a story from last halloween
saturday
I am being self destructive. I went out to the bars last night with Bethany, Dave, and TIffany. We dressed up for Halloween. I was an angle in my senior year prom dress. I got drunk. Tiffany drove and she left early. Dave left later with a girl I think. Bethany and I were sitting at a table with three men. I was talking to a guy named James. I don't remember what he said. We kissed some and I sucked on his ear? He took me to the bathroom. I took out a condom. I told him I was on my period. He said that was fine. I sucked him off some and he had me bend over the sink. It probably didn't work well because I had a tampon in. He fingered me some and sucked his fingers. I remember thinking, wow you really don't need to do that, but I was too drunk to really communicate this. I opened my mouth and sucked his fingers too. Eventually we left the bathroom. Bethany and his friends were gone. We were going to go to his place, but his friends took his coat that had his car keys. I waited while he called his friends. A guy left that I'd danced with earlier and asked if I needed a ride. I said I was good. We started walking to his house. His friend got us after a bit and drove us to his car. We drove to his house. It was a large house with very little furniture. He had a black and white cat. We went upstairs to his bedroom and he pumped up the inflatable mattress that was his bed. I laughed either out loud or at least in my mind because I thought of my Dad (he lives in a one room appartment with an air mattress).
James took off his shirt. He had Celtic tattoos on his arms and a Celtic boar on his chest. I touched it and asked if he was the year of the pig or boar. He said no. I said I was. I asked why he had a tattoo of a boar. He said he's Irish and boars are supposed to be...I forget, truthful or something. We got undressed and lay on his bed. He told me he has HPV. I was too drunk to remember what that was, and asked what it was, he said warts. I said oh, and sat up, trying to make the words make sense in my head. He quickly said "It's alright, cause we have a condom, I was just telling you" and pushed me back down. I still slept with him. I forgot I had a tampon in so I don't think the sex was working. I asked if he'd ever done a girl in the ass. He didn't hear me and I asked again. He said yeah or something. I told him to do me there. I liked the feeling. He's probably the largest man I've been with. I was feeling stupid about the warts though and I started saying "I shouldn't I shouldn't I shouldn't" over and over, and then I was saying "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry" over and over. I don't know if I was talking to myself or him. At some point he was aking about getting together again, but I said no. He asked why and I siad "Just because that's how I am." He took me home. I was bleeding from the anus this morning. We didn't use lube. That was my first and only time with anal sex so far.
Wednesday
By monday night I was crying/weeping when I had to pee. I finally went to the doctor today. I had to explain to the nurse what happened. I started crying at the HPV part, where she asked when he told me, before or after, and I had to say during. And I cried when I explained we did anal, I asked him to use a condom, but I didn't know if he did. She said "It's okay, I know it's embarassing, but it's okay" and gave me a tissue.
since sunday my vagina's been a big mess of external vulvar cream, blood and hair. I wasn't sure if all the blood's from my period or if something's seriously wrong The way the pain was and what I could feel of my flaming hot engorged inner lips, clit, and hood I thought I'd possibly permanently damaged it--to where it would never work. I took a shower before the doctor today and could actually see it a little. There's a horrible tear right where the inner lips meet bellow the hood. So that of course hurts like hell, and then the inner lips are so swollen it feels like there's still something in there. Something dry and burny.
Dr. L is way better than my old doctor. Dr. L is a dork and a little sociall/conversationally awkward (true, I've only met her twice and we always have to talk extensively about my vagina, but it's just an observation). She needed to look at the "tear" because it could be herpes (I'd feared a wart but she said no) and we decided to do a pap smear too. To look at the tear I laid back and did the sturup thing. She kept telling me to let my knees fall open all the way, but it was uncomfortable. She made wincy noises and said stuff like "Yeah, I BET you're in a lot of pain." She said I was bruised and had "scuff marks." I asked what that meant and she said "Well, I wish I could show you. It's like if you skin your knee but don't break the skin" so yeah. My vagina is pretty much an old gravel driveway that someone did a bunch of donuts in. She was spreading my outer and then inner lips from the bottom up toward the clit. I was okay till the skin pulled where the inner lips meet. Again she said something akin to "Wow, that looks bad." I cried a little. Then she had to touch it with a dry swab and I yelped and jumped a little. Lots of silent tears pretty much from here on out. Then came the spready metal thing. I thought I'd be able to take this, but it hurt horribly from teh moment it went in and then significantly more when she spread it. I cried out loud (quietly) the whole time it was in, which seemed like a very long time, but I couldnt' honestly say. Probalby just 10-15 minutes. I cried harder when she swabbed my very dry walls. She mentioned prescribing pain killers which I decided to take her up on. She forgot to write the prescription, so I went back after going out to the lobby. She seemed hesitant to give it to me and siad "Just don't sell them."
Thursday
I've learned to lean back and arch my back when I urinate so that the stream stays away from my tear or blister. The pain meds are being used more for the throbbing head aches I've been getting due to my wisdom teeth that I should have had removed years ago. I can't open my mouth normally without cutting into my own gums.
my inner lips and stuf still seem irregularly shaped and swollen. I'm surprized no one asked me about rape at the doctor's. On TV (Like law and order) they would have. I wonder if there's a difference in proceedure at private practice and the hospital.
Later
I'm STD free. The whole thing was just caused by us having long rough sex with my tampon still in. It made my canal really shallow so he kept popping out and then ramming his cock against my clit and lips bruising me up and all that and tearing the skin right beneath my clit.
Oh, and I've had my wisdom teeth out. It took about two weeks to be completely pain free from that, but now I'm all good.