(no subject)
“Kangin? Oh shoot, did I dial the wrong number? I meant to phone Eeteuk hyung”, Hankyung fumbled. He really, really didn’t want to be speaking to anyone else other than Leader-sshi. He knew the conversation was going to be embarrassing enough without having to confide in Super Junior’s personal loud speaker. Why, the last time someone confided in Kangin, everyone found out about Donghae and Eunhyuk’s “late-night activities” within an hour, including the nice ajumma who cooked and cleaned their dorms for the members. It was Kangin’s personal best time, and he wasn’t even trying. And the poor, innocent ajumma? She was never quite the same again.
“Hankyung-hyung! How are you? We saw you on television today, with SJ-M. Heechul-hyung said that Siwon acted like a girl. But seriously, I think he always looks like a girl. All that training and body building is just a thing to make people think otherwise. I mean, just the other day…..”
Hankyung tuned out as Kangin rambled on. To be honest, he panicked when he heard his fellow SJ-M member’s name and was at a loss for words.
Finally noticing their one-sided phone conversation, Kangin said, “Should I get Eeteuk-hyung for you? He’s already asleep, but I can wake him up”, he offered.
“No, that’s ok”, Hankyung all but shouted.
“Then…maybe I can…help?”
Hankyung sighed inwardly, weighing up his options. He was pretty desperate for some advice, and Kangin had offered so it couldn't be all that bad, right? Right?! Might as well give this a shot, he thought.
"Well, Kangin....you see..........", Hankyung started.
Kangin's grin grew bigger and bigger as he listened intently to the older man's stuttering and finally began to get a gist of what he was saying.
“…..so now I don’t know what to do”, finished Hankyung.
“Why not just jump him?” It seemed like a logical solution to Kangin.
Hankyung rolled his eyes over the phone. Typical Kangin solution: Just attack the poor clueless guy. Right.
“Kangin, you know how religious Siwon is…and how his religion…well, condemns homosexuality.”
“Yeah, so? Eeteuk-hyung’s also quite religious too.”
“What’s that got to do wit-”
Kangin broke in, “I mean Eeteuk-hyung’s also quite religious…so perhaps he’ll take Siwon’s side?”
“So I need to speak with an atheist? If you tell me to ask Heechul-hyung for help, I think I would rather not have sex. Ever. As much as I like sex, it will not win against a lifetime of mocking from Heechul-hyung. Ever,” emphasised Hankyung.
“Yeah, tell me about it…”
“Huh?”
“Uhh, nothing. Hyung, try this…..”
Hankyung listened eagerly to his dongsaeng’s advice and broke into a wide grin.
~~~~~~~~
A few days later...
“Kangin! It worked! I can’t believe it worked!” Hankyung cried into the phone incredulously.
“Why do you sound so surprised?” Kangin sounded wounded.
Hankyung ignored Kangin’s question.
“How did you know it would work?”
“Well, I’ve found that the best way to counter a religious argument is to use another religious argument. If Siwon says that God condemns homosexuality, then you can ask him, ‘So if God condemns homosexuality, then why are you attracted to men? Why did God create gay people?’” Kangin stated matter-of-factly.
“He was pretty speechless….” Hankyung mused, thinking back on the events. “I’d never seen his eyebrows raised that high before, and I might have laughed if I hadn’t have been so anxious about how he’d take it.”
“Right…and when he’s speechless, you jump him, catching him at his most confused moment.”
“Oh, I jumped all right…”
Not even Kangin could've missed the evil-esque chuckle from Hankyung's end of the phone.
After a few more minutes of Hankyung's profuse thanks to Kangin, Kangin hung up the phone and turned to Eeteuk lying next to him.
“Wasn’t that the question you asked me two months ago?” Eeteuk giggled.
“Damn smartest question I’ve ever asked in my life,” growled Kangin.
“Probably the most tight-lipped you’ve ever been in your life, too. Two months…and not one of the members or the nice ajumma know.”
“Well, see, actually…..”
Eeteuk noticed his hesitation and raised an eyebrow.
“Heechulhyungwastheonewhotaughtmeandtoldmetotryitonyousotechnicallyheknowsaboutusandhasbeenblackmailingmefortwomonths,” Kangin let out his words in one single breath.
Eeteuk blinked and stared at the younger man, who was struggling to get his breath back. Then he blinked some more as the pieces fell into place.
“So that’s why you’ve been calling him Princess Heenim all this time?” Eeteuk began slowly.
Kangin shuddered and nodded in reply.
“And why you sacrificed your beer so he could wash his hair because some beauty magazine said that it would make his hair all shiny?”
Kangin nodded again, this time sadly as he mourned the loss of his beloved beer.
Suddenly there was a sharp knock at their bedroom door, followed by a bellowed demand that was still undeniably diva-like. “YAH, Kangin! I need to wash my hair but we’re out of beer! Go get some for meeeeee!”
Eeteuk unsuccessfully stifled his laughs and patted Kangin’s head sympathetically as the younger man tried to suffocate himself with a pillow.
[HAHA, this was totally a Hankyung/Kangin fic until KangTeuk ninja-ed their way in at the end. And of course, if any good ideas come up, 10 to 1 Heenim’s gonna be behind them. He's just that good...]