Tipsy Love -Part 2-
"So! Everybody please take off their stuff..." Jin yelled as everybody gathered around him. They had just arrived in a little forest at a mountain's feet, and they were trying to make their camp for the night. Jin was really excited, even if he had no idea how he would organize this.
Fortunately, one of the members used to camp a lot, so he was able to help him and thanks to him, everybody had their tent ready before the sunset. Jin decided that a little fire would be nice, since he had planned a big talk with everybody. He needed to know where they were in their mental state, how he was going the 'rehabilitation', and if they were tempted or not. Jin knew that most of them might have to drink; stop drinking was not the best way, he knew it. But his program was here for something. And he seriously hoped that thanks to him, a lot of people will have completely forgotten why they loved alcohol so much, and finally discover a new happiness in their lives.
In a corner was Kazuya. He was standing alone in front of his tent that he had positioned in retreat. He wasn't feeling easy, not at all, and even more in an environment that was unknown to him. He was also stressed, and maybe a little scared. He was feeling guilty, very guilty. A feeling he never knew he could sense.
The day before.
He was trying to cook -instant ramen, and it was a disaster- when he opened the fridge and saw it. The J&B bottle was completely untouched. Kazuya could almost feel the taste in his mouth and the strong odor in his nostrils.
He barely cooked at home -he barely ate anywhere- and he had decided that maybe cooking would make him forget about it, but here it was, so tempting, right in front of him....and he was alone, no one would see this if he drank just a little, right?
He was instantly out of his reverie and abruptly closed the fridge's door when his cell phone rang, and he almost thanked whoever had the good idea of calling him.
Deep down Kazuya was so scared of alcohol. It had a total influence over him. He didn't know how to deal with it.
"Kazu? How are you?" Koki's voice resounded in Kazuya's ear and he smiled a little. His friend had saved him right then.
"I’m...good, I guess..." Kazuya answered. He didn't know how he was. He was an alcoholic for god's sake, how should he feel after such a long time without a single drop of alcohol in his blood?
"That's good! Are you going tomorrow?" Koki laughed. Oh boy, Kazuya going camping, he so wanted to be a little mouse and see this.
"Yep, a van is coming here, so we can all go at the same time." sighed Kazuya.
"Wow man, you sound happy," Koki added "Don't worry, everything’s gonna be all right! Look at you, I’m really proud of you..." he finished.
"Thanks" Kazuya was trying so hard, and even if he was a lot sober than before, he was going insane. He only hoped that this program would work.
It was late when he finally managed to go to sleep. He tried so hard to forget about that damn bottle that he almost dreamt of it. It wasn't a very pleasant dream, and Kazuya tried really hard to brush those thoughts away, but he failed miserably, and after two nightmares, filled with bitterness and undying addiction, Kazuya woke up and took the bloody bottle of J&B, killing it slowly. His mind was going blank but it was hell and not heaven.
After such a long time, Kazuya was able to forget everything, and just watch the dark grey wall in front of him. Motionless. Lifeless.
When morning came, he only had a little sleep, and -he was ashamed of himself- but he had prepared a little, metallic bottle, full of a mix Kazuya couldn't even remember the composition. He placed it in his bag, hidden, just in case he couldn't sleep. He knew this was going to be long, and boring, and well, he didn't want to toss and turn in his bed, scared of falling asleep.
Alcohol was a sweet naughty liquid. It filled him wholly, but also made him feel like a child left alone in a dark alley.
He hated this part of his addiction.
"Kamenashi-san, the fire is ready, we will soon begin." A soothing voice came and whispered through the thin blue tissue of the tent. Kazuya barely answered and followed some minutes later, clearly showing he wasn't interested in whatever they were going to talk about.
"Everyone's here? So let's start! One by one, I want you to talk to me about your state of mind. How you are feeling with no alcohol in your blood, if it's hard or not, if you drank again -and I won't judge you or make you quit the group- and so on. Anything. The goal here is to sum up everything about the program and all," Began Jin
Some of the persons sighed, others smiled. Kazuya merely scoffed. Jin continued.
"It's just a matter of trust, you tell me how you feel, it helps you, and it helps me, so I can see where we are in this and how I can help you individually, because soon, I’ll try to help you case by case, to help you with your problems. I know it's hard to talk about everything in front of people you don't even know, that's why I’m here. It's my job."
Jin was sure that after that, everybody had fallen asleep but they all seemed to be in deep thoughts considering whether they should talk about everything or not.
"If you're all ready...." Jin coughed.
No one was up for this little chat, and Jin had to choose one of the old men who struggled up to face everybody.
"Well...I'd be lying if I said that it's not hard. But I can manage. My wife agreed to see me and I’m grateful for that. It keeps me going. So I guess it's worth it. It’s been long since I felt this happy, and content. I’m feeling really good. I still try to avoid any form of alcohol though." the old man smiled. He felt so relieved to say that. And Jin seemed so happy to hear that.
"Really! That's great Chiaki-san!" Jin clapped in his hands. He knew he was being ridiculous, but he couldn't help being happy every time he heard good news like this.
So one by one they continued. Itaka-san had confessed that he drank a little again, but Jin didn't say anything about it. He was happy though, because the other one was able to say it to everybody. Sugawara-san got drunk once too, but she said that since then she totally stopped, and quit her job, just in case she'd felt attracted to a bottle again. Jin was impressed by how people could risk their lives like that. Drop everything, choose one thing over another.
When Kazuya's turn came, everybody went silent again. Kazuya hated it, but everybody new Kazuya was a tough guy. He never complied with anything Jin said, and they wondered how the latter could still stay calm while facing such an arrogant behavior.
When Kazuya didn't say anything, Jin sighed a bit and coughed.
"Nothing to say, I’m sure you do, we're listening, don't be scared."
Kazuya looked at him and waited. He couldn't utter a word. What was he supposed to say?!
Jin grew impatient. The others were whispering.
"How are you feeling?" Jin tried.
"Good, I think..." Kazuya wasn't in a good mood it seemed, so Jin stopped it here. He seemed pretty angry though.
"How about you Yagami-san?" He continued.
Everybody looked at him in shock. They clearly hadn't expected that. The said man tried his best to cover the thick atmosphere and talk about how he was able to go without alcohol for the past 2 months.
Kazuya tried to ignore the pain that he suddenly felt.
Jin didn't even spare a glance at him, and continued clearly trying to ignore him as much as he could. He sometimes didn't understand how people could act like this. Like they needed help when in fact they only wanted to destroy their lives in peace.
Kazuya almost ran back to his tent.
It was late when the talk ended, and everybody went back to their tent except for Jin, who needed to clean the big mess they made. He had insisted on doing it alone, since the others certainly needed some rest. The fire was dead and suddenly, everything when dark around him. The moon was giving him a little light, and he wasn't scared, since the place was not just some natural forest located in the middle of nowhere.
As soon as he finished he went back to his own tent but stopped as he saw a shadow in the dark. The shadow was looking for something and seemed in panic. As soon as it saw Jin, it stopped.
Suddenly it spoke.
"I just lost something, there's no big deal." The voice sounded weak, and very, very scared. Jin recognized it almost immediately.
"Kamenashi-kun? Can I help?" He tried. The shadow stopped and then moved again, as if it was looking for something precious.
He knew he shouldn't have asked but after how he acted in front of the group, he didn't feel like leaving the poor guy in the dark, all by himself.
"No...I-"
When the sound of a metal rolling on the grass came, his heart stopped.
"Ho, I think I found it. Are you looking for…" Jin began. He heard the noise of a liquid trapped and shook it. Still the same noise.
Kazuya wanted to die as he heard the latter open the bottle.
"Kamenashi...I....is it....whiskey?" Jin whispered.
When he saw the shadow nod in the dark, he dropped it to the ground, letting it empty itself on the grass.
"Are you kidding me?" He continued. "You bought...whiskey on a trip with 12 alcoholics? Are you kidding me?
Jin shivered. He didn't know if it was from coldness of from the anger that built inside of him.
"I am trying to offer them a better life...and you...bought this....and I’m not talking about your behavior...what the hell Kamenashi?" Jin growls. He felt so frustrated now. He wanted to scream.
"I’m..." Kazuya began. He didn't know where to start.
"Talk!" Jin hissed.
"I’m a grown up man -" Kazuya finished.
Jin felt like he could punch this man.
"Oh no, no, no…don't give me the "I’m a grown man" shit. I heard it a lot of times. But this is the first time I’ve seen someone with whiskey in their bag.” He almost yelled. He needed to cool down. Now.
Kazuya shivered a little.
"I didn't force anyone to drink it." He stated calmly. He wondered how he was being such a big jerk out of the sudden.
"IF YOU WANNA DRINK GO AND DRINK! I don't fucking care if you drink or not, but don't disturb the others. Just do whatever you want. You said it you're a grown man. I thought that by being nice you'll open up, but shit you're just trying to...I don't even know what you are trying to do. You know what, I don't care. Hopeless cases like you, I’ve seen this many times already. But I won't waste my time. Go and fuck up your life."
Jin felt a lot better after that.
Kazuya felt a pang in his chest.
"I’m not-"
"You don't need my help, you just want to kill yourself. Then do, it's none of my business anymore. I’ll say to the director that you're not part of the group anymore." Jin was beyond angry, and never in his life had he been that hard with someone.
Kazuya just wanted to ignore his harsh words, but he just couldn't. He shouldn't feel rejected; he was the one who did all these things.
But he just couldn't hold the sobs anymore, and let it all flow.
Jin stopped dead in his tracks. He knew he maybe shouldn't turn around, but how could he leave a guy like him, alone, after all the things he said?
Fuck. Sometimes, life loved to play tricks on him.
Kazuya felt his knees go weak and fell to the ground, his hands covering his way-too-watering eyes. He was so ashamed. It was as if reality dawned upon him.
He didn't move when he felt a big, warm hand on his head. Trying to soothe him.
"I’m sorry," He whispered. "I’m trying. I swear I am. I’m no good; I’m going to fuck up my life. And fuck it up for good." He cried. Oh, he felt so miserable.
"You're not. I was angry when I said that. I never believe anyone was a hopeless case. Everyone has a chance, and the right to live happily." Jin whispered.
When Kazuya cried harder, he had to take him in his arms and put his head on his chest, just to cover the noises.
"Calm down. I’m sorry, really" Jin tried.
"It's too hard. I can't!" He cried. "They just won't go away even if I try to put them away! It hurts so much....I need to drink. Forget." Kazuya finished in a whisper.
Jin just strokes his head, wondering what could be the thing that put him in such a state.
When Kazuya's breath became even, Jin knew the latter had fallen asleep. He took him in his arms -Kazuya was so light it was almost scary- and put him back in his tent, without forgetting to put the bottle in his pocket.
He was ready to leave when a hand grabbed his.
"They were not here. Not when you were." He said.
"What?"
"They didn't come after me. Stay."
Kazuya was suddenly so calm. It really didn't look like it, but Jin could tell he was begging him to stay with him.
"What didn't come after you," He tried. He took a place next to Kazuya and the younger man rolled to his side and put his head back to Jin's chest, where a very visible wet shape could be seen on his tee-shirt.
"The nightmares." Was the last thing he said before drifting off, Jin kept looking at him all night.
When he came back to his tent, it was 6 A.M.
~*~
The day after that, Jin thought that thing would be really, really awkward.
But Kazuya wasn't there anymore.
He never came back.
~*~
"Two Jagerbombs!" yelled Kazuya to the bartender. The young man nodded and ran to the other side of the bar. The pub was crowded and loud music could be heard.
He took the four glasses and tried his best not to spill it on someone as he went to his friend for the night.
"You put the little glass into the big one. It gets mixed. One shot." Kazuya giggled.
After 3 of them, Kazuya was almost fleeting on the dance floor. He didn't see the bartender coming his way, and also didn't see the big plate full of tequila that was dangerously threatening to fall all over him. When he finally saw it, he stepped back as fast as he could and bumped into someone who just grunted in frustration. He heard some "watch out" but couldn't quit see from where it was coming.
When he turned around to scream at who ever dared to speak to him like that, his faced paled and he stopped moving.
Just in front of him was Jin, the same Jin that nearly ripped his arm off when he pulled him from the dance floor.
"What the! I was doing just fine~!" He tried, his face flushed and his mind a bit hazy.
"Yeah, you were. Can you sober up so that we can have a conversation?" He spat dangerously.
"What for? I’m not your pet anymore! Want to go camping again? I’ll pass on this one~" He laughed.
And then it came.
Jin had slapped him. Hard.
"WHAT THE HELL?" He yelled.
"I see you're feeling a lot more conscious. Stupid." Jin snorts.
Kazuya was ready to give him a hard punch but his body seemed to be...numb. "So, you're drinking again..." He heard Jin sigh.
"Obviously. I am." He answered back.
"You shouldn't."
"None of your business." A snort.
"I thought you wanted to quit"
"Not that easy." Another one.
"Yeah right. You disappeared! You have no idea how much I looked for you!" Jin shot.
"What for?! You said I was out, so well, I don't care anymore. Let's just-"
"Did they come back?"
"Who?"
"The nightmares."
"They did. The moment you left me alone in the tent, they came back a second after you left."
Jin froze. Kazuya sighed.
"I couldn't stay. It was just...too much for me. And telling my instructor "You're the thing that makes me feel better" is not on my to-do list. I’m not going to ruin other people's life for some stupid nightmares."
"I want to help you."
"You can't."
"I can!"
"How then?"
Kazuya wasn't able to finish his sentence that he felt lips on his. They weren't demanding or rough, just warm, and fluffy. Jin had nice lips, Kazuya decided. They were trying to soothe his scar, from the inside. They were trying to take the alcohol back.
Kazuya felt giddy.
Jin was trying to erase all the bad memories. And damn he was having a good time too.
"I’ll be your new addiction from now." Jin stated, dead serious.
And he smiled.
He had found...his new addiction. And he felt like he could grow attached to it a lot more easily.
Suddenly it didn't feel like he was feeling tipsy because of the alcohol as Jin offered him his sweetest smile.