(no subject)
i just want to die right now. i'm so depressed. i hate pity parties and i won't have one, no matter how shitty i feel. it'd just make me feel worse. my hands hurt so i'm not fucking capitalizing anything, 'kay, bitch. right about now, william, patrick, the "if i knew you were coming, i'd have baked a cake" lady, and bette midler are the only people making me feel better.
why is this thing with evan making me so upset right now? i don't even fucking know. it's not even that big of a deal to me. it's really not. maybe it's just that with that and the whole tony thing, it's just irritating me.
i spilled this huge apology to william a little bit ago, and it was basically for no reason. the original thing i was appologizing for was from the heart and truthful, though. i promise it was. i felt so bad.
alex thinks my mom hates her or something. dan wants alex to appologize to my mom, and he just doesn't get that it's not that big of a deal. it was basically my fault that i got in trouble. i was the sober one that night, shawna and i should have just eaten something at alex's house. i wouldn't have gotten caught when i got home. gaw.
i met alex at sonic tonight and smoked a cigarette. i don't even know why, either. i don't like cigarettes, really. but i flat out asked her for one. i'm so confused right now. when i was pulling out of sonic, i spilled half of my 44 oz. drink ALL over my dad's car. i cried the whole way home. my mom was nice enough to help me clean it up.
i love my mom. i love my dad too. they're definitely the best parents.
i sound so bi-polar right now. fuck.
i just want a good boyfriend that won't piss me off and that i can actually TALK to without awkward silences. i want one that i have some in common with too. duh. now just why can't i get one?!
basically, i'm so depressed because i don't have a boyfriend. i just feel like everyone around me has a boyfriend, or girlfriend. amanda has josh, josh has amanda. alex has josh, josh has alex. terecia has zeke, zeke has terecia, evan has wendy, wendy has evan, alex can hook up with whoever she wants at any given time, sarah has aaron, aaron has sarah, gw has garret, garret has gw, fucking emma even likes chris right now, i know, i was like, are you kidding me?! that's insane, but anyway, so yeah, it's just all around me right now. even my parents are getting along really well these days, not that they used to hate each other ever but these days, they just won't leave me alone with all their lovliness.
fuck.
i wish patrick weren't the gayest. he'd be a great boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure evan is going to get hired at my work. it's going to be mad weird for a while, i'm almost certain. i just don't want anyone to fucking tell him anything that i'm saying. oh well. it was my own fault.
i'm not allowed to have drinks or food in my dad's car anymore.
i wish i'd stop taking money out of my paycheck to eat at work. it's pointless. i can eat at home for free and less fat. and we all know how much i need money and less fat. ugh.
ugh.
ugh.
me.
ugh!
ugh!
ugh!
ugh!
josh is writing a song for alex right now, and OF COURSE, he needs MY help to do it because he needs to know more about her from me. well josh, why the fuck are you writing a song about someone when you don't know enough about her to do it. i thought you were moving, anyway!
ugh.
pretty sure i'm done now.
♥
look at me these days:
angsty and bi-polar. in aviators, pearls, and the cutest outfit i own.
why is this thing with evan making me so upset right now? i don't even fucking know. it's not even that big of a deal to me. it's really not. maybe it's just that with that and the whole tony thing, it's just irritating me.
i spilled this huge apology to william a little bit ago, and it was basically for no reason. the original thing i was appologizing for was from the heart and truthful, though. i promise it was. i felt so bad.
alex thinks my mom hates her or something. dan wants alex to appologize to my mom, and he just doesn't get that it's not that big of a deal. it was basically my fault that i got in trouble. i was the sober one that night, shawna and i should have just eaten something at alex's house. i wouldn't have gotten caught when i got home. gaw.
i met alex at sonic tonight and smoked a cigarette. i don't even know why, either. i don't like cigarettes, really. but i flat out asked her for one. i'm so confused right now. when i was pulling out of sonic, i spilled half of my 44 oz. drink ALL over my dad's car. i cried the whole way home. my mom was nice enough to help me clean it up.
i love my mom. i love my dad too. they're definitely the best parents.
i sound so bi-polar right now. fuck.
i just want a good boyfriend that won't piss me off and that i can actually TALK to without awkward silences. i want one that i have some in common with too. duh. now just why can't i get one?!
basically, i'm so depressed because i don't have a boyfriend. i just feel like everyone around me has a boyfriend, or girlfriend. amanda has josh, josh has amanda. alex has josh, josh has alex. terecia has zeke, zeke has terecia, evan has wendy, wendy has evan, alex can hook up with whoever she wants at any given time, sarah has aaron, aaron has sarah, gw has garret, garret has gw, fucking emma even likes chris right now, i know, i was like, are you kidding me?! that's insane, but anyway, so yeah, it's just all around me right now. even my parents are getting along really well these days, not that they used to hate each other ever but these days, they just won't leave me alone with all their lovliness.
fuck.
i wish patrick weren't the gayest. he'd be a great boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure evan is going to get hired at my work. it's going to be mad weird for a while, i'm almost certain. i just don't want anyone to fucking tell him anything that i'm saying. oh well. it was my own fault.
i'm not allowed to have drinks or food in my dad's car anymore.
i wish i'd stop taking money out of my paycheck to eat at work. it's pointless. i can eat at home for free and less fat. and we all know how much i need money and less fat. ugh.
ugh.
ugh.
me.
ugh!
ugh!
ugh!
ugh!
josh is writing a song for alex right now, and OF COURSE, he needs MY help to do it because he needs to know more about her from me. well josh, why the fuck are you writing a song about someone when you don't know enough about her to do it. i thought you were moving, anyway!
ugh.
pretty sure i'm done now.
♥
look at me these days:
angsty and bi-polar. in aviators, pearls, and the cutest outfit i own.