(no subject)
i'm writing letters to classmates right now, since i won't work with them again. this one was particularly hard.
So, I'm gone now, and I wanted to message a few people. Not everyone though, just a few.
Beaver, when we came into the department, you and I were great friends. Now, I can't even consider you an ally. I want to let you know how I feel about it. Take it or leave it, but do not broadcast it to the other shit - heads in our class. There is enough gossip and drama to perpetuate.
As I recall, you all of a sudden became aggressive, judgmental and unkind to almost everyone. When I asked you about it, you told me it had to do with the way people in class, were treating you. I agreed that most of the people in our class are very selfish, and the instances you explained to me were pretty shitty. I asked you not to treat me like the rest of them, because I valued you as a friend, and hoped that if I ever did anything to piss you off in that way, you would let me know I had upset you before writing me off as just another selfish kid in our class.
do you remember what you said to me? You said, "I can't promise that."
You couldn't promise to honor a friendship, and be flexible if I had upset you. You honestly believed that I would overlook you as a friend and take advantage of you. That if I did something bitchy, it was because you weren't valuable to me. That to me was sad, more than it pissed me off. Because I could see that you were really hurting and bitter, and that wasn't the Nathaniel I knew and loved.
As the year went on, I stuck by you. I tried to include you in things, and I defended you to everyone. I tried very hard to figure out why you still felt like you could treat me the way you did, and approached you about it several times. You gave me excuses and would go on hour - long rants, rather than giving me something concrete that I could fix. After a while, I gave up on you. I saw no reason to support someone who would never do the same for me.
By isolating yourself, and sitting in judgment of everyone else, you became one of the selfish assholes that you condemned. There were times where I invited you over for dinner, and you wouldn't even speak to me, let alone thank me, which is the exact same criticism you had for everyone else. You would get defensive at the first sign of criticism, to the point where it became impossible to work with you. If something didn't happen your way, you would blame and complain, rather than try to find a solution. I know I don't know the ins and outs of the department as well as you do, but as it stands, no one has a kind word to say about you.
I'm not telling you this to try and hurt you. I am telling you this because someone needs to. people really do want to like you. but you have made it impossible for anyone to do so. by blaming everyone but yourself, you have become an underdog, when you had every potential to be a leader.
all i know is that you used to be one of the kindest and most generous people I knew. i don't know where that person is because you refuse to show it to anyone. you are standing in your own way, and I get it. People suck, and the department makes it impossible to do well, especially if you aren't a cookie cutter actor. but you have to rise above the bullshit, not add to it. make a choice to treat people with respect, and learn how to take criticism with dignity. because i have never seen you do that once over the past year and a half.
even if i'm totally wrong here, i am the voice of someone who only sees you in class. your poise is half the struggle of an actor, and you can't neglect it.
do not write me a reciprocating message. i don't care what people say about me, or what you think of me. i don't want a fight, i just want you to think about this. ask yourself if I am right AT ALL. don't give yourself an excuse. please try and change. deep down, you're better than this. and please, develop a little compassion. not everyone can be categorized, and you are not a saint.
So, I'm gone now, and I wanted to message a few people. Not everyone though, just a few.
Beaver, when we came into the department, you and I were great friends. Now, I can't even consider you an ally. I want to let you know how I feel about it. Take it or leave it, but do not broadcast it to the other shit - heads in our class. There is enough gossip and drama to perpetuate.
As I recall, you all of a sudden became aggressive, judgmental and unkind to almost everyone. When I asked you about it, you told me it had to do with the way people in class, were treating you. I agreed that most of the people in our class are very selfish, and the instances you explained to me were pretty shitty. I asked you not to treat me like the rest of them, because I valued you as a friend, and hoped that if I ever did anything to piss you off in that way, you would let me know I had upset you before writing me off as just another selfish kid in our class.
do you remember what you said to me? You said, "I can't promise that."
You couldn't promise to honor a friendship, and be flexible if I had upset you. You honestly believed that I would overlook you as a friend and take advantage of you. That if I did something bitchy, it was because you weren't valuable to me. That to me was sad, more than it pissed me off. Because I could see that you were really hurting and bitter, and that wasn't the Nathaniel I knew and loved.
As the year went on, I stuck by you. I tried to include you in things, and I defended you to everyone. I tried very hard to figure out why you still felt like you could treat me the way you did, and approached you about it several times. You gave me excuses and would go on hour - long rants, rather than giving me something concrete that I could fix. After a while, I gave up on you. I saw no reason to support someone who would never do the same for me.
By isolating yourself, and sitting in judgment of everyone else, you became one of the selfish assholes that you condemned. There were times where I invited you over for dinner, and you wouldn't even speak to me, let alone thank me, which is the exact same criticism you had for everyone else. You would get defensive at the first sign of criticism, to the point where it became impossible to work with you. If something didn't happen your way, you would blame and complain, rather than try to find a solution. I know I don't know the ins and outs of the department as well as you do, but as it stands, no one has a kind word to say about you.
I'm not telling you this to try and hurt you. I am telling you this because someone needs to. people really do want to like you. but you have made it impossible for anyone to do so. by blaming everyone but yourself, you have become an underdog, when you had every potential to be a leader.
all i know is that you used to be one of the kindest and most generous people I knew. i don't know where that person is because you refuse to show it to anyone. you are standing in your own way, and I get it. People suck, and the department makes it impossible to do well, especially if you aren't a cookie cutter actor. but you have to rise above the bullshit, not add to it. make a choice to treat people with respect, and learn how to take criticism with dignity. because i have never seen you do that once over the past year and a half.
even if i'm totally wrong here, i am the voice of someone who only sees you in class. your poise is half the struggle of an actor, and you can't neglect it.
do not write me a reciprocating message. i don't care what people say about me, or what you think of me. i don't want a fight, i just want you to think about this. ask yourself if I am right AT ALL. don't give yourself an excuse. please try and change. deep down, you're better than this. and please, develop a little compassion. not everyone can be categorized, and you are not a saint.