-of-the-year exams. Hexes - color educators - usually had the hardest examinations, after all, and while Kyungsoo was smarter than most students and people his age, he was still human and was vulnerable to pangs of laziness and fatigue.
Joonmyun laughed a little. It was the last year he'd be seeing Kyungsoo like this. Time was a cruel friend, and even if Joonmyun had promised to keep in touch even after he graduated, things just wouldn't be the same.
"That kid - Sehun - he's really good. Lazy, but smart. I'm a bit threatened."
Joonmyun moved closer to where Kyungsoo was and rested his head on Kyungsoo's shoulder. "Only because of his academic performance?"
Kyungsoo chuckled. "Can we not talk about that?"
"Jongin said he liked Sehun."
It came out more unrehearsed than planned - Joonmyun was supposed to break the news to Kyungsoo gently, possibly over a homemade dinner, or over coffee, or in any manner other than this, but, Joonmyun supposed, some things don't play out as planned. He hadn't planned on being friends with Kyungsoo, hadn't planned on meeting Sehun and Jongin and ending up coaching Jongin through his freshman year, hadn't planned on developing feelings for Kyungsoo somewhere along the course of their friendship.
"I can't see why he wouldn't," was all that Kyungsoo said as a reply.
"Kyungsoo-"
When Joonmyun turned to look at Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo had his eyes closed and his lips pressed so tightly together. "I'm okay. I'm good. I'll manage," Kyungsoo said, then slowly opened his eyes before continuing, "Just stay here. With me. For now, I mean."
Joonmyun bit the inside of his cheek and offered Kyungsoo a small smile before planting a soft kiss on his forehead. "Always.")
Jongin and Sehun were among the first to get accepted into the university's advanced degree programs. Both the three-year Color Education and Color Grading programs had been cut short by a year &mdsah; Kyungsoo and Joonmyun were part of the beta period, and laughed at Jongin and Sehun silly when the latter delivered the news.
"I'd congratulate you two if you weren't signing yourselves up for hell," Kyungsoo said, wheezing in between bouts of laughter.
"To Kim Jongin and Oh Sehun, loving friends, pathetic students," Joonmyun said, raising his water tumbler in the air.
"Whatever," Sehun said, seething. "Old people are weird."
Jongin and Sehun made it through the advanced program, anyway. Joonmyun was asked by the university to stay another year, on the condition that he'll be granted an advanced degree in Color Grading and Psychology. "Who looks pathetic now," Jongin asked, then stuck his tongue out at Joonmyun when Joonmyun told them the news. "Who warned us about accepting offers for advanced degree programs?"
Joonmyun narrowed his eyes at the two, while Kyungsoo laughed beside him. "Disrespectful kids," he said, sneering, and frowned, but only earned hearty laughter from the three.
They all slept at Jongin's house the day Joonmyun received the news. Joonmyun cooked dinner, and had been requested by Jongin's mother to remain friends with her son for the rest of his life.
Sehun baked his special cookies and accidentally discovered Kyungsoo's affinity to sweets.
It was one of the best days of their busiest year.
Jongin's parents got into an accident.
He received the news midway through developing a color enhancing substance. "I think it's better for us to talk outside," Joonmyun said, then carefully took the test tube from Jongin's hands and set it on the rack.
"Did they catch me cheating on my last Math exam? Because I wasn't really planning to cheat, I swear-"
"Jongin-"
Outside, Sehun and Kyungsoo were waiting, each a feet apart from each other, eyes downcast on the floor. "Are we getting expelled?" Jongin asked again, trying to get a straight answer from Joonmyun.
"Jongin, I'm sorry. Your- your parents. They got into an accident. On their way to Pinnacle Point. You know the sharp curve that you have to turn before reaching the foot of the tower? They-"
"Skidded off track, because non-reds rarely ever make it safely there." Jongin exhaled loudly. "My mother's a natural yellow, but she had herself turned into a red when she married my father."
Sehun placed a hand on his shoulder. "We're sorry."
Jongin closed his eyes. He imagined the road to Pinnacle Point, imagined going there with his mother and father, and his father repeatedly telling his mother to not push it, if the air was making her feel sick. "She must've been the one driving," Jongin said, voice barely above a whisper. "Dad told her never to drive to Pinnacle Point-"
He imagined his mother shaking her head and telling them to stop being silly, to help her get the food to the peak of the tower so that Jongin could start playing already. He recalled his mother's ragged breathing as they climbed to the top, his father clucthing his mother's hand tight in an effort to keep his mother from passing out.
"Where are they now?"
"The bodies have just been discovered. That's why the police called - they wanted to ask you what you want to do with the bodies."
Jongin nodded slowly, then tried to smile. "Tell them to melt the bodies down. In one container, yes. I don't care if the colors will mix; I know they want to be with each other til the very end."
He looked up to meet Sehun in the eye, and Sehun took him in his arms, burying Jongin's face in the crook of Sehun's neck.
"I can't see the bodies. Just melt them down. Please."
Please.
It was the week before the final exams when his parents passed away.
Jongin didn't know where he found the strength to go through numerous documents and sign each and every one of them, all while studying for the exams. He made an agreement with Sehun, Joonmyun, and Kyungsoo to not bring up the subject of death, and banned the words "dead" and "sad" in the household for the rest of the week. Sehun kept a careful distance from Jongin whenever possible and Jongin was grateful for this, primarily because he knew all too well that even a short talk with Sehun on his parents' death will induce the worst waterworks he'll ever witness. Joonmyun, meanwhile, neither prodded nor threw worried glances at him every few seconds.
The morning before the big exam, Jongin found Kyungsoo baking cupcakes in the kitchen.
"Oh, sorry!" Kyungsoo quickly tidied up the mess in the sink and on the counter when Jongin stepped into the kitchen, eyes still laden with sleep. "I didn't know you were going to get up so early. I mean, your alarm's set at 8 a.m. and it's only 5 a.m. and-"
Jongin chuckled. "Relax. You're baking cupcakes, not cheating on an exam."
Kyungsoo furrowed his eyebrows for a while, then smiled. "Uh, okay. Thanks. I'll... be done in a while."
The scent of the cupcakes was much like summer. It took him back to when he was five, when his family was still staying within the vicinity of Pinnacle Point and when the closest thing he had to a friend was his stuffed cow. It felt a bit like home, but not quite, because there was something different that he couldn't pinpoint.
"Do you like mocha?"
Jongin's eyes lit up. "I love mocha. Do you- Did you-"
Kyungsoo bent down to check the cupcakes and smiled in satisfaction when he saw an even, light brown coat. "Mocha's my favorite. And I always bake before exams. Helps me relax."
There's a small smile tugging at the corner of Jongin's lips. "You get up early to make cupcakes taking an exam because it helps you clear your mind." He took a whiff of the scent; it smelled good. "You're weird."
"Thanks. I've also been called a genius, by the way."
The shrill sound of the timer went off and Kyungsoo took out the tray from the oven. Carefully, he took each cupcake from the tray and set them on a plate, then set one aside and offered it to Jongin. "You get dibs on the best of the bunch. See the even golden brown coat? That means the cupcake's been made with love."
Jongin smirked. "Really?"
Kyungsoo shook his head but replied, nonetheless. "Yeah."
Jongin blew at the cupcake a few times until he was sure that contact with the treat wouldn't burn his tongue. He took a small bite at first then, after getting a good taste of the cupcake, took a bigger bite. He turned to Kyungsoo with bright eyes and a toothy grin. "This is really good!" he said, and only when Kyungsoo started laughing did he realize that he had bits of the cupcake stuck to his teeth.
The first of the worst had passed - exams were over.
Jongin asked the three to stay over for the rest of the break, until graduation practice. Occasionally, he'd be called to the office to go through paperwork, to be reminded of his responsibilities as the new CEO of Kim Color Connections. Kyungsoo would bring him cupcakes from time to time, and Sehun would be preparing cookies at home. Occasionally, Jongin would find himself having a mental debate over who the better baker was, and Joonmyun would come at the most convenient time, shaking him out of his reverie and checking on him.
"Are you ready for this?" Joonmyun would often ask, and only on the day before their graduation was Jongin able to find the proper words for a reply.
"I'm ready as I'll ever be."
# # #
"In this day and age, we all want to be different," Jongin begins. "And let me tell you something - I want to be different, too. So let me say this now, in front of the entire graduating batch - the thought of taking over my father's company right after graduation scares the shit out of me."
There's laughter for a while, and Jongin swears he can imagine Joonmyun's panicked expression, or Kyungsoo trying hard not to snicker in his seat. "I don't have much of a choice, though - I'm the only heir, and my father has been grooming me all my life for this. I just didn't think it would come sooner. I lacked foresight. Or maybe I had foresight, but I didn't want to accept the reality that I had to shape up at such an early age and leave the wonderful world of fun.
Fun doesn't have to stop after school, though. Fun is everywhere, in the voice of the little kid who we used to be at the back of our minds. Fun - fun is part of who we are, and fun allows us to discover new things. It allows us to challenge ourselves, to be a better version of ourselves. Fun is the breath of life in every single thing we do. So this is the challenge that I will pose to everyone, even myself - let's be the bringer of fun to life outside of school. Let us be the breath of life that will allow for more creativity, more discoveries, that will allow for a positive kind of change in the world we live in. Let's be fun, and let's not lose the youth that we have.
You want to be different? Then be a kid in a world plagued by adults. Or be the adult who's still full of youth. Don't be afraid to be different, because it's only by being different, by getting out of your safe zone, that you'll be able to achieve great things.
But hey, it's our graduation day. Today, let's just be happy and crazy. We can worry about changing the world tomorrow."
Jongin looks to where Joonmyun, Kyungsoo, and Sehun are and takes a deep breath. He laughs a little.
"Congratulations, batch C0! Today, we party!"
"Hey."
Jongin looks over his shoulder and smiles when Sehun's figure comes into focus. "Done with the crazy crowd?" Jongin asks, briefly wondering about Kyungsoo and Joonmyun, then pats the empty space beside him.
"Kyungsoo's crazy when he's drunk." Sehun frowns a little. "He's dancing on the couch and Joonmyun's throwing candies at him."
"That's kind of disturbing."
"Think happy thoughts-"
They've had their fair share of alcohol tonight, and maybe Jongin's too tipsy to be self-conscious, to be aware of the fact that he's letting his fingers dance up Sehun's arm, that he's giggling in Sehun's ear and nuzzling Sehun's neck. "Happy thoughts," Jongin repeats, still giggly, and only when Sehun grips his wrists tight does he lean back to see the bigger picture.
"I hope the offer's still up, by the way," Sehun says, voice faint. "To be your Robin, I mean."
Jongin chuckles. Here Oh Sehun is, void of his usual brand of confidence, speaking in a small voice, asking to stay by his side after having too much alcohol. Here Sehun is, vulnerable and so near, and they're alone, and Jongin could kiss Sehun senseless as a reply, if he wanted to, but Sehun never responded well to physical assaults, always needed time to process the reason behind physical contact before indulging.
Jongin punches Sehun lightly on the arm. "Of course. It's not as if I'll ever stop being Batman."
"In pants, because you hate tights."
Jongin nods. "You hate tights. But fine, never in tights."
Sehun beams at him and, for a moment, Jongin feels his breath hitch, his chest constrict, his heart set off in several directions, beating wildly in his chest. He takes a deep breath and inches away from Sehun, but takes Sehun's hands and squeezes them briefly. "Never in tights," he repeats, and relishes the moment, the brief respite, the warm look in Sehun's eyes that has never changed since the day they bonded over cookies.
Batman and Robin, in pants. Caped crusaders of the modern time.
Kim Jongin and Oh Sehun - the dynamic duo. Jongin repeats it in his mind until he hears himself saying it in a manner so convincing that he might just believe it, himself.
NOTES for Spin you round through the roar of this crowd | FANMIX
- Sehun/Kai, Kai/D.O., implied Suho/D.O.. PG-13. 7577 words.
- On Jongin's to-do list before he graduates, three things are listed as important: to score a good enough GPA that his father can be proud of, to learn how to bake mocha cookies, and to make friends. He ticks off 2 out of 3 before graduation day.
- WARNING: Character death
- A remix of Color Theory, for automix || Title was taken from Matt Nathanson's Love Comes Tumbling Down || Notes || Fanmix
- Again - OMG IT'S FINALLY OVER! Special thanks for Miia for being so patient with me, for holding my hand while I wailed and threw a fit while writing this fic, to Amber for being my shock absorber, and my tlist for being such great enabler. Another side story will be written soon, and you'll find out when you go through the fic what the focus will be. ;) Have fun reading!
It is graduation day. Joonmyun is graduating at the top of the class, closely followed by Kyungsoo, but everybody knows it's Jongin who garners the most amount of attention. The news has been all over the press, after all - he is to lead his company at the age of 23, following the recent death of his parents
He takes a few quick breaths. Walking to the stage has never been so nerve-wrecking.
He's been asked to deliver a speech after Joonmyun's valedictory address. "Talk about the challenge of being a CEO at a young age," they said. "Talk about how excited you are." So he crumples the sheet of paper he's holding just as he settles behind the podium and clears his throat.
He searches for Sehun in the crowd. A small smile tugs at the corner of his lips when he finds Sehun grinning for the first time since Ice Cream Thursdays was made. He wets his lips and leans closer to the microphone, slowly parting his lips to begin his speech.
"In this day and age, we all want to be different."
# # #
Jongin met Sehun when he was seven. It had been approximately a week since they moved in, after his father received a promotion to become Triad's Chief Grader, when Sehun's mother came over to welcome them to the community.
"I brought over some cupcakes," Sehun's mother said, uncertainty in the undertone of her voice. "I'm not sure if you like sweets, so-"
"Jongin loves sweets! Don't you, honey?" Jongin's mother gestured for him to come closer. Jongin looked up at the basket of cupcakes being held out by Sehun's mother and smiled. "He has a sweet tooth. We've been trying to get him off of sweets since we moved here, but he keeps throwing a fit when we deprive him of chocolates!"
"My Sehun's the same. Oh-" Sehun's mother gasped when Sehun peeks from behind her legs. "Here he is. Jongin, this is Sehun. Sehun, this is Jongin, our new neighbor. Be nice."
Sehun narrowed his eyes at Jongin. "Do you like mocha?"
Jongin grinned all too eagerly. "I love mocha!"
People would normally laugh whenever Jongin told the story of how their friendship came to be, but this was how everything began. Sehun was a Yellow, while Jongin was a Red - it was unlikely for two Primaries of different colors to get along so easily, but they just clicked. Everything fell into place. Not too long after, Jongin found himself spending nights in Sehun's room, playing and talking 'til late in the evening - 9 p.m., at the latest, because they had been told that they wouldn't get their cupcakes if they slept late.
Leaving Pinnacle Point wasn't such a bad idea, after all.
Jongin wasn't usually this trusting of people, but Sehun made it easy for him to trust.
Sehun was a lot like him - he had an image to maintain, had parents who were expecting him to take over the family business after college. He had the weirdest fascination with sweets and color theories and harmonies, even at such a young age. Sehun was, in a way, a reflection of him - a better and improved version of himself, the best Jongin could ever be.
Sehun looked up at him, a toothy grin on his lips, some crumbs at the corners, and a question brimming at the tip of his tongue. "Want some," Sehun asked, anyway, offering the remaining cookie that he baked earlier.
Jongin was a bit skeptic - was Sehun offering him the cookie because it tasted awful, was the cookie any good, did Sehun even know how to bake at such a young age - but he nodded, anyway, parted his lips so Sehun could pop the tiny cookie in his mouth.
A smile crept to his lips as soon as the flavor hit his senses.
(Sehun knew how to bake, alright.)
Fun fact about Oh Sehun: he was deathly afraid of heights.
Jongin discovered this when he brought Sehun to Pinnacle Point. "This was your idea!" Jongin exclaimed when Sehun scrambled behind him, then slapped him repeatedly on the arm. "Weren't you the one who begged me to bring you here? I told you it was dangerous but noooo, you still wanted to go."
"It was a joke, okay!" Sehun replied, seething. Jongin could feel Sehun's knuckles trembling against his skin; it sent tingles to his feet, a lurching sensation to his stomach. Sehun grabbed a fistful of Jongin's shirt and tugged Jongin closer. "Can we leave now? Please?"
Jongin stuck out his tongue. "No."
The problem with Sehun was that he always had his way with things, even with Jongin. Especially with Jongin. Sehun was much more assertive and knew how to wrap Jongin around his finger, knew how to con Jongin into doing outrageous things with the subtle downward curve of the lip, the furrowed eyebrows, a sad stare.
"That won't work."
Sehun scowled."Dammit."
Jongin extended a hand in Sehun's direction and Sehun stared at it for the longest time. "Please?" Jongin added, and punctuated his request with a small smile. He was met with the biggest pout Sehun had worn in a long, long time, and cold fingers dancing on the palm of his hand, slowly finding a perfect fit between his own.
(Fun fact about Kim Jongin: he disliked holding people's hands, save for Sehun's.)
The first time Jongin saw Sehun with a girl was when they were thirteen.
It was a girl from P.E. class. She was taller than them by a few inches, and wore her hair past her shoulders. Sehun loved playing with her hair, loved playing with her more now than Jongin, and Jongin wasn't sure which bothered him more - the fact that he had to share, or the fact that Sehun had ditched him for a girl.
"Ice cream tomorrow?" Jongin asked when he'd finally been able to catch up with Sehun. Sehun's fingers brushed against the girl's, and Jongin had to bite back the sound of disgust threatening to escape his lips.
"I can't. I'm-" Sehun turned to the girl, then returned his gaze to Jongin, a frown now surfacing on his lips. "I have to help Krystal with her homework."
"The only thing you're good at is P.E.. We don't have homework in P.E.."
"Math's actually my strongest subject."
Jongin frowned. "You suck."
Sehun stoped and stared. Jongin sucked the inside of his cheek to keep himself from- from doing things. All-out staring games like this usually lasted less than five seconds, because one of them would normally end up laughing or cackling or making funny faces, but Jongin was already regretting his decision to hold his breath until Sehun broke his gaze, or until either of them burst into laughter. Jongin clenched and unclenched his fists. He wasn't used to the empty space beside him; he'd already grown accustomed to Sehun being by his side, not on the opposite side.
"I'll make it up to you tomorrow," Sehun said. After a while, he added, "I promise."
Jongin nodded and offered a small smile. The taste of blood was fresh from where he bit hard on the inside of his cheek.
His racing heartbeat had yet to be stilled.
Sehun never made up for that Thursday, or the Thursday after, or any of the succeeding days. Sehun barely spent time at home, or in Jongin's room, or in the treehouse they built for themselves. Jongin stared at himself in the mirror long enough to see if anything had changed since then, and the bright red band around his wrist had turned into a morose shade of red.
He shook his hands free of the bands, but to no avail - they were a family heirloom, a part of Jongin's being.
His bright red glow was gone.
---
It was in the dance troupe that Jongin met Yixing. It was during the transition from awkward to less awkward, middle school to high school, and Jongin wasn't exactly a fan of easing into new things. Solitude had soon become his staple state of being; Krystal still had Sehun wrapped around her finger, and Jongin was still unable to find the words for a proper confrontation.
"Um, are you new?" Yixing asked.
Yixing was seated in an uncanny manner that Jongin wondered how he deemed this as comfortable. Jongin nodded and smiled a little; it was his staple response when words escaped him.
"Are you," Jongin asked after a while, when the noise of overeager first grade middle school student dancers had died down. "Are you new, too?"
Yixing chuckled. "Not really. I got in last year. Had to stop attending school for a year - really bad case of color poisoning. I'm Zhang Yixing, by the way." Yixing beamed at him. "Glad to meet you."
"Kim Jongin," was the only thing Jongin was able to give as a response.
Yixing was interesting, to say the very least. He had dimples the size of gumball indentations. His hair was a blinding shade of purple, but his eyebrows were a very dark shade of blue. He smiled like a girl going through puberty in front of her crush, laughed like a distressed teenager who was conflicted whether or not he should laugh. Yixing laughed a lot.
Yixing could dance.
He and Jongin had vastly different dancing styles. Jongin was all about sharp movements and pops; Yixing was all about fluid movements, one swift motion, a series of songs translated into dance, an entire scheme of colors laid down in one rather messy palette. Yixing's movements weren't as refined as Jongin's, but Jongin felt himself gaping, choking while watching Yixing, the system of colors in his mind in a state of chaos.
"You're good," Jongin commented after Yixing did his routine.
"Thanks," Yixing replied. "Could have done better."
Jongin chuckled. When it was his turn to show his routine, he looked over his shoulder before stepping on the stage. "Watch closely," he told Yixing, and winked to punctuate his statement.
Yixing kept his eyes on him the whole time.
The following year, Sehun and Krystal got in the dance troupe.
It was halfway through dance practice when the two were introduced to the rest of the group. Jongin wasn't really surprised - he knew for a fact that dancing and Sehun fit like peas in a pod; it was Krystal's presence that he had to prepare for. He'd been practicing his curt smile for quite already, but he still fell short on expectations when the smile faltered a little too early.
Yixing placed a hand on his shoulder. "Don't force it," he said, like he could actually read Jongin like an open book. "He'll come around soon enough."
"It's been three years." Jongin's reply sounded more desperate than intended. "I don't know if he'll ever come around."
"Then make him."
Jongin scoffed. It wasn't that easy. If it was, he'd have been able to show Sehun years back the bitch that Krystal really was, or the repercussions of not observing Ice Cream Thursdays. In hindsight, it could have been, but there was something about Sehun, something in Jongin that kept him from tearing Krystal apart in front of Sehun and saying, "See what you've become?"
See what I've become without you?
Yixing introduced him to Color Saturation when they were in second year.
They'd been swamped with school work for the past few weeks, and Yixing's idea of taking a break involved lots of alcohol, blasting classical music in Jongin's room, and smoking a few sticks of Saturates. "They soothe the nerves. They make me productive," Yixing reasoned out when Jongin frowned at the sad sight of Saturate sticks on his bedroom floor. "Want some?"
"I'm happy with my hue, thank you very much," Jongin replied, but the scent of Saturate was so strong, he might as well be smoking it.
Jongin's first puff wasn't from his very own Saturate stick, but from a kiss that Yixing assaulted him with. One minute, he was gathering the sticks on his floor, tidying up Yixing's mess; the next minute, Yixing was pushing him down on the floor, pressing warm and dry lips on his. "Relax," Yixing mumbled in between kisses. "Do not resist." Only when he needed to take another long drag from the stick did Yixing break the kiss. Only then, when Yixing pressed his lips against Jongin's for a second time, did Jongin begin to appreciate the taste of Saturate, the warm and tingling sensation it sent to the pit of his stomach, to his toes, to his groin.
Jongin got his homework done in thirty minutes.
The rest of the night was spent with his hands on Yixing's skin, running his fingers through Yixing's hair, biting back every whimper threatening to spill from his lips as Yixing wrapped his lips around Jongin's cock.
The dance troupe was split into three one time, to pave way for interaction between members who usually didn't get to work with each other when they were paired off. Jongin and Sehun were put in one group; Yixing and Krystal, in the other. Jongin sucked the inside of his cheek, then flicked his tongue along the cavern of his mouth. The blue Saturate still stung, but it was a pleasurable kind of pain.
"You look different," Sehun said. "Have you been taking anything?"
Jongin tried not to jump. He was usually jumpy and jittery after a good smoke. He simply shook his head and let his gaze graze Sehun's profile for a while before saying, "Come on, let's do this."
He'd been missing the beat more often these days. Most of the time, he blamed the lack of sleep and rest because of the amount of school work to be done, but then he had been spending more time in the labs these days after being assigned to a special Color Grading class for sophomores; the most work he had done in months wasto figure out a way to separate dark reds from bright reds and extract the purest primaries. And then there's Yixing - spending more time in Yixing's place, spending more time in the stock room of the lab with Yixing, doing Yixing.
The song began and the intro beat rung in his ears.
It was in the middle of a pirouette when he tripped and almost twisted his ankle and realized that this wasn't right. Yixing was on the other side of the room, a peculiar glimmer in his eyes, and Sehun was beside Jongin, clutching hard at his arms, steadying him while saying, "Come on, let's get out of here."
"What has he done to you?"
The tap was turned on and Jongin let himself be engulfed by the sound of the rushing water, closing his eyes as he tried to find his center again. In the past, when he was much younger, he'd imagine a flame burning brightly in the darkness, and walk to the source of the light. In a few seconds, he'd feel better, feel renewed and recalibrated again - a bright shade of crimson, the purest shade of red. He wasn't used to rushing water and a vast blue sea in front of him. It felt weird, foreign.
It didn't feel right.
"Hey," Sehun began, this time laying a palm on Jongin's back. "What has he done to you? You look miserable - are you doing drugs or anything?"
"Saturates. I've been smoking Saturates." Jongin hoped the sound of water would muffle his confession, but his voice was crisp and clear. "He made me smoke Saturates, and I was too stupid to give in."
"It's not as bad if you take the same hue."
"I've been taking his hues - blues. He said the new hues would make me feel more complete."
Sehun slammed his fist on the counter. "Dammit," he said through gritted teeth. Jongin didn't have to stare long enough for him to know that Sehun was close to tears; Sehun was quite the emotional person, and tears were the primary manifestation of his disappointment and frustration.
"How long- How long have you been doing this?"
"Since you walked inside the dance practice room with Krystal." Jongin splashed water on his face a couple of times before looking at Sehun again. "Pathetic, I know."
"It was that bad?"
Jongin chuckled. "Could've been worse."
There was a small yet confident smile at the corner of Sehun's lips, but his fists were still shaking and there were wisps of yellow seeping from Sehun's knuckles. Three years apart meant not spending everyday with Sehun, but he still had Sehun memorized like the back of his hand. The quivering of the lips was all too familiar, and the way Sehun furrowed his eyebrows told Jongin that he should probably close the tap and walk over to where Sehun was.
"I've been trying to get rid of her since the start of the year," Sehun said after a while. "Said she was beginning to get on my nerves, that she was too clingy."
"But I'm clingy."
Sehun laughed a little. "You're bearable."
Jongin cackled.
More than missing Sehun's company, it was this that he missed - the playful banter in lieu of a proper apology, the prolonged eye contact that spoke of a silent agreement to never be apart ever again, the silly smile on Sehun's lips, the crinkle in the corner of his eyes, the tiny beads of tears at the corner of Sehun's eyes when he finally burst into laughter. So Jongin did the unspeakable and opened his arms wide in a gesture that can only be interpreted as, "Hey, I really missed you. Give me a hug?"
"Clingy as a grizzly bear," Sehun said, voice muffled as he nuzzled the crook of Jongin's neck.
Food poisoning was the excuse they'd come up with when Jongin asked for medication for the foreign color in his system. It was Sehun's idea - from the very reason to the execution where Jongin was to wheeze and wear blood-shot eyes and croak, "I need help." Sehun was the wisest of the wise, in a way, because he knew Jongin inside out, knew which bad ideas would work and which wouldn't, knew how to effectively get Jongin out of a rut and back to his old self.
"What if this happens again? What will I tell the graders?"
"Stupidity," Sehun chimed all too eagerly. "You can tell them you're so stupid, you fell for the same ol' food poisoning trick."
Jongin slapped Sehun on the butt. "Sounds good enough for me."
---
Midway through their final year in high school, Sehun's family got into a car accident. It wasn't that bad - the roads were slippery and the car ran into an electrical post and Sehun's parents and grandmother were able to escape the car fifteen seconds from when the collision took place. It just so happened that the tires of a color delivery truck skidded on the slippery road, causing the vehicle to crash into the car and spill liters of colors all over the street. Color emissions were deadly - they were highly toxic when taken in large amounts and taken in their purest form.
The truck was to deliver reds and blues. Sehun's family was a family of yellows.
"You can cry, you know," Jongin said, voice faint and somber as he watched the yellow fluid being poured into a porcelain urn. Sehun requested that his family be melted down so he could keep them anywhere he went, even outside of the Spectrum.
Something akin to laughter escaped Sehun's lips. "I want to, but nothing's coming out."
Sehun glowed a sick shade of yellow. It was almost disconcerting, Jongin thought, as he reached for Sehun's hand and linked their fingers. He knew for a fact that contact with a different color will never bring back the old and youthful glow of a Primary, but it was worth a shot, especially since Sehun neither flinched nor gasped at the sudden contact.
He squeezed Sehun's hand thrice, each squeeze three beats apart.
On the third count, tears rolled down Sehun's cheeks.
(The first few weeks, they shared one bed. Sehun had nightmares every night, and in three days Jongin had learned that the best way to pacify Sehun was to run fingers through his hair while humming a song - any song - under his breath. Occasionally, he'd whisper, "It's okay, it's okay. I'm here." Occasionally, he'd plant a kiss on Sehun's forehead, and Sehun would fall into a peaceful slumber. All too frequently, he'd find himself watching the steady rise and fall of Sehun's chest, wondering what exactly it was that he was doing, and why the tingling sensation in the pit of his stomach was telling him to lean in too close and kiss Sehun on the lips.)
On the eve of their high school graduation, Sehun brought Jongin to Pinnacle Point. It was a decision made on a whim - one minute, Sehun was dragging him to the new burger joint a few blocks from their house; the next minute, Sehun was looking for Choi Jin, the driver, and begging the latter to bring them to Pinnacle Point. "Just trust me," Sehun told Jongin when Jongin began to question his actions. "Just trust me on this."
"But you're afraid of heights."
"You're not."
Jongin had very fond memories of Pinnacle Point. It was where his father - who was now often on a business trip - would usually play with him, tell him stories about their great ancestors, tell him to be the hero of the reds and to live his great destiny. Then his mother would call them, tell them to stop talking about silly things, and tell them that dinner was ready.
Pinnacle Point was the best place to be in for a red, after all.
"I've made a decision," Sehun began, eyes fixed on the floor, then continued, "to not pursue color grading as a career. I... don't think I can deal with colors in such an intimate manner after that incident."
"So, what's the plan now?"
Sehun smiled a little. "I don't know. I can run for public office, go into media, get into color calibration?" By then, he'd stared laughing, because he and Jongin both knew that Sehun hated color calibration more than anything else. "Stay with you and wait for you to take over your company so I can be your right-hand man?"
"We could be Batman and Robin," Jongin said, chuckling. "Except better."
"And not in tights. I hate tights."
"You hate plain tights, you mean."
Sehun laughed - careless laughter that he'd only shared with Jongin a few times, before the accident happened. Jongin vaguely remembered Sehun asking, When will I laugh again?, and Jongin had quoted Sex and the City, saying, When something's really funny. Jongin had never been a fan but his mother was avid enough a follower to live Carrie Bradshaw's lines. So Jongin whispered to no one in particular, "When something's really funny."
Sehun choked on the last of his laughter and looked at Jongin, a soft smile on his lips. "So, will you be my Batman?"
Jongin grinned. "Thought you'd never ask."
(Sehun graduated with Latin honors. Jongin was only a few points shy of one. Jongin got the university scholarship he'd long been working hard for, though.
Sehun was going to the same university. Batman and Robin 'til the very end.)
---
Jongin never found out the program that Sehun decided to enroll in until the first day of school. "Color Education, really?" Jongin said, voice loud enough for those within a three-feet radius to hear. "You want to teach Color Education? Don't you sleep through Color Basics classes all the time?"
"I aced all the exams in all of those classes, by the way," Sehun replied, grinning as he looked over his shoulder. "Whereas you scored two points below me in the final exam. Who's not fit to teach Color Education now, huh?"
"Whatever. I can't deal with kids like you."
"Yeah, go ahead and immerse yourself in adult stuff, doctor."
Jongin stuck his tongue out at Sehun. Sehun slapped him hard on the butt.
Freshman year was donned with basic courses, but Basic Grading hardly felt like a general education class. Come the third meeting, they'd been asked to distill secondary colors and extract the primary colors from each combination. It was a long and tedious process, but Jongin somehow managed to finish first, even arriving at a bright and 97% pure extract.
"You're a natural," the professor told him. "Much like your father, except he got a 90% pure extract."
Jongin tried not to grin.
Sehun fared just as well in his classes, and met a few new friends. There was Do Kyungsoo, a sophomore who often acted as a substitute instructor in the absence of a couple of professors. Then there was Kim Joonmyun, who seemed to be reveered by the entire junior batch as the best color grader to ever study in the university.
"The best, huh?" Jongin repeated after Sehun introduced the two to him.
There was a look of confusion in Joonmyun's features. "Are you doubting my skill?"
"Hardly." Jongin smiled. "But I can do better."
"Cocky reds," Kyungsoo said, scoffing. Sehun shook his head and hit Jongin hard at the back of his head.
It was a bit strange - both the presence of new people in their tiny group, and how everything seemed to fall into place. Kyungsoo and Joonmyun didn't feel like intruders, newcomers in their circle of friends. It seemed as if they've been there all along, and all Jongin and Sehun had to do was chunk a Max Revive at them (and feed them with Calcium and Iron).
"To be fair, Joonmyun did a bit of research on the two of you-"
Joonmyun clasped a hand over Kyungsoo's mouth. "He's babbling again. He does that a lot. Don't listen to him. Don't."
Sehun cackled and eventually erupted into a peal of laughter. Jongin sucked the inside of his cheek to keep himself from saying something stupid, to push back the thought of Sehun's laughter being a thing of beauty to the very back of his mind.
"Do you like Sehun?"
Jongin looked up from doing his Color Grading homework and furrowed his eyebrows at Joonmyun. "Huh?" he asked, cocking his head just slightly.
"Do you like Sehun?"
Jongin took a deep breath.
Do you like Sehun was a question he'd been avoiding since the day he saw Sehun with a girl. It was a question that was thrown at him in varying manners - "are you his girl friend or something", "are you two sleeping with each other", and "have you ever tried to get in his pants" were his favorites. Never had he been asked in such a straightforward manner, and never had he felt so compelled to grip Joonmyun by the wrist so tight, Joonmyun's hand might as well come off. So he gulped down the many different expletives that he could reply with and said, "You're funny."
Joonmyun was persistent, intrustive to a certain extent. "Thanks. Do you like him, though?"
Did he like Sehun? He hadn't given it much thought, until now. All he knew was that Sehun was a vital part of his life - those years without Sehun were some of the darkest he had gone through, and he wasn't sure how he would have managed without Saturates and Yixing. Sure, Sehun made him want to be a better man most of the time and, on certain occasions, made him want to spend the rest of his life with him, but he'd never felt the need to label his feelings for Sehun.
Then the image of Sehun crying came to mind - those tear-stained cheeks cut Jongin wide open, and watching Sehun sleep with a smile on his lips nursed the wound back to health.
"I... think so," Jongin said after a while. He was careful to avoid Joonmyun's gaze. "I mean, I know I like him, but I've never thought about liking him."
Joonmyun chuckled. "I'll pretend that makes sense." He reached over to where Jongin's eraser was, rubbed the eraser all over Jongin's grading solution sheet, and scribbled an entirely new set of equations. "Because your concetration's been off since last week, when we last saw Kyungsoo and Sehun before exams."
Jongin took another deep breath. Joonmyun winked at him. "You're welcome."
("So how were the exams?"
Kyungsoo rolled on the bed to lie flat on his stomach and propped his arms under his chin. "Hell. Did pretty well, though, but this was the worst preparation period I've ever gone through."
"We didn't see you two for a week." Joonmyun frowned, then tossed a chocolate bar at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo loved sweets, contrary to popular belief; the press release was that he had a vendetta against sweets, but the truth was that he was simply too picky when it came to food. "How's Sehun?"
"He's alive." Kyungsoo's voice drifted off, then he locked eyes with Joonmyun as they chimed, simultaneously, "But only just."
Kyungsoo was the first to give up and give in, a peal of laughter falling from his lips. His face was a bright shade of red, but Joonmyun's was even brighter. He hadn't seen Kyungsoo like this in two weeks, hadn't seen Kyungsoo at all because Kyungsoo was preparing for the end-of-the-year exams. Hexes - color educators - usually had the hardest examinations, after all, and while Kyungsoo was smarter than most students and people his age, he was still human and was vulnerable to pangs of laziness and fatigue.
Joonmyun laughed a little. It was the last year he'd be seeing Kyungsoo like this. Time was a cruel friend, and even if Joonmyun had promised to keep in touch even after he graduated, things just wouldn't be the same.
"That kid - Sehun - he's really good. Lazy, but smart. I'm a bit threatened."
Joonmyun moved closer to where Kyungsoo was and rested his head on Kyungsoo's shoulder. "Only because of his academic performance?"
Kyungsoo chuckled. "Can we not talk about that?"
"Jongin said he liked Sehun."
It came out more unrehearsed than planned - Joonmyun was supposed to break the news to Kyungsoo gently, possibly over a homemade dinner, or over coffee, or in any manner other than this, but, Joonmyun supposed, some things don't play out as planned. He hadn't planned on being friends with Kyungsoo, hadn't planned on meeting Sehun and Jongin and ending up coaching Jongin through his freshman year, hadn't planned on developing feelings for Kyungsoo somewhere along the course of their friendship.
"I can't see why he wouldn't," was all that Kyungsoo said as a reply.
"Kyungsoo-"
When Joonmyun turned to look at Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo had his eyes closed and his lips pressed so tightly together. "I'm okay. I'm good. I'll manage," Kyungsoo said, then slowly opened his eyes before continuing, "Just stay here. With me. For now, I mean."
Joonmyun bit the inside of his cheek and offered Kyungsoo a small smile before planting a soft kiss on his forehead. "Always.")
Jongin and Sehun were among the first to get accepted into the university's advanced degree programs. Both the three-year Color Education and Color Grading programs had been cut short by a year &mdsah; Kyungsoo and Joonmyun were part of the beta period, and laughed at Jongin and Sehun silly when the latter delivered the news.
"I'd congratulate you two if you weren't signing yourselves up for hell," Kyungsoo said, wheezing in between bouts of laughter.
"To Kim Jongin and Oh Sehun, loving friends, pathetic students," Joonmyun said, raising his water tumbler in the air.
"Whatever," Sehun said, seething. "Old people are weird."
Jongin and Sehun made it through the advanced program, anyway. Joonmyun was asked by the university to stay another year, on the condition that he'll be granted an advanced degree in Color Grading and Psychology. "Who looks pathetic now," Jongin asked, then stuck his tongue out at Joonmyun when Joonmyun told them the news. "Who warned us about accepting offers for advanced degree programs?"
Joonmyun narrowed his eyes at the two, while Kyungsoo laughed beside him. "Disrespectful kids," he said, sneering, and frowned, but only earned hearty laughter from the three.
They all slept at Jongin's house the day Joonmyun received the news. Joonmyun cooked dinner, and had been requested by Jongin's mother to remain friends with her son for the rest of his life.
Sehun baked his special cookies and accidentally discovered Kyungsoo's affinity to sweets.
It was one of the best days of their busiest year.
Jongin's parents got into an accident.
He received the news midway through developing a color enhancing substance. "I think it's better for us to talk outside," Joonmyun said, then carefully took the test tube from Jongin's hands and set it on the rack.
"Did they catch me cheating on my last Math exam? Because I wasn't really planning to cheat, I swear-"
"Jongin-"
Outside, Sehun and Kyungsoo were waiting, each a feet apart from each other, eyes downcast on the floor. "Are we getting expelled?" Jongin asked again, trying to get a straight answer from Joonmyun.
"Jongin, I'm sorry. Your- your parents. They got into an accident. On their way to Pinnacle Point. You know the sharp curve that you have to turn before reaching the foot of the tower? They-"
"Skidded off track, because non-reds rarely ever make it safely there." Jongin exhaled loudly. "My mother's a natural yellow, but she had herself turned into a red when she married my father."
Sehun placed a hand on his shoulder. "We're sorry."
Jongin closed his eyes. He imagined the road to Pinnacle Point, imagined going there with his mother and father, and his father repeatedly telling his mother to not push it, if the air was making her feel sick. "She must've been the one driving," Jongin said, voice barely above a whisper. "Dad told her never to drive to Pinnacle Point-"
He imagined his mother shaking her head and telling them to stop being silly, to help her get the food to the peak of the tower so that Jongin could start playing already. He recalled his mother's ragged breathing as they climbed to the top, his father clucthing his mother's hand tight in an effort to keep his mother from passing out.
"Where are they now?"
"The bodies have just been discovered. That's why the police called - they wanted to ask you what you want to do with the bodies."
Jongin nodded slowly, then tried to smile. "Tell them to melt the bodies down. In one container, yes. I don't care if the colors will mix; I know they want to be with each other til the very end."
He looked up to meet Sehun in the eye, and Sehun took him in his arms, burying Jongin's face in the crook of Sehun's neck.
"I can't see the bodies. Just melt them down. Please."
Please.
It was the week before the final exams when his parents passed away.
Jongin didn't know where he found the strength to go through numerous documents and sign each and every one of them, all while studying for the exams. He made an agreement with Sehun, Joonmyun, and Kyungsoo to not bring up the subject of death, and banned the words "dead" and "sad" in the household for the rest of the week. Sehun kept a careful distance from Jongin whenever possible and Jongin was grateful for this, primarily because he knew all too well that even a short talk with Sehun on his parents' death will induce the worst waterworks he'll ever witness. Joonmyun, meanwhile, neither prodded nor threw worried glances at him every few seconds.
The morning before the big exam, Jongin found Kyungsoo baking cupcakes in the kitchen.
"Oh, sorry!" Kyungsoo quickly tidied up the mess in the sink and on the counter when Jongin stepped into the kitchen, eyes still laden with sleep. "I didn't know you were going to get up so early. I mean, your alarm's set at 8 a.m. and it's only 5 a.m. and-"
Jongin chuckled. "Relax. You're baking cupcakes, not cheating on an exam."
Kyungsoo furrowed his eyebrows for a while, then smiled. "Uh, okay. Thanks. I'll... be done in a while."
The scent of the cupcakes was much like summer. It took him back to when he was five, when his family was still staying within the vicinity of Pinnacle Point and when the closest thing he had to a friend was his stuffed cow. It felt a bit like home, but not quite, because there was something different that he couldn't pinpoint.
"Do you like mocha?"
Jongin's eyes lit up. "I love mocha. Do you- Did you-"
Kyungsoo bent down to check the cupcakes and smiled in satisfaction when he saw an even, light brown coat. "Mocha's my favorite. And I always bake before exams. Helps me relax."
There's a small smile tugging at the corner of Jongin's lips. "You get up early to make cupcakes taking an exam because it helps you clear your mind." He took a whiff of the scent; it smelled good. "You're weird."
"Thanks. I've also been called a genius, by the way."
The shrill sound of the timer went off and Kyungsoo took out the tray from the oven. Carefully, he took each cupcake from the tray and set them on a plate, then set one aside and offered it to Jongin. "You get dibs on the best of the bunch. See the even golden brown coat? That means the cupcake's been made with love."
Jongin smirked. "Really?"
Kyungsoo shook his head but replied, nonetheless. "Yeah."
Jongin blew at the cupcake a few times until he was sure that contact with the treat wouldn't burn his tongue. He took a small bite at first then, after getting a good taste of the cupcake, took a bigger bite. He turned to Kyungsoo with bright eyes and a toothy grin. "This is really good!" he said, and only when Kyungsoo started laughing did he realize that he had bits of the cupcake stuck to his teeth.
The first of the worst had passed - exams were over.
Jongin asked the three to stay over for the rest of the break, until graduation practice. Occasionally, he'd be called to the office to go through paperwork, to be reminded of his responsibilities as the new CEO of Kim Color Connections. Kyungsoo would bring him cupcakes from time to time, and Sehun would be preparing cookies at home. Occasionally, Jongin would find himself having a mental debate over who the better baker was, and Joonmyun would come at the most convenient time, shaking him out of his reverie and checking on him.
"Are you ready for this?" Joonmyun would often ask, and only on the day before their graduation was Jongin able to find the proper words for a reply.
"I'm ready as I'll ever be."
# # #
"In this day and age, we all want to be different," Jongin begins. "And let me tell you something - I want to be different, too. So let me say this now, in front of the entire graduating batch - the thought of taking over my father's company right after graduation scares the shit out of me."
There's laughter for a while, and Jongin swears he can imagine Joonmyun's panicked expression, or Kyungsoo trying hard not to snicker in his seat. "I don't have much of a choice, though - I'm the only heir, and my father has been grooming me all my life for this. I just didn't think it would come sooner. I lacked foresight. Or maybe I had foresight, but I didn't want to accept the reality that I had to shape up at such an early age and leave the wonderful world of fun.
Fun doesn't have to stop after school, though. Fun is everywhere, in the voice of the little kid who we used to be at the back of our minds. Fun - fun is part of who we are, and fun allows us to discover new things. It allows us to challenge ourselves, to be a better version of ourselves. Fun is the breath of life in every single thing we do. So this is the challenge that I will pose to everyone, even myself - let's be the bringer of fun to life outside of school. Let us be the breath of life that will allow for more creativity, more discoveries, that will allow for a positive kind of change in the world we live in. Let's be fun, and let's not lose the youth that we have.
You want to be different? Then be a kid in a world plagued by adults. Or be the adult who's still full of youth. Don't be afraid to be different, because it's only by being different, by getting out of your safe zone, that you'll be able to achieve great things.
But hey, it's our graduation day. Today, let's just be happy and crazy. We can worry about changing the world tomorrow."
Jongin looks to where Joonmyun, Kyungsoo, and Sehun are and takes a deep breath. He laughs a little.
"Congratulations, batch C0! Today, we party!"
"Hey."
Jongin looks over his shoulder and smiles when Sehun's figure comes into focus. "Done with the crazy crowd?" Jongin asks, briefly wondering about Kyungsoo and Joonmyun, then pats the empty space beside him.
"Kyungsoo's crazy when he's drunk." Sehun frowns a little. "He's dancing on the couch and Joonmyun's throwing candies at him."
"That's kind of disturbing."
"Think happy thoughts-"
They've had their fair share of alcohol tonight, and maybe Jongin's too tipsy to be self-conscious, to be aware of the fact that he's letting his fingers dance up Sehun's arm, that he's giggling in Sehun's ear and nuzzling Sehun's neck. "Happy thoughts," Jongin repeats, still giggly, and only when Sehun grips his wrists tight does he lean back to see the bigger picture.
"I hope the offer's still up, by the way," Sehun says, voice faint. "To be your Robin, I mean."
Jongin chuckles. Here Oh Sehun is, void of his usual brand of confidence, speaking in a small voice, asking to stay by his side after having too much alcohol. Here Sehun is, vulnerable and so near, and they're alone, and Jongin could kiss Sehun senseless as a reply, if he wanted to, but Sehun never responded well to physical assaults, always needed time to process the reason behind physical contact before indulging.
Jongin punches Sehun lightly on the arm. "Of course. It's not as if I'll ever stop being Batman."
"In pants, because you hate tights."
Jongin nods. "You hate tights. But fine, never in tights."
Sehun beams at him and, for a moment, Jongin feels his breath hitch, his chest constrict, his heart set off in several directions, beating wildly in his chest. He takes a deep breath and inches away from Sehun, but takes Sehun's hands and squeezes them briefly. "Never in tights," he repeats, and relishes the moment, the brief respite, the warm look in Sehun's eyes that has never changed since the day they bonded over cookies.
Batman and Robin, in pants. Caped crusaders of the modern time.
Kim Jongin and Oh Sehun - the dynamic duo. Jongin repeats it in his mind until he hears himself saying it in a manner so convincing that he might just believe it, himself.
NOTES for Spin you round through the roar of this crowd | FANMIX