(no subject)
I'm glad of my decision of living in another sity far away from home, because now I know the meaning of the word alone. It's so sad to discover that although you have friends, family, etc.... you are absolutely alone in this world.
It's sad, but I'm learning in this two months more than I ever did. I'm learning about the human condition, how people can be so cruel, how almost they all are selfish and hypocrites.
Since I'm living here, all the people I've know have a reason or an interest to be nice with me; they aren't be nice or kind because the really feel it.
Some "friends"(I'm began to think they are not friends at all) are nice with me because of my housemate, she is the kind of beautifull girl who likes to all men; my housemate, who is one of my closed friends, doesn't realize what I'm feeling, just because she is always thinking about herself and her "world". I know she doesn't do it in a conscious way, but this hurts me anyway.
And, most of the people call me or are with me just because I have something they want.
And this "lonely state" make me learn a lot about my environment and about human behaviour.
I have the feeling that I'm always so far from the rest of the people, I'm never inside of a group. You know, I don't like to men because I'm fat, don't like to people because I'm goth, I'm "that-strange-person-who-doesn't-eat-animal", I'm mad because I'm learning about Wicca,....
I need to feel that someone understand me.
Anyway I'm strong and I'll get by; I just need to express my feelings from time to time.
I'm sad of course, but the kind of sadness that makes you grow, evolve.
To be alone has some positive things, for example you have lots of spare time to walk and discover the city. I've taken a lot of pics so as soon as I have my pc I'll post it and all of you can see the beauty of my new city.
Have to do lots of things, update my site with new designs, finish some works I was doing, pay the rent and the university fees, and cry because I'm not going to be in Whitby this year.....:( I need a Whitby in my lifeee!!!!!