wherein i completely screw with canon: just kidding! (1/?)
JUST KIDDING (a musical comedy without the music). Jared/Kim. A True Love Story of Epic Proportions... NOT. THIS IS HOW IMPRINTING ACTUALLY GOES DOWN, BITCHES. Warnings for swearing, blatant disregard of canon, and utter crack, with sincerest apologies to the Beatles.
For Angie, by Angie, to Angie... You know this whole thing is your fault anyway. Borne out of crazy convos with
sandwch__zombie AS USUAL.
JUST KIDDING
a musical comedy
without the music
I believe there are two ways of writing novels. One is mine, making a sort of musical comedy without music and ignoring real life all together; the other is going deep down into life and not caring a damn.
- P.G. Wodehouse
PROLOGUE
"... Kim was thrilled."
UH HUH. YEAH. FUCK THAT SHIT.
LET'S JUST CROSS THAT ALL OUT AND START AGAIN, SHALL WE?
"Kim was thrilled."
"Kim was, quite possibly, more freaked out than she had ever been in all of her life."
THAT'S BETTER.
~
ONE.
Call it a cliche : Kim falls in love with Jared when he's playing guitar. Her drama class has just been painting backdrops for Hamlet, and she has to go check on how they're drying in the parking lot. That's when that she sees Jared, just another boy in her grade, skipping class, sitting on the back steps of the school with his bent over his acoustic guitar, crooning over it. There is so much love folded into his face, for the sounds pouring out of that simple piece of wood.
The whole scene is so - private. Sacred, almost. Kim backs into the school, willing her feet to move as quietly as possible.
She spends the next year sitting next to Jared, listening to him talk and laugh, watching out of the corner of his eyes as he doodles in the margins of his assignments and occasionally falls asleep and absently fingers chords with his left hand.
She never speaks, of course; she's paralyzed into silence. The melody of Jared's guitar thrums in her veins the whole time.
~
Call it a cliche : Jared falls in love with Kim when he's playing guitar.
It's the first day of school. Once again, by an accident of last names, Jared's spot is right next to Kim's in first period History - but his seat remains empty the whole time and Kim chokes down what might be accurately called "crushing disappointment".
It's in second period PE that the teacher sends Kim outside to check the weather, to see if it's good enough for them to play outdoor soccer, and it's like that morning last year all over again : there's Jared, on the back steps, playing guitar.
Everything is the same and everything is different. For a moment, she almost doesn't recognise him : over the summer, he's grown huge, the once normal-sized guitar now seeming frail in his arms, more like a ukulele.
He seems to be having trouble with it; it's as if his body's grown without telling his brain first. He's trying to play the guitar, but he keeps cursing, the angle all wrong, his fingers too big.
She recognises him painfully picking out the melody of "Blackbird" when he looks up as if she's called his name, and that's when the world ends and begins all in a single breath.
His face opens, changes, transforms right before her eyes. He looks at her as if he's never seen anyone else before.
There's a sharp, harsh twanging as Jared's hand chops across the strings and Kim just stands there, frozen, as suddenly Jared leaps up and practically bounds over to her like a puppy, and grabs both of her hands in his, which are startlingly hot. His eyes are like fireworks on the Fourth of July but his grin is pure Christmas morning.
"HI. I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU?"
Kim does what any sensible girl would do when the boy of their dreams confesses their undying love for her.
She tears her hands out of his, and runs like the freaking wind.
~
For the rest of the morning, Kim's friend Jenny keeps asking her why she's twitching.
Kim' even too busy fretting over the Freakish Incident of that morning that she can barely touch her chicken sandwich come lunch time.
"I'm not dreaming, right?" Kim says nervously to Jenny - or Dream Jenny, if things are like that. "You would tell me if I was dreaming, right? Even if you're just a part of my dream?"
Jenny keeps her head bent to her sketchbook and doesn't bother answering.
"Oh god, I'm just dreaming," Kim moans. "I'll wake up, and - "
That's when, all the way across the lunch room, she hears the unmistakable sounds of the Beatles' "I've Just Seen a Face". Played on guitar. Loudly. And enthusiastically. And sung. Also loudly. And enthusiastically. And off key. ALSO, VERY LOUDLY.
"I'VE JUST SEEN A FACE
I CAN'T FORGET THE TIME OR PLACE
THAT WE JUST MET, SHE'S JUST THE GIRL FOR ME
AND I WANT ALL THE WORLD TO SEE WE'VE MET
NA NA NA NA NA NA - "
Jenny peers up from her sketch book, interested, as Kim freezes and refuses to lift her head from where it is planted firmly on the surface of their table, mid-bang.
"Jen?"
"Yeah, Kim?"
"... Please tell me that that's not Jared."
"... It's not Jared."
"Oh thank God."
Jenny remains perfectly calm. "And Not Jared is walking over here right now."
"HAD IT BEEN ANOTHER DAY
I MIGHT HAVE LOOKED THE OTHER WAY
BUT I HAD NEVER BEEN AWARE
AND AS IT IS I'LL DREAM OF HER TONIGHT
NIIIII-IIIII-IIIGHT - "
Kim hears the whistles, the cheers, the incredulous comments of "What the hell is he doing?", the loud cries of "SHUT UP AND LET US EAT, WILL YOU" but she bloody refuses to lift her head from the table. The table is nice. The table is comforting, and cool. The table is hiding her face. The table is not trying to publicly humiliate her in front of the entire school.
"FALLING YES I AM FALLING
AND SHE KEEPS CALLING
ME BACK AGAIN
HEY GIRL WHO'S JUST SITTING THERE
HER HEAD NOT LOOKING UP
WILL YOU LOOK UP AT ME AND MAYBE JUST
TRY TO SEE THAT I'M TRYING TO
AAA~ASK YOOOOOU OOOOOUT?"
That does it.
She shoots up straight out of her chair, to the shock of their watching audience, and says, right into Jared's stupid, handsome, hopeful grin, with all the contained misery of a years' worth of diary entries and restless dreams and winged heart sketches, a whole year of him never looking her way not once,
"NO."
THE END
(of part one XD)
For Angie, by Angie, to Angie... You know this whole thing is your fault anyway. Borne out of crazy convos with
sandwch__zombie AS USUAL.
JUST KIDDING
a musical comedy
without the music
I believe there are two ways of writing novels. One is mine, making a sort of musical comedy without music and ignoring real life all together; the other is going deep down into life and not caring a damn.
- P.G. Wodehouse
PROLOGUE
"... Kim was thrilled."
UH HUH. YEAH. FUCK THAT SHIT.
LET'S JUST CROSS THAT ALL OUT AND START AGAIN, SHALL WE?
"Kim was thrilled."
"Kim was, quite possibly, more freaked out than she had ever been in all of her life."
THAT'S BETTER.
~
ONE.
Call it a cliche : Kim falls in love with Jared when he's playing guitar. Her drama class has just been painting backdrops for Hamlet, and she has to go check on how they're drying in the parking lot. That's when that she sees Jared, just another boy in her grade, skipping class, sitting on the back steps of the school with his bent over his acoustic guitar, crooning over it. There is so much love folded into his face, for the sounds pouring out of that simple piece of wood.
The whole scene is so - private. Sacred, almost. Kim backs into the school, willing her feet to move as quietly as possible.
She spends the next year sitting next to Jared, listening to him talk and laugh, watching out of the corner of his eyes as he doodles in the margins of his assignments and occasionally falls asleep and absently fingers chords with his left hand.
She never speaks, of course; she's paralyzed into silence. The melody of Jared's guitar thrums in her veins the whole time.
~
Call it a cliche : Jared falls in love with Kim when he's playing guitar.
It's the first day of school. Once again, by an accident of last names, Jared's spot is right next to Kim's in first period History - but his seat remains empty the whole time and Kim chokes down what might be accurately called "crushing disappointment".
It's in second period PE that the teacher sends Kim outside to check the weather, to see if it's good enough for them to play outdoor soccer, and it's like that morning last year all over again : there's Jared, on the back steps, playing guitar.
Everything is the same and everything is different. For a moment, she almost doesn't recognise him : over the summer, he's grown huge, the once normal-sized guitar now seeming frail in his arms, more like a ukulele.
He seems to be having trouble with it; it's as if his body's grown without telling his brain first. He's trying to play the guitar, but he keeps cursing, the angle all wrong, his fingers too big.
She recognises him painfully picking out the melody of "Blackbird" when he looks up as if she's called his name, and that's when the world ends and begins all in a single breath.
His face opens, changes, transforms right before her eyes. He looks at her as if he's never seen anyone else before.
There's a sharp, harsh twanging as Jared's hand chops across the strings and Kim just stands there, frozen, as suddenly Jared leaps up and practically bounds over to her like a puppy, and grabs both of her hands in his, which are startlingly hot. His eyes are like fireworks on the Fourth of July but his grin is pure Christmas morning.
"HI. I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU?"
Kim does what any sensible girl would do when the boy of their dreams confesses their undying love for her.
She tears her hands out of his, and runs like the freaking wind.
~
For the rest of the morning, Kim's friend Jenny keeps asking her why she's twitching.
Kim' even too busy fretting over the Freakish Incident of that morning that she can barely touch her chicken sandwich come lunch time.
"I'm not dreaming, right?" Kim says nervously to Jenny - or Dream Jenny, if things are like that. "You would tell me if I was dreaming, right? Even if you're just a part of my dream?"
Jenny keeps her head bent to her sketchbook and doesn't bother answering.
"Oh god, I'm just dreaming," Kim moans. "I'll wake up, and - "
That's when, all the way across the lunch room, she hears the unmistakable sounds of the Beatles' "I've Just Seen a Face". Played on guitar. Loudly. And enthusiastically. And sung. Also loudly. And enthusiastically. And off key. ALSO, VERY LOUDLY.
"I'VE JUST SEEN A FACE
I CAN'T FORGET THE TIME OR PLACE
THAT WE JUST MET, SHE'S JUST THE GIRL FOR ME
AND I WANT ALL THE WORLD TO SEE WE'VE MET
NA NA NA NA NA NA - "
Jenny peers up from her sketch book, interested, as Kim freezes and refuses to lift her head from where it is planted firmly on the surface of their table, mid-bang.
"Jen?"
"Yeah, Kim?"
"... Please tell me that that's not Jared."
"... It's not Jared."
"Oh thank God."
Jenny remains perfectly calm. "And Not Jared is walking over here right now."
"HAD IT BEEN ANOTHER DAY
I MIGHT HAVE LOOKED THE OTHER WAY
BUT I HAD NEVER BEEN AWARE
AND AS IT IS I'LL DREAM OF HER TONIGHT
NIIIII-IIIII-IIIGHT - "
Kim hears the whistles, the cheers, the incredulous comments of "What the hell is he doing?", the loud cries of "SHUT UP AND LET US EAT, WILL YOU" but she bloody refuses to lift her head from the table. The table is nice. The table is comforting, and cool. The table is hiding her face. The table is not trying to publicly humiliate her in front of the entire school.
"FALLING YES I AM FALLING
AND SHE KEEPS CALLING
ME BACK AGAIN
HEY GIRL WHO'S JUST SITTING THERE
HER HEAD NOT LOOKING UP
WILL YOU LOOK UP AT ME AND MAYBE JUST
TRY TO SEE THAT I'M TRYING TO
AAA~ASK YOOOOOU OOOOOUT?"
That does it.
She shoots up straight out of her chair, to the shock of their watching audience, and says, right into Jared's stupid, handsome, hopeful grin, with all the contained misery of a years' worth of diary entries and restless dreams and winged heart sketches, a whole year of him never looking her way not once,
"NO."
THE END
(of part one XD)