extra, extra, read all about it!

[ophelietta]

 

1. Go Pssssssssssssst. Pssssssssssst. Pssssssssssssst. SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM. OH SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM. SAM SAM SAM SAM SAM SAM SAM during patrol, only to have Sam snap What? and then ask Sam, Are you awake?

1. Say, “Look Emily, I know you and Sam have a thing, but there was a Me and Sam way before there was a You and Sam, so just butt out, sister.”

1. To Leah.

1. Tell everyone on the rez that he and Sam are soul mates.

1. Tell everyone on the rez that he and Paul are soul mates.

1. Tell everyone on the rez that he, Sam, and Paul are involved in a soulmatey three way.

1. Push Sam off a cliff and laugh about it for four hours.

1. Sneak up on Paul for a “Surprise Piggy Back Ride”.

1. Start a pillow fight at four in the morning.

1. Start a tickle fight at four in the morning.

1. Two words : Purple. Nurples.

1. Stand outside of Sam’s house for hours so that when Sam wakes up in a cold sweat in the dead of night from a nightmare where he and Jared are the only wolves, ever, and they are mind melded together for eternity he can press his face against Sam’s window and laugh ghoulishly. (This was pre-Paul days.)

1. Videotape how Sam screams like a little girl when No. 12 occurs.

1. Carry around a teddy bear that he calls Paul and then tell everybody that he and Paul sleep together, every night, baby.

1. Kidnap Paul’s teddy bear, Mister Theophilus Ruxpin and hold him for ransom.

1. Take pictures of Bear!Paul and Mister Theophilus Ruxpin in Questionable Positions.

1. Label the most questionable of these pictures as Jared and Paul, Fuzzy Style ;) ~~

1. Imprint on a random girl, serenade her in the lunch room, and then try to follow her home, stalker style.

Things (Well, Only One Thing, Really) Paul Is Not, and Never Has Been, Allowed to Do, as Much as Sam Would Dearly Love Him To, Which Of Course Sam Can Never Say or Even Think Out Loud

1. Kill Jared.