Life... don't talk to me about life.
Hey all I think it’s about time if give y’all a life update. It’s only been a year or more.
Health:
I’m doing pretty damned good on this front. I am doing the mostly vegan thing. I still eat more dairy and meat than Kettu (which is to say more than none), but now it’s only if there are no other options on the menu, rather than only when I eat out. We’re still eating maybe a 1/2 dozen eggs a week or less. Eating as much local and organic as we can afford. Usually the concessions of cheaper, less healthy food falls to my plate, but my system is still coping quite well. I don’t think I’ve taken a sick day from work because *I’ve* been sick since I started at this company 3 1/2 years ago. There were two disability leaves due to surgeries, but they were more preventative maintenance than actual sickness. I think Kettu had told her naturopath that I was trying to do the vegan thing without supplements, to which she replied “good luck with that”. Well I’m still here at 95% vegan, without popping any pills.
I’m still commuting to work by bike everyday possible. By “possible” I mean if I’m meeting Kettu and The Smallest after work, I’ll transit home with them, and I hate taking my bike on transit, especially streetcars, so the bike stays at home. Or if the bike is in for repairs. I’ll ride in all weather, year-round otherwise.
I’ve started training with a group at the office for the April CN Tower climb. This is a pretty big deal for me. I left high school track-and-field because it was too hard on my knees, and ever since, my knees have been problematic. Some months I had to wear an elastic knee brace every day to give them the support they needed. Now, after cycling for a couple years, I realized I haven’t had a twinge of discomfort for many months. Yay! The CN Tower climb was always something I wished I could do. Probably because it was one of the few things that was right out-of-the-question. But now I feel it’s not only a possibility, I think I could do quite well. I’m running up and down 11 stories whenever I’ve got a few minutes to spare (2-3 times a day), and 99 stories (9 laps of 11 stories) once a week.
I’m also keeping up with some yoga to maintain the flexibility. Not as much as I’d like, but there are only so many hour in a day. I really miss dancing as much as I used to, but I really don’t know that I like any of the dance floors left around here. I’m so far out-of-the-loop, it’s hard to miss what I don’t know. It was nice to feel like I hadn’t lost it all when I did get out last, for TWN’s Dirty 30. That was a good night out.
Work:
I’m in the middle of gearing up for our semi-annual run of financial statements, for 164 mutual funds. I primarily work in Excel formulas and Visual Basic macros to reduce the workload of everyone else. I generally work for three or four days, and save a team of 9 people about two weeks or more. This alone is probably why I was hired, and am kept reasonably happy here. Things are extremely hectic, and stressful, and rewarding. One of the reasons I’m getting so physically active now is to maintain a higher level of endorphins.
Parenting:
Being a dad is hard. Most difficult thing I have ever done, but definitely the most rewarding. The nuclear family model is seriously broken. Perhaps when you’ve got all the modern conveniences at your fingertips, but when you’re going for a slow-food, low-impact, attached lifestyle, having a extended family around would really be nice.
The Smallest continues to grow in every way; faster than I would like sometimes. It is wonderful to be able to observe his journey. I don’t get as much time with him as I would like, but again, only so many hours. And I know I get more quality time with him than a lot of fathers would choose. Not having the TV really helps with this. By-the-by, anyone want to buy an X-Box or PS2, plus games? There’s a lot more to put here, but I can’t really fit it into this media.
Home:
I feel we’re doing alright with what we’ve got. We can always use more space or less stuff. This is a source of constant frustration (again, X-Box?, PS2?, how about a metric butt-load of World of Darkness books?, seriously. It’s ridiculous). And between dishes, laundry, trash, slow-food meals, story times, and various and sundry other stuff, there is very little time/energy to make headway on organizing. We have our garden, our home is usually clean, and I haven’t heard from the mouse in weeks. We have a full pantry, working phones and internet, never late on rent, debts are going down, mortgage savings are going up. Could be worse.
I am pleased to note that since we can put more in the compost bin than we could in the city’s Green Bin, our actual direct-to-land-fill trash has been reduced to about one grocery store produce bag every month. Which means our regular day-to-day trash equals about half a garbage can a year.
Love:
Kettu is awesome. She is very hard on herself, and tries so hard for an ideal. I love her for continually trying to be more than she is. But she really beats herself up when she falls short. I doubt any parent has quite been the parent they want to be. But she’s been the best partner for me. When I’m really down she gets me to talk, and listens well. When I’m feeling up, she laughs as I bounce. Sometimes she even joins me. I can still count the number of times we’ve had fuming disagreements on one hand, and we still haven’t had what I would consider (there’s a reason I’m divorced) fight. I love/lust/cherish/adore her.
The Smallest is a “perfect” blend of the two of us. He seems to have gotten a double dose on the stubbornness from both of us, but I’m confident it will eventually be tempered with our wisdom as well. Patience …breathe. I love every bit of him.
Mind:
It can be difficult being the alternative type of dad I want to be. I never seem to have time to connect with the people I used to hang out with, and I have a terrible time making new connections. This has made me feel really isolated lately. It’s nice to feel needed, but I need my down-time too. The main reason I actually joined FB was to try to connect with people again. It has worked to some degree, but my lurk-to-post ratio is still more skewed than I’d like. I’ve been dealing with a lot (for me) of depression, and some identity crises. I don’t fit the model I grew used to anymore. When it’s bad it feels like I’m limiting myself, and giving in to the ideas of what I’m supposed to be/do. When it’s good it feels like I’m shedding a lot of stuff that didn’t really matter. Either way it’s uncomfortable. I have a strong sense of duty that gets me through the tougher times.
Recently (a couple/ few months ago) a realized a new personal symbol which I wear as a necklace these days. The gear I wear is all that was left when the rear wheel of my bike was stolen; right after I’d had the whole thing rebuilt, I might add. So including that context, what the gear I wear symbolizes to me is:
~ efforts lost - a reminder of unattachment. The bike was in the shop more than it was on the road last winter. On different occasions I’d had to replace the inner tube, the free-wheel cartridge, and the rim, all of the rear wheel. Because these (and other things) happened at different times no one thing cost *too* much. But by the end, that rear wheel was worth more than the original bike. I’d had it fixed for about a week when it was stolen. Better security is now in place.
~ timing - there is a time and place for everything. Everything moves in cycles. Gears have purpose and know exactly when to act.
~ sunshine - the gear is a circle with tines radiating from it. It a piece of a bike, used outside, for work or play. I have seen many sunrises, and sunsets from it’s sadle.
~ human ingenuity - gears are one of the greatest innovations in human history. Right back to the mill-wheel.
~ transference of energy - a gear receives energy and passes it on to something else. I (we all) do this, every day of our lives. Some people don’t like to think of themselves as cogs in a machine, endlessly doing the same thing over, and over, and over. I don’t mind so much. I play an active roll in making the greater machine work. Every gear, in every machine has a purpose. Without it, the machine (or some part of it) wouldn’t work at all. From my spot in the clockworks I can feel the rest of it humming.
Health:
I’m doing pretty damned good on this front. I am doing the mostly vegan thing. I still eat more dairy and meat than Kettu (which is to say more than none), but now it’s only if there are no other options on the menu, rather than only when I eat out. We’re still eating maybe a 1/2 dozen eggs a week or less. Eating as much local and organic as we can afford. Usually the concessions of cheaper, less healthy food falls to my plate, but my system is still coping quite well. I don’t think I’ve taken a sick day from work because *I’ve* been sick since I started at this company 3 1/2 years ago. There were two disability leaves due to surgeries, but they were more preventative maintenance than actual sickness. I think Kettu had told her naturopath that I was trying to do the vegan thing without supplements, to which she replied “good luck with that”. Well I’m still here at 95% vegan, without popping any pills.
I’m still commuting to work by bike everyday possible. By “possible” I mean if I’m meeting Kettu and The Smallest after work, I’ll transit home with them, and I hate taking my bike on transit, especially streetcars, so the bike stays at home. Or if the bike is in for repairs. I’ll ride in all weather, year-round otherwise.
I’ve started training with a group at the office for the April CN Tower climb. This is a pretty big deal for me. I left high school track-and-field because it was too hard on my knees, and ever since, my knees have been problematic. Some months I had to wear an elastic knee brace every day to give them the support they needed. Now, after cycling for a couple years, I realized I haven’t had a twinge of discomfort for many months. Yay! The CN Tower climb was always something I wished I could do. Probably because it was one of the few things that was right out-of-the-question. But now I feel it’s not only a possibility, I think I could do quite well. I’m running up and down 11 stories whenever I’ve got a few minutes to spare (2-3 times a day), and 99 stories (9 laps of 11 stories) once a week.
I’m also keeping up with some yoga to maintain the flexibility. Not as much as I’d like, but there are only so many hour in a day. I really miss dancing as much as I used to, but I really don’t know that I like any of the dance floors left around here. I’m so far out-of-the-loop, it’s hard to miss what I don’t know. It was nice to feel like I hadn’t lost it all when I did get out last, for TWN’s Dirty 30. That was a good night out.
Work:
I’m in the middle of gearing up for our semi-annual run of financial statements, for 164 mutual funds. I primarily work in Excel formulas and Visual Basic macros to reduce the workload of everyone else. I generally work for three or four days, and save a team of 9 people about two weeks or more. This alone is probably why I was hired, and am kept reasonably happy here. Things are extremely hectic, and stressful, and rewarding. One of the reasons I’m getting so physically active now is to maintain a higher level of endorphins.
Parenting:
Being a dad is hard. Most difficult thing I have ever done, but definitely the most rewarding. The nuclear family model is seriously broken. Perhaps when you’ve got all the modern conveniences at your fingertips, but when you’re going for a slow-food, low-impact, attached lifestyle, having a extended family around would really be nice.
The Smallest continues to grow in every way; faster than I would like sometimes. It is wonderful to be able to observe his journey. I don’t get as much time with him as I would like, but again, only so many hours. And I know I get more quality time with him than a lot of fathers would choose. Not having the TV really helps with this. By-the-by, anyone want to buy an X-Box or PS2, plus games? There’s a lot more to put here, but I can’t really fit it into this media.
Home:
I feel we’re doing alright with what we’ve got. We can always use more space or less stuff. This is a source of constant frustration (again, X-Box?, PS2?, how about a metric butt-load of World of Darkness books?, seriously. It’s ridiculous). And between dishes, laundry, trash, slow-food meals, story times, and various and sundry other stuff, there is very little time/energy to make headway on organizing. We have our garden, our home is usually clean, and I haven’t heard from the mouse in weeks. We have a full pantry, working phones and internet, never late on rent, debts are going down, mortgage savings are going up. Could be worse.
I am pleased to note that since we can put more in the compost bin than we could in the city’s Green Bin, our actual direct-to-land-fill trash has been reduced to about one grocery store produce bag every month. Which means our regular day-to-day trash equals about half a garbage can a year.
Love:
Kettu is awesome. She is very hard on herself, and tries so hard for an ideal. I love her for continually trying to be more than she is. But she really beats herself up when she falls short. I doubt any parent has quite been the parent they want to be. But she’s been the best partner for me. When I’m really down she gets me to talk, and listens well. When I’m feeling up, she laughs as I bounce. Sometimes she even joins me. I can still count the number of times we’ve had fuming disagreements on one hand, and we still haven’t had what I would consider (there’s a reason I’m divorced) fight. I love/lust/cherish/adore her.
The Smallest is a “perfect” blend of the two of us. He seems to have gotten a double dose on the stubbornness from both of us, but I’m confident it will eventually be tempered with our wisdom as well. Patience …breathe. I love every bit of him.
Mind:
It can be difficult being the alternative type of dad I want to be. I never seem to have time to connect with the people I used to hang out with, and I have a terrible time making new connections. This has made me feel really isolated lately. It’s nice to feel needed, but I need my down-time too. The main reason I actually joined FB was to try to connect with people again. It has worked to some degree, but my lurk-to-post ratio is still more skewed than I’d like. I’ve been dealing with a lot (for me) of depression, and some identity crises. I don’t fit the model I grew used to anymore. When it’s bad it feels like I’m limiting myself, and giving in to the ideas of what I’m supposed to be/do. When it’s good it feels like I’m shedding a lot of stuff that didn’t really matter. Either way it’s uncomfortable. I have a strong sense of duty that gets me through the tougher times.
Recently (a couple/ few months ago) a realized a new personal symbol which I wear as a necklace these days. The gear I wear is all that was left when the rear wheel of my bike was stolen; right after I’d had the whole thing rebuilt, I might add. So including that context, what the gear I wear symbolizes to me is:
~ efforts lost - a reminder of unattachment. The bike was in the shop more than it was on the road last winter. On different occasions I’d had to replace the inner tube, the free-wheel cartridge, and the rim, all of the rear wheel. Because these (and other things) happened at different times no one thing cost *too* much. But by the end, that rear wheel was worth more than the original bike. I’d had it fixed for about a week when it was stolen. Better security is now in place.
~ timing - there is a time and place for everything. Everything moves in cycles. Gears have purpose and know exactly when to act.
~ sunshine - the gear is a circle with tines radiating from it. It a piece of a bike, used outside, for work or play. I have seen many sunrises, and sunsets from it’s sadle.
~ human ingenuity - gears are one of the greatest innovations in human history. Right back to the mill-wheel.
~ transference of energy - a gear receives energy and passes it on to something else. I (we all) do this, every day of our lives. Some people don’t like to think of themselves as cogs in a machine, endlessly doing the same thing over, and over, and over. I don’t mind so much. I play an active roll in making the greater machine work. Every gear, in every machine has a purpose. Without it, the machine (or some part of it) wouldn’t work at all. From my spot in the clockworks I can feel the rest of it humming.