I think this is my favorite story of yours to date. Interesting subject, and you kept it short enough to retain the tension and pathos that it required to make an impact. Your use of the prompt was passive and subtle, as it flavored the story, but was not the main emotion of the character narrating. I like that point of view. Over all, well done, and I appreciate your work!
Great story! Fabulous job with the setting, this feels like 18th-century France to me. Also this is a very appropriate metaphor: "[T]he young boy wondered what this object could possibly do that would make his papa and all the other people around them gather around it like it was the very cross itself"
Thanks! I'm glad the story had the right feel to it.
The metaphor was taken from a line in A Tale of Two Cities about the guillotine replacing the cross as a symbol of salvation so credit to Charles Dickens for that.
I enjoyed your decision to look at this situation from the eyes of a child; I would, however, like to know how he reacted. I mean, I know he fainted -- but in the text he was "overcome by the power" which could mean that he's in awe of what it can do; it could mean that he's afraid of it or disgusted by it; it can mean that he wants to see it used more and that he, like his parents, views it as a great thing.
Just a little inkling of the boy's visceral reaction before he goes unconscious would have made this piece even better!
Thanks! I'll think about how I can put a bit of his reaction in before fainting, like you suggest. I think you're right about it improving the piece.
I meant 'overcome by power' as some sort of irony (not sure if that's the word to use) like how, if it were a real saint, that line would mean something positive but with the guillotine, it's not positive at all. I hope that clarified things a bit.
WTF openedlocket! When you write something like this, you tell me! Okay! Because I don't log in livejournal that much so I don't see but now I have seen and believe me, I am not exaggerating, I cried!!! I cried, man! I really cried! I should be in this story! I should be running after the open carriage where the SAINT was and the guards would be manhandling me because they would be trying to stop me from running after her and be the last person left in the square when everybody has already left but I'd be there, I'd be there and maybe shout: "Death to the Jacobins!" again and again until my lungs give out! *sobs*
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Also this is a very appropriate metaphor: "[T]he young boy wondered what this object could possibly do that would make his papa and all the other people around them gather around it like it was the very cross itself"
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The metaphor was taken from a line in A Tale of Two Cities about the guillotine replacing the cross as a symbol of salvation so credit to Charles Dickens for that.
Glad you liked it!
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Just a little inkling of the boy's visceral reaction before he goes unconscious would have made this piece even better!
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I meant 'overcome by power' as some sort of irony (not sure if that's the word to use) like how, if it were a real saint, that line would mean something positive but with the guillotine, it's not positive at all. I hope that clarified things a bit.
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I should be in this story! I should be running after the open carriage where the SAINT was and the guards would be manhandling me because they would be trying to stop me from running after her and be the last person left in the square when everybody has already left but I'd be there, I'd be there and maybe shout: "Death to the Jacobins!" again and again until my lungs give out! *sobs*
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I hope they won't arrest you as well. They were all very bloodthirsty during the revolution. It's okay, I'm sure MA can see how much you care.
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