Just when you're sure God doesn't exist, he throws you a bone.

[openday]

How is it possible that I could have three in-depth, soul-searching discussions about God with three different people in the space of three days, without there being some external force at work? How is it possible that two of these people are a complete strangers, another is a close friend? It just seems too much of a coincidence that at the moment

Comments

[terrid_b]

being an unreformed christian myself, i think i understand the whole "wanting to believe but afraid to believe" and for me, the reasons have always been the following:
when you grow up believing in god, even though you don't notice it, there is a comfort and completeness there that you can't find in anything else. But when you stop believing, you don't have that anymore. its like a big hole in you, and you know somethings missing so you use relationships and sex and alcohol and anything else to try and fill that. but nothing does. because its 'faith' that fills that hole, and nothing else will.
many times i find myself being 'pulled back to god' as you say, and i resist always. because for me, the fear is not of finding god again. its of finding him again and then LOSING him again. because that feeling of loss is something that takes a long time to overcome.

[openday]

I replied to the comment below before yours so this might be saying some of the same stuff over. Actually, see my reply to twonineteen about the stuff relating to filling the hole.

You and twonineteen have both pointed out the reality of fear in religion. For you, the fear comes from the uncertainty of losing God again after you have found him. This perhaps plays on my mind a little but not much as some other fears. Perhaps the most prevalent fear for me is that of feeling empty, unloved, and of Hell (if such a place does exist).

[birdlawyer]

I would have to disagree a bit with the above comment; the "hole" is indeed filled again for many of us, and faith has nothing to do with it. Granted, it took me about three years, but I no longer feel lacking in anything. The idea of genuflecting before some faceless God is now every bit as absurd to me as, say, praying to unicorns on Pluto

[openday]

I had a talk today with someone who expressed pretty much the same thing you have here. He said that since turning away from the church he has been able to find greater satisfaction in life. What I'm finding by hearing these varied opinions is that those people who, like yourself, have turned away from organised religion tend to find some sense of fulfillment. Conversely, those who have never experienced organised religion tend to find themselves lacking something. That's a sweeping generalisation, I know, and is not to say that all people who haven't been involved in a church are unfulfilled. But, it strikes me as odd that we continually hear from celebrities, authors, sportsmen etc. who say they can't find any sense of fulfilment despite looking everywhere - in drugs, sex, money, art, movies, isolation and all the many alternatives. Is there something in this or are these people just a minority who happen to be listened to because of their celebrity status

[birdlawyer]

Chris, would you like me to tell you sometime about my experiences? Email would probably be better. I have absolutely no desire to "evangelize" you into heathenism-- I am amazingly mellow about religion these days-- so I would only be speaking for myself, of course. I can tell you right now that I won't be able to solve everything (or anything) for you, but there's always-- I dunno-- the beauty of commiseration?

[openday]

Yeah that would be cool, thanks. I wouldn't expect you to be evangelising me into heathenism (I like that epression) but you're right, commiseration is a wonderful thing. And hearing the experiences of others is always helpful. I bought a book last year called Walking Away From Faith and I'm spewing I don't have it with me here at my parents' place. The author tries to write about both sides of the faith-commitment struggle in order to point out the beauty of Christianity but she unintentionally seems to do a better job at highlighting the good things about walking away from religion (Hence the title, I guess).