can hear them sniffing round my door
so here, for your reading pleasure, is a break down of the structure of the la push wolf pack. inspired by crazy convos with
sandwch__zombie. THIS IS ALL FOR YOU, ANGIE.
1. sam (the alpha, the big papa, the babysitter, he who suffers at the hands of the constant migraine that is known as THE PACK. POOR SAM AND HIS POOR, SORE GONADS BECAUSE LIFE JUST KEEPS HIM KICKING HIM IN THE BALLS LIKE THAT WITH LEAH AND EMILY AND EVERYTHING.)
2. jared (who takes the point cos he has EAGLE EYES so they call him CHIEF SCREECHING EAGLE IRON EYES. he also PLAYS GUITAR A LOT and IS TERRIBLE AT SINGING and is REALLY QUITE LAME and is pseudo-gay for sam but not really and for paul NOT AT ALL but he pretends to be just to PISS PAUL OFF)
3. paul (who of course is angry all the time and is a TOTAL HOMOPHOBE and jared counts this as SURE EVIDENCE that he's just gay and in TOTAL DENIAL and of course AHAHAHA PAUL IS TOTALLY THE PACK'S MONKEY BOY. PISSING PAUL OFF IS LIKE, A TEAM BONDING EXERCISE. THEY TAKE BETS ON IT, SRSLY)
~
4. embry (who really started the whole betting thing. it started off as a joke but has grown into something huge and IT'S ALL HIS FAULT I SWEAR TO GOD. he is occasionally more sane than the others but he has a mean, mean mouth and a sharp mind and he is not afraid to put them together)
6. jacob (OMG HE IS SUUUUUUUUCH A SAP and everyone hates it when he phases because they're like EUGH GET READY TO HAVE ANOTHER WET DREAM ABOUT BELLA SWAN and they always make sure to get him when they phase back, usually by dumping him in a cold shower and/or locking him out of his own house and telling him to sleep outside cos he smells like a DOG)
7. quil (everyone's second favourite target because HE'S SERIOUSLY LIKE A SMALL CHILD, with the short attention span and the bouncing around. actually, he is another one who bonds everyone together because everyone has said, at least once, "SHUT UP, QUIL". paul says it twice. like every five minutes.)
~
7. leah (the resident miss cranky pants and usually the one who is going "YOU ARE ALL. COMPLETE. ASSHATS. GOODNIGHT." whenever the boys try to pull the, "oh, is it that time of the month?" thing on her and then add VERY INNOCENTLY "full moon time, that is" she just goes, "A) WE DEBUNKED THAT MYTH AGES AGO AND B) I'M PRETTY DAMN SURE I KNOW WHO THE REAL BITCHES ARE HERE.")
8. seth (OH MY GOD. SETH. everyone thinks he's this sweet faced little angel, they're like "OMG YOU'RE JUST LIKE JACOB EXCEPT YOUNGER AND CUTER" but really he is an EVIL, EVIL CHILD and for some reason he ALWAYS wins the bets. he is the KING)
~
9. colin (HAS BEEN CORRUPTED BY HANGING OUT WITH SETH. you know they way seth looks up to jacob? yeah colin and brady are like this with seth. except he teaches them TERRIBLE things like how to swear and where to hide smutty magazines and how to con people until they practically HAND THEIR MONEY OVER TO YOU)
10. brady (colin's little brother, younger by a year, and technically the baby, also worships the ground that seth walks on. OH HE'S ALSO THE ONE PERSON THAT PAUL IS NOT PISSED OFF BY. paul gives him piggy back rides and stuff. BUT ONLY BRADY AND NO ONE ELSE. JARED TRIED ONCE AND ALMOST WOUND UP IN A BODY CAST, MAGICAL HEALING POWERS OR NO MAGICAL HEALING POWERS
sandwch__zombie. THIS IS ALL FOR YOU, ANGIE.
1. sam (the alpha, the big papa, the babysitter, he who suffers at the hands of the constant migraine that is known as THE PACK. POOR SAM AND HIS POOR, SORE GONADS BECAUSE LIFE JUST KEEPS HIM KICKING HIM IN THE BALLS LIKE THAT WITH LEAH AND EMILY AND EVERYTHING.)
2. jared (who takes the point cos he has EAGLE EYES so they call him CHIEF SCREECHING EAGLE IRON EYES. he also PLAYS GUITAR A LOT and IS TERRIBLE AT SINGING and is REALLY QUITE LAME and is pseudo-gay for sam but not really and for paul NOT AT ALL but he pretends to be just to PISS PAUL OFF)
3. paul (who of course is angry all the time and is a TOTAL HOMOPHOBE and jared counts this as SURE EVIDENCE that he's just gay and in TOTAL DENIAL and of course AHAHAHA PAUL IS TOTALLY THE PACK'S MONKEY BOY. PISSING PAUL OFF IS LIKE, A TEAM BONDING EXERCISE. THEY TAKE BETS ON IT, SRSLY)
~
4. embry (who really started the whole betting thing. it started off as a joke but has grown into something huge and IT'S ALL HIS FAULT I SWEAR TO GOD. he is occasionally more sane than the others but he has a mean, mean mouth and a sharp mind and he is not afraid to put them together)
6. jacob (OMG HE IS SUUUUUUUUCH A SAP and everyone hates it when he phases because they're like EUGH GET READY TO HAVE ANOTHER WET DREAM ABOUT BELLA SWAN and they always make sure to get him when they phase back, usually by dumping him in a cold shower and/or locking him out of his own house and telling him to sleep outside cos he smells like a DOG)
7. quil (everyone's second favourite target because HE'S SERIOUSLY LIKE A SMALL CHILD, with the short attention span and the bouncing around. actually, he is another one who bonds everyone together because everyone has said, at least once, "SHUT UP, QUIL". paul says it twice. like every five minutes.)
~
7. leah (the resident miss cranky pants and usually the one who is going "YOU ARE ALL. COMPLETE. ASSHATS. GOODNIGHT." whenever the boys try to pull the, "oh, is it that time of the month?" thing on her and then add VERY INNOCENTLY "full moon time, that is" she just goes, "A) WE DEBUNKED THAT MYTH AGES AGO AND B) I'M PRETTY DAMN SURE I KNOW WHO THE REAL BITCHES ARE HERE.")
8. seth (OH MY GOD. SETH. everyone thinks he's this sweet faced little angel, they're like "OMG YOU'RE JUST LIKE JACOB EXCEPT YOUNGER AND CUTER" but really he is an EVIL, EVIL CHILD and for some reason he ALWAYS wins the bets. he is the KING)
~
9. colin (HAS BEEN CORRUPTED BY HANGING OUT WITH SETH. you know they way seth looks up to jacob? yeah colin and brady are like this with seth. except he teaches them TERRIBLE things like how to swear and where to hide smutty magazines and how to con people until they practically HAND THEIR MONEY OVER TO YOU)
10. brady (colin's little brother, younger by a year, and technically the baby, also worships the ground that seth walks on. OH HE'S ALSO THE ONE PERSON THAT PAUL IS NOT PISSED OFF BY. paul gives him piggy back rides and stuff. BUT ONLY BRADY AND NO ONE ELSE. JARED TRIED ONCE AND ALMOST WOUND UP IN A BODY CAST, MAGICAL HEALING POWERS OR NO MAGICAL HEALING POWERS